Fear Aside for Courage (fic)
Title: Fear Aside for Courage
Characters: Darryl McCallister, Ponch, Carl Romeo, Tom Swale
Rating: G
Word Count: 1526
A/N: My name doesn't even have a D in it. All works, therefore, belong solely to Diane Duane.
Summary: All Wizards must meet their Seniors eventually. Written for hopefulnebula for the Yuletide 2008 challenge.
"The ones you couldn't look at, the ones you were afraid of because you saw It in their eyes, you had to promise the One and the Powers That Be that you would come out to do stuff for them. What could possibly be harder?"
"This. That. In here… it's been safe. In here I never have to look, never have to be afraid I'll see what might be there. Rejection. The one who sees me and doesn't want to look back."
That conversation, one that had been so very difficult to have and hear, came back to him as he listened to the Silence. It had stayed, rather than manifesting as a solid Manual, and its presence soothed him. At the moment, it described the location he wanted to travel to, leaving part of himself to sleep while another part went to meet his Seniors for the first time.
It was the thought of meeting two such important people that had brought the conversation with Nita to mind. More than nearly anyone else, he worried that these two would look at him and then look away, because he was different, and maybe too wrong to be a wizard. Ponch, Kit's dog, had shown up when he'd really started to worry, and shoved his cold, wt nose in Darryl's ear, shocking him out of that circle of thoughts. He wagged his tail when he saw that he had Darryl's attention, and flopped down beside him on the bed.
I felt you worry. You shouldn't have to worry, Darryl.
Darryl blinked at him, before stretching out beside the dog and hugging him. "I'm worried. And a little scared. What if the Seniors look at me and see my autism, not me? They'll think I'm not fit to be a wizard."
He suffered through a thorough washing before Ponch pulled his head back to look at him. Tom and Carl won't do that. They never said that I can't do what I do just because I'm a dog. He wagged his tail again, and looked at Darryl with big honest brown eyes. They asked my boy and Nita to help you because they wanted to meet you! And I like you! They'll like you too.
Ponch's enthusiasm and honesty really were impossible for Darryl to ignore, and he smiled a little tentatively. "I hope you're right."
I know I am. Ponch told him, with the absolute faith that dogs had in their chosen people.
Darryl smiled a little more confidently and scratched the dog's ears. "Okay. I'll go in a little bit though, kay?"
Ponch tilted his head, confused. Not now?
"I want to do this with my other me asleep… so I can focus."
Ponch nodded slowly, and then licked Darryl's face again.
Want me to go with you? I'll bite them if they give you a hard time.
Darryl laughed quietly. "No, Ponch. I think this is something I need to do by myself."
Ponch's ears drooped for a moment and then perked back up. Okay. You'll like them. With that, he jumped off the bed and disappeared, leaving Darryl with a small smile and more courage than he'd felt before.
Later, once his parents had checked to see that he was in bed, he took leave of his room to travel to the property his Seniors owned. There was no crack of displaced air to announce his arrival, but that didn't stop two large dogs from bounding towards him, tails wagging and happy grins on their faces. They danced around him and licked his hands in greeting before pushing him towards the house. One of the dogs backed at the door, demanding to be let in, and from inside Darryl heard the sound of movement moments before a tallish, thin man with silvering hair opened the door.
"What have you found now, Annie… oh. Hello. I didn't hear you…"
The older man smiled at him, and with a little difficulty Darryl met his eyes and smiled back. It was there in the Senior's eyes, but dimmer, and that made Darryl smile wider.
"I… greet you, Senior." Darryl spoke slowly, the Silence coaching him. "I'm Darryl McAllister."
The older man blinked, then smiled widely and pushed the door open to let Darryl in. "Dai stiho, Darryl. It's good to finally meet you! I'm Tom Swale." He gestured towards the kitchen table. "Can I get you something to drink; coke, water?"
Darryl blinked back at him, vaguely startled by the genuinely happy greeting as he slid into a chair. "Ah, water, please?"
"Of course." A glass was filled and set in front of him before Tom dropped into the chair he'd obviously been in just moments before, based on the half full coffee cup in front of him. "You have good timing. Carl Romeo - my fellow Senior - should be back any minute from Grand Central."
Darryl nodded, and rubbed at the sheepdog - Annie's - ears, and then jumped when a bang of displaced air announced someone's arrive. Seconds later another figure, broader in the shoulder but not too much taller, walked in the door, whistling jauntily. "You'll never believe it, Tom, but Rhiow… oh, hi." The smile the other offered to Darryl looked a little strange under the mustache, but just like Tom, the Lone Power looking out from this one's eyes was muted and sullen, and that made Darryl smile back.
"Dai stiho…" He glanced at Tom for the pronunciation, and the Senior nodded. He looked back to the other, and then tentatively offered a hand. "I'm Darryl McAllister."
