A Hand to Hold (10/R Oneshot)
Title: A Hand to Hold
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst/Tragic
Warnings: Character Death
Spoilers: Doomsday
Summary: If Doomsday had gone differently, if Rose had a little longer with the Doctor, how might things have gone?
Disclaimer: The only thing of DW I 'own' is a printed out picture of Rose from GitF
AN: Fair warning, this is a character!death fic. Why or how I came up with this idea, I'm not sure, really. Don't much like it, but eh.
--
A hand to hold
His scream tore through the roaring of the void as easily as if there had been no sounds at all, if only he could reach just as far as his voice could. She wanted to scream back, to say or do something, but the terror of the moment was like a cruel vice--fighting away all but whimpers and grunts of pain from her weakening grip on the dark handle.
She could do it--hold on just a bit longer until the gaping hole behind her sealed itself. She could because she had to, because she had promised to stay with him forever, she had given up everything of her past, and she wasn't about to allow something this to throw it all away.
Searing pain cut through her hands as layers of skin tore away, and her grip slipped just a bit more. His voice silenced a moment, and she turned her gaze to see the barely contained horror reflecting in his dark eyes.
Just a little longer...just a bit more....she couldn't...she wouldn't.
Her grip slipped further, and now it seemed all that was between her and a horizontal free-fall were increasingly sore fingers. There was a moment when she thought it was over for sure, when she shared a terrified glance with him.
And then all at once it was finished. Her grip became inadequete, her hands slipped away, and she fell. Straight to the floor.
And as she heard him scramble over to her, she didn't know if her face or hands hurt more. As she pushed herself up to a sitting position, it might've been her dignity that took the fiercest blow. As she found herself enveloped in a crushing embrace, she decided none of the wounds were all that bad after all.
---
It had nearly been a week now by her reckoning since the breach had been closed. In a time ship, of course, it was difficult to tell. They had taken the first day up with cleaning Jackie's old flat--picking up knick-knacks and cleaning out any trinkets that could be found by Torchwood when the place was finally emptied.
Honestly, there was a part of her that wanted to take it all, but even though the TARDIS had plenty of room, he would have never allowed her to drag it all in...well, at least he wouldn't have helped with the furniture, anyway. Too domestic.
But that was okay, really. She had given all that up long ago, and this was just the final step in leaving behind her past. Like she had said when they were trapped next to the black hole...everyone left their parents eventually.
She smiled across the consol, and he smiled back. He knew what she'd given up, and even though she knew he would never say anything, it meant the world to him. She could tell.
"So, where are we goin' now?" She asked, grinning.
"I was thinking...Barcelona?" He had a thoughtful expression on his face. "Never did get to take you there yet, did I?"
"What should I wear?"
His gaze flicked across her momentarily, before he grinned back at her. "Whatever you want."
--
She sighed softly, glancing out across the unfamiliar-looking city. Somehow they ended up on a nearby planet of Barcelona, one of their first colonies in fact. "Close enough, right?"
He frowned, and nodded. "Yeah..."
"Somethin' wrong?"
He shook his head. "I don't think so."
"No alien invasions scheduled for this exact day? No civil wars bristling under the otherwise peaceful looking cover of this city?" She quipped, turning her head to watch him. "The dogs with no noses were brought here, yeah?"
He laughed. "No, Rose. Everything's fine."
He offered his hand with a wide grin, and she took it without hesitation, returning his glee at finally being able to see the much-talked-about noseless dogs.
--
She gave him a sour look, as they ducked into an alleyway and waited for their pursuers to run past. He had been wrong, of course. The TARDIS had chosen to pop into the middle of the Buccaneer-age. They welcomed visitors easily--it was the getting out with your clothes and freedom that was the hard part.
Of course, it probably didn't help that she had called attention by intervening for the serving girl, nor had it been the wisest tactic on his part to defend her.
He gave her his best amused innocent shrug, as if to say it wasn't his fault that the TARDIS hadn't landed where he told it to. She sometimes wondered if that was completely true.
