fic: who i was, from the start
Yuri adjusted the Velcro band on her gloves and eyed her surroundings. The racers around her were people she hadn’t seen before but that was probably due to the suddenness of the race. Taek’s text had been ingrained to memory already, the shortcut for this race a clear highlighted route in her head.
As exciting as it was, it was incredibly nerve-wracking as well. Triple the pay meant triple the loss. Yuri couldn’t afford to lose that much money. There was only one option and that was to win.
"Kid! You made it.”
Yuri twisted her body from her seat on the bike to the voice. JJ strolled to her with a pleasant smile, quite unusual from his normal expression. Yuri thought it odd and that’s all she thought about it.
“Hi, JJ.”
“I see you can’t stay away from us,” he joked, placing a hand on the passenger seat of her bike and leaning on it.
She smiled, but mostly just to be polite and kept her eyes from his as he spoke again.
“Sorry about the short notice, but it’ll be worth it if you win. You have quite the winning streak; think you can do another?”
His smile probed at her like a stick to her side, a very sharp stick.
“I’ll try.”
He removed his hand from the bike to give her a not too gentle slap on her back, making her tip forward.
“I’ll be rooting for you,” he finished with a wink and left.
Yuri muttered a thanks and started her engine.
*
The last lap contained the shortcut she needed to take and judging by her position in second place, if she made it, she would win. The amount of money she’d win flooded her thoughts and concentration like a broken dam. She dreamt of all the things she could buy for herself, for Yoona. She dreamt of the security of a stable bank account, of not having to stress over collection notices, buying groceries, paying bills. She dreamt of school, of college, of getting the education she thought she’d never have a chance to receive. She dreamt of relaxing, of finally obtaining a peace of mind since the death of her parents.
She dreamt like it was all within reach, like all she needed to do was extend her hand and it was hers, right there to grasp. Yet the universe was cruel and merciless, as it always was, and whispered in her ear sadistically right before her tires hit the spikes of a speed trap, you dreamt too soon.
The impact of her head against the pavement startled her. The helmet sounded a disgusting crack, like the snapping of a wooden baseball bat and her body rolled and bounced down the alley, stopping only when she came in contact with a wall.
Buzzing. She heard the low and dying sound of the buzzing engine of her bike meters away from her. At first she didn’t understand why the bike was on its side, on the floor, so far away. She tried to turn her head to it and that’s when the pain hit her. Everything hurt. Everything in her body felt broken, bruised and battered. The moment she felt the pain, she realized what had happened. The spikes. The squeal of her tires as she braked too late. The quick loss of control as the bike swerved and collided with the hard asphalt. Now she was here, on her back, on the ground, breathing, but barely. The gravity of the situation became obvious when it hurt to breathe.
The pain just increased. It spread and grew until it spilled over every cell in her body like it was blood itself. But what she felt the most, like a ball of fire burning right through her skin, muscles and bones, was in her left side, against her ribs. She had to have broken them.
It got worse. The fiery burn grew more and more intense until she could barely take it without groaning miserably. Her mind collected whatever logic uninfected by the pain and she began to think. To stay here, without help, could possibly kill her. She wouldn’t sugarcoat it and assumed the worst. Feebly and carefully she lifted her right arm to get to her pocket which had her phone, hoping with as much power as she felt pain she hadn’t crushed it when she fell. She looked downward and saw what her gloves didn’t cover-- her fingers shaking unbelievably, against her will, dripping with blood. Tears blurred her vision at the sight. She brought her eyes to the sky and away from her body.
She didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to know exactly how thin the thread her life was hanging from was. Once the phone was out she brought it up to dial a number and more tears filled her eyes. The screen was cracked.
Her hand drooped down to rest on her helmet. It hurt to cry. Each sob and gasp of breath brought more pain than it did relief.
The brightness that appeared above her then was confusing. She refused to believe in the stories of walking into the bright light but she didn’t know what it could have been until she heard the click of opening doors and the sound of them shutting.
Someone had found her and all in good time because her chest felt heavier. The edges of her consciousness were beginning to fray and she knew if she didn’t get some kind of treatment soon, things would not end well.
A shadow blocked some of the light and became more refined as the outline of a human body as it got closer. Her visor slid open and she looked up into the saddened face of JJ.
“Oh kid,” JJ sighed, resting his arms on his knees as he crouched before her. He made a few tsk tsk sounds and shook his head. “I didn’t want to do this, I really didn’t, but you cheated. You made me look like a fool. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”
Yuri closed her eyes. It was too much energy to keep them open. She had accepted her fate. All she wanted to do was sleep now. She begged to just fall asleep.
“I tried to help you out and you thank me by screwing me over…”
JJ kept speaking but Yuri tuned him out. She only registered his absence when he stood and walked away.
Yoona. Yuri could feel herself relax at the thought of the girl. It was easy to visualize Yoona across the darkness of Yuri's eyelids. The steady rhythm Yuri heard in her head slowed and the pain began to fade, bit by bit. Her breaths grew a little shorter and it began to feel like she was breathing through a straw. The lack of oxygen made every thought process fuzzy. The clear picture of Yoona started to blur. Yoona’s smile disappeared and the black of her pupils dilated until it engulfed the iris’s color, then the eyes entirely.
“Yuri! Yuri, I’m right here. Stay with me, open your eyes, stay with me.”
The voice was comforting. A bit loud and dire, but comforting nonetheless.
More seconds passed and Yoona’s image blackened completely. Yuri silently apologized to the girl and finally, thankfully, succumbed to sleep.
*
Yoona hummed as she put a bag of popcorn in the microwave. She set it for a minute and hopped onto the counter. Jiyoung could be heard singing from upstairs and even though it was mostly gibberish, the girl could hold a note. It was the music Yoona was humming along to.
