(no subject)

[darkdreamer5190]

its late, im tired, i havent stopped crying since logan left, im having a low bloodsugar but im starting to think i might as well just let it take over for once and pass out. But i dont want to cuz i love logan too much and wouldnt put him through that cuz he has enough shit to deal with without me adding to it. My dads being a bitch for no reason but all hes been doing all night is making fun of me for crying and yelling at me cuz aparently i dont ever do anything good or useful. my heart is hurting i think im having a heart attack. my head hurts. my stomache hurts. emily-the basically only person i could ever tell anything to and never think twice-is now gone and i miss her so much cuz i wanna talk to her right now and tell her everything thats rong with me but i cant. ow my eyes burn. i put on mascara so i wouldnt look like shit for logan and its still running into my eyes. my scars from past cutting are pulsing and i dont know why biut it makes me want to cut them open so theyl stop but i wont because i promised logan. hopefully hell keep the promise he made me and be safe tonight because i love him so much and i dont know what id do without him. god dammit mother fucker. i cant quit shaking. stupid fuckning ho. im such a loser. im not good enough for logan and one day hes gonna realize that and dump me for some hott smart beautiful kind sweet girl that will make him truly happy. but until then i wanna hold onto him for as long as i can. hopefully he never figures out that im a fuckin stupid ass ugly little loser retard who doesnt deserve to be alive because then ill just up and kill myself, which would probly be a good thing cuz then they could/would/should turn my funeral into a party with a big cake that says "ding dong the bitch is dead" but anyways im gonna go cry and try to write something productive in my notebook that NO ONE wants to see and proly never will unless they pester me forever then ill consider but until then now im just getting random thoughts and every other one is about death so im gonna go try to push it all away. good thing i threw away all my old cutting stuff cuz logan is the only thing keeping me from doing it again and i think hes upset with me so woooo what fun. ok gotta go now (she says for the milllionth time.)

andi/sarah/me/and everyother part of me that exist in this hazardous waste of a body