fic: who i was, from the start
Yuri lied on her back and stuck a hand under her pillow. A thicker shadow of branches spread across her ceiling and she watched, the movement a much needed diversion from the phone resting on her belly. It was set to vibrate in precisely three minutes. She lifted her head an inch to look at Yoona, the sleeping girl oblivious to what Yuri was about to do, and the guilt forced Yuri to look away.
Unable to lie still anymore, Yuri went to her closet for the clothes from Donghae. Yoona hadn't moved when Yuri emerged from the closet and a small part of Yuri wished Yoona would awake, would tell her not to go, but then her phone vibrated and the second thoughts are replaced with thoughts of her race and its winnings.
She pulled her hair over one shoulder, holding it close to her body and then leaned over to Yoona, pressing a light kiss to the girl's temple. Yoona continued to sleep and Yuri crept out, flicking the hood of the sweater over her head.
*
There were more people than Yuri had imagined; two motorcycles, but a mass of spectators. She stuck to the back and away from the crowd. As the minutes passed, another two motorcycles arrived and soon thereafter, a large black SUV. Among the people that exited the car, she saw JJ, scowling and unhappy, but didn't think much of it because his entourage was acting the opposite. JJ reminded her a little of Seunghyun, only Seunghyun didn't reek of turpitude like JJ. The man's aura was menacing, the kind animals would sense and retreat from. Yuri felt it too.
Her finger hovered over the start button to the engine when behind a few parked cars a familiar face popped up. She froze, caught in a stare as she watched Taek stride to JJ's group and shake a few hands. There wasn't much she could do, the motorcycles had already begun lining up and the wait was over. Her bike was by far the least flashy and least expensive, and Taek had seen it almost every weekend for the past year, but maybe she'd be lucky and Taek would overlook it.
She positioned her bike at the end of the line, behind a white spray painted line. The machines next to her were more powerful than hers and she knew she'd have to rely on her experience to win, because brute force wouldn't do.
The growing crowd remained docile for the most part. A few glances left and right and Yuri saw they were mostly civilians, mostly male, in loosened ties and suits, and the rest might have passed for Yuri's age, maybe college students.
The man she got the slip from walked down the line with an extended hand and she was the last one to give her slip. He looked through the papers, gave a thumbs up to JJ and disappeared. Yuri flexed her fingers over the handles, clutching and releasing, trying to loosen her stiff joints. The other riders were decked out in motorcycle gear from head to toe and the rider next to her was wearing nothing but name brands. Yuri wouldn't have been able to afford a sleeve of the guy's jacket. Her attire was casual-- simple jeans and the jacket Yoona gave her-- but it might fool the others into thinking she was inexperienced.
One by one, Taek began approaching the participants. There was a short talk with each of them, he did most of the talking and when it was her turn, she put her head to the side despite the relative darkness and her helmet. He passed a careless glance over her and she thought she had gone by unnoticed but Taek's expression of indifference changed into anger.
"Yuri?" He shoved his face close to her helmet. "What the hell are you doing here?"
She ignored him and kept looking in the other direction.
"I know it's you."
"You've got me mistaken for someone else."
Her voice was surprisingly low and believable, but not for Taek. He knew her a bit too well.
"You've got two scars on the knuckles of your right hand. Pinky and ring finger."
She didn't need to look to know he was right. Those scars had been there since she was fifteen, when her fist collided with a brick wall. She didn't have time to be surprised at the fact he noticed something so trivial as a scar on her hand.
"Just leave me alone Taek."
"You are an idiot!" He didn't say it too loud, but Yuri could definitely hear the exigency in the statement, like he might have been actually worried. "Leave. Right now, Yuri."
Yuri finally looked at him and he found her eyes instantly, even though the visor should have made it a harder task.
"Back off," she cautioned, her voice unyielding and he knew the only way she was going to leave was if someone dragged her away, and he only became angrier because he couldn't.
A shout from the sidelines turned Taek from Yuri.
"What's the hold up, Taecyeon?"
"Just a sec!" He looked back to her. If he couldn't get her to leave, he might as well help her win. "It's one lap around the block. Take the first left at every chance you get."
In the distance, way past the first left on the street, were cones showing which way to turn. Cones Yuri saw being set up earlier by JJ's men.
"But the cones--"
"Trust me. Every first left."
He walked away with a thumbs up. JJ pushed himself out of the crowd and went to the front, a few meters from the starting line. She felt the bikes next to her vibrate the ground but she didn't respond to the intimidating revs and concentrated her energy to her left hand, fingers on the clutch, and her left foot, twitching to shift gears.
JJ brought his arms up but Yuri was looking past him, only seeing him as a figure in the background. The first street that went left was her real target, but her faith in Taek was indecisive. He had never harmed her, despite his sleazy tendencies. Other than his endless pursuit to get into her pants, he had been a decent guy.
