Fic: Fragile (5/9) R
TITLE: Fragile
STATUS/PART: 5/9
RATING: R
PAIRING: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
SPOILERS: minor OotP spoilers
WARNINGS: angst, mentioned child abuse, slash
DISCLAIMER: None of this is mine. If it were, I wouldn’t be a poor student.
SUMMARY: Even the best plan has its flaws.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I know, I know, what took me so long etc etc... Very simple, narrauko is pretty busy at the moment, and beating Fragile had to move down quite a bit on her priorities list. I'm just happy that she still agrees to do it.
I might later post parts of this chapter including the comments she made because they are just so hilarious. Anyways, enough of my ramblings and on with the fic.
Feedback is as usual most welcome. That means "Please review"!
BETA: Many thanks to narrauko for the fantastic job she does. *hugs*
Chapter 5
During the fifth night they spent together, Harry had his first nightmare since the beginning of the holidays. He saw Voldemort and several Death Eaters torture a muggle family with three young children before killing them one by one. Throughout the dream he could feel Voldemort’s delighted excitement and satisfaction in his terrible acts. He woke up from the dreadful visions to find himself protectively enveloped in Severus’ arms.
The older man had woken up by Harry tossing around in what seemed agony, at turns whimpering and screaming. He had tried to wake the boy but to no avail. All he could do was hold Harry and whisper soothing words, hoping the terrible nightmare would be over soon.
For the first time ever since he had started to have nightmares, Harry allowed himself to let fall the tears that often threatened to come once he was awake. Severus just held him close, not trying to force the boy to talk.
When Harry’s sobbing slowly calmed down, he looked up. His eyes met the Potions master’s. All he saw there was a deep understanding. With a faltering voice, he related what he had seen. Severus was neither shocked nor surprised. He had known Voldemort would sooner or later take up his favourite pastime of muggle torture. He only wished Harry hadn’t had to witness the despicable scenes.
He held the Harry in his arms until he fell asleep.
*******
When Harry woke up the following morning, he realised several things at once. First of all, Severus was spooned up behind him and held him closely. Secondly, Harry had a raging hard-on. He was unsure if these two facts were connected. After all, he was a sixteen-year-old teenager and it actually surprised him that his little problem hadn’t occurred any earlier. Still, he couldn’t help wondering how it would feel if Severus’ hand, that was currently resting on his chest, would wander a little lower.
The thought made him even more excited and he desperately longed for relief. Knowing that he would probably scare the Potions master with such an intense physical reaction, he carefully disentangled himself from the other man’s embrace and went into the bathroom to take care of his arousal in the shower. He never noticed a pair of dark eyes following his way.
During breakfast, Severus was unusually quiet and distant. Normally, he would point out articles of interest from the Daily Prophet to Harry or discuss their schedule for the day. This time however, he was silently staring at his newspaper, not looking at Harry once.
“You’re not actually reading, are you?” the young man pointed out after a few minutes. “You haven’t turned the page in at least five minutes. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Severus replied, pointedly turning to the next page. But Harry was not satisfied with the answer.
“Did I do something wrong? Is it because of the nightmare last night? I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have started crying but it just was the first time ever that I felt like I could let go.” Harry realised he was babbling. Severus however shook his head and avoided his gaze, looking embarrassed.
“You kind of scared me,” he said. “This morning. When I woke up, you were. You had.” He trailed off, a deep blush rising in his cheeks. Harry looked embarrassed too.
“Is it because I was hard? I thought you were still asleep and hadn’t noticed.”
“I didn’t understand what I could have done to make you react that way,” Severus said. “I truly didn’t realise I was holding you differently than usual. I really didn’t mean to imply anything. I especially didn’t want to chase you away by making you think I was taking advantage of you.”
At first, Harry felt confused by Severus’ words. Then it hit him: the man thought he had caused Harry’s erection and that Harry in turn would think that it had been a deliberate action.
