Yay Fall!
Ugh. Hello ambiguity.
I remember writing in this all the time. I felt like randomly returning today. In a nutshell? I'm living in Raleigh, graduated NCSU with a BA in Communication Media (production), dating Ryan again (the guy from like 7 years ago-- odd that it happened this way, but it's healthy and wonderful and not blind-mushy-honeymoon, thank god), looking for jobs mostly unsuccessfully, Rikku is an awesomely great dog, and I turn 23 in 2.5 weeks. Time flies. Life is okay.
I got to live on my own for a little while, and it was nice. Not something I'd want forever anyway, but it was nice. I got to be single (or mostly so) for a while, and even went through a slightly promiscuous phase for a month or so. And that was interesting, and fun. I worked on that film, and it was.. disorganized and annoying but also great and cool. I have a nice group of friends, all involved in the Roth Brewery really. I've been writing postcards more, and reading more, and played my oboe a little-- missed her :)
I don't see the film guys much at all, Bryan is in Indiana with Laura and Mark, Katrina won't be back until January (thank GOD when she will be), and I write the Brevard kids from time to time but I'm horrible at keeping in touch. Always have been. Getting better though. And I'm writing back and forth with my two Grandmothers more, which is nice. It's cool to get little letters in the mail.
I'm happy to be graduated, but kind of missing class a little. I definitely miss learning Arabic.. and feel like I'm going to lose it and regret it. Like French. Like a lot of things in life. That's so sad sounding lol. I'm not sad lots, I just have been off the past few days. Maybe it's the cramping and the chocolate cravings. I need to get back in shape. I tried swimming laps yesterday and got winded SO fast. UGH. P90X please?
I stress out about money too much. i'll be fine for this month's rent and bills, but ugh. I got one contract job last week with a photographer as his assistant, and had a great time. He was super cool, helpful, I learned some things, and made 10/hr for 23.5 hours of work. Hell yeah. Well, haven't gotten paid yet, but that's how it goes I guess. I'm hoping he or the other company will call me back for more work. Following up on a few other jobs, and crossing fingers.
Problem is, I'm the same Lisa in that respect that I always have been. I don't really know what I want to do with my life lol.
I've had Death on my mind a lot the past few days. Thoughts about life after it, or nothing after it, about what that means for my life now... as in "what do I want to do with my life, since I probably only get one, or at the very least I'm only Lisa for one chance" kind of thing. I don't know. I feel like everything I do or every thought I have has this existential weight to it. Bah. Thus, I need to find something that makes me happy AND has meaning which can get me money to then pay bills/live/make more happy and more meaning. Shouldn't be that hard, right lol?
So like... animals (horses, dogs), cooking, adventuring/exploring/mountains, music. These things always come up. My degree is for media production (tv, radio, film, video, audio, etc etc). I need to find a way to blend these things. OR just have hobbies and a soul-draining job. That's balanced lol.. OR find a way to make my job in media (should I EVER get one) be... I don't know, really meaningful and informative to the world. I feel like that would be important. I don't know. I just don't know. I'm too indecisive. I need to just pick something and do it. That's what they all say. Just pick something. Why can't I just pick something? UGH.
Fall is happening. Mountains are calling.
I want spiked mulled cider, and ginger molasses cookies, and chutney. And I want to go on walks, and pick apples, and wear scarves and hats, and sit in front of fires. I adore Fall so hard.
Watching BSG. And LOVING it. Also, rewatching Horatio Hornblower (an old A&E mini series).
Mumford & Sons "Sigh No More" is a great album.
I remember writing in this all the time. I felt like randomly returning today. In a nutshell? I'm living in Raleigh, graduated NCSU with a BA in Communication Media (production), dating Ryan again (the guy from like 7 years ago-- odd that it happened this way, but it's healthy and wonderful and not blind-mushy-honeymoon, thank god), looking for jobs mostly unsuccessfully, Rikku is an awesomely great dog, and I turn 23 in 2.5 weeks. Time flies. Life is okay.
I got to live on my own for a little while, and it was nice. Not something I'd want forever anyway, but it was nice. I got to be single (or mostly so) for a while, and even went through a slightly promiscuous phase for a month or so. And that was interesting, and fun. I worked on that film, and it was.. disorganized and annoying but also great and cool. I have a nice group of friends, all involved in the Roth Brewery really. I've been writing postcards more, and reading more, and played my oboe a little-- missed her :)
I don't see the film guys much at all, Bryan is in Indiana with Laura and Mark, Katrina won't be back until January (thank GOD when she will be), and I write the Brevard kids from time to time but I'm horrible at keeping in touch. Always have been. Getting better though. And I'm writing back and forth with my two Grandmothers more, which is nice. It's cool to get little letters in the mail.
I'm happy to be graduated, but kind of missing class a little. I definitely miss learning Arabic.. and feel like I'm going to lose it and regret it. Like French. Like a lot of things in life. That's so sad sounding lol. I'm not sad lots, I just have been off the past few days. Maybe it's the cramping and the chocolate cravings. I need to get back in shape. I tried swimming laps yesterday and got winded SO fast. UGH. P90X please?
I stress out about money too much. i'll be fine for this month's rent and bills, but ugh. I got one contract job last week with a photographer as his assistant, and had a great time. He was super cool, helpful, I learned some things, and made 10/hr for 23.5 hours of work. Hell yeah. Well, haven't gotten paid yet, but that's how it goes I guess. I'm hoping he or the other company will call me back for more work. Following up on a few other jobs, and crossing fingers.
Problem is, I'm the same Lisa in that respect that I always have been. I don't really know what I want to do with my life lol.
I've had Death on my mind a lot the past few days. Thoughts about life after it, or nothing after it, about what that means for my life now... as in "what do I want to do with my life, since I probably only get one, or at the very least I'm only Lisa for one chance" kind of thing. I don't know. I feel like everything I do or every thought I have has this existential weight to it. Bah. Thus, I need to find something that makes me happy AND has meaning which can get me money to then pay bills/live/make more happy and more meaning. Shouldn't be that hard, right lol?
So like... animals (horses, dogs), cooking, adventuring/exploring/mountains, music. These things always come up. My degree is for media production (tv, radio, film, video, audio, etc etc). I need to find a way to blend these things. OR just have hobbies and a soul-draining job. That's balanced lol.. OR find a way to make my job in media (should I EVER get one) be... I don't know, really meaningful and informative to the world. I feel like that would be important. I don't know. I just don't know. I'm too indecisive. I need to just pick something and do it. That's what they all say. Just pick something. Why can't I just pick something? UGH.
Fall is happening. Mountains are calling.
I want spiked mulled cider, and ginger molasses cookies, and chutney. And I want to go on walks, and pick apples, and wear scarves and hats, and sit in front of fires. I adore Fall so hard.
Watching BSG. And LOVING it. Also, rewatching Horatio Hornblower (an old A&E mini series).
Mumford & Sons "Sigh No More" is a great album.