Yoona was happy, blissfully so. Things were truly right for once. Her past with Yuri was finally resolved and there was nothing between them anymore. They could start new and the sudden possibility of that made Yoona's world much less bleak.
Her current trains of thoughts all led to Yuri and Yoona took out her phone to send the girl a quick text. She wrote the words with a smile as the microwave beeped.
"i love you. that's all. just wanted you to know."
*
Taek wasn't one to know his own strength. He spent hours in the gym but couldn't understand the ability to lift ninety kilograms was about the same as throwing a man of the same weight.
"I need to be with her! She doesn't have-- She's--"
Two more paramedics came to restrain Taek as he tried to get into the ambulance. His eyes couldn't focus on anything, frantically monitoring everything.
"We need to get her to the hospital but you cannot come with us. I'm sorry. Do you understand?"
Taek wasn't looking at the man's face, rather looked over his head, watching as another paramedic shut the ambulance door after climbing inside. Through the little window, Taek saw Yuri and the oxygen mask obscuring most of her face. He wanted to cry all over again.
"Just help her," he begged and stepped back, allowing the paramedics to leave.
He began walking and soon broke into a run, following the blare of sirens.
*
Donghae laughed openly as Taeyeon hit him in the arm repeatedly.
"Hey! Stop laughing, it's not funny!"
But Donghae would not stop laughing, because it was funny. Not everyone could say their genius girlfriend did simple arithmetic equations in their sleep, incorrectly.
Taeyeon was deeply affronted by the lack of her boyfriend's sympathy. She was well on her way to valedictorian next year but had trouble answering what 3+6 was, even if it was in her sleep.
As they neared Taeyeon's house and Taeyeon still seemed peeved he took a few quicker steps than Taeyeon's and blocked her from walking.
"Look up," he told her. When she did, her mouth open and eyes searching the night sky, Donghae kissed her nose.
"Better?" he asked.
Taeyeon reddened and hid her face, even if it was dark and Donghae probably wouldn't have noticed anyway. He took her hand briefly but let go when he felt his phone vibrating in his coat. The number was unfamiliar but he answered it anyway, just in case.
They slowed into a crawling pace and Taeyeon turned to Donghae curiously. She watched as his smiled dropped catastrophically, then wringed in fear. Something was wrong.
"Donghae?"
Donghae put the phone down but Taeyeon could still hear someone speaking on the other end.
"It's Yuri. She--she was in an accident."
*
“Doctor, I believe the patient has regained consciousness.”
“Ms. Kwon, do you know where you are?”
Yuri blinked and felt like the fluorescent lights were going to fry right through her eyes and to her brain. The voice was persistent though.
“Ms. Kwon, you were in a severe motorcycle accident. You’re in the ICU of a hospital. Are you…”
No, Yuri was too tired. She’d talk later.
*
The second time Yuri opened her eyes was better. The room wasn’t so bright and there was no irritating voice deafening her. Her mouth was dry and she’d give anything for a drop of water.
Sleeping in the tiny chair next to her bed was Taek, hands folded on his belly, body sagging uncomfortably. His face was swollen, a white gauze plastered on the side of his head. He looked horrible, but much better than Yuri.
Yuri had been awake for only a minute but already the fatigue made her eyelids heavy. She swallowed through her desert of a mouth and went back to sleep.
*
"...I didn't think he would punch me back, but he did and I was surprised but only--"
“God,” Yuri croaked, turning her head from the voice. “Shut. Up.”
“Yul? Yul, you awake?”
Yuri groaned, not having enough energy to tell Taek to shut up again.
Taek sprung from his chair and to the door, opening it and sticking his head out into the hall.
“Nurse, she’s up, she talked.”
A nurse walked in after Taek, definitely not as excited as he looked. The nurse checked Yuri's pulse and blood pressure on the small screen. She looked at Taek while carefully lowering Yuri’s covers.
“I’m going to have to check her stitches, please step outside.”
“Oh, it won’t be anything I haven’t seen.”
The woman gave Taek one look and although Yuri didn’t see it, it mustn't have been friendly. He listened to the nurse and exited the room.
“Could I have water, please?” Yuri asked. Water was the only thing she wanted at that moment.
The nurse handed the full glass to Yuri’s hand. It never felt so heavy than it did then. She felt like a newborn, weak, vulnerable and helpless. The water dribbled down her chin as she gulped it in mouthfuls.
“Your fiancé hasn’t left your side since yesterday. He must care a lot about you.”
The water in Yuri’s throat paused halfway down causing her to cough uncontrollably. After a few pats from the nurse and the coughing subsided, Yuri spat out the word like it was foul food in her mouth.
“Fiance?”
“Yes, he’s been here all night. Only leaves when a nurse or doctor comes by.”
“Stupid, lying, arrogant pervert…” Yuri began muttering under her breath.
“What was that?”
Yuri smiled forcefully. “Nothing at all.”
The woman also mentioned Donghae and his parents had visited, taking care of various paperwork, and while they stayed as long as they could, they couldn't spend too much time, and relayed the information they'd visit often and for Yuri not to worry. Yuri understood and didn't want to bother them further. She had gotten herself into this mess and didn't want to be a burden.
The inspection took a few minutes but would have taken shorter time if Yuri hadn’t hissed and recoiled in pain at every touch. Everything was under control, the nurse said, and all Yuri could do now was rest and rest and rest some more.
Taek returned once the nurse left and although Yuri was beginning to feel tired again, she was strong enough to give him a piece of her mind.
“Fiance? FIANCE?”
He made a ‘calm down’ motion with his hands.
“Yuri, it was the only way they’d let me be here. Only family, you know? And since we don’t share the same surname, fiancé was the first thing that I thought of. I didn’t want to leave you alone.”
There was no point in raising her blood pressure because of this. She leaned back against the pillows and gently put her hand to her bandaged ribs. The pain came and went in waves, sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker but she still felt sore from head to toe. That mattered little though. What mattered was she was alive.