“You didn’t do anything,” Harry tried to reassure him. “After all, I’m sixteen. It’s normal for me to be hard in the morning. I was actually quite surprised it didn’t happen before. Well, the fact that I was in the arms of another man might have been a subconscious contribution but nothing more. And you didn’t “chase me away”, I just went to take care of the problem.” It seemed bizarre to Harry that he was having this conversation with Severus Snape of all people. Severus’ next question however was even weirder.
“You mean you regularly get hard without wanting to?” the Potions master asked.
Harry’s mouth fell open. “Of course I do. Every guy of my age does. Don’t tell me you’ve never had an erection in the morning!”
“Not never but only on very few occasions. It would always go away after a few minutes.” Severus’ face was now a red to rival the Weasleys’ hair colour. Harry just sat there and stared at the other man, trying to process the last bit of information as what it had sounded like.
“Are you saying you’ve never wanked off in your life?” he choked out. Severus looked at him blankly, so he elaborated. “You know, touched yourself, rubbed against the sheets, stuff like that, until you come. Just make yourself feel good.”
Severus only shook his head uncomfortably. Harry finally started to get an idea of how badly the Potions master had been affected by his father’s abuse. Not only had it kept him from allowing any kind of human touch, whether sexual or not, but the man didn’t even know what pleasure he could find in his own body. It dawned on the Gryffindor that the way he and Severus had to go was so long and difficult that they might not be able to succeed. Oddly enough, that thought made him feel sad.
The two men sat in silence for a while. Harry couldn’t help thinking that if they were to go as slowly as he had promised, they would take forever to complete the bond and as much as he hated to admit it, time was something they had very little of. Finally he decided that behaving like a true Gryffindor might be helpful this time.
Praying that he was not making a bad mistake, he approached the Slytherin and knelt in front of him. He took the man’s face in his hands and asked: “Do you trust me?” Severus eyes showed his confusion but he didn’t pull away.
Harry asked again. “Do you trust me?” Hesitantly, the man nodded. Harry then leaned in and brushed his lips over Severus’ for barely a fraction of a second.
Severus froze in surprise but he didn’t make any move to get away from the Gryffindor. Harry kept their eyes locked as he asked: “Did this hurt?” Whether it was the kiss or the straightforwardness of the question that rendered Severus speechless, Harry couldn’t tell but it took the man several moments until he shook his head.
Encouraged, Harry went on: “How did it feel then? Good? Pleasant?” With a hoarse voice, the older man whispered: “Not bad. I don’t really know. It was too short to tell.” Harry smiled.
“Can I do it again then, so you can get a better idea?” Only a tiny inclination of his head showed Severus’ affirmation.
Harry leaned in again and softly pressed his lips against the other man’s, this time holding the contact slightly longer. When he pulled back, he could see a swirl of contradicting emotions in Severus’ dark eyes: fear mingled with curiosity, the urge to run fought the desire for more.
“I’m not an expert,” Harry said, praying he was not pushing his luck too much. “But I think it feels even better if you respond.” Taking Severus’ lack of reaction as an encouragement, he kissed the Potions master a third time. After a short moment, he felt the man respond by actively pressing his lips against Harry’s.
Harry felt his heart beat faster. A kind of pleasant tingling spread in his stomach. He had to admit that he liked the feeling of kissing the one man who had spent the better part of the past six years making his life a living hell. It was bizarre. However, he pushed those thoughts away and simply focussed on the new exciting sensations. Apart from his short episode with Cho Chang over a year earlier, he had never kissed anyone. As he had no idea what he was doing, he let his instincts take over. He broke the kiss to run his tongue over Severus’ lips. Their lips met again, this time slightly parted.
Harry let his tongue sneak forward, past his lips and ran it over Severus’ lips. It was met by another tongue and the two caressed, sliding against each other, exploring, battling. Harry more felt than heard Severus moan against his mouth as their kiss grew more intense. His own moan was swallowed as the older man pulled him closer, into a less awkward position. One of his hands wandered to tangle in dark hair that felt much less greasy than it usually looked. The other hand came to rest on Severus’ shoulder. The older man’s arms were slung around Harry and held him.