The roaring bikes got louder and Yuri just became more focused with the rising volume.
Taek might have led her to a victory, or a defeat. All she had to do was choose whether to trust him.
JJ's arms swung down and Yuri released the brake, her wrist snapping downward on the gas. The force jerked her backward but she responded by leaning her upper body forward. Unsurprisingly, three bikes overtook her immediately, but she could hear the irregular whine of their engines as they passed. It was important to know exactly when to shift gears to achieve maximum speed without losing any time and Yuri knew none of the riders had that experience.
The first left loomed and to make the turn, she would need to slow down. She looked back and forth between the turns and at the last moment decided against it. Her hands and foot worked in sync with each other, clutch and shift, clutch and shift, and she followed the red taillights of the bikes ahead of her. But even at fourth gear, their lead only progressed and so did the sound of the motorcycle behind her.
She cursed inside her helmet. The cones outlined a sharp turn up ahead and she could make it without slowing down significantly but it wouldn't have assured a lead. Before the coned turn, her headlight illuminated a small alleyway. It was completely unreliable, maybe a dead end, but she realized continuing by the cones' direction wasn't going to grant her a win; the bikers were too far ahead for her to catch up. Bracing herself for what she was about to do, she slammed on the brakes while turning the handle bars sharply left. The bike slid with a screech, the muscles in her arms tensing to keep control. However, she braked a second too late and gets slammed into the wall of the alleyway. Like an electrocution, pain spread throughout her right leg as it briefly got trapped between the wall and her bike, but she ignored it and her hands and foot reacted on instinct, shooting the bike forward.
She turned on the high headlights to see further down the alley, maneuvering between cardboard boxes and other small obstacles. The alley didn't go far and split left and right at ninety degree angles. Taking the left would have just send her back to where she started so she timed the turn carefully and slid her bike again. Such types of turns were easier on lighter motorcycles and if it wasn't for the year she spent dabbling with motocross, she wouldn't have had as much luck as she did now.
The track she was supposed to be on came into view and she increased the gas. As three motorcycles zip by her, she returned to that street, trailing right behind them. There was a final turn before the last straight leg of the race and while the others braked too much, or not enough, Yuri stuck to the inside corner of the turn and passed them.
She didn't slow down until she was well past the finish and then made a quick u-turn back. The other racers settled near the spray painted line and she watched for signs of disgruntlement. They didn't do anything but strip off their helmets, exchanging a few handshakes. Some raised their hands in acknowledgment to her and then left. JJ approached her first, simply to give her the money, and he drove off in his SUV right after.
When the crowd began to disperse, she finally breathed.
"You didn't take the first left."
Her hands were shaking, pale and frozen, and her joints creaked from their stiffened position. She put the thick envelope with the money inside her jacket, stuffing it as close to her chest as possible. Her body warmed the cold paper instantly.
"I won, it doesn't matter."
Taek took a step back when she swung her leg off the bike.
"You jumped out of an alley. You didn't take the first left, but you took the second--whoa."
The jammed knee buckled under her weight when she attempted to stand but Taek caught her before she could fall. She bent the leg and shifted to stand on her other, pushing at Taek's chest but it was like pushing a rock.
"I'm fine. Get off."
"You're limping."
She pushed at him again and used the bike as support. The pain shot through her veins, like pure heat, and she unzipped her jacket to cool down. Mostly everyone was gone, but she kept her helmet on and turned up her visor to speak without yelling.
"How did you get involved in this?"
"How did you?"
"I need the money."
"So do I."
It was an argument neither of them could fight against. When it came to money, for people like them, who didn't have the luxury of a rich family or good connections, they made do with what they could get their hands on.
She tried standing on her other leg and bit her lip at how much it hurt. It was like someone was drilling a hole from the inside of her kneecap.
"Was anyone suspicious?" she asked, finally looking up once the pain subsided.
"Of the fact you're a girl? Or that you cheated?"
She couldn't read the look on his face, mostly because he was staring at her limp leg.
"Both."
"It was quiet. I heard someone mention you came out of nowhere, but they figured your headlight was busted. You fooled them well with your little costume. You should have asked me if you wanted some clothes."
And the Taek she always knew was back, which was a good thing; she was quite unsure what to think of his sudden concern for her. His grin was a nice sight, it was familiar, and at least she had someone to share her victory with.
"The last turn, you almost crashed to the ground," he mentioned.
She was aware of that. Her knee almost scraped against the asphalt; a little lower and she would have been possible road kill.
"I know."
"If you plan on continuing in the races, you should hit the gym. I can help if you want."