Shadows flashed by, and the way back to the TARDIS was finally clear. With shared manic grins and joined hands, they made a dash for home. She couldn't help laughing at the situation, as their pursuers turned to realize where they were, and he joined in with a cackle.
This was how it always was, saving the universe, finding new planets to cause trouble at, and making a mad dash for home, hand-in-hand, laughing at the dangers chasing their heels. Because as long as they held on, they were invincible.
And how she loved it.
Moments after they collapsed onto the floor, breathless, in the control room, they could hear their pursuers beating on the doors, shouting curses. They shared a silent glance in acknowledgement of how close that chase had been, before bursting into hysterical laughter.
---
She growled irritably at the door which refused to open. Every time they came to this period--every single time they went to explore post-Earth, they landed in a world of trouble. It was never the fun sort of trouble, either.
Wide eyes watched her in nervous anticipation. They had arrived on a serene-looking planet, with wonderfully peaceful dog-rat-human-people. Considering all of their adventures, they should have turned back at that. Of course, turning back was something they never did...not unless there were very many dangerous things chasing after them.
Apparently they had chanced at arriving just before a race of intergalactic slavers made their annual pickings for cute family slaves. She, of course, had to have made friends with one of the choices. And she had to happen to get caught up in their trans-mat thing, and end up in a dank cell.
No doubt He was having all the fun gallivanting around the spaceship, saving the world, breaking bits of technology, and all the while looking to eventually rescue her, too. Well, if he took all the fun of this trip before she got out, she would kill him. Maybe the next version would be more careful to make sure she was included in the trouble-fixing.
She smacked her open hand against the door in frustration, and to her surprise it slid open. For a moment she wondered if she had somehow triggered its release (which would have to be a very poor design for a cell-door), before a cheeky grin popped around the corner.
"Miss me?"
"What took you so long?" She snapped in mock-irritation, but spoiled the effect by hopping through the doorway into his open arms.
He went on about several things that only made vague sense to her--something about having to track the beam with the TARDIS, and getting lost; although he would never admit that he'd actually gotten lost.
She grinned, and nodded down a hallway. "That way, then?"
"Taking along your friends?"
She glanced back at the round eyes reflecting anxious expectancy, before motioning for them to follow. "Come on, let's go! You're free!"
When it seemed they weren't going to argue, she took his hand and ran down the corridor with breathless giggles. Here they were, doing it again, rescuing another civilization, and they were getting away with little more than smudged make up.
And she loved it.
--
He had told the cat-dog-rat-people (she couldn't recall their names) to seek refuge in their burrows, and that the slavers wouldn't bother them any more. She had yet to figure out why that second part would be true.
In fact, as she eyed the scarred face of the lizard-thing-alien holding her friend 'Miwe-ii' in the time-proven hostage position, demanding them to give themselves and the other natives of this planet up, she was beginning to wonder how He could possibly think the slavers would leave this planet alone at all.
He had his serious frown, hands burrowed in his trenchcoat pockets. She was standing about 10 feet closer to the slaver than he was. Miwe-ii looked terrified, and she had no doubt the slaver would go through with its threat.
It was a horrible choice, neither one was acceptable in her eyes. He was torn as well, stalling for time to think up a third option...and time was running out. She had to do something--anything.
As the slaver tensed and looked away from her, she made her choice.
--
An alarmed shout came echoed behind her as she leapt forward, and the strange gun-like weapon turned toward her. She was on the creature before it could fire, knocking it to the ground with sheer weight and momentum. The scent of Apple-grass, the chic new decoration for planets, filled her senses as she rolled across the ground, wrestling with the weapon.
The creature hissed in her face, and she could hear yelling not far from her, but all that mattered was getting the weapon away, protecting him from being forced into an impossible desicion.
The struggle lasted only seconds before he was there, aiming the sonic screwdriver (which she'd never seen used as an actual weapon on anything organic) and pulling her up by her arm, directing a stern glare at the lizard creature.
"Your people agreed to leave." He said levelly.
"I take orders from no one!"