Eventually, the need for air became too much and the two men broke apart. Harry looked into Severus’ eyes and saw an amazement that matched his own. He hadn’t expected a mere kiss to feel this good. He also hadn’t expected Severus to be so responsive.
But then the older man’s expression hardened and his usual cold mask was back in place. With a forced “I have work to do!” he extricated himself from Harry’s embrace and stomped off towards his laboratory.
The Gryffindor groaned in frustration. It couldn’t be true! One moment things had been going great and now the other man had run off and he had no idea why exactly. He knew he would be unable to face Severus at the moment and thought the man might prefer to be by himself for a while. He changed into his flying outfit, grabbed his broom and the snitch Ron had given him for Christmas and made his way to the Quidditch pitch.
Outside, the sun was shining brightly on an azure blue sky. It was warm but a light breeze prevented the heat from being oppressive. Harry realised he hadn’t left the dungeons ever since he had moved into Severus’ rooms. It had only been four days but now, Harry felt like it had been an eternity. Pushing away all thoughts of Severus, the bond, Voldemort and the war, he mounted his broom and kicked off.
Immediately, an overwhelming sense of freedom filled him. Flying had always been the best way for him to clear his mind or get rid of frustration, freeing him of the confines of the firm ground. Harry spent hours in the air, either chasing his snitch or just simply racing over the Hogwarts grounds at full speed.
It was way past lunchtime when he landed on the lawn in front of the castle’s main entrance and went back down to the dungeons. It was almost with something akin to regret that he left the light flooded grounds, but hunger and the need for a shower pulled him inside. From force of habit, he turned towards the main staircase that led up to Gryffindor tower but halfway through the entrance hall, he realised where he was headed. After the tiniest moment of hesitation, he turned and instead walked down the steps that led to the castle’s lower levels.
STATUS/PART: 5/9
RATING: R
PAIRING: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
SPOILERS: minor OotP spoilers
WARNINGS: angst, mentioned child abuse, slash
DISCLAIMER: None of this is mine. If it were, I wouldn’t be a poor student.
SUMMARY: Even the best plan has its flaws.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I know, I know, what took me so long etc etc... Very simple, narrauko is pretty busy at the moment, and beating Fragile had to move down quite a bit on her priorities list. I'm just happy that she still agrees to do it.
I might later post parts of this chapter including the comments she made because they are just so hilarious. Anyways, enough of my ramblings and on with the fic.
Feedback is as usual most welcome. That means "Please review"!
BETA: Many thanks to narrauko for the fantastic job she does. *hugs*
Chapter 5
During the fifth night they spent together, Harry had his first nightmare since the beginning of the holidays. He saw Voldemort and several Death Eaters torture a muggle family with three young children before killing them one by one. Throughout the dream he could feel Voldemort’s delighted excitement and satisfaction in his terrible acts. He woke up from the dreadful visions to find himself protectively enveloped in Severus’ arms.
The older man had woken up by Harry tossing around in what seemed agony, at turns whimpering and screaming. He had tried to wake the boy but to no avail. All he could do was hold Harry and whisper soothing words, hoping the terrible nightmare would be over soon.
For the first time ever since he had started to have nightmares, Harry allowed himself to let fall the tears that often threatened to come once he was awake. Severus just held him close, not trying to force the boy to talk.
When Harry’s sobbing slowly calmed down, he looked up. His eyes met the Potions master’s. All he saw there was a deep understanding. With a faltering voice, he related what he had seen. Severus was neither shocked nor surprised. He had known Voldemort would sooner or later take up his favourite pastime of muggle torture. He only wished Harry hadn’t had to witness the despicable scenes.
He held the Harry in his arms until he fell asleep.