Of course he would. She rolled her eyes, but he did have a point. In daily rides to school and home, she didn't have to strain her body to control her bike, but the danger and need for control multiplied with higher speeds. Gaining some muscle was necessary if she didn't want to further hurt herself.
The adrenaline numbed her leg but now that it was fading, she could feel the harsh cold and the pain. It was time for her to go.
"Thank you, Taek," she said grudgingly and sat back on the bike. She didn't like owing Taek anything but without his help, she wouldn't have won.
"Sure."
She left and he watched her go, like always.
*
Yuri was positive she didn't make a sound when she entered the house. She even turned off the bike and walked it the last few meters so it wouldn't make any noise or cast any light. Yoona still sat with her knees to her chest when Yuri got to the room.
Yuri locked her jaw and walked normally to the bed. A light sweat covered her by the time she reached the bed and she lowered herself onto it, lying next to Yoona, immediately feeling relief.
"What are you wearing?" Yoona asked. The clothes were too bulky, nothing like Yuri would wear.
"I went for a drive. I borrowed some of Donghae's clothes since they're warmer. What are you doing up?"
Yoona meld her body to fit Yuri's, sliding arms and legs over the girl and resting her chin on Yuri's chest.
"You left me alone. I couldn't sleep."
The pain in Yuri's leg was nothing compared to what Yoona could do with a few words. Yuri pulled Yoona up to her mouth, only breaking the kiss to rasp out a quick promise.
"I'm sorry. I won't leave you again."
*
"I'm going out, okay?"
Tiffany raised her hand over her head to let Sooyoung know she was listening. The door closed and Tiffany resumed reading another article. She rolled her highlighter up and down the desk but soon got bored and stood. She walked around the room with the article in hand, pensively biting the end of the highlighter every time she read something she didn't understand.
It was a Sunday afternoon, she should have been outside, and she gave the window a forlorn glance when she passed by it. Four cars drove down the street, one yellow, two red and one silver. She was distracted yet again and threw the article behind her, the pages fluttering to the floor. It was useless trying to study right now.
She took a shower, third one that day, wishing some of her focus would return with it. A change of clothes later she gathered the article and sat down at her desk. Before trying to read it again, she took out a small tube from her drawer, next to her Kisses. She glossed her lips with the balm and went back to reading the article. Somewhere between the third and fourth sentence she lost her concentration, the words blurring and doubling as her mind drifted.
She had licked her lips, tasting the balm, but she didn’t, because she tasted Jessica instead.
Tangerines. Her mouth was filled with the taste of tangerines.
Stupid Barbie tainted everything.
*
The first thing Yuri did when she awoke was bend her left knee. There was a twinge but it was manageable. The real test would be whether she could stand on it. She moved to detach herself from Yoona but was only pulled closer.
"It's Sunday, Yul. Just keep sleeping."
Yuri pursed her lips, a bit peeved, but remained motionless. Yoona had way too much reign over her. They were lucky Yuri didn't mind so much.
A hand floated across Yuri's stomach to her hip and Yuri looked at the back of Yoona's head lying on her shoulder. The hand scooted lower, nails skating down her thigh and Yuri instinctively gripped the back of Yoona's shirt. Seconds later, she embarrassingly let go.
"Next time you'll tell me when you leave, right?"
Yuri wondered if the money she got from the race was worth Yoona's doubts. A small yawn sounded from Yoona but Yuri felt it as a hum against her chest and felt Yoona's body ripple when the girl stretched.
It was possible there was nothing that had as much worth as Yoona's anything, doubts or whatever else.
"It was a onetime thing. Not going to happen again."
Yuri shifted gently, pushing herself up with an elbow. Yoona's hand fell from Yuri's hip but kept close to her stomach.
"I don't mind." She did. "I trust you." She did. "I just don't like it when you disappear in the middle of the night without a word." God, that she didn't.
"I won't anymore."
Yuri traced her bottom lip against a reddened love mark on Yoona's neck from the night before. She didn't like them, thought they were tacky and a bit ostentatious but Yuri usually did them by accident. It was hard to control herself when Yoona would moan her name just so.
Yoona dissolved into a fit of giggles and Yuri pulled the sheets over them, with the intent of shushing her.
*
The clanging of Yoona's keys echoed up the stairs and it baited Yoona's father from his bedroom. He had just returned from another trip and had brought something for Jiyoung and Yoona. Jiyoung had received her present and he had been waiting for Yoona to come home so she could get hers.
Yoona's foot stalled mid step when she saw her father hovering near her room.
"Hi Dad."
"Hello, Yoona. How has your day been?"
She was about to brush him off, close the door in his face but saw Yuri's disapproving eyes on the white wall, and with great trouble turned back to her father.
"Fine Dad, did you need something?"