“Is there anyone you want me to call? Donghae?...Yoona?” Taek asked.
Yuri screwed her eyes shut at Yoona’s name. It made her feel so ashamed. Without opening her eyes she cleared her tightening throat.
“Tiffany. Call Tiffany.”
*
“Miss, you are not allowed- If you’re not family, then you cannot-”
“Like hell I can’t.”
Yuri winced when the door of her hospital room burst open. The poor nurse who had chased Tiffany down the hall was right behind her, looking completely defeated. Yuri sympathized.
“You,” Tiffany said, her hard gaze on Taek, “out.”
Taek stood with a lowered head like a kicked puppy. Tiffany pulled him down to her by the collar of his shirt when he passed by.
“And don’t even think of running because…”
Yuri didn’t hear the rest but she saw all the tanned color drain from Taek’s face. Whatever Tiffany threatened him with Taek undoubtedly believed, and rightfully so, because Tiffany was not one to back down from them.
When alone, Yuri sat up as much as her body let her. Tiffany threw her purse to the flattened seat of Taek’s chair (one he had yet to leave) and began pacing. Yuri took a deep breath and prepared herself.
“You are so stupid,” Tiffany said.
“I am.”
“You have no brain.”
“I don’t.”
“Mentally challenged mice are smarter than you.”
“They are.”
“Taek is smarter than you.”
“He-now, wait, that really is insulting.”
Tiffany finally walked over to Yuri but that didn’t go well. Up close, Tiffany clearly saw the bandages and bruises and only became angrier.
“You think this is funny?! You could have broke something more than just two ribs, you could have been paralyzed, you could have turned into a vegetable, you could have di--!” Tiffany couldn’t say the word because they were a reality she would not accept, no matter how real it was, especially with how Yuri looked right now. She tried to though, saying it with none of the anger from earlier but with all the despair in the world. “You could have di--…”
Yuri took Tiffany’s hand, trying to calm her. “Tiffany, I’m fine, I-”
Tiffany seemed as though she was given an electric shock when she felt Yuri’s fingers touch her. She followed the tube protruding from Yuri’s wrist to the beeping monitor. Who knew life could be measured so neatly? Tiffany yanked her hand away and stepped backward and into the chair. Her legs gave out like she had run a marathon.
“You okay, Tiffany?”
To be okay Tiffany would need a lot of alcohol and possibly Sooyoung’s special brownies but that could wait.
“Just tell me what you need.”
Yuri’s purpose for calling Tiffany was to make sure all the hospital and insurance forms were completed correctly. Then there was matters with her motorcycle, the money she lost and JJ. It took Yuri an exhausting hour to explain everything, tell every detail, that by the end of it she was too tired to stay awake.
Tiffany left her to sleep and planned to go straight home to start untangling the mess Yuri had gotten herself into, but the blonde in the midst of sterilized white and gray was too colorful to ignore.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Tiffany snapped.
Jessica nudged herself forward in the waiting room chair and shifted. She hated hospitals.
“How is she?”
Jessica had been informed by Taek the basics when she called him that morning to ask why he hadn’t shown up for work.
“She’s perfect. She can fly a plane and do jumping jacks and scale Mt. Everest.”
“Doesn’t seem too hard.”
Tiffany sighed. Since she stepped inside the hospital she had taken her first real breath.
“Here,” Jessica said, raising the coffee in her hand to Tiffany.
“Do I look like a trash can?” Tiffany asked, thinking Jessica wanted her to throw the cup away.
Jessica opened her mouth to retort but Tiffany caught her blunder before Jessica could make a sound.
“Never mind, do not answer that.”
“Seriously though, this is for you. Drink.”
Tiffany debated it for a moment (what if it was poisoned? It was a legitimate question) but she could use a coffee. By two sips it calmed her shaking nerves and after four it was like that soothing feeling of burying yourself under freshly washed covers on a cold day.
Two orderlies passed by them and in a moment of closed eyes, Tiffany listened to the coughing, the dismal talking, the rolling carts and the characteristic sound of death that always roamed the halls. She hated hospitals.
“I’m going to go home,” Jessica sighed out as she stood. She stood in front of Tiffany and Tiffany’s eyes traveled up the tennis shoes Jessica wore to work, the black slacks and up to Jessica’s tired face. The girl must have left work and came straight to the hospital.
Tiffany turned her head away quickly. She didn’t like when someone towered over her, looked down at her; it was why she wore heels so much. Her fingers tapped at the coffee cup but stopped abruptly when she felt Jessica’s mouth on her forehead.
“You know where to find me,” Jessica spoke, her lips millimeters from Tiffany’s head and then she was gone.
A kiss on the forehead. Tiffany scoffed. How stupid and childish. What the hell was this, a Hollywood romantic comedy? Was Tiffany supposed to get an epiphany now? She scoffed again and walked to the trash can, dumping the half full coffee harshly.
There was too much Tiffany needed to do to think about kisses on the forehead.
*
White. There was too much white for Yoona. Don’t get her wrong, she liked white, but it was everywhere. The lab coats were white, the tiles were white, the walls and ceilings were white, the sheets were white. White, pale and ashen. She hated hospitals.
She crept into Yuri’s room like a prisoner into their cell. She treaded haltingly like a misstep would result in an exploding tile. Waking Yuri or drawing attention to herself was unwanted.
At the foot of the bed Yoona switched her weight from leg to leg like an anxious student before their teacher. Yuri looked fine from that spot. A little bruised (the hospital gown showed Yuri's arms from the elbows down) but her expression was serene, not at all pained like Yoona had first imagined. The words "motorcycle accident" brought horrific images to her mind yet Yuri seemed like a less severe case her imagination created.
