I Wish I Knew
Well I am confused and in doubt now. I know what I want to do and what I am drawn to do but is that the right thing. I don't know what to do. I guess I am having a conflict between right and individualism which also contains what I want. I think I know how my friends feel and I think I know what is right and I don't feel like doing what is right. I am so confused by this current state of affairs. I wonder what this means for me and for the future. I mean it is almost like choosing between my desire and what my friends want. Of course they could just be cold to me and my feelings and energy and emotions. It seems almost appropriate though. I get pushed way far and then I try to fine my comfort really close and fail so I push to a comfortable position. What happens then? Well they push and I am too far out. Maybe we will all eventually ruin ourselves and each other. What a wonderful state of affairs. Maybe I will stop caring. That would be sad. Very very sad indeed but I don't doubt that it could happen. I would be lost even if I was found alone. Very confusing to any readers I would think. I mean that with others gone I would be alone but with nobody to make me lonely I would be fine. Maybe I am kind of cold and only caring superficially. What I want though is what makes me think about this. So what do I desire? Love is what I desire. What am I living to give? The sky may be the limit. What are the odds of success? Most likely astronomical. Well then what do I truly want? I think that I may be willing to embrace any darkness if she makes me feel safe and cared for. I am a fool. So weak so stupid and worst of all what little moral feeling may be left in me could be dying now as I look forward to the impending future and embrace of darkness given in her embrace. But what does the mind think? It will be alright she is not the darkness. She will bring the light. Any light may be what I desire black or white. So I maybe I will give in and take a break from vigilance and reason once and for all maybe I will indeed. Well that made little sense at best. Oh and I have another free month of AOL. I know very cool but when you know what to say you get what you want.