He stepped nearer and she noticed how short he was, how small he had become. As a child she felt like she'd never be able to grow as tall and now she was a few centimeters from looking down at him. Not long ago that would have brought her great satisfaction, now it practically meant nothing. It almost hurt actually.
"One of my flights was cancelled in Italy. In Rome to be precise." He held something in his hand Yoona couldn't see until he raised his hand to her. It was a coin. "I had almost an entire day to waste and I stopped by this beautiful fountain. It wasn't until later that I found out how famous it was. But I found this in the water," he turned the coin and Yoona could make a faint outline of the number ten on it, "it's ten lire and it's a little rare. The production of the lira stopped because of the Euro."
Yoona leaned on the door, taking the coin from his hand. It was scratched up and faded, with a flattened edge.
"So it's useless basically?"
Her father gave a small laugh at the blunt remark.
"Basically, yes. But there's a tradition at the fountain. If you throw it over your shoulder, it means you will return to Rome."
"I didn't throw this though."
"No, but maybe some of the magic from the person who did will come to you."
It sounded like a plot from a movie, but she didn't say it. She sighed through her nose and started walking to her room, putting the coin between her fingers. "So what else did you see in Rome?"
He smiled in relief and followed her. To anyone else, this wasn't much, but he was elated. Second chances were hard to come by.
*
"Yuri!" Yuri toppled into the wall from Sooyoung's hug. "Where have you been hiding? I know you got yourself a new squeeze but that doesn't mean you have to bail on us."
Squeeze?
"I've just been a little busy."
"Sure you have," Sooyoung cooed, ruffling Yuri's hair. Yuri realized then Sooyoung was high. It explained the sudden affection. "Tiffany isn't here, but she just went to the café to get me a sandwich. Munchies are starting to kick in."
The room had the lingering smell of pot, musky and sweet, and Yuri wished she could have pulled her shirt over her nose without making it seem rude. She spun Tiffany's desk chair out and sat. Sooyoung inspected her like she was a suspect of some sort and Yuri fidgeted in the chair under the girl's eyes.
"I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me," Sooyoung said, sitting on the bed with folded hands. "Can you do that Yuri? Can you be honest with me?"
It had to be the pot talking because Sooyoung was ridiculous, but not to this extent.
"Yes, Sooyoung," Yuri responded, resisting a smile, "I can be honest."
"But with me, can you--"
"Sooyoung, I'll answer honestly."
"Because I need you to be really honest, not just a little honest, really--"
"Sooyoung!" Sooyoung blinked like someone just woke her up from sleep. "I'll be honest, I swear."
"Okay, good." A piece of paper and pencil appeared in Sooyoung's hand after she looked under her bed, throwing a sock she found to the side in the process. Her speech drawled, slow like it was taking a leisurely stroll along the park on a Saturday afternoon. "Now, when's the last time you spoke to Tiffany?"
Sooyoung attempted at acting like a cold cop but Yuri couldn't take the interrogation seriously when Sooyoung tapped her cheek with the pencil and almost stabbed her eye. But there was no reason for Yuri to lie.
"A week ago. Not entirely, but it's been somewhere around a week."
"Are you being honest with me, Yuri? Because I really need--"
"Sooyoung, the last time I saw her and talked to her was at the park. I promise I'm not lying."
The eraser of the pencil rubbed against Sooyoung's temple as she thought and double checked her scribbled note. She barely could read the handwriting and told herself writing when high wasn't a good idea.
"Damn it." Sooyoung crossed something out, then trashed the paper, the pencil accidentally going into the waste bin as well but she was too lazy to take it out. Her head flopped to the pillow as she spoke more to herself than to Yuri, "Then who could it be?"
"What's going on?"
Sooyoung looked at Yuri like she forgot there was someone else in the room with her.
"Oh, it's about Tiffany."
Maybe Yuri shouldn't have been eager to know what it was, but Tiffany walked with her to hell and back, been with Yuri when she was at her darkest and Yuri would have given up organs to help if something was wrong.
"What about her?"
There was a helplessness Yuri recognized in Sooyoung's eyes even if they were bloodshot. It was the feeling of wanting to help but not knowing how or where to start.
"She's only been like this with you." Sooyoung sighed and almost looked sober when she sat up again and stared at Yuri. "I really thought it was you."
"Like what?"
"She doesn't bring people here anymore. When you two stopped seeing each other, there was always someone with her, sometimes they changed in the span of a few hours. But now there's no one. She goes out every night, but always comes back alone."
Tiffany's exploits weren't a shock to Yuri.
"So? She did the same when we were together," Yuri said, trying to sound indifferent, but the words came out choked, like it was a truth she couldn't swallow.
"What? No." Now Sooyoung was the one looking at Yuri like she was high. "She was faithful to you, Yuri."
Yuri didn't react for a long second, unable to believe Sooyoung. She gave a small and quick shake of her head.