Yoona moved to the side of the bed. It was big, big enough to make Yuri seem like a child in it. A little wiggling and curling and Yoona could fit next to Yuri. But there was that chance Yoona would wake her and the nurse implicitly told Yoona not to disturb Yuri. She sucked in a corner of her bottom lip and silently debated, silently observed.
After counting three visible bruises and listening to the blips of Yuri's steady heartbeat, Yoona decided she needed to be closer. She sat on the edge of the bed, waited a minute, her back to Yuri, then swung her legs over. Once she was completely on the bed she turned to her side, using the blips as her unit of time.
Yuri was warm, warm and felt exactly the same way Yoona remembered when waking up in the girl's arms. She missed that, even though it hadn't been more than a day since they last saw each other. Yuri didn't stir, the blips didn't quicken or slow, her breathing remained the same when Yoona lifted Yuri's arm to bring around her shoulder. That was the easy part.
Yoona wasn't sleepy but she could think of nothing else to do. Bringing Yuri's hand closer, she splayed out her fingers in Yuri's palm and slid them between Yuri's curled and limp ones. That was the mistake. At first glance it looked like dirt, like Yuri had been digging into the black ground ruthlessly, but the caked substance underneath her nails flaked and had much more of a copper color to be dirt.
Yoona had done well up to that point. The hospital, the blipping monitor , the IV line, the bruises, the white, white rooms and halls hadn't broken Yoona in any way until Yoona saw Yuri's blood, thick and dry, against her own hand. Where else was Yuri's blood? Pooling into the asphalt somewhere? On latex gloves, decomposing in the hazardous waste bin in the hall? Sinking into Yuri's clothes, a dark and disgusting brown now? Tainting bleached scrubs and joining the blood of other unluckies doctors had tried to revive, successfully, or maybe in failure?
Yoona could have been elsewhere. She could have been standing before another coffin, in another black dress, saying another forgotten prayer.
That broke her. That tore her apart, ripped her to shreds, leaving jigsaw pieces to a puzzle that was incomplete to begin with. And what could she do but cry about it? Simply bury her face to Yuri's side, and cry.
*
Drinking alcohol was a choice, but Tiffany would beg to differ. She thought better inebriated anyway. But other times alcohol did what it usually did to people, which was turn them into complete idiots and this was, beyond any reasonable doubt, one of those times.
Tiffany stopped at the threshold of Jessica's room, looking everywhere but the occupied bed. She insulted everything her eyes came across-- the peeling paint on the walls, the crooked dresser with a wobbly leg, the creaky floorboard and finally Jessica. Stupid blonde bartender Barbie.
"Bitch," Tiffany cursed, slurred. Who did she think she was? Kissing Tiffany in the middle of hospital hallways. Had Barbie fooled herself into thinking they were a couple? Couples were for the lazy and stupid who held some archaic belief humans were monogamous animals. Tiffany liked Jessica today--no, not even that. She liked her right now, this moment, but she couldn't speak for the future, be it next year or the next second. Why should Tiffany promise her lifetime to one person? That seemed so boring...and long.
"Tiffany?"
A preemptive strike and it hit Tiffany right in the chest. Why did her name sound so different coming from Jessica's mouth?
Jessica sat up to Tiffany's unresponsiveness, the covers slipping to show Jessica's bony shoulder. You don't eat enough, Tiffany wanted to tell her. A gruesome, reccurring dream had been haunting Tiffany for days now where she touched Jessica, whether it was on the cheek, the arm, the hand, and Jessica would dissolve like she was made of sand.
"Come to bed," Jessica mumbled sleepily before lying back down, unaware of how intoxicated Tiffany was.
It wasn't a demand, but Tiffany's legs still treated it as one, carrying her to the opposite side of the bed. Jessica's Barbie blonde hair spanned all the way to Tiffany's pillow. Great, now she had to sleep with hair in her face. She angrily turned so they were back to back. Her vicious frown loosened as the alcohol numbed and dulled her, Jessica's breathing behind her slow and deep. She fell asleep almost instantly.
In the middle of the night the dream frightened Tiffany from sleep and she spent the rest of the dark hours sitting in the chair across from Jessica, facing the window. Her matted bangs clung to her damp forehead and she brushed them back, wondering how the hell she let it come to this again.
*
When Yoona awoke her eyes were wet. In the nook of a bathroom she washed her face after staring at her reflection in the mirror. She felt five again. She wanted her mother, or at least the version of her Yoona remembered best and loved most. After splashing her face a few times with icy water she stood over the sink, watching the water run and the droplets drip from her nose and chin.
"Yoong?"
Yoona snapped out of her trance and shut off the water. Another look at her face and she found she didn't look any better.
Yuri did her best to smile decently but her lips were chapped and her left temple throbbed and her right arm was itchy at the crook of her elbow where the tubes emerged from her skin. Yoona sat at the opposite end of the bed, near Yuri's feet and tucked in a leg underneath her.
"Yoona, I--" Yuri began but quickly shut up when Yoona shook her head at the oncoming apology. Yoona was biting her lip and when she released it, Yuri could see three sharp outlines of Yoona's teeth.
"I forgive you. It's okay," Yoona said, nodding afterward like it was some helpful affirmation. She couldn't bear to hear how Yuri got involved or the details of the accident because frankly, she was sick of crying. That didn't help the tears though as they brimmed her eyelids defiantly. With her head down, she scooted down the bed, over Yuri's legs and aimlessly threw her arms around Yuri's neck. Yuri froze with surprise then relaxed in the embrace.
They stayed like that and even when both their bodies cramped in the stiff positions, neither would let go.
Everyone hated hospitals except for Yuri. Yuri loved them because without them, she wouldn’t be alive.
**
AN: Thank you everyone for the songs and other fun stuff. I'll be looking through it as soon as I get some free time. The next chapter is going to on Feb 3rd. I hope this chapter is long enough to tide everyone over til then!
