a scream for help
I’m lost I don’t know where to go I feel like I’m loosen it and I really mean that I think I am falling apart being ripped from limb to limp and whose doing it is me my maid I’m really starting to crack I feel like I’m under water and cant breath and I breath in I’m still alive but one step closer to everything going black what’s wrong with me what’s happening to me am I cracking under the pressure of everything I feel as tho I’m drifting into space and I’m grabbing and there’s nothing to hold onto I’m cracking my heart is a black whole sucking the rest of me in with it what the fucking is going on I need to do something but I don’t know what I don’t know how to ask for help cuz I don’t know what’s wrong I’m slowly bit by painful bit breaking snapping shattering into a pit of nothingness and I don’t know where this came from I just woke up and blink and its like I looked back onto my life and realized I’m nuts sick twized almost not even human I don’t know what beast I am but its not human I don’t think I’m alive anymore I have lost sight of what I want what I need I don’t even know who I am anymore just someone help being my mind and heart consume me into a epock of endless space and time with no light in sight I think I need help but I don’t know where to go and get it I don’t even know what is truly eating at me I’m well I have lost the inner sight of myself I once… er thought I had but now I don’t know I need to do something about this but I don’t know where to go or what to do I feel as tho I should just go off somewhere and find myself but where to go what to do what to say to those who care at least I think they I don’t even care about myself right now how can I say that someone else cares if even I don’t I don’t think you can be loved unless you love you self I don’t love myself but I don’t hate myself I just don’t know who I am I have lost that but I don’t know how when where why I don’t know much of everything I don’t know if I am even breathing maybe this is all a dream and I will wake up and everything will be fine maybe a nightmare that wont stop that I cant wake from I cant be drawn out of this hellish pit of witch I can Sam I’m so lost scared even I am truly scared I need to do something about this but what somehow I need to regain myself my mind my soul my being anything just so I have some part of myself again that I can look feel you know I haven’t looked at my self in 5 years I don’t know why I just cant I cant look my self in the eye have I truly come to this have I truly lost sight of everything I once knew and loved have I lost everything my mind with it all my body soul everything black dark screaming for help but not even I heard those deadly screams of hate lust loathing help and despair I’m lost so lost cold tired ready to just stop liven and become nothingness I have lost everything yet nothing has left me everything trapted lock deep inside for no one to see locked in cage in a room with no windows no light not even air gets in there and somehow that door has been opened from th3e deepest darkest depts. Even down to the very fiber of my being screams falling on ear that can not hear and if they can they wont blood falling on eyes that cant not see a pit a fire a light anything to know I haven’t lost my mind I cant I don’t know what has happened something has been let lose inside of me that I cant stop and I don’t know how it got out that cage couldn’t have been opened threes no way “he” could have gotten out again maybe he is the one doing this maybe he is to blame my pitfall is him how can it come to be true I’m shaken I cant stop I cant breath has he taken over and if he has why am I still here if it is him he would have tossed me in his cage and locked it and thrown away the key for me to sit in darkness no air no light nothing but it sit and lose what I have left of my mind it cant be him I wont let it come to be him as my killer of life soul mind everything I once was it cant be him maybe I am already him and I have turned into him maybe we have become one no lines to be crossed nothing to be called me it would be us for the rest of time even if I killed myself off he would still be there haunting the ghost of me he still haunts and I don’t know how has he broken the wall between real and fake or was there never a wall there in the first place I am going somewhere I don’t want to be everything is getting dark in my head yet I can still see the light the keys everything that to me is real or at least I think are real alone so alone yet never alone he is always with me I cant get ride of him if I do part of me is going with him does that mean we are already one does that mean there is no hope to ever be sane or even insane is there even a line between the two for all those whom are insane they don’t think they and for all those sane know they are what if we are all insane and the insane people really know what’s going on I don’t know anymore I don’t think I want to know what will become of me if I don’t somehow fight a cure for what is killing me so painfully and slowly for the bitter cure will kill the sweetness of insanity for witch there is no hope not even a drop of hope nor an atom I don’t know what I am even typing anymore so black yet so bright why cant I just know what’s wrong a fix it or why cant I just kill him just brake him away from my being my life’s fibers why oh dear god why is there even a god did god make us or did we make god who knows I don’t maybe I will find out someday or burnt in darkness for ever more not know what is real and what is not what to do to just act like I don’t know this or to I don’t know tell someone a risk being thrown in a padded room for the rest of my liven life or death or whatever we are all doing running around in a mindless world doing mindless things over and over not even truly being happy even now in my insane rambling I am grasping more of what everything really is then what everyone calls my saner days so lost I wish I could just stand a scream for help and someone come rushing for me and take my hand lead me back to what I thought life once was god I feel like I am burning sweating yet I keep shivering so cold I don’t know what’s going on so lost so scared