"No, she wasn't."
"Oh Yuri," Sooyoung bemoaned with a smile like Yuri was a naïve child and Sooyoung was about to tell her unicorns didn't exist. "But I don't blame you, she fooled me too. I mean, she wasn't completely faithful, she would mess around with a boy if she got drunk, but the longer she was with you, the less she did it."
The door opened but Yuri didn't hear it or see it. Her world had been turned slightly upside down.
"Okay, I tried to tell the worker you wanted every kind of ham but he--Oh, hey Yuri!"
Tiffany flung the sandwich at Sooyoung's head and gave Yuri a tight hug, sitting down in the girl's lap. Yuri's knee twitched at the impact.
"How nice of you to visit," Tiffany said, pinching Yuri's cheek.
Yuri pulled Tiffany's arms from her neck and avoided her eyes. Sooyoung took a slow bite, quickly sensing something odd between the two. She pointed to the door with the sandwich.
"I'm going to go outside. Sandwiches taste better outside."
Neither Yuri nor Tiffany said anything to the lame excuse and they didn't see Sooyoung leave the door ajar.
Tiffany moved out of Yuri's lap and Yuri stood, taking a few steps away. There was a train of thoughts billowing through Yuri's head and she was trying to make sense of it, but she was the one who felt drugged now, like one plus one no longer equaled two.
"You--Did you--" Yuri stopped her fumbling tongue and took a breath, but even then it was not enough, she still felt like the room was running out of air. She was just supposed to come by to see Tiffany, ask her how her week had been, that was all. She didn't want what Sooyoung had told her. "When we were together, did you sleep with anyone else?"
A trained eye would have seen the way Tiffany's pupils dilated or how the muscles in her arms tightened just below the skin. But Yuri wasn't trained and she missed all of it.
"Why?"
"Were you faithful when we were together? Just answer the question, Tiffany," Yuri pleaded.
It wasn't a complete surprise. These kinds of questions were asked at one point in a relationship, no matter how casual Tiffany made it out to be. But Tiffany never decided how she would answer.
She remembered what she learned about detecting when someone was lying.
A liar would avoid eye contact.
Tiffany looked at Yuri directly in her eyes.
"No, I wasn't."
A statement with a contraction was more likely to be truthful.
"You're great, but let's not kid ourselves."
A liar might add unnecessary pauses and fidget.
Tiffany's words streamed from her mouth effortlessly and she stayed still.
"Sorry Yuri, I thought you understood when I said I didn't want anything serious."
Yuri nodded and was glad to have cleared the air, but she couldn't be there anymore. She couldn't be in the same room with Tiffany and not have it feel like her heart was a fist, rattling her from the inside out. So she left, passing by Sooyoung who was just outside the door, listening to the whole conversation.
The sandwich was in Sooyoung's hands, but she hadn't taken a bite since she stepped out. She went back into the room and stared at the foil, listening to Tiffany exhale deep breaths, each one shakier than the last.
"Why did you lie?"
Tiffany cocked her head to Sooyoung, acting like Sooyoung was asking what she wanted to eat for lunch.
"What would have the truth done?"
"A lot." But Tiffany didn't seem to care and it angered Sooyoung because no matter how much she tried, she couldn't shake any sense into Tiffany. "Stop trying to be a martyr because in the end, the only one who loses is you."
"What do you think she would have done, Sooyoung? Do you think she would have left Yoona? Do you think it would have changed anything?" They both knew the answers to those questions. Nothing, no and no. "The truth would have only screwed everything up."
"You don't know that."
Tiffany rolled her eyes and went to her closet, pulling out all the outerwear necessary to go outside.
"Sooyoung, you have my permission to withdraw."
Easily distracted, Sooyoung forgot about what they were talking about and slammed a fist onto her knee causing a piece of lettuce to fall to the floor from the sandwich.
"You always say that and I still don't get it!"
"Just say thank you and get out."
"This is my room too bitch!"
"Whore!"
"Slut!"
"I'm going to the library. Need anything?"
The sudden switch from crazed yelling to an ordinary conversation was normal. Only for them.
"No, I picked up the Zombie Survival Guide yesterday."
"'Kay, I'll see you later then."
Sooyoung nodded and watched Tiffany leave. Once the door was closed, Sooyoung looked around the room and to the sandwich. It wasn't how she wanted to resolve Tiffany's problem but maybe the whole thing was irresolvable.
"Oh well," she sighed and continued eating.
**
AN: Unfortunately, no ETA for the next update. I'm going to be doing some vacationing and I should be back in a week, but not entirely sure. We'll see what I'll be doing and how much (internet) access I'll have to my laptop :]
Unable to lie still anymore, Yuri went to her closet for the clothes from Donghae. Yoona hadn't moved when Yuri emerged from the closet and a small part of Yuri wished Yoona would awake, would tell her not to go, but then her phone vibrated and the second thoughts are replaced with thoughts of her race and its winnings.
