To a friend, and to others that may need some consolation
**so, i did my post before i left for dinner with the fam. went to bear rock cafe at colony place--not too bad. but i came back to read a post, and wanted to comment.
this was the comment, directed to a friend. it actually exceeded the 4300 word limit because i just kept going with it. spawned off of a question about freshman year and happiness. i'm not trying to sound like i know everything. this is only from my experiences and the want to help, so take that into account.**
When you look around at people that are smiling, laughing, you see the outside. And I will tell you flat up that there is most likely no one that you saw today that is 100% happy with nothing bothering them. Be it fear of the future, regret of the past, or trouble with the present. Me? I dwell too much in my past and I let it affect who I am in my present as well as how I will act on things in my future. Some people act happier because they are so sad but around other people they just get brighter. Friends: they will get you through your high school years. There will always be a shoulder to cry on, a hand to pick you up, a smile to brighten your day, a laugh that makes the world a better place, a hug that makes the coldest days summertime. There will always be a support group behind you in whatever you do. Sad thing? You will fade in and out of friend groups or individuals. But that is natural and you will find that, although sad, it is just the way things are. But believe you me, friends will get you through.
Freshman year.. is it always like this? I can't speak for EVERYONE, but along with some people, I will say: YES. OH GOD YES. Freshman year is the adjustment year. You have an outdoor campus, alternating schedules, afterschool clubs, cliques like you wouldn't believe, maturity smacking different people at different times, love triangles and other polygons always getting in the way, guys that are hard to deal with, girls that piss you off, temporary and sporadic depression periods... It can be a very scary place. And a lot of the time, we wonder why the hell we put up with it. And sometimes emotional, mental, physical, social, spiritual, anything-al fades from view or deteriorates for the moment and we are thrown into a vortex of pain and despair. It seems that the only thing you think of is pain sometimes, and that the only way to get rid of it is have the permanent end to pain (although we all know it's so much worse than that), or causing other pain to take your mind off the current pain. BUT, it's all temporary. All of this? It fades.
Time heals all wounds. It took me half a year before Mark and I were back to being normal friends. It took me 1 year to get over some friend ups and downs. I cried when Shari left after freshman year. I cried myself to sleep so many nights in 9th grade. I walked around seeing all the people that I knew, but that they wouldn't even recognize my face. I look back at my blog from sopohmore year.. There are some HELLISH entries in there. Marching band kids.. you know them well, soo well that they are like family. And family will always love you and always be there, but sometimes they can piss you off or say things they don't mean, the like. But friends will get you through. And they aren't obligated by birthright to love you. They love you for you. Even if sometimes you hate yourself. If sometimes you feel like anyone else's shoes would fit so much more comfortably. I used to dislike so much about me. I hated myself because other people didn't accept me.. because puberty hit us in middle school and we all started flipping out. But after a good amount of time in high school, I started feeling so much more confident. I even felt better after the first semester of freshman year. You look back even in the past months, and you'll notice some change. And most for good and out of experience. Experience is what high school is, and it's the best teacher. Take things as they are, always know the cliche "Everything happens for a reason"--though sometimes, the reasons that a bunch of crap made me cry every night didn't present themselves until a year or so later.
So is freshman year crap? Sometimes. But this is most definitely the hardest period of our lives. We are going through stages of dating, of finding out who we are, of growing. Let yourself grow and accept things. Go with the flow, but follow your own course. Follow your instinct, and try to keep things in order so that stress doesn't build up. School has grades, hw, tests, projects AND includes your social life, hobbies, sucks up your time AND allows you to learn not just book smarts but life smarts. It can be sooo hectic soooo much. But with marching band, you got some friends and you got that multitasking thing down to a tee. Yes, it will take time to find yourself here. But you will.
Keep your chin up and look toward the sunlight, not your shadow.
this was the comment, directed to a friend. it actually exceeded the 4300 word limit because i just kept going with it. spawned off of a question about freshman year and happiness. i'm not trying to sound like i know everything. this is only from my experiences and the want to help, so take that into account.**
When you look around at people that are smiling, laughing, you see the outside. And I will tell you flat up that there is most likely no one that you saw today that is 100% happy with nothing bothering them. Be it fear of the future, regret of the past, or trouble with the present. Me? I dwell too much in my past and I let it affect who I am in my present as well as how I will act on things in my future. Some people act happier because they are so sad but around other people they just get brighter. Friends: they will get you through your high school years. There will always be a shoulder to cry on, a hand to pick you up, a smile to brighten your day, a laugh that makes the world a better place, a hug that makes the coldest days summertime. There will always be a support group behind you in whatever you do. Sad thing? You will fade in and out of friend groups or individuals. But that is natural and you will find that, although sad, it is just the way things are. But believe you me, friends will get you through.
Freshman year.. is it always like this? I can't speak for EVERYONE, but along with some people, I will say: YES. OH GOD YES. Freshman year is the adjustment year. You have an outdoor campus, alternating schedules, afterschool clubs, cliques like you wouldn't believe, maturity smacking different people at different times, love triangles and other polygons always getting in the way, guys that are hard to deal with, girls that piss you off, temporary and sporadic depression periods... It can be a very scary place. And a lot of the time, we wonder why the hell we put up with it. And sometimes emotional, mental, physical, social, spiritual, anything-al fades from view or deteriorates for the moment and we are thrown into a vortex of pain and despair. It seems that the only thing you think of is pain sometimes, and that the only way to get rid of it is have the permanent end to pain (although we all know it's so much worse than that), or causing other pain to take your mind off the current pain. BUT, it's all temporary. All of this? It fades.
Time heals all wounds. It took me half a year before Mark and I were back to being normal friends. It took me 1 year to get over some friend ups and downs. I cried when Shari left after freshman year. I cried myself to sleep so many nights in 9th grade. I walked around seeing all the people that I knew, but that they wouldn't even recognize my face. I look back at my blog from sopohmore year.. There are some HELLISH entries in there. Marching band kids.. you know them well, soo well that they are like family. And family will always love you and always be there, but sometimes they can piss you off or say things they don't mean, the like. But friends will get you through. And they aren't obligated by birthright to love you. They love you for you. Even if sometimes you hate yourself. If sometimes you feel like anyone else's shoes would fit so much more comfortably. I used to dislike so much about me. I hated myself because other people didn't accept me.. because puberty hit us in middle school and we all started flipping out. But after a good amount of time in high school, I started feeling so much more confident. I even felt better after the first semester of freshman year. You look back even in the past months, and you'll notice some change. And most for good and out of experience. Experience is what high school is, and it's the best teacher. Take things as they are, always know the cliche "Everything happens for a reason"--though sometimes, the reasons that a bunch of crap made me cry every night didn't present themselves until a year or so later.
So is freshman year crap? Sometimes. But this is most definitely the hardest period of our lives. We are going through stages of dating, of finding out who we are, of growing. Let yourself grow and accept things. Go with the flow, but follow your own course. Follow your instinct, and try to keep things in order so that stress doesn't build up. School has grades, hw, tests, projects AND includes your social life, hobbies, sucks up your time AND allows you to learn not just book smarts but life smarts. It can be sooo hectic soooo much. But with marching band, you got some friends and you got that multitasking thing down to a tee. Yes, it will take time to find yourself here. But you will.
Keep your chin up and look toward the sunlight, not your shadow.