"Oh, but you're going to take this one." He said with a mixture of seriousness and his more natural goofy nature in his voice.
"And why is that?" It challenged, yellow snake-eyes narrowed.
"Because my friend here has your weapon." He sounded downright chipper. "Now. Go back to your ship, and do not harass these people any longer."
"Even if I do, I'll just return when you've gone, and find them all myself!"
"No you won't."
She glanced up in the direction his gaze turned, and saw a group of lizard creatures making their way toward them.
"Those are on our side, yeah?"
He grinned at her for a moment, before turning his gaze to the still-prone one. "It's over. Finished. Go home."
She couldn't wait to get back to the TARDIS so she could ask him how exactly he'd managed a stunt like this. The creature hissed in denial, but he turned his attention to her, offering his hand again.
"Shall we?"
She grinned and took his hand, practically skipping all the way back to the TARDIS. She released his hand a moment, to turn to say a quick farewell to Miwe-ii, and saw a look of terror on the girl's face. That was about all the warning she got before something unbelievably cold cut through her, and sent her flying back into the still-closed TARDIS.
A horrified scream came from beside her, and the rogue slaver was pounced by the newly arrived soldier-like ones, his mini-weapon seized. She blinked almost dazedly, and felt her legs give out.
Arms caught her before she fell, and dark eyes full of fear, concern, and desperation appeared before her, a voice calling out from a disproportionate distance in front of her.
"Rose! Rose, hold on, I'll get you into the medical bay, and you'll be fine, but you've gotta keep fighting until then..."
She turned slightly to look at his face better. He looked so sad...so unecessarily guilty. Like it had been his fault. "What's it do?"
He winced slightly, and fumbled in his coat pocket for the TARDIS key a moment.
"Its just a laser beam thing, right?" She laughed. That was a mistake. Her whole chest ached like she had been hit with an oversized hammer now.
He didn't respond as he ushered her into the TARDIS, swinging her up to carry her in that heroic bridal sort of way. She found it rather cozy, and snuggled up against his neck. She half expected him to make some annoyed comment at her action, but apparently she could get away with more things when she was in mortal danger.
That was something to keep in mind. Maybe next time she could try a bit more. Her waist, shoulders, and some of her neck hurt now, but the pain in her chest had all but numbed.
A slightly warmer-than-normal hand pressed to her cheek as he laid her on the infirmary bed, and his face seemed increasingly devoid of colors. It was hard to process many thoughts as he scurried in a desperate panic across the room, piling up all sorts of strange medicinal objects next to her.
His hands shook as he opened a jar.
"It's just a laser wound, isn't it?" She repeated, hoping to reassure him a bit. Funny thing, fear. She didn't feel the least bit afraid, even though apparently she was the one in greater danger here. Perhaps that was a lack of proper brain function.
He smiled at her with glistening eyes. "If it were, it'd be alot easier to fix."
She closed her eyes a moment, considering the cold wriggling of the spreading effect of the weapon, before opening her eyes and smiling at him. He smiled back. "But you can fix anything. That's why you're The Doctor."
He laughed softly, and ran a hand along her hair. "Its an illegal weapon, you know. Universal decree. Don't know how he even got one--I'll bet he's got some explaining to do when he gets back home."
She laughed, and regretted it again. She wasn't sure why she laughed, but then again she had never been sure. She laughed because that's what they did. They laughed in the face of danger, death, and devastation. Because as long as they could hold each other's hands, they were invincible.
She reached up to take his hand, but found her arm did not respond to her command. As if he could read her thoughts--or perhaps her expression, a free hand, his 'fighting hand', reached down to take hers. She could see the movement, but she could not seem to feel it, nor squeeze his hand as she always had.
"You're not..." He cut off, and shook his head, opening another item, and letting go of her hand to work on where she had originally been wounded. Desperation and hopelessness shone in his eyes as he worked, and tears threatened to ruin his always perfect grip on composure. "I won't let you."