She pulled her hair over one shoulder, holding it close to her body and then leaned over to Yoona, pressing a light kiss to the girl's temple. Yoona continued to sleep and Yuri crept out, flicking the hood of the sweater over her head.
*
There were more people than Yuri had imagined; two motorcycles, but a mass of spectators. She stuck to the back and away from the crowd. As the minutes passed, another two motorcycles arrived and soon thereafter, a large black SUV. Among the people that exited the car, she saw JJ, scowling and unhappy, but didn't think much of it because his entourage was acting the opposite. JJ reminded her a little of Seunghyun, only Seunghyun didn't reek of turpitude like JJ. The man's aura was menacing, the kind animals would sense and retreat from. Yuri felt it too.
Her finger hovered over the start button to the engine when behind a few parked cars a familiar face popped up. She froze, caught in a stare as she watched Taek stride to JJ's group and shake a few hands. There wasn't much she could do, the motorcycles had already begun lining up and the wait was over. Her bike was by far the least flashy and least expensive, and Taek had seen it almost every weekend for the past year, but maybe she'd be lucky and Taek would overlook it.
She positioned her bike at the end of the line, behind a white spray painted line. The machines next to her were more powerful than hers and she knew she'd have to rely on her experience to win, because brute force wouldn't do.
The growing crowd remained docile for the most part. A few glances left and right and Yuri saw they were mostly civilians, mostly male, in loosened ties and suits, and the rest might have passed for Yuri's age, maybe college students.
The man she got the slip from walked down the line with an extended hand and she was the last one to give her slip. He looked through the papers, gave a thumbs up to JJ and disappeared. Yuri flexed her fingers over the handles, clutching and releasing, trying to loosen her stiff joints. The other riders were decked out in motorcycle gear from head to toe and the rider next to her was wearing nothing but name brands. Yuri wouldn't have been able to afford a sleeve of the guy's jacket. Her attire was casual-- simple jeans and the jacket Yoona gave her-- but it might fool the others into thinking she was inexperienced.
One by one, Taek began approaching the participants. There was a short talk with each of them, he did most of the talking and when it was her turn, she put her head to the side despite the relative darkness and her helmet. He passed a careless glance over her and she thought she had gone by unnoticed but Taek's expression of indifference changed into anger.
"Yuri?" He shoved his face close to her helmet. "What the hell are you doing here?"
She ignored him and kept looking in the other direction.
"I know it's you."
"You've got me mistaken for someone else."
Her voice was surprisingly low and believable, but not for Taek. He knew her a bit too well.
"You've got two scars on the knuckles of your right hand. Pinky and ring finger."
She didn't need to look to know he was right. Those scars had been there since she was fifteen, when her fist collided with a brick wall. She didn't have time to be surprised at the fact he noticed something so trivial as a scar on her hand.
"Just leave me alone Taek."
"You are an idiot!" He didn't say it too loud, but Yuri could definitely hear the exigency in the statement, like he might have been actually worried. "Leave. Right now, Yuri."
Yuri finally looked at him and he found her eyes instantly, even though the visor should have made it a harder task.
"Back off," she cautioned, her voice unyielding and he knew the only way she was going to leave was if someone dragged her away, and he only became angrier because he couldn't.
A shout from the sidelines turned Taek from Yuri.
"What's the hold up, Taecyeon?"
"Just a sec!" He looked back to her. If he couldn't get her to leave, he might as well help her win. "It's one lap around the block. Take the first left at every chance you get."
In the distance, way past the first left on the street, were cones showing which way to turn. Cones Yuri saw being set up earlier by JJ's men.
"But the cones--"
"Trust me. Every first left."
He walked away with a thumbs up. JJ pushed himself out of the crowd and went to the front, a few meters from the starting line. She felt the bikes next to her vibrate the ground but she didn't respond to the intimidating revs and concentrated her energy to her left hand, fingers on the clutch, and her left foot, twitching to shift gears.
JJ brought his arms up but Yuri was looking past him, only seeing him as a figure in the background. The first street that went left was her real target, but her faith in Taek was indecisive. He had never harmed her, despite his sleazy tendencies. Other than his endless pursuit to get into her pants, he had been a decent guy.
The roaring bikes got louder and Yuri just became more focused with the rising volume.
Taek might have led her to a victory, or a defeat. All she had to do was choose whether to trust him.
JJ's arms swung down and Yuri released the brake, her wrist snapping downward on the gas. The force jerked her backward but she responded by leaning her upper body forward. Unsurprisingly, three bikes overtook her immediately, but she could hear the irregular whine of their engines as they passed. It was important to know exactly when to shift gears to achieve maximum speed without losing any time and Yuri knew none of the riders had that experience.