The other blinked, then smiled widely and shook Darrly's hand, not too hard or too long, probably well aware of Darryl's former issues with touch. "Dai, Darrly. I'm Carl Romeo. It really is good to meet you finally. And hopefully Kit and Nita haven't been telling too many stories about us."
Darryl smiled, and relaxed a little more. So far, none of his fears had come to fruition. "Not too many, no."
"Just enough, huh?" Tom smiled, scooting forward in his chair a little to let Carl past him to get a soda from the fridge. "However, they didn't tell us too much about you, and I know I at least would like to get to know you better. As your Seniors we'll have to work with you occasionally, and we can't do that if we only know your name."
Darryl blinked a little, mildly surprised by the question, though he shouldn't have been.
"I'm autistic… was autistic. Kind of."
Carl nodded as he sat down at Tom's side. "We were aware of that. And I for one would like to hear a little more about it, later. But that's not really you. At least, not now. You're more than that, and that's what we're curious about. What's your favorite color, what do you think you'd like to specialize in with your wizardry - if it lets you have a choice, though sometimes you just come into one." He tilted his soda at Darryl's water. "What do you prefer to drink, so that we can have some lying around in case you want to visit?"
"Oh… I…" He looked up at them as all the worry he'd held early washed away, and smiled.
*~*~*~*
Darryl McAllister sat on a swing in the playground, attention split - literally - between his first day at 'real' school and watching Earth rotate slowly from Mare Tranquilitas. A teaching assistant from the special-ed department watched him from the door of the school, there as much to provide an assessment for the school and his parents as he was to make sure that nothing untoward started between Darryl and the other students. So far, everything had been… okay. He still had trouble meeting eyes, but he was willing to try. When he saw It peering out he had to remember to breathe, and remember the clown on its tiny bicycle, and remember that he really wasn't alone against It. When he could remember that instead of looking away, he could see Its anger, but also feel Its defeat, and that helped.
Out there, swinging back and forth while listening for the bell, he wandered the moon with a part of himself. If he looked a little distant to those who approached him, they'd write it off as part of still recovering and either leave him alone or try to draw him back. For the most part, the other kids left him alone, let him get himself back together, and let him stare at the planet he'd worked so hard to help even before he'd really known it existed. Seeing it there, so small against the greatness of the universe helped; reminded him of just why he'd come out of himself. He understood, watching it, why Nita and Kit came up here so often. Even they needed room to breathe, and a reason to keep going.
When the bell to end recess rang, he blinked himself back into hone place and stood. He saw the assistant walking towards him, and moved forward. He looked up into the other's eyes, saw It lurking and angry, and smiled anyway.
Characters: Darryl McCallister, Ponch, Carl Romeo, Tom Swale
Rating: G
Word Count: 1526
A/N: My name doesn't even have a D in it. All works, therefore, belong solely to Diane Duane.
Summary: All Wizards must meet their Seniors eventually. Written for hopefulnebula for the Yuletide 2008 challenge.
"The ones you couldn't look at, the ones you were afraid of because you saw It in their eyes, you had to promise the One and the Powers That Be that you would come out to do stuff for them. What could possibly be harder?"
"This. That. In here… it's been safe. In here I never have to look, never have to be afraid I'll see what might be there. Rejection. The one who sees me and doesn't want to look back."
That conversation, one that had been so very difficult to have and hear, came back to him as he listened to the Silence. It had stayed, rather than manifesting as a solid Manual, and its presence soothed him. At the moment, it described the location he wanted to travel to, leaving part of himself to sleep while another part went to meet his Seniors for the first time.
It was the thought of meeting two such important people that had brought the conversation with Nita to mind. More than nearly anyone else, he worried that these two would look at him and then look away, because he was different, and maybe too wrong to be a wizard. Ponch, Kit's dog, had shown up when he'd really started to worry, and shoved his cold, wt nose in Darryl's ear, shocking him out of that circle of thoughts. He wagged his tail when he saw that he had Darryl's attention, and flopped down beside him on the bed.
I felt you worry. You shouldn't have to worry, Darryl.
Darryl blinked at him, before stretching out beside the dog and hugging him. "I'm worried. And a little scared. What if the Seniors look at me and see my autism, not me? They'll think I'm not fit to be a wizard."
He suffered through a thorough washing before Ponch pulled his head back to look at him. Tom and Carl won't do that. They never said that I can't do what I do just because I'm a dog. He wagged his tail again, and looked at Darryl with big honest brown eyes. They asked my boy and Nita to help you because they wanted to meet you! And I like you! They'll like you too.
Ponch's enthusiasm and honesty really were impossible for Darryl to ignore, and he smiled a little tentatively. "I hope you're right."
I know I am. Ponch told him, with the absolute faith that dogs had in their chosen people.
Darryl smiled a little more confidently and scratched the dog's ears. "Okay. I'll go in a little bit though, kay?"
Ponch tilted his head, confused. Not now?
"I want to do this with my other me asleep… so I can focus."
Ponch nodded slowly, and then licked Darryl's face again.