*******
When Harry woke up the following morning, he realised several things at once. First of all, Severus was spooned up behind him and held him closely. Secondly, Harry had a raging hard-on. He was unsure if these two facts were connected. After all, he was a sixteen-year-old teenager and it actually surprised him that his little problem hadn’t occurred any earlier. Still, he couldn’t help wondering how it would feel if Severus’ hand, that was currently resting on his chest, would wander a little lower.
The thought made him even more excited and he desperately longed for relief. Knowing that he would probably scare the Potions master with such an intense physical reaction, he carefully disentangled himself from the other man’s embrace and went into the bathroom to take care of his arousal in the shower. He never noticed a pair of dark eyes following his way.
During breakfast, Severus was unusually quiet and distant. Normally, he would point out articles of interest from the Daily Prophet to Harry or discuss their schedule for the day. This time however, he was silently staring at his newspaper, not looking at Harry once.
“You’re not actually reading, are you?” the young man pointed out after a few minutes. “You haven’t turned the page in at least five minutes. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Severus replied, pointedly turning to the next page. But Harry was not satisfied with the answer.
“Did I do something wrong? Is it because of the nightmare last night? I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have started crying but it just was the first time ever that I felt like I could let go.” Harry realised he was babbling. Severus however shook his head and avoided his gaze, looking embarrassed.
“You kind of scared me,” he said. “This morning. When I woke up, you were. You had.” He trailed off, a deep blush rising in his cheeks. Harry looked embarrassed too.
“Is it because I was hard? I thought you were still asleep and hadn’t noticed.”
“I didn’t understand what I could have done to make you react that way,” Severus said. “I truly didn’t realise I was holding you differently than usual. I really didn’t mean to imply anything. I especially didn’t want to chase you away by making you think I was taking advantage of you.”
At first, Harry felt confused by Severus’ words. Then it hit him: the man thought he had caused Harry’s erection and that Harry in turn would think that it had been a deliberate action.
“You didn’t do anything,” Harry tried to reassure him. “After all, I’m sixteen. It’s normal for me to be hard in the morning. I was actually quite surprised it didn’t happen before. Well, the fact that I was in the arms of another man might have been a subconscious contribution but nothing more. And you didn’t “chase me away”, I just went to take care of the problem.” It seemed bizarre to Harry that he was having this conversation with Severus Snape of all people. Severus’ next question however was even weirder.
“You mean you regularly get hard without wanting to?” the Potions master asked.
Harry’s mouth fell open. “Of course I do. Every guy of my age does. Don’t tell me you’ve never had an erection in the morning!”
“Not never but only on very few occasions. It would always go away after a few minutes.” Severus’ face was now a red to rival the Weasleys’ hair colour. Harry just sat there and stared at the other man, trying to process the last bit of information as what it had sounded like.
“Are you saying you’ve never wanked off in your life?” he choked out. Severus looked at him blankly, so he elaborated. “You know, touched yourself, rubbed against the sheets, stuff like that, until you come. Just make yourself feel good.”
Severus only shook his head uncomfortably. Harry finally started to get an idea of how badly the Potions master had been affected by his father’s abuse. Not only had it kept him from allowing any kind of human touch, whether sexual or not, but the man didn’t even know what pleasure he could find in his own body. It dawned on the Gryffindor that the way he and Severus had to go was so long and difficult that they might not be able to succeed. Oddly enough, that thought made him feel sad.
The two men sat in silence for a while. Harry couldn’t help thinking that if they were to go as slowly as he had promised, they would take forever to complete the bond and as much as he hated to admit it, time was something they had very little of. Finally he decided that behaving like a true Gryffindor might be helpful this time.
Praying that he was not making a bad mistake, he approached the Slytherin and knelt in front of him. He took the man’s face in his hands and asked: “Do you trust me?” Severus eyes showed his confusion but he didn’t pull away.
Harry asked again. “Do you trust me?” Hesitantly, the man nodded. Harry then leaned in and brushed his lips over Severus’ for barely a fraction of a second.