She bit her lip to hold back a pained cry as her muscles spasmed painfully. She couldn't have been paralyzed or numb, at least. A cough sent a warm dampness across her bottom lip and chin, and he gripped her shoulders tightly. His teeth clenched together, and eyes thick with barely restrained tears.
"I..." His voice broke, and he shook his head. "I can't...Rose...There's not.."
She swallowed, and managed her best smile as she listened to the words he could not manage. "It isn't your fault, you know."
His expression was tortured.
"It's not. You couldn't know." She insisted firmly. "He wasn't supposed to have that weapon, remember?"
He shook his head, releasing her shoulders, and moving his hands to her cheeks, tears beginning to conquer his determination and escape him. "Rose..."
She wanted to be brave for him, but as cold realization determinedly set into her mind, she found her tears impossible to stop. They had fought so long...They had beaten everything, everyone. When all seemed lost, when she lost her friends and her family, they'd still made it through.
How could she die now? After everything? When she hadn't ever gotten the chance to tell him what she needed so much to tell him. Where was forever now?
"I'm sorry..."
His eyes widened in surprise and confusion.
"I wanted..." She trailed off a moment, unsure of how to continue.
"Rose...Rose you're not going to..." He closed his eyes a moment, before gazing down at her again. "You can't."
She wished she could hug him, make his tears go away, but she felt so strangely heavy now, she did not have nearly enough strength. She wished she could make him smile again.
"Doctor...?"
"Rose?"
She swallowed a sudden frozen lump in her throat. "I love you."
A silent word she did not understand formed on his lips, and a soft tear fell to her cheek. His hands felt so warm now, so much warmer than before. His mouth opened to mouth another word, before he finally swallowed softly, and spoke. It was an almost flippant acknowledgement, before he sighed, and pressed his forehead to hers.
So close now, so warm, so...
"I wouldn't trade anything for it, you know." She wasn't sure when her voice had become so soft, but he was more than close enough to be able to hear it perfectly fine. "Travelling with you...I love it...wouldn't trade it for the world."
"Or quite alot more." He chuckled with a forced mirth, grinning a shallower grin than normal.
"I wouldn't..." She shook her head slightly, and felt dizzy. "I just wish it could have been longer."
"I'm sorry..." His voice spoke of such grief she was certain she would have felt her heart rend in two if she could feel it any more. "I'm...so..."
A conscious, detemined desicion she then made, leaning up just a fraction of an inch. She'd never given him a proper kiss, really. Not this version at least. There had always been something in the way. Something holding back.
His eyes widened for just a second, before the soft brush of lips turned into a deep, sweet, intense kiss. She could feel the wetness on her cheeks as her eyes drifted closed, and she contemplated what the taste of him reminded her of.
Mystery, adventure, spices, peppermint toothpaste...and something she strongly suspected tasted of Home.
It seemed like the kiss could have lasted forever, but that was probably the loss of her grip on the concept of time. Whether from the clouding of her mind or the TARDIS itself, she wasn't certain.
When he finally withdrew, his eyes burned into hers with an intensity of emotions she never previously realized was possible. He didn't speak, not technically. But his lips moved to words she recognized quite clearly.
I love you
A soft sob was all she could give him in response. Of course she knew, somewhere in the back of her mind--or at least hoped he did...but...she never believed he would ever say it. It just wasn't him.
But she never thought she was going to let go of his hand, either. She closed her eyes with a soft sigh, and recalled the time not so long ago when she thought she was going to lose his hand before. To the Void.
But she hadn't. She'd went on a whole year with him; stolen a thousand more adventures, and held his hand all that much longer. Until the end, she had fought to be with him.
She could feel his trembling as he held her tight to him, silent sobs shaking his body--his slimmer and absolutely fantastic new one. She had wished and begged silently for someone to give her just a little more time, and she had gotten it.
A soft smile bloomed across her lips as she settled against his neck. She had held his hand for as long as she had lived, just as close as she could have promised.
And one day, maybe, she'd see him again. And that day, they would never let go of eachother's hands again.
As she drifted, she almost thought she heard him call her name.
Fin
--
AN: I know, I know, its far too heavy handed. But I could never seem to get into it, as I kept getting interrupted.
