Hypocrisy at it's finest.
Love. What is love? I believe love is a deep feeling of both peace and extreme loyalty towards others. Family, friends, even your partner. Love is not shackled by this definition alone. The dictionary describes Love as any object of warm affection or devotion, a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction, and a strong positive emotion of regard and affection. It is correct. But does love exist? Does it serve a purpose? Love is the binding that holds the world together. If Love didn't exist we would have no soul, no conscience. Our loyalty would vanish and we would become mere savages. When you think about how enormous the world is, it's impossible to not feel incredibly small. I mean, to the vast majority of people living I'm nothing, from nowhere; I'm no one at all. Is it normal to want to leave a legacy behind? I want to be remembered after I die. Think about it, we still learn about a man named William Shakespeare. We learn about Charles Dickens, George Washington, and Adolf Hitler. They are all remembered in some way, either for great or terrible deeds. That need to be remembered is why we search so hard to find love. If we can find someone else who cares enough about us listen to our thoughts and learn about our lives, then we will be fulfilled. But I have discovered that love is not perfect, and it can't do everything. It is not unbreakable nor is it immortal. It can and will die over time because one or both parties will fall out of love. Time corrodes promises and deceives the mind. Both hearts become one and when the time comes to be left behind it shatters like crystal falling to the ground. I once believed that if you give your whole heart to someone and they leave that you would inevitably have nothing left. I have found that you do have something. Yourself. Infact, I think that a dying relationship is the only way to truly find yourself. You immerse yourself into the things you care about the most. It is the only way to survive it. Before I had a real relationship I had an empty aching inside of me all the time, but especially when I was happy. I felt a void because I had no one to share that happiness with, and no one to care about me. Once I embarked on a journey with someone I found that the beauty of love expressed in movies and novels is a deception. Love will suck the beauty out of life and the joy out of living if your partner doesn't give back as much love as they take. I felt the void inside of me expand to a breaking point, where upon I finally let him go. For a couple of weeks I drowned in despair and loneliness, but then I found that I survived it, that I could smile again, that I could laugh again. I realized that you don't need another person's love to be happy. Suddenly that emptiness was replaced by a strong feeling of wholeness. I believe that wholeness is the confidence and self love I have lacked for years. So, what is love exactly? Perhaps it's a puzzle. But you can't solve this puzzle. All you can do is search for the pieces throughout your life. Everyday another piece of yourself is found, but pieced together it is still incomplete and empty without your soul's recognition of it's counterpoint in another. They say all's fair in love and war. But what's right and what's wrong? There are no rules in the human heart. This sickness penetrates us to our core. No one is safe and no one is immune. It is this connection in each and every one of us that proves we are not alone. Every person has felt so alone they wanted to die. It's part of the human spirit, the need to feel connected. For many people they will give up their dreams, their interests, and even their beliefs to feed this hunger. I was once that person, but the price of love should not cause you to change the path you want to walk. And so alone, but fulfilled, I embark on a journey through the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I don't care if you hate the song, you know you've walked that street at least once. And when the thought occurs to you that your shadow is the only friend you've got you'll realize how fickle love really is. You'll find that love has the strength of a candle's flame. One wrong step and it's gone. I don't believe that two people can stay in a passionate love affair until the day they die. I think the ones that do are not necessarily in love, but instead they have settled for mediocrity and have decided that it is better to stay with their current companion than to walk down the path of life alone again. They want to keep that connection to another human being. And because of this need I still believe I may get married one day. But I have a new way of looking at relationships. My innocence of the heart has died. I awoke from the darkness to find that every beginning eventually comes to and end. A cold and bitter end. So now with that knowledge I am going to walk through life forever waiting for disaster, with a warped and twisted vision of love; but I will keep myself. I will find a way to save my soul. I tried to express my deepest and most provocative thoughts about this, but I merely asphyxiate on the words I wanted to say. It came out as words, nothing but words; not emotions. But this is what I brought you, and this at least provides an entry into the deep crevices of my heart and mind. Now tell me what love is ...and watch all your dreams fall through.