Severus froze in surprise but he didn’t make any move to get away from the Gryffindor. Harry kept their eyes locked as he asked: “Did this hurt?” Whether it was the kiss or the straightforwardness of the question that rendered Severus speechless, Harry couldn’t tell but it took the man several moments until he shook his head.
Encouraged, Harry went on: “How did it feel then? Good? Pleasant?” With a hoarse voice, the older man whispered: “Not bad. I don’t really know. It was too short to tell.” Harry smiled.
“Can I do it again then, so you can get a better idea?” Only a tiny inclination of his head showed Severus’ affirmation.
Harry leaned in again and softly pressed his lips against the other man’s, this time holding the contact slightly longer. When he pulled back, he could see a swirl of contradicting emotions in Severus’ dark eyes: fear mingled with curiosity, the urge to run fought the desire for more.
“I’m not an expert,” Harry said, praying he was not pushing his luck too much. “But I think it feels even better if you respond.” Taking Severus’ lack of reaction as an encouragement, he kissed the Potions master a third time. After a short moment, he felt the man respond by actively pressing his lips against Harry’s.
Harry felt his heart beat faster. A kind of pleasant tingling spread in his stomach. He had to admit that he liked the feeling of kissing the one man who had spent the better part of the past six years making his life a living hell. It was bizarre. However, he pushed those thoughts away and simply focussed on the new exciting sensations. Apart from his short episode with Cho Chang over a year earlier, he had never kissed anyone. As he had no idea what he was doing, he let his instincts take over. He broke the kiss to run his tongue over Severus’ lips. Their lips met again, this time slightly parted.
Harry let his tongue sneak forward, past his lips and ran it over Severus’ lips. It was met by another tongue and the two caressed, sliding against each other, exploring, battling. Harry more felt than heard Severus moan against his mouth as their kiss grew more intense. His own moan was swallowed as the older man pulled him closer, into a less awkward position. One of his hands wandered to tangle in dark hair that felt much less greasy than it usually looked. The other hand came to rest on Severus’ shoulder. The older man’s arms were slung around Harry and held him.
Eventually, the need for air became too much and the two men broke apart. Harry looked into Severus’ eyes and saw an amazement that matched his own. He hadn’t expected a mere kiss to feel this good. He also hadn’t expected Severus to be so responsive.
But then the older man’s expression hardened and his usual cold mask was back in place. With a forced “I have work to do!” he extricated himself from Harry’s embrace and stomped off towards his laboratory.
The Gryffindor groaned in frustration. It couldn’t be true! One moment things had been going great and now the other man had run off and he had no idea why exactly. He knew he would be unable to face Severus at the moment and thought the man might prefer to be by himself for a while. He changed into his flying outfit, grabbed his broom and the snitch Ron had given him for Christmas and made his way to the Quidditch pitch.
Outside, the sun was shining brightly on an azure blue sky. It was warm but a light breeze prevented the heat from being oppressive. Harry realised he hadn’t left the dungeons ever since he had moved into Severus’ rooms. It had only been four days but now, Harry felt like it had been an eternity. Pushing away all thoughts of Severus, the bond, Voldemort and the war, he mounted his broom and kicked off.
Immediately, an overwhelming sense of freedom filled him. Flying had always been the best way for him to clear his mind or get rid of frustration, freeing him of the confines of the firm ground. Harry spent hours in the air, either chasing his snitch or just simply racing over the Hogwarts grounds at full speed.
It was way past lunchtime when he landed on the lawn in front of the castle’s main entrance and went back down to the dungeons. It was almost with something akin to regret that he left the light flooded grounds, but hunger and the need for a shower pulled him inside. From force of habit, he turned towards the main staircase that led up to Gryffindor tower but halfway through the entrance hall, he realised where he was headed. After the tiniest moment of hesitation, he turned and instead walked down the steps that led to the castle’s lower levels.