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst/Tragic
Warnings: Character Death
Spoilers: Doomsday
Summary: If Doomsday had gone differently, if Rose had a little longer with the Doctor, how might things have gone?
Disclaimer: The only thing of DW I 'own' is a printed out picture of Rose from GitF
AN: Fair warning, this is a character!death fic. Why or how I came up with this idea, I'm not sure, really. Don't much like it, but eh.
--
A hand to hold
His scream tore through the roaring of the void as easily as if there had been no sounds at all, if only he could reach just as far as his voice could. She wanted to scream back, to say or do something, but the terror of the moment was like a cruel vice--fighting away all but whimpers and grunts of pain from her weakening grip on the dark handle.
She could do it--hold on just a bit longer until the gaping hole behind her sealed itself. She could because she had to, because she had promised to stay with him forever, she had given up everything of her past, and she wasn't about to allow something this to throw it all away.
Searing pain cut through her hands as layers of skin tore away, and her grip slipped just a bit more. His voice silenced a moment, and she turned her gaze to see the barely contained horror reflecting in his dark eyes.
Just a little longer...just a bit more....she couldn't...she wouldn't.
Her grip slipped further, and now it seemed all that was between her and a horizontal free-fall were increasingly sore fingers. There was a moment when she thought it was over for sure, when she shared a terrified glance with him.
And then all at once it was finished. Her grip became inadequete, her hands slipped away, and she fell. Straight to the floor.
And as she heard him scramble over to her, she didn't know if her face or hands hurt more. As she pushed herself up to a sitting position, it might've been her dignity that took the fiercest blow. As she found herself enveloped in a crushing embrace, she decided none of the wounds were all that bad after all.
---
It had nearly been a week now by her reckoning since the breach had been closed. In a time ship, of course, it was difficult to tell. They had taken the first day up with cleaning Jackie's old flat--picking up knick-knacks and cleaning out any trinkets that could be found by Torchwood when the place was finally emptied.
Honestly, there was a part of her that wanted to take it all, but even though the TARDIS had plenty of room, he would have never allowed her to drag it all in...well, at least he wouldn't have helped with the furniture, anyway. Too domestic.
But that was okay, really. She had given all that up long ago, and this was just the final step in leaving behind her past. Like she had said when they were trapped next to the black hole...everyone left their parents eventually.
She smiled across the consol, and he smiled back. He knew what she'd given up, and even though she knew he would never say anything, it meant the world to him. She could tell.
"So, where are we goin' now?" She asked, grinning.
"I was thinking...Barcelona?" He had a thoughtful expression on his face. "Never did get to take you there yet, did I?"
"What should I wear?"
His gaze flicked across her momentarily, before he grinned back at her. "Whatever you want."
--
She sighed softly, glancing out across the unfamiliar-looking city. Somehow they ended up on a nearby planet of Barcelona, one of their first colonies in fact. "Close enough, right?"
He frowned, and nodded. "Yeah..."
"Somethin' wrong?"
He shook his head. "I don't think so."
"No alien invasions scheduled for this exact day? No civil wars bristling under the otherwise peaceful looking cover of this city?" She quipped, turning her head to watch him. "The dogs with no noses were brought here, yeah?"
He laughed. "No, Rose. Everything's fine."
He offered his hand with a wide grin, and she took it without hesitation, returning his glee at finally being able to see the much-talked-about noseless dogs.
--
She gave him a sour look, as they ducked into an alleyway and waited for their pursuers to run past. He had been wrong, of course. The TARDIS had chosen to pop into the middle of the Buccaneer-age. They welcomed visitors easily--it was the getting out with your clothes and freedom that was the hard part.
Of course, it probably didn't help that she had called attention by intervening for the serving girl, nor had it been the wisest tactic on his part to defend her.
He gave her his best amused innocent shrug, as if to say it wasn't his fault that the TARDIS hadn't landed where he told it to. She sometimes wondered if that was completely true.