The first left loomed and to make the turn, she would need to slow down. She looked back and forth between the turns and at the last moment decided against it. Her hands and foot worked in sync with each other, clutch and shift, clutch and shift, and she followed the red taillights of the bikes ahead of her. But even at fourth gear, their lead only progressed and so did the sound of the motorcycle behind her.
She cursed inside her helmet. The cones outlined a sharp turn up ahead and she could make it without slowing down significantly but it wouldn't have assured a lead. Before the coned turn, her headlight illuminated a small alleyway. It was completely unreliable, maybe a dead end, but she realized continuing by the cones' direction wasn't going to grant her a win; the bikers were too far ahead for her to catch up. Bracing herself for what she was about to do, she slammed on the brakes while turning the handle bars sharply left. The bike slid with a screech, the muscles in her arms tensing to keep control. However, she braked a second too late and gets slammed into the wall of the alleyway. Like an electrocution, pain spread throughout her right leg as it briefly got trapped between the wall and her bike, but she ignored it and her hands and foot reacted on instinct, shooting the bike forward.
She turned on the high headlights to see further down the alley, maneuvering between cardboard boxes and other small obstacles. The alley didn't go far and split left and right at ninety degree angles. Taking the left would have just send her back to where she started so she timed the turn carefully and slid her bike again. Such types of turns were easier on lighter motorcycles and if it wasn't for the year she spent dabbling with motocross, she wouldn't have had as much luck as she did now.
The track she was supposed to be on came into view and she increased the gas. As three motorcycles zip by her, she returned to that street, trailing right behind them. There was a final turn before the last straight leg of the race and while the others braked too much, or not enough, Yuri stuck to the inside corner of the turn and passed them.
She didn't slow down until she was well past the finish and then made a quick u-turn back. The other racers settled near the spray painted line and she watched for signs of disgruntlement. They didn't do anything but strip off their helmets, exchanging a few handshakes. Some raised their hands in acknowledgment to her and then left. JJ approached her first, simply to give her the money, and he drove off in his SUV right after.
When the crowd began to disperse, she finally breathed.
"You didn't take the first left."
Her hands were shaking, pale and frozen, and her joints creaked from their stiffened position. She put the thick envelope with the money inside her jacket, stuffing it as close to her chest as possible. Her body warmed the cold paper instantly.
"I won, it doesn't matter."
Taek took a step back when she swung her leg off the bike.
"You jumped out of an alley. You didn't take the first left, but you took the second--whoa."
The jammed knee buckled under her weight when she attempted to stand but Taek caught her before she could fall. She bent the leg and shifted to stand on her other, pushing at Taek's chest but it was like pushing a rock.
"I'm fine. Get off."
"You're limping."
She pushed at him again and used the bike as support. The pain shot through her veins, like pure heat, and she unzipped her jacket to cool down. Mostly everyone was gone, but she kept her helmet on and turned up her visor to speak without yelling.
"How did you get involved in this?"
"How did you?"
"I need the money."
"So do I."
It was an argument neither of them could fight against. When it came to money, for people like them, who didn't have the luxury of a rich family or good connections, they made do with what they could get their hands on.
She tried standing on her other leg and bit her lip at how much it hurt. It was like someone was drilling a hole from the inside of her kneecap.
"Was anyone suspicious?" she asked, finally looking up once the pain subsided.
"Of the fact you're a girl? Or that you cheated?"
She couldn't read the look on his face, mostly because he was staring at her limp leg.
"Both."
"It was quiet. I heard someone mention you came out of nowhere, but they figured your headlight was busted. You fooled them well with your little costume. You should have asked me if you wanted some clothes."
And the Taek she always knew was back, which was a good thing; she was quite unsure what to think of his sudden concern for her. His grin was a nice sight, it was familiar, and at least she had someone to share her victory with.
"The last turn, you almost crashed to the ground," he mentioned.
She was aware of that. Her knee almost scraped against the asphalt; a little lower and she would have been possible road kill.
"I know."
"If you plan on continuing in the races, you should hit the gym. I can help if you want."
Of course he would. She rolled her eyes, but he did have a point. In daily rides to school and home, she didn't have to strain her body to control her bike, but the danger and need for control multiplied with higher speeds. Gaining some muscle was necessary if she didn't want to further hurt herself.
The adrenaline numbed her leg but now that it was fading, she could feel the harsh cold and the pain. It was time for her to go.
"Thank you, Taek," she said grudgingly and sat back on the bike. She didn't like owing Taek anything but without his help, she wouldn't have won.
"Sure."
She left and he watched her go, like always.
