(no subject)
Hmmm. What an exciting life I live in Plant City. I'm bored and lonely. Looking for a job is getting more frustrating every day. Especially since I keep using my orlando address as a permanant mailing address. I walked about three miles yesterday. Lots of fun. It actually went very well until I came home. Then I applied for RaceTrac on the phone. I used my Orlando address and now its only letting me apply for Orlando jobs. I tried to change it but the service won't allow it. I called several times to the other 800 number to see if someone can change it but all I get is someone's voicemail. I think I should try today. To add to my frustration, Jason has been away for long hours of the day and when he does finally make it home he goes upstairs for about an hour or two to be with his buddy. Then I get tired lazy version of Jason at night. To make matters worse I'm getting paranoid. I'm beginning to think that perhaps he isn't spending all his time at work but going somewhere else leaving me home alone. I haven't seen his time week sheet for the last two weeks. He usually just throws it on the chair but not lately. I'm definitly paranoid but I may have reasonable.....uh...reasons? I plan on cleaning out his car this weekend in hopes to finding his schedule sheet and proving myself wrong.
If his hours aren't consistent with the time he comes home I am going back to Orlando to "think." I don't care if he hangs out with his friends after work a few times a week. But he never mentions it. He always mentions where he's going and what he's done. Typically thats how he greets me. Tells me his day.
Even if he is going to his friend's place it surely doesn't need to be everyday.
Some part of all this paranoia is jealously. I have no friends here. My family is in Orlando. The last time Jason took me out (other than grocery shopping or getting a quick bite) was to a crappy movie threatre. The ticket stub dates March 5, 2005. It is now the 23rd. What annoyed me about that day is that I was stuck inside a tiny room then to be taken out to a slighty larger room. The movie was alright but I wasn't in a movie mood. I didn't say anything to Jason. I didn't want to make myself seem ungrateful. It would nice to find a real park with trails and take a walk. Even drink coffee and discuss politics. Ugh. Who am I kidding? There's never a good time for the park or Jason is too tired. He always ask what I want to do but I never tell him. So I am myself to blame. I'm going to be a bit more vocal with him. Last night was a pretty good start. I had a heart to heart with him. Told him how I felt.
*sigh* I'm not happy here. I was a little bit happier in Orlando because I had my family to be around. But then I missed Jason terribly so. His car is still on the fritz. Hopefully I can get Jason to buy me a bus ticket to Orlando so I can visit my parents for the weekend. Even get to see Frankie. That would be nice. I am trying to figure out exactly what makes me happy so I can get it. I still haven't quite decided on it. I know getting a job would be very useful to my happiness but is it enough?
If his hours aren't consistent with the time he comes home I am going back to Orlando to "think." I don't care if he hangs out with his friends after work a few times a week. But he never mentions it. He always mentions where he's going and what he's done. Typically thats how he greets me. Tells me his day.
Even if he is going to his friend's place it surely doesn't need to be everyday.
Some part of all this paranoia is jealously. I have no friends here. My family is in Orlando. The last time Jason took me out (other than grocery shopping or getting a quick bite) was to a crappy movie threatre. The ticket stub dates March 5, 2005. It is now the 23rd. What annoyed me about that day is that I was stuck inside a tiny room then to be taken out to a slighty larger room. The movie was alright but I wasn't in a movie mood. I didn't say anything to Jason. I didn't want to make myself seem ungrateful. It would nice to find a real park with trails and take a walk. Even drink coffee and discuss politics. Ugh. Who am I kidding? There's never a good time for the park or Jason is too tired. He always ask what I want to do but I never tell him. So I am myself to blame. I'm going to be a bit more vocal with him. Last night was a pretty good start. I had a heart to heart with him. Told him how I felt.
*sigh* I'm not happy here. I was a little bit happier in Orlando because I had my family to be around. But then I missed Jason terribly so. His car is still on the fritz. Hopefully I can get Jason to buy me a bus ticket to Orlando so I can visit my parents for the weekend. Even get to see Frankie. That would be nice. I am trying to figure out exactly what makes me happy so I can get it. I still haven't quite decided on it. I know getting a job would be very useful to my happiness but is it enough?