Shadows flashed by, and the way back to the TARDIS was finally clear. With shared manic grins and joined hands, they made a dash for home. She couldn't help laughing at the situation, as their pursuers turned to realize where they were, and he joined in with a cackle.
This was how it always was, saving the universe, finding new planets to cause trouble at, and making a mad dash for home, hand-in-hand, laughing at the dangers chasing their heels. Because as long as they held on, they were invincible.
And how she loved it.
Moments after they collapsed onto the floor, breathless, in the control room, they could hear their pursuers beating on the doors, shouting curses. They shared a silent glance in acknowledgement of how close that chase had been, before bursting into hysterical laughter.
---
She growled irritably at the door which refused to open. Every time they came to this period--every single time they went to explore post-Earth, they landed in a world of trouble. It was never the fun sort of trouble, either.
Wide eyes watched her in nervous anticipation. They had arrived on a serene-looking planet, with wonderfully peaceful dog-rat-human-people. Considering all of their adventures, they should have turned back at that. Of course, turning back was something they never did...not unless there were very many dangerous things chasing after them.
Apparently they had chanced at arriving just before a race of intergalactic slavers made their annual pickings for cute family slaves. She, of course, had to have made friends with one of the choices. And she had to happen to get caught up in their trans-mat thing, and end up in a dank cell.
No doubt He was having all the fun gallivanting around the spaceship, saving the world, breaking bits of technology, and all the while looking to eventually rescue her, too. Well, if he took all the fun of this trip before she got out, she would kill him. Maybe the next version would be more careful to make sure she was included in the trouble-fixing.
She smacked her open hand against the door in frustration, and to her surprise it slid open. For a moment she wondered if she had somehow triggered its release (which would have to be a very poor design for a cell-door), before a cheeky grin popped around the corner.
"Miss me?"
"What took you so long?" She snapped in mock-irritation, but spoiled the effect by hopping through the doorway into his open arms.
He went on about several things that only made vague sense to her--something about having to track the beam with the TARDIS, and getting lost; although he would never admit that he'd actually gotten lost.
She grinned, and nodded down a hallway. "That way, then?"
"Taking along your friends?"
She glanced back at the round eyes reflecting anxious expectancy, before motioning for them to follow. "Come on, let's go! You're free!"
When it seemed they weren't going to argue, she took his hand and ran down the corridor with breathless giggles. Here they were, doing it again, rescuing another civilization, and they were getting away with little more than smudged make up.
And she loved it.
--
He had told the cat-dog-rat-people (she couldn't recall their names) to seek refuge in their burrows, and that the slavers wouldn't bother them any more. She had yet to figure out why that second part would be true.
In fact, as she eyed the scarred face of the lizard-thing-alien holding her friend 'Miwe-ii' in the time-proven hostage position, demanding them to give themselves and the other natives of this planet up, she was beginning to wonder how He could possibly think the slavers would leave this planet alone at all.
He had his serious frown, hands burrowed in his trenchcoat pockets. She was standing about 10 feet closer to the slaver than he was. Miwe-ii looked terrified, and she had no doubt the slaver would go through with its threat.
It was a horrible choice, neither one was acceptable in her eyes. He was torn as well, stalling for time to think up a third option...and time was running out. She had to do something--anything.
As the slaver tensed and looked away from her, she made her choice.
--
An alarmed shout came echoed behind her as she leapt forward, and the strange gun-like weapon turned toward her. She was on the creature before it could fire, knocking it to the ground with sheer weight and momentum. The scent of Apple-grass, the chic new decoration for planets, filled her senses as she rolled across the ground, wrestling with the weapon.
The creature hissed in her face, and she could hear yelling not far from her, but all that mattered was getting the weapon away, protecting him from being forced into an impossible desicion.
The struggle lasted only seconds before he was there, aiming the sonic screwdriver (which she'd never seen used as an actual weapon on anything organic) and pulling her up by her arm, directing a stern glare at the lizard creature.
"Your people agreed to leave." He said levelly.
"I take orders from no one!"
"Oh, but you're going to take this one." He said with a mixture of seriousness and his more natural goofy nature in his voice.