Want me to go with you? I'll bite them if they give you a hard time.
Darryl laughed quietly. "No, Ponch. I think this is something I need to do by myself."
Ponch's ears drooped for a moment and then perked back up. Okay. You'll like them. With that, he jumped off the bed and disappeared, leaving Darryl with a small smile and more courage than he'd felt before.
Later, once his parents had checked to see that he was in bed, he took leave of his room to travel to the property his Seniors owned. There was no crack of displaced air to announce his arrival, but that didn't stop two large dogs from bounding towards him, tails wagging and happy grins on their faces. They danced around him and licked his hands in greeting before pushing him towards the house. One of the dogs backed at the door, demanding to be let in, and from inside Darryl heard the sound of movement moments before a tallish, thin man with silvering hair opened the door.
"What have you found now, Annie… oh. Hello. I didn't hear you…"
The older man smiled at him, and with a little difficulty Darryl met his eyes and smiled back. It was there in the Senior's eyes, but dimmer, and that made Darryl smile wider.
"I… greet you, Senior." Darryl spoke slowly, the Silence coaching him. "I'm Darryl McAllister."
The older man blinked, then smiled widely and pushed the door open to let Darryl in. "Dai stiho, Darryl. It's good to finally meet you! I'm Tom Swale." He gestured towards the kitchen table. "Can I get you something to drink; coke, water?"
Darryl blinked back at him, vaguely startled by the genuinely happy greeting as he slid into a chair. "Ah, water, please?"
"Of course." A glass was filled and set in front of him before Tom dropped into the chair he'd obviously been in just moments before, based on the half full coffee cup in front of him. "You have good timing. Carl Romeo - my fellow Senior - should be back any minute from Grand Central."
Darryl nodded, and rubbed at the sheepdog - Annie's - ears, and then jumped when a bang of displaced air announced someone's arrive. Seconds later another figure, broader in the shoulder but not too much taller, walked in the door, whistling jauntily. "You'll never believe it, Tom, but Rhiow… oh, hi." The smile the other offered to Darryl looked a little strange under the mustache, but just like Tom, the Lone Power looking out from this one's eyes was muted and sullen, and that made Darryl smile back.
"Dai stiho…" He glanced at Tom for the pronunciation, and the Senior nodded. He looked back to the other, and then tentatively offered a hand. "I'm Darryl McAllister."
The other blinked, then smiled widely and shook Darrly's hand, not too hard or too long, probably well aware of Darryl's former issues with touch. "Dai, Darrly. I'm Carl Romeo. It really is good to meet you finally. And hopefully Kit and Nita haven't been telling too many stories about us."
Darryl smiled, and relaxed a little more. So far, none of his fears had come to fruition. "Not too many, no."
"Just enough, huh?" Tom smiled, scooting forward in his chair a little to let Carl past him to get a soda from the fridge. "However, they didn't tell us too much about you, and I know I at least would like to get to know you better. As your Seniors we'll have to work with you occasionally, and we can't do that if we only know your name."
Darryl blinked a little, mildly surprised by the question, though he shouldn't have been.
"I'm autistic… was autistic. Kind of."
Carl nodded as he sat down at Tom's side. "We were aware of that. And I for one would like to hear a little more about it, later. But that's not really you. At least, not now. You're more than that, and that's what we're curious about. What's your favorite color, what do you think you'd like to specialize in with your wizardry - if it lets you have a choice, though sometimes you just come into one." He tilted his soda at Darryl's water. "What do you prefer to drink, so that we can have some lying around in case you want to visit?"
"Oh… I…" He looked up at them as all the worry he'd held early washed away, and smiled.
*~*~*~*
Darryl McAllister sat on a swing in the playground, attention split - literally - between his first day at 'real' school and watching Earth rotate slowly from Mare Tranquilitas. A teaching assistant from the special-ed department watched him from the door of the school, there as much to provide an assessment for the school and his parents as he was to make sure that nothing untoward started between Darryl and the other students. So far, everything had been… okay. He still had trouble meeting eyes, but he was willing to try. When he saw It peering out he had to remember to breathe, and remember the clown on its tiny bicycle, and remember that he really wasn't alone against It. When he could remember that instead of looking away, he could see Its anger, but also feel Its defeat, and that helped.
Out there, swinging back and forth while listening for the bell, he wandered the moon with a part of himself. If he looked a little distant to those who approached him, they'd write it off as part of still recovering and either leave him alone or try to draw him back. For the most part, the other kids left him alone, let him get himself back together, and let him stare at the planet he'd worked so hard to help even before he'd really known it existed. Seeing it there, so small against the greatness of the universe helped; reminded him of just why he'd come out of himself. He understood, watching it, why Nita and Kit came up here so often. Even they needed room to breathe, and a reason to keep going.
When the bell to end recess rang, he blinked himself back into hone place and stood. He saw the assistant walking towards him, and moved forward. He looked up into the other's eyes, saw It lurking and angry, and smiled anyway.