*
Yuri was positive she didn't make a sound when she entered the house. She even turned off the bike and walked it the last few meters so it wouldn't make any noise or cast any light. Yoona still sat with her knees to her chest when Yuri got to the room.
Yuri locked her jaw and walked normally to the bed. A light sweat covered her by the time she reached the bed and she lowered herself onto it, lying next to Yoona, immediately feeling relief.
"What are you wearing?" Yoona asked. The clothes were too bulky, nothing like Yuri would wear.
"I went for a drive. I borrowed some of Donghae's clothes since they're warmer. What are you doing up?"
Yoona meld her body to fit Yuri's, sliding arms and legs over the girl and resting her chin on Yuri's chest.
"You left me alone. I couldn't sleep."
The pain in Yuri's leg was nothing compared to what Yoona could do with a few words. Yuri pulled Yoona up to her mouth, only breaking the kiss to rasp out a quick promise.
"I'm sorry. I won't leave you again."
*
"I'm going out, okay?"
Tiffany raised her hand over her head to let Sooyoung know she was listening. The door closed and Tiffany resumed reading another article. She rolled her highlighter up and down the desk but soon got bored and stood. She walked around the room with the article in hand, pensively biting the end of the highlighter every time she read something she didn't understand.
It was a Sunday afternoon, she should have been outside, and she gave the window a forlorn glance when she passed by it. Four cars drove down the street, one yellow, two red and one silver. She was distracted yet again and threw the article behind her, the pages fluttering to the floor. It was useless trying to study right now.
She took a shower, third one that day, wishing some of her focus would return with it. A change of clothes later she gathered the article and sat down at her desk. Before trying to read it again, she took out a small tube from her drawer, next to her Kisses. She glossed her lips with the balm and went back to reading the article. Somewhere between the third and fourth sentence she lost her concentration, the words blurring and doubling as her mind drifted.
She had licked her lips, tasting the balm, but she didn’t, because she tasted Jessica instead.
Tangerines. Her mouth was filled with the taste of tangerines.
Stupid Barbie tainted everything.
*
The first thing Yuri did when she awoke was bend her left knee. There was a twinge but it was manageable. The real test would be whether she could stand on it. She moved to detach herself from Yoona but was only pulled closer.
"It's Sunday, Yul. Just keep sleeping."
Yuri pursed her lips, a bit peeved, but remained motionless. Yoona had way too much reign over her. They were lucky Yuri didn't mind so much.
A hand floated across Yuri's stomach to her hip and Yuri looked at the back of Yoona's head lying on her shoulder. The hand scooted lower, nails skating down her thigh and Yuri instinctively gripped the back of Yoona's shirt. Seconds later, she embarrassingly let go.
"Next time you'll tell me when you leave, right?"
Yuri wondered if the money she got from the race was worth Yoona's doubts. A small yawn sounded from Yoona but Yuri felt it as a hum against her chest and felt Yoona's body ripple when the girl stretched.
It was possible there was nothing that had as much worth as Yoona's anything, doubts or whatever else.
"It was a onetime thing. Not going to happen again."
Yuri shifted gently, pushing herself up with an elbow. Yoona's hand fell from Yuri's hip but kept close to her stomach.
"I don't mind." She did. "I trust you." She did. "I just don't like it when you disappear in the middle of the night without a word." God, that she didn't.
"I won't anymore."
Yuri traced her bottom lip against a reddened love mark on Yoona's neck from the night before. She didn't like them, thought they were tacky and a bit ostentatious but Yuri usually did them by accident. It was hard to control herself when Yoona would moan her name just so.
Yoona dissolved into a fit of giggles and Yuri pulled the sheets over them, with the intent of shushing her.
*
The clanging of Yoona's keys echoed up the stairs and it baited Yoona's father from his bedroom. He had just returned from another trip and had brought something for Jiyoung and Yoona. Jiyoung had received her present and he had been waiting for Yoona to come home so she could get hers.
Yoona's foot stalled mid step when she saw her father hovering near her room.
"Hi Dad."
"Hello, Yoona. How has your day been?"
She was about to brush him off, close the door in his face but saw Yuri's disapproving eyes on the white wall, and with great trouble turned back to her father.
"Fine Dad, did you need something?"
He stepped nearer and she noticed how short he was, how small he had become. As a child she felt like she'd never be able to grow as tall and now she was a few centimeters from looking down at him. Not long ago that would have brought her great satisfaction, now it practically meant nothing. It almost hurt actually.
"One of my flights was cancelled in Italy. In Rome to be precise." He held something in his hand Yoona couldn't see until he raised his hand to her. It was a coin. "I had almost an entire day to waste and I stopped by this beautiful fountain. It wasn't until later that I found out how famous it was. But I found this in the water," he turned the coin and Yoona could make a faint outline