"And why is that?" It challenged, yellow snake-eyes narrowed.
"Because my friend here has your weapon." He sounded downright chipper. "Now. Go back to your ship, and do not harass these people any longer."
"Even if I do, I'll just return when you've gone, and find them all myself!"
"No you won't."
She glanced up in the direction his gaze turned, and saw a group of lizard creatures making their way toward them.
"Those are on our side, yeah?"
He grinned at her for a moment, before turning his gaze to the still-prone one. "It's over. Finished. Go home."
She couldn't wait to get back to the TARDIS so she could ask him how exactly he'd managed a stunt like this. The creature hissed in denial, but he turned his attention to her, offering his hand again.
"Shall we?"
She grinned and took his hand, practically skipping all the way back to the TARDIS. She released his hand a moment, to turn to say a quick farewell to Miwe-ii, and saw a look of terror on the girl's face. That was about all the warning she got before something unbelievably cold cut through her, and sent her flying back into the still-closed TARDIS.
A horrified scream came from beside her, and the rogue slaver was pounced by the newly arrived soldier-like ones, his mini-weapon seized. She blinked almost dazedly, and felt her legs give out.
Arms caught her before she fell, and dark eyes full of fear, concern, and desperation appeared before her, a voice calling out from a disproportionate distance in front of her.
"Rose! Rose, hold on, I'll get you into the medical bay, and you'll be fine, but you've gotta keep fighting until then..."
She turned slightly to look at his face better. He looked so sad...so unecessarily guilty. Like it had been his fault. "What's it do?"
He winced slightly, and fumbled in his coat pocket for the TARDIS key a moment.
"Its just a laser beam thing, right?" She laughed. That was a mistake. Her whole chest ached like she had been hit with an oversized hammer now.
He didn't respond as he ushered her into the TARDIS, swinging her up to carry her in that heroic bridal sort of way. She found it rather cozy, and snuggled up against his neck. She half expected him to make some annoyed comment at her action, but apparently she could get away with more things when she was in mortal danger.
That was something to keep in mind. Maybe next time she could try a bit more. Her waist, shoulders, and some of her neck hurt now, but the pain in her chest had all but numbed.
A slightly warmer-than-normal hand pressed to her cheek as he laid her on the infirmary bed, and his face seemed increasingly devoid of colors. It was hard to process many thoughts as he scurried in a desperate panic across the room, piling up all sorts of strange medicinal objects next to her.
His hands shook as he opened a jar.
"It's just a laser wound, isn't it?" She repeated, hoping to reassure him a bit. Funny thing, fear. She didn't feel the least bit afraid, even though apparently she was the one in greater danger here. Perhaps that was a lack of proper brain function.
He smiled at her with glistening eyes. "If it were, it'd be alot easier to fix."
She closed her eyes a moment, considering the cold wriggling of the spreading effect of the weapon, before opening her eyes and smiling at him. He smiled back. "But you can fix anything. That's why you're The Doctor."
He laughed softly, and ran a hand along her hair. "Its an illegal weapon, you know. Universal decree. Don't know how he even got one--I'll bet he's got some explaining to do when he gets back home."
She laughed, and regretted it again. She wasn't sure why she laughed, but then again she had never been sure. She laughed because that's what they did. They laughed in the face of danger, death, and devastation. Because as long as they could hold each other's hands, they were invincible.
She reached up to take his hand, but found her arm did not respond to her command. As if he could read her thoughts--or perhaps her expression, a free hand, his 'fighting hand', reached down to take hers. She could see the movement, but she could not seem to feel it, nor squeeze his hand as she always had.
"You're not..." He cut off, and shook his head, opening another item, and letting go of her hand to work on where she had originally been wounded. Desperation and hopelessness shone in his eyes as he worked, and tears threatened to ruin his always perfect grip on composure. "I won't let you."
She bit her lip to hold back a pained cry as her muscles spasmed painfully. She couldn't have been paralyzed or numb, at least. A cough sent a warm dampness across her bottom lip and chin, and he gripped her shoulders tightly. His teeth clenched together, and eyes thick with barely restrained tears.
