what a wonderful life
Hmmm. Don't know what to say. I have two other people in the room which by the way that doesn't make much sense since I'm posting this message public. Ah, fuck it.
Time to update this thing before I loose it. Guess what everyone who actually reads my journal.... I'm happy. I am no longer with Jason. I feel so much weight lifted off of my shoulders. I'm free. Its rather nice to be able to not have someone in my face yelling at me making me feel this small *pinches fingers one centimeter apart* and trying to intimidate me in doing what he wants. He never truly cared about how I felt. He just had his owns needs and only bought expensive shit for me to make up for it. I gave back the computer he bought for me for my birthday. You think a classy move like that would at least to have the consideration to pay bills which were in my name to pay them on time. He kept lying to me about already paying the bills. I told him I wanted to see the reciept. He paid them that night. When I caught him in the lie he just stuck to it. Why?? I told him we weren't together anymore so he didn't have to lie to me. I never understand people.
I guess I'm jumping ahead. I still live in Plant City. My mom is disapointed yet again. She always thought if I left someone I would move back home. Like when me and Noah broke up I stayed with her for like a month. Then when me and Jason were fighting and he "left me in Orlando" I stayed with her for an extra night. But this time I disapointed her. She wants me to move back home which makes no sense because most parents want their kids out of the house. I was never really all that happy living with my parents. I think that is why I rather live in conditions I'm not used to than never feel at home. I miss my family a lot but they are better in small doses.
So why stay in Plant City? I found a mechanic who fixed my car and I fell for him. He's a sweetheart. He makes me happy. His lovely name is James. He is standing behind me holding a weapon and forcing me to say nice things about him. Actually no he's not. I don't know if he is reading what I'm saying but that really doesn't matter. This is public. Anyways, I'm living with him. Yeah no surprise there. Its wonderful. I had a crush on James ever since I met him. He worked at the auto repair shot next to the patch. I know this is going to sound extremely girly but I have to say it anyways, he is so hot. I think thats why I'm always thinking about sex. I've known him for a year and a half but I'm now just really getting to learn who he is . He asked me what I was doing one night and I rambled on about some shit about getting a thicker pick for my bass. That is the truth but I don't know why I blurted that out. I don't like people knowing I play or trying to play. I have this overwhelming sense to feel like I'm required to have some level of talent or expertise. Or that I am trying to impress people. I really don't care if people like me. I decided to give up on that dream. I just don't like feeling put on the spot then I freeze up and become a complete ditz.
Lately I just realized I don't belong in any social groups. There's always going to be a part of me that will feel left out even if I'm not. But its not a negative thing. Its just the way I am. I know I'm a good person. I just have one of those forgetable personalities that unless I do something out of my character, I wouldn't be remembered. Like not talked about in stories. But do we truly know if we were talked about?
I'm a little high and extremely cold right now so I think I'm rambling. I think my social anxieties are acting up again. Perhaps I'm just not a part of this world.
Time to update this thing before I loose it. Guess what everyone who actually reads my journal.... I'm happy. I am no longer with Jason. I feel so much weight lifted off of my shoulders. I'm free. Its rather nice to be able to not have someone in my face yelling at me making me feel this small *pinches fingers one centimeter apart* and trying to intimidate me in doing what he wants. He never truly cared about how I felt. He just had his owns needs and only bought expensive shit for me to make up for it. I gave back the computer he bought for me for my birthday. You think a classy move like that would at least to have the consideration to pay bills which were in my name to pay them on time. He kept lying to me about already paying the bills. I told him I wanted to see the reciept. He paid them that night. When I caught him in the lie he just stuck to it. Why?? I told him we weren't together anymore so he didn't have to lie to me. I never understand people.
I guess I'm jumping ahead. I still live in Plant City. My mom is disapointed yet again. She always thought if I left someone I would move back home. Like when me and Noah broke up I stayed with her for like a month. Then when me and Jason were fighting and he "left me in Orlando" I stayed with her for an extra night. But this time I disapointed her. She wants me to move back home which makes no sense because most parents want their kids out of the house. I was never really all that happy living with my parents. I think that is why I rather live in conditions I'm not used to than never feel at home. I miss my family a lot but they are better in small doses.
So why stay in Plant City? I found a mechanic who fixed my car and I fell for him. He's a sweetheart. He makes me happy. His lovely name is James. He is standing behind me holding a weapon and forcing me to say nice things about him. Actually no he's not. I don't know if he is reading what I'm saying but that really doesn't matter. This is public. Anyways, I'm living with him. Yeah no surprise there. Its wonderful. I had a crush on James ever since I met him. He worked at the auto repair shot next to the patch. I know this is going to sound extremely girly but I have to say it anyways, he is so hot. I think thats why I'm always thinking about sex. I've known him for a year and a half but I'm now just really getting to learn who he is . He asked me what I was doing one night and I rambled on about some shit about getting a thicker pick for my bass. That is the truth but I don't know why I blurted that out. I don't like people knowing I play or trying to play. I have this overwhelming sense to feel like I'm required to have some level of talent or expertise. Or that I am trying to impress people. I really don't care if people like me. I decided to give up on that dream. I just don't like feeling put on the spot then I freeze up and become a complete ditz.
Lately I just realized I don't belong in any social groups. There's always going to be a part of me that will feel left out even if I'm not. But its not a negative thing. Its just the way I am. I know I'm a good person. I just have one of those forgetable personalities that unless I do something out of my character, I wouldn't be remembered. Like not talked about in stories. But do we truly know if we were talked about?
I'm a little high and extremely cold right now so I think I'm rambling. I think my social anxieties are acting up again. Perhaps I'm just not a part of this world.