Also, I'd like to thank the anon on lj who translated the lyrics to Bedroom by Jine. I've always wanted to know what he was singing and now I do : D
As exciting as it was, it was incredibly nerve-wracking as well. Triple the pay meant triple the loss. Yuri couldn’t afford to lose that much money. There was only one option and that was to win.
"Kid! You made it.”
Yuri twisted her body from her seat on the bike to the voice. JJ strolled to her with a pleasant smile, quite unusual from his normal expression. Yuri thought it odd and that’s all she thought about it.
“Hi, JJ.”
“I see you can’t stay away from us,” he joked, placing a hand on the passenger seat of her bike and leaning on it.
She smiled, but mostly just to be polite and kept her eyes from his as he spoke again.
“Sorry about the short notice, but it’ll be worth it if you win. You have quite the winning streak; think you can do another?”
His smile probed at her like a stick to her side, a very sharp stick.
“I’ll try.”
He removed his hand from the bike to give her a not too gentle slap on her back, making her tip forward.
“I’ll be rooting for you,” he finished with a wink and left.
Yuri muttered a thanks and started her engine.
*
The last lap contained the shortcut she needed to take and judging by her position in second place, if she made it, she would win. The amount of money she’d win flooded her thoughts and concentration like a broken dam. She dreamt of all the things she could buy for herself, for Yoona. She dreamt of the security of a stable bank account, of not having to stress over collection notices, buying groceries, paying bills. She dreamt of school, of college, of getting the education she thought she’d never have a chance to receive. She dreamt of relaxing, of finally obtaining a peace of mind since the death of her parents.
She dreamt like it was all within reach, like all she needed to do was extend her hand and it was hers, right there to grasp. Yet the universe was cruel and merciless, as it always was, and whispered in her ear sadistically right before her tires hit the spikes of a speed trap, you dreamt too soon.
The impact of her head against the pavement startled her. The helmet sounded a disgusting crack, like the snapping of a wooden baseball bat and her body rolled and bounced down the alley, stopping only when she came in contact with a wall.
Buzzing. She heard the low and dying sound of the buzzing engine of her bike meters away from her. At first she didn’t understand why the bike was on its side, on the floor, so far away. She tried to turn her head to it and that’s when the pain hit her. Everything hurt. Everything in her body felt broken, bruised and battered. The moment she felt the pain, she realized what had happened. The spikes. The squeal of her tires as she braked too late. The quick loss of control as the bike swerved and collided with the hard asphalt. Now she was here, on her back, on the ground, breathing, but barely. The gravity of the situation became obvious when it hurt to breathe.
The pain just increased. It spread and grew until it spilled over every cell in her body like it was blood itself. But what she felt the most, like a ball of fire burning right through her skin, muscles and bones, was in her left side, against her ribs. She had to have broken them.
It got worse. The fiery burn grew more and more intense until she could barely take it without groaning miserably. Her mind collected whatever logic uninfected by the pain and she began to think. To stay here, without help, could possibly kill her. She wouldn’t sugarcoat it and assumed the worst. Feebly and carefully she lifted her right arm to get to her pocket which had her phone, hoping with as much power as she felt pain she hadn’t crushed it when she fell. She looked downward and saw what her gloves didn’t cover-- her fingers shaking unbelievably, against her will, dripping with blood. Tears blurred her vision at the sight. She brought her eyes to the sky and away from her body.
She didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to know exactly how thin the thread her life was hanging from was. Once the phone was out she brought it up to dial a number and more tears filled her eyes. The screen was cracked.
Her hand drooped down to rest on her helmet. It hurt to cry. Each sob and gasp of breath brought more pain than it did relief.
The brightness that appeared above her then was confusing. She refused to believe in the stories of walking into the bright light but she didn’t know what it could have been until she heard the click of opening doors and the sound of them shutting.
Someone had found her and all in good time because her chest felt heavier. The edges of her consciousness were beginning to fray and she knew if she didn’t get some kind of treatment soon, things would not end well.
A shadow blocked some of the light and became more refined as the outline of a human body as it got closer. Her visor slid open and she looked up into the saddened face of JJ.
“Oh kid,” JJ sighed, resting his arms on his knees as he crouched before her. He made a few tsk tsk sounds and shook his head. “I didn’t want to do this, I really didn’t, but you cheated. You made me look like a fool. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”
Yuri closed her eyes. It was too much energy to keep them open. She had accepted her fate. All she wanted to do was sleep now. She begged to just fall asleep.
“I tried to help you out and you thank me by screwing me over…”
JJ kept speaking but Yuri tuned him out. She only registered his absence when he stood and walked away.
Yoona. Yuri could feel herself relax at the thought of the girl. It was easy to visualize Yoona across the darkness of Yuri's eyelids. The steady rhythm Yuri heard in her head slowed and the pain began to fade, bit by bit. Her breaths grew a little shorter and it began to feel like she was breathing through a straw. The lack of oxygen made every thought process fuzzy. The clear picture of Yoona started to blur. Yoona’s smile disappeared and the black of her pupils dilated until it engulfed the iris’s color, then the eyes entirely.
“Yuri! Yuri, I’m right here. Stay with me, open your eyes, stay with me.”
The voice was comforting. A bit loud and dire, but comforting nonetheless.
More seconds passed and Yoona’s image blackened completely. Yuri silently apologized to the girl and finally, thankfully, succumbed to sleep.
*
Yoona hummed as she put a bag of popcorn in the microwave. She set it for a minute and hopped onto the counter. Jiyoung could be heard singing from upstairs and even though it was mostly gibberish, the girl could hold a note. It was the music Yoona was humming along to.
Yoona was happy, blissfully so. Things were truly right for once. Her past with Yuri was finally resolved and there was nothing between them anymore. They could start new and the sudden possibility of that made Yoona's world much less bleak.
Her current trains of thoughts all led to Yuri and Yoona took out her phone to send the girl a quick text. She wrote the words with a smile as the microwave beeped.
"i love you. that's all. just wanted you to know."
*
Taek wasn't one to know his own strength. He spent hours in the gym but couldn't understand the ability to lift ninety kilograms was about the same as throwing a man of the same weight.
"I need to be with her! She doesn't have-- She's--"
Two more paramedics came to restrain Taek as he tried to get into the ambulance. His eyes couldn't focus on anything, frantically monitoring everything.
"We need to get her to the hospital but you cannot come with us. I'm sorry. Do you understand?"
Taek wasn't looking at the man's face, rather looked over his head, watching as another paramedic shut the ambulance door after climbing inside. Through the little window, Taek saw Yuri and the oxygen mask obscuring most of her face. He wanted to cry all over again.
"Just help her," he begged and stepped back, allowing the paramedics to leave.
He began walking and soon broke into a run, following the blare of sirens.
*
Donghae laughed openly as Taeyeon hit him in the arm repeatedly.
"Hey! Stop laughing, it's not funny!"
But Donghae would not stop laughing, because it was funny. Not everyone could say their genius girlfriend did simple arithmetic equations in their sleep, incorrectly.
Taeyeon was deeply affronted by the lack of her boyfriend's sympathy. She was well on her way to valedictorian next year but had trouble answering what 3+6 was, even if it was in her sleep.
As they neared Taeyeon's house and Taeyeon still seemed peeved he took a few quicker steps than Taeyeon's and blocked her from walking.
"Look up," he told her. When she did, her mouth open and eyes searching the night sky, Donghae kissed her nose.
"Better?" he asked.
Taeyeon reddened and hid her face, even if it was dark and Donghae probably wouldn't have noticed anyway. He took her hand briefly but let go when he felt his phone vibrating in his coat. The number was unfamiliar but he answered it anyway, just in case.
They slowed into a crawling pace and Taeyeon turned to Donghae curiously. She watched as his smiled dropped catastrophically, then wringed in fear. Something was wrong.
"Donghae?"
Donghae put the phone down but Taeyeon could still hear someone speaking on the other end.
"It's Yuri. She--she was in an accident."
*
“Doctor, I believe the patient has regained consciousness.”
“Ms. Kwon, do you know where you are?”
Yuri blinked and felt like the fluorescent lights were going to fry right through her eyes and to her brain. The voice was persistent though.
“Ms. Kwon, you were in a severe motorcycle accident. You’re in the ICU of a hospital. Are you…”
No, Yuri was too tired. She’d talk later.
*
The second time Yuri opened her eyes was better. The room wasn’t so bright and there was no irritating voice deafening her. Her mouth was dry and she’d give anything for a drop of water.
Sleeping in the tiny chair next to her bed was Taek, hands folded on his belly, body sagging uncomfortably. His face was swollen, a white gauze plastered on the side of his head. He looked horrible, but much better than Yuri.
Yuri had been awake for only a minute but already the fatigue made her eyelids heavy. She swallowed through her desert of a mouth and went back to sleep.
*
"...I didn't think he would punch me back, but he did and I was surprised but only--"
“God,” Yuri croaked, turning her head from the voice. “Shut. Up.”
“Yul? Yul, you awake?”
Yuri groaned, not having enough energy to tell Taek to shut up again.
Taek sprung from his chair and to the door, opening it and sticking his head out into the hall.
“Nurse, she’s up, she talked.”
A nurse walked in after Taek, definitely not as excited as he looked. The nurse checked Yuri's pulse and blood pressure on the small screen. She looked at Taek while carefully lowering Yuri’s covers.
“I’m going to have to check her stitches, please step outside.”
“Oh, it won’t be anything I haven’t seen.”
The woman gave Taek one look and although Yuri didn’t see it, it mustn't have been friendly. He listened to the nurse and exited the room.
“Could I have water, please?” Yuri asked. Water was the only thing she wanted at that moment.
The nurse handed the full glass to Yuri’s hand. It never felt so heavy than it did then. She felt like a newborn, weak, vulnerable and helpless. The water dribbled down her chin as she gulped it in mouthfuls.
“Your fiancé hasn’t left your side since yesterday. He must care a lot about you.”
The water in Yuri’s throat paused halfway down causing her to cough uncontrollably. After a few pats from the nurse and the coughing subsided, Yuri spat out the word like it was foul food in her mouth.
“Fiance?”
“Yes, he’s been here all night. Only leaves when a nurse or doctor comes by.”
“Stupid, lying, arrogant pervert…” Yuri began muttering under her breath.
“What was that?”
Yuri smiled forcefully. “Nothing at all.”
The woman also mentioned Donghae and his parents had visited, taking care of various paperwork, and while they stayed as long as they could, they couldn't spend too much time, and relayed the information they'd visit often and for Yuri not to worry. Yuri understood and didn't want to bother them further. She had gotten herself into this mess and didn't want to be a burden.
The inspection took a few minutes but would have taken shorter time if Yuri hadn’t hissed and recoiled in pain at every touch. Everything was under control, the nurse said, and all Yuri could do now was rest and rest and rest some more.
Taek returned once the nurse left and although Yuri was beginning to feel tired again, she was strong enough to give him a piece of her mind.
“Fiance? FIANCE?”
He made a ‘calm down’ motion with his hands.
“Yuri, it was the only way they’d let me be here. Only family, you know? And since we don’t share the same surname, fiancé was the first thing that I thought of. I didn’t want to leave you alone.”
There was no point in raising her blood pressure because of this. She leaned back against the pillows and gently put her hand to her bandaged ribs. The pain came and went in waves, sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker but she still felt sore from head to toe. That mattered little though. What mattered was she was alive.
“Is there anyone you want me to call? Donghae?...Yoona?” Taek asked.
Yuri screwed her eyes shut at Yoona’s name. It made her feel so ashamed. Without opening her eyes she cleared her tightening throat.
“Tiffany. Call Tiffany.”
*
“Miss, you are not allowed- If you’re not family, then you cannot-”
“Like hell I can’t.”
Yuri winced when the door of her hospital room burst open. The poor nurse who had chased Tiffany down the hall was right behind her, looking completely defeated. Yuri sympathized.
“You,” Tiffany said, her hard gaze on Taek, “out.”
Taek stood with a lowered head like a kicked puppy. Tiffany pulled him down to her by the collar of his shirt when he passed by.
“And don’t even think of running because…”
Yuri didn’t hear the rest but she saw all the tanned color drain from Taek’s face. Whatever Tiffany threatened him with Taek undoubtedly believed, and rightfully so, because Tiffany was not one to back down from them.
When alone, Yuri sat up as much as her body let her. Tiffany threw her purse to the flattened seat of Taek’s chair (one he had yet to leave) and began pacing. Yuri took a deep breath and prepared herself.
“You are so stupid,” Tiffany said.
“I am.”
“You have no brain.”
“I don’t.”
“Mentally challenged mice are smarter than you.”
“They are.”
“Taek is smarter than you.”
“He-now, wait, that really is insulting.”
Tiffany finally walked over to Yuri but that didn’t go well. Up close, Tiffany clearly saw the bandages and bruises and only became angrier.
“You think this is funny?! You could have broke something more than just two ribs, you could have been paralyzed, you could have turned into a vegetable, you could have di--!” Tiffany couldn’t say the word because they were a reality she would not accept, no matter how real it was, especially with how Yuri looked right now. She tried to though, saying it with none of the anger from earlier but with all the despair in the world. “You could have di--…”
Yuri took Tiffany’s hand, trying to calm her. “Tiffany, I’m fine, I-”
Tiffany seemed as though she was given an electric shock when she felt Yuri’s fingers touch her. She followed the tube protruding from Yuri’s wrist to the beeping monitor. Who knew life could be measured so neatly? Tiffany yanked her hand away and stepped backward and into the chair. Her legs gave out like she had run a marathon.
“You okay, Tiffany?”
To be okay Tiffany would need a lot of alcohol and possibly Sooyoung’s special brownies but that could wait.
“Just tell me what you need.”
Yuri’s purpose for calling Tiffany was to make sure all the hospital and insurance forms were completed correctly. Then there was matters with her motorcycle, the money she lost and JJ. It took Yuri an exhausting hour to explain everything, tell every detail, that by the end of it she was too tired to stay awake.
Tiffany left her to sleep and planned to go straight home to start untangling the mess Yuri had gotten herself into, but the blonde in the midst of sterilized white and gray was too colorful to ignore.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Tiffany snapped.
Jessica nudged herself forward in the waiting room chair and shifted. She hated hospitals.
“How is she?”
Jessica had been informed by Taek the basics when she called him that morning to ask why he hadn’t shown up for work.
“She’s perfect. She can fly a plane and do jumping jacks and scale Mt. Everest.”
“Doesn’t seem too hard.”
Tiffany sighed. Since she stepped inside the hospital she had taken her first real breath.
“Here,” Jessica said, raising the coffee in her hand to Tiffany.
“Do I look like a trash can?” Tiffany asked, thinking Jessica wanted her to throw the cup away.
Jessica opened her mouth to retort but Tiffany caught her blunder before Jessica could make a sound.
“Never mind, do not answer that.”
“Seriously though, this is for you. Drink.”
Tiffany debated it for a moment (what if it was poisoned? It was a legitimate question) but she could use a coffee. By two sips it calmed her shaking nerves and after four it was like that soothing feeling of burying yourself under freshly washed covers on a cold day.
Two orderlies passed by them and in a moment of closed eyes, Tiffany listened to the coughing, the dismal talking, the rolling carts and the characteristic sound of death that always roamed the halls. She hated hospitals.
“I’m going to go home,” Jessica sighed out as she stood. She stood in front of Tiffany and Tiffany’s eyes traveled up the tennis shoes Jessica wore to work, the black slacks and up to Jessica’s tired face. The girl must have left work and came straight to the hospital.
Tiffany turned her head away quickly. She didn’t like when someone towered over her, looked down at her; it was why she wore heels so much. Her fingers tapped at the coffee cup but stopped abruptly when she felt Jessica’s mouth on her forehead.
“You know where to find me,” Jessica spoke, her lips millimeters from Tiffany’s head and then she was gone.
A kiss on the forehead. Tiffany scoffed. How stupid and childish. What the hell was this, a Hollywood romantic comedy? Was Tiffany supposed to get an epiphany now? She scoffed again and walked to the trash can, dumping the half full coffee harshly.
There was too much Tiffany needed to do to think about kisses on the forehead.
*
White. There was too much white for Yoona. Don’t get her wrong, she liked white, but it was everywhere. The lab coats were white, the tiles were white, the walls and ceilings were white, the sheets were white. White, pale and ashen. She hated hospitals.
She crept into Yuri’s room like a prisoner into their cell. She treaded haltingly like a misstep would result in an exploding tile. Waking Yuri or drawing attention to herself was unwanted.
At the foot of the bed Yoona switched her weight from leg to leg like an anxious student before their teacher. Yuri looked fine from that spot. A little bruised (the hospital gown showed Yuri's arms from the elbows down) but her expression was serene, not at all pained like Yoona had first imagined. The words "motorcycle accident" brought horrific images to her mind yet Yuri seemed like a less severe case her imagination created.
Yoona moved to the side of the bed. It was big, big enough to make Yuri seem like a child in it. A little wiggling and curling and Yoona could fit next to Yuri. But there was that chance Yoona would wake her and the nurse implicitly told Yoona not to disturb Yuri. She sucked in a corner of her bottom lip and silently debated, silently observed.
After counting three visible bruises and listening to the blips of Yuri's steady heartbeat, Yoona decided she needed to be closer. She sat on the edge of the bed, waited a minute, her back to Yuri, then swung her legs over. Once she was completely on the bed she turned to her side, using the blips as her unit of time.
Yuri was warm, warm and felt exactly the same way Yoona remembered when waking up in the girl's arms. She missed that, even though it hadn't been more than a day since they last saw each other. Yuri didn't stir, the blips didn't quicken or slow, her breathing remained the same when Yoona lifted Yuri's arm to bring around her shoulder. That was the easy part.
Yoona wasn't sleepy but she could think of nothing else to do. Bringing Yuri's hand closer, she splayed out her fingers in Yuri's palm and slid them between Yuri's curled and limp ones. That was the mistake. At first glance it looked like dirt, like Yuri had been digging into the black ground ruthlessly, but the caked substance underneath her nails flaked and had much more of a copper color to be dirt.
Yoona had done well up to that point. The hospital, the blipping monitor , the IV line, the bruises, the white, white rooms and halls hadn't broken Yoona in any way until Yoona saw Yuri's blood, thick and dry, against her own hand. Where else was Yuri's blood? Pooling into the asphalt somewhere? On latex gloves, decomposing in the hazardous waste bin in the hall? Sinking into Yuri's clothes, a dark and disgusting brown now? Tainting bleached scrubs and joining the blood of other unluckies doctors had tried to revive, successfully, or maybe in failure?
Yoona could have been elsewhere. She could have been standing before another coffin, in another black dress, saying another forgotten prayer.
That broke her. That tore her apart, ripped her to shreds, leaving jigsaw pieces to a puzzle that was incomplete to begin with. And what could she do but cry about it? Simply bury her face to Yuri's side, and cry.
*
Drinking alcohol was a choice, but Tiffany would beg to differ. She thought better inebriated anyway. But other times alcohol did what it usually did to people, which was turn them into complete idiots and this was, beyond any reasonable doubt, one of those times.
Tiffany stopped at the threshold of Jessica's room, looking everywhere but the occupied bed. She insulted everything her eyes came across-- the peeling paint on the walls, the crooked dresser with a wobbly leg, the creaky floorboard and finally Jessica. Stupid blonde bartender Barbie.
"Bitch," Tiffany cursed, slurred. Who did she think she was? Kissing Tiffany in the middle of hospital hallways. Had Barbie fooled herself into thinking they were a couple? Couples were for the lazy and stupid who held some archaic belief humans were monogamous animals. Tiffany liked Jessica today--no, not even that. She liked her right now, this moment, but she couldn't speak for the future, be it next year or the next second. Why should Tiffany promise her lifetime to one person? That seemed so boring...and long.
"Tiffany?"
A preemptive strike and it hit Tiffany right in the chest. Why did her name sound so different coming from Jessica's mouth?
Jessica sat up to Tiffany's unresponsiveness, the covers slipping to show Jessica's bony shoulder. You don't eat enough, Tiffany wanted to tell her. A gruesome, reccurring dream had been haunting Tiffany for days now where she touched Jessica, whether it was on the cheek, the arm, the hand, and Jessica would dissolve like she was made of sand.
"Come to bed," Jessica mumbled sleepily before lying back down, unaware of how intoxicated Tiffany was.
It wasn't a demand, but Tiffany's legs still treated it as one, carrying her to the opposite side of the bed. Jessica's Barbie blonde hair spanned all the way to Tiffany's pillow. Great, now she had to sleep with hair in her face. She angrily turned so they were back to back. Her vicious frown loosened as the alcohol numbed and dulled her, Jessica's breathing behind her slow and deep. She fell asleep almost instantly.
In the middle of the night the dream frightened Tiffany from sleep and she spent the rest of the dark hours sitting in the chair across from Jessica, facing the window. Her matted bangs clung to her damp forehead and she brushed them back, wondering how the hell she let it come to this again.
*
When Yoona awoke her eyes were wet. In the nook of a bathroom she washed her face after staring at her reflection in the mirror. She felt five again. She wanted her mother, or at least the version of her Yoona remembered best and loved most. After splashing her face a few times with icy water she stood over the sink, watching the water run and the droplets drip from her nose and chin.
"Yoong?"
Yoona snapped out of her trance and shut off the water. Another look at her face and she found she didn't look any better.
Yuri did her best to smile decently but her lips were chapped and her left temple throbbed and her right arm was itchy at the crook of her elbow where the tubes emerged from her skin. Yoona sat at the opposite end of the bed, near Yuri's feet and tucked in a leg underneath her.
"Yoona, I--" Yuri began but quickly shut up when Yoona shook her head at the oncoming apology. Yoona was biting her lip and when she released it, Yuri could see three sharp outlines of Yoona's teeth.
"I forgive you. It's okay," Yoona said, nodding afterward like it was some helpful affirmation. She couldn't bear to hear how Yuri got involved or the details of the accident because frankly, she was sick of crying. That didn't help the tears though as they brimmed her eyelids defiantly. With her head down, she scooted down the bed, over Yuri's legs and aimlessly threw her arms around Yuri's neck. Yuri froze with surprise then relaxed in the embrace.
They stayed like that and even when both their bodies cramped in the stiff positions, neither would let go.
Everyone hated hospitals except for Yuri. Yuri loved them because without them, she wouldn’t be alive.
**
AN: Thank you everyone for the songs and other fun stuff. I'll be looking through it as soon as I get some free time. The next chapter is going to on Feb 3rd. I hope this chapter is long enough to tide everyone over til then!
Also, I'd like to thank the anon on lj who translated the lyrics to Bedroom by Jine. I've always wanted to know what he was singing and now I do : D