"I..." His voice broke, and he shook his head. "I can't...Rose...There's not.."
She swallowed, and managed her best smile as she listened to the words he could not manage. "It isn't your fault, you know."
His expression was tortured.
"It's not. You couldn't know." She insisted firmly. "He wasn't supposed to have that weapon, remember?"
He shook his head, releasing her shoulders, and moving his hands to her cheeks, tears beginning to conquer his determination and escape him. "Rose..."
She wanted to be brave for him, but as cold realization determinedly set into her mind, she found her tears impossible to stop. They had fought so long...They had beaten everything, everyone. When all seemed lost, when she lost her friends and her family, they'd still made it through.
How could she die now? After everything? When she hadn't ever gotten the chance to tell him what she needed so much to tell him. Where was forever now?
"I'm sorry..."
His eyes widened in surprise and confusion.
"I wanted..." She trailed off a moment, unsure of how to continue.
"Rose...Rose you're not going to..." He closed his eyes a moment, before gazing down at her again. "You can't."
She wished she could hug him, make his tears go away, but she felt so strangely heavy now, she did not have nearly enough strength. She wished she could make him smile again.
"Doctor...?"
"Rose?"
She swallowed a sudden frozen lump in her throat. "I love you."
A silent word she did not understand formed on his lips, and a soft tear fell to her cheek. His hands felt so warm now, so much warmer than before. His mouth opened to mouth another word, before he finally swallowed softly, and spoke. It was an almost flippant acknowledgement, before he sighed, and pressed his forehead to hers.
So close now, so warm, so...
"I wouldn't trade anything for it, you know." She wasn't sure when her voice had become so soft, but he was more than close enough to be able to hear it perfectly fine. "Travelling with you...I love it...wouldn't trade it for the world."
"Or quite alot more." He chuckled with a forced mirth, grinning a shallower grin than normal.
"I wouldn't..." She shook her head slightly, and felt dizzy. "I just wish it could have been longer."
"I'm sorry..." His voice spoke of such grief she was certain she would have felt her heart rend in two if she could feel it any more. "I'm...so..."
A conscious, detemined desicion she then made, leaning up just a fraction of an inch. She'd never given him a proper kiss, really. Not this version at least. There had always been something in the way. Something holding back.
His eyes widened for just a second, before the soft brush of lips turned into a deep, sweet, intense kiss. She could feel the wetness on her cheeks as her eyes drifted closed, and she contemplated what the taste of him reminded her of.
Mystery, adventure, spices, peppermint toothpaste...and something she strongly suspected tasted of Home.
It seemed like the kiss could have lasted forever, but that was probably the loss of her grip on the concept of time. Whether from the clouding of her mind or the TARDIS itself, she wasn't certain.
When he finally withdrew, his eyes burned into hers with an intensity of emotions she never previously realized was possible. He didn't speak, not technically. But his lips moved to words she recognized quite clearly.
I love you
A soft sob was all she could give him in response. Of course she knew, somewhere in the back of her mind--or at least hoped he did...but...she never believed he would ever say it. It just wasn't him.
But she never thought she was going to let go of his hand, either. She closed her eyes with a soft sigh, and recalled the time not so long ago when she thought she was going to lose his hand before. To the Void.
But she hadn't. She'd went on a whole year with him; stolen a thousand more adventures, and held his hand all that much longer. Until the end, she had fought to be with him.
She could feel his trembling as he held her tight to him, silent sobs shaking his body--his slimmer and absolutely fantastic new one. She had wished and begged silently for someone to give her just a little more time, and she had gotten it.
A soft smile bloomed across her lips as she settled against his neck. She had held his hand for as long as she had lived, just as close as she could have promised.
And one day, maybe, she'd see him again. And that day, they would never let go of eachother's hands again.
As she drifted, she almost thought she heard him call her name.
Fin
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AN: I know, I know, its far too heavy handed. But I could never seem to get into it, as I kept getting interrupted.