Too Much Crap
So, there are quite a few things going on. I still haven't talked to Christy but really need too already. Oscar went crazy last night and cut himself a little and started throwing shit, but i got him to calm down. at first i felt extremely useless because i didn't know how to answer his questions or what to do besides hold him down and try to talk to him and hide every sharp object in his room. but i later realized i did help and did get him to calm down. i seem to be the only person who can do that. i later that night had a semi break down. wow, haven't had one of those for a while, i think about 4 months now. i was just thinking about everything and kind of had a little spaz attack, but nothing to important. and hector asked me to move in with him. i kind of want to, but i can't. i have oscar now. and there's just stuff going on. plus i keep having cravings to tweek, but i can't do it! i'm staying strong. i think i need some vodka right now. anyways... one of my good buddies, Sal, sent me an e-mail that tells about how the weekend was w/ the rest of my buddies. this is how all my days used to be before:
Hey how you been shorty I havent talked to you in a while I wonder how you're doing Im wrinting to tell you that I might have told christy somethings about you that you may have intrusted me with... Like when you and I have talked and Im just writing to apologize for it, but I just wanted to ease her mind a bit and have her make a clear descision about what she herself is going to do about the situation she is in I'm not the type of person that would not let you know that it was me who had said something I know I dont understand exactly what you're going through but I know that to some exten Oscar makes you happy and thats fine with me while others (Fernando) seem to have issues with that I had a dream abou oscar dont ask me why but I dreamt that he was being crucified by himself but on his left hand you were stuck he had nailed his arm with yours and you were hanging in the balance all you did was cry for his sorrow but you never stopped to think about yours... I know im a pretty good dream reader but this one stumped me I dont know what it means and maybe becasue i dont know Oscar, just thought you should know ... on a lighter note I had a shitload of fun this weekend I taught fernando and Tyler how to drive the mustang it was good stuff and when was it, on friday night i believe i was acting like a total spaz cause i had a fever but I was all energetic and wouldnt shut up it was funny and fernando gave me this Tea and it was so good Hmmmm TEA but yeah all we did was hang out but i had fun none the less and of course they all tweekd and in a way i was glad you werent ther becasue then you might have done it and yeah that would not be cool with me even KC did it but oh well ... of course i was sober Im the only one thats sober all the time lol kind of sad but oh well i like my soberness dammit and I can still keep up so yeah I dont need the drugs anyways I should probably shut up now but yeah we should hang out ( Of course not alone because i creep you out or something but with other people) anyways write me back and hopefully ill talk to you soon
it also tells about a dream he had about oscar, which is weird, because they aren't friends. actually, they kind of hate each other. that whole situation where i kissed sal and oscar being my bf and all, ya know? i miss sal. i wish i could see more of him, seeing as how i enjoy his company more then my other friends. i don't even hang out w/ anyone anymore, except oscar. it's not only because i'm always w/ oscar, but also because they're starting to drive me crazy. i don't know why but lately they just seem so inhumane and childish and the list continues. they're just starting to piss me off, but i love them all to death. well, i'm out.
-Jessica
Hey how you been shorty I havent talked to you in a while I wonder how you're doing Im wrinting to tell you that I might have told christy somethings about you that you may have intrusted me with... Like when you and I have talked and Im just writing to apologize for it, but I just wanted to ease her mind a bit and have her make a clear descision about what she herself is going to do about the situation she is in I'm not the type of person that would not let you know that it was me who had said something I know I dont understand exactly what you're going through but I know that to some exten Oscar makes you happy and thats fine with me while others (Fernando) seem to have issues with that I had a dream abou oscar dont ask me why but I dreamt that he was being crucified by himself but on his left hand you were stuck he had nailed his arm with yours and you were hanging in the balance all you did was cry for his sorrow but you never stopped to think about yours... I know im a pretty good dream reader but this one stumped me I dont know what it means and maybe becasue i dont know Oscar, just thought you should know ... on a lighter note I had a shitload of fun this weekend I taught fernando and Tyler how to drive the mustang it was good stuff and when was it, on friday night i believe i was acting like a total spaz cause i had a fever but I was all energetic and wouldnt shut up it was funny and fernando gave me this Tea and it was so good Hmmmm TEA but yeah all we did was hang out but i had fun none the less and of course they all tweekd and in a way i was glad you werent ther becasue then you might have done it and yeah that would not be cool with me even KC did it but oh well ... of course i was sober Im the only one thats sober all the time lol kind of sad but oh well i like my soberness dammit and I can still keep up so yeah I dont need the drugs anyways I should probably shut up now but yeah we should hang out ( Of course not alone because i creep you out or something but with other people) anyways write me back and hopefully ill talk to you soon
it also tells about a dream he had about oscar, which is weird, because they aren't friends. actually, they kind of hate each other. that whole situation where i kissed sal and oscar being my bf and all, ya know? i miss sal. i wish i could see more of him, seeing as how i enjoy his company more then my other friends. i don't even hang out w/ anyone anymore, except oscar. it's not only because i'm always w/ oscar, but also because they're starting to drive me crazy. i don't know why but lately they just seem so inhumane and childish and the list continues. they're just starting to piss me off, but i love them all to death. well, i'm out.
-Jessica