so i've heard tell that someone wants an update....
might as well, right? not like many people bother to read it anymore, livejournal is becoming a thing of the past.
so. life. it basically consists of me working and sitting at my computer. i need to sit at my computer and fill out my fafsa, as well as a couple scholarship applications. I got accepted and enrolled into McIntosh College in New Hampshire, for Pro. Photography. Looks like that's the school I'm going to. I need to get myself an apartment down there, find someone to split it with (if no one i know goes to school around there), and find myself a new job. I can't support myself on $7.75.hr @ MAYBE 20 hours a week. Not gunna happen. I'm going to look for a new job that I can work full time between now and when I leave in July. It's so close to here though, so I'm not really leaving... I can come back for the day, weekend, whatever. Hour and a half drive. And when I get all settled in, people can come visit me.
Other than that, been doing a lot of stuff with Ryan. Everyone else seems busy with new friends, new jobs, new relationships, new everything, plus school... so I don't really get a chance to do anything with anyone anymore. Thoroughly depressing. Makes you feel like you have no friends anymore. Another reason I want to get off to college. Maybe I'll develop (no pun intended) new friends and social life? That'd be cool. I mean, I make friends at work, I get along with them, but it's still like highschool. They're the friends you have that really don't seem like they want to do anything outside of that atmosphere. Feels like the plans I make with people, or the tentative plans, or even just suggestions always fall through, so I'm starting to give up.
And you know... it seems like the people I used to be friends with have turned cold to me. Couple people in particular. It's like whenever I see them, they're bitter. About what, no idea. I don't recall doing anything or saying anything. Whatever. If they have beef, let them chew it.
I've noticed that I'm changing a lot as a person, too. I'm looking around at the world and I'm seeing the things that I want in life, and things I hope never happen to me. I'm deciding what I want for myself, what would make me happy. At the same time, I'm so scared that some of them will never happen. I feel like I'm maturing, in a way.
I'm learning to let go. I've never been good at it. I'm finally coming to terms with things that went sour in my life. Seeing him doesn't send me into blinding anger, anger that I don't know how to handle. It's the past, it's done. I'm actually, for real, coming to grips with my paternal situation. I still get upset when I think about it, but there's nothing I can do to change the absence, so why dwell on it? I saw him on graduation, after three years of not even talking to him, and it made me sick. He called me on my birthday, and my chilliness, I think, finally gave him the hint that he messed up, and I don't want him involved anymore. Maybe when I grow older I can try and be casual with him, but I can never be close to him. He missed the bonding years.
On a slightly more humorous note... I will never understand why Mainers, as a whole, freak out when they hear the word "snow." They hear it on the weather, and they FLOCK to the grocery stores and stock up on water, canned food, dried food, and (stupidly) frozen food that needs to be cooked with a microwave, which needs power to work. I mean, come on people, you live in Maine. It's winter. It SNOWS. No, that is not just a myth, or a rumor. It actually happens people. Get used to it, cuz it's not gunna stop anytime soon, global warming or no. lol.
I'm really hoping for shitty roads tomorrow, so I can call out of work and they can scramble to find a new closing cashier. Sorry, but I can't afford 4 snow studded tires on the grunt wages you pay me, and with the minimal hours you give me, Hannford Bros. So don't get pissy at me. And i'm pretty damn sure that's where I was getting nails and SCREWS in my tires, anyway. So, suck it.
If anyone happens to hear of a job looking for full time people, and they pay more than $7.75/hr, let me know. Thx.
I think this is long enough now. If you took the time to read this, kudos. :) Goodnight.
Panda
so. life. it basically consists of me working and sitting at my computer. i need to sit at my computer and fill out my fafsa, as well as a couple scholarship applications. I got accepted and enrolled into McIntosh College in New Hampshire, for Pro. Photography. Looks like that's the school I'm going to. I need to get myself an apartment down there, find someone to split it with (if no one i know goes to school around there), and find myself a new job. I can't support myself on $7.75.hr @ MAYBE 20 hours a week. Not gunna happen. I'm going to look for a new job that I can work full time between now and when I leave in July. It's so close to here though, so I'm not really leaving... I can come back for the day, weekend, whatever. Hour and a half drive. And when I get all settled in, people can come visit me.
Other than that, been doing a lot of stuff with Ryan. Everyone else seems busy with new friends, new jobs, new relationships, new everything, plus school... so I don't really get a chance to do anything with anyone anymore. Thoroughly depressing. Makes you feel like you have no friends anymore. Another reason I want to get off to college. Maybe I'll develop (no pun intended) new friends and social life? That'd be cool. I mean, I make friends at work, I get along with them, but it's still like highschool. They're the friends you have that really don't seem like they want to do anything outside of that atmosphere. Feels like the plans I make with people, or the tentative plans, or even just suggestions always fall through, so I'm starting to give up.
And you know... it seems like the people I used to be friends with have turned cold to me. Couple people in particular. It's like whenever I see them, they're bitter. About what, no idea. I don't recall doing anything or saying anything. Whatever. If they have beef, let them chew it.
I've noticed that I'm changing a lot as a person, too. I'm looking around at the world and I'm seeing the things that I want in life, and things I hope never happen to me. I'm deciding what I want for myself, what would make me happy. At the same time, I'm so scared that some of them will never happen. I feel like I'm maturing, in a way.
I'm learning to let go. I've never been good at it. I'm finally coming to terms with things that went sour in my life. Seeing him doesn't send me into blinding anger, anger that I don't know how to handle. It's the past, it's done. I'm actually, for real, coming to grips with my paternal situation. I still get upset when I think about it, but there's nothing I can do to change the absence, so why dwell on it? I saw him on graduation, after three years of not even talking to him, and it made me sick. He called me on my birthday, and my chilliness, I think, finally gave him the hint that he messed up, and I don't want him involved anymore. Maybe when I grow older I can try and be casual with him, but I can never be close to him. He missed the bonding years.
On a slightly more humorous note... I will never understand why Mainers, as a whole, freak out when they hear the word "snow." They hear it on the weather, and they FLOCK to the grocery stores and stock up on water, canned food, dried food, and (stupidly) frozen food that needs to be cooked with a microwave, which needs power to work. I mean, come on people, you live in Maine. It's winter. It SNOWS. No, that is not just a myth, or a rumor. It actually happens people. Get used to it, cuz it's not gunna stop anytime soon, global warming or no. lol.
I'm really hoping for shitty roads tomorrow, so I can call out of work and they can scramble to find a new closing cashier. Sorry, but I can't afford 4 snow studded tires on the grunt wages you pay me, and with the minimal hours you give me, Hannford Bros. So don't get pissy at me. And i'm pretty damn sure that's where I was getting nails and SCREWS in my tires, anyway. So, suck it.
If anyone happens to hear of a job looking for full time people, and they pay more than $7.75/hr, let me know. Thx.
I think this is long enough now. If you took the time to read this, kudos. :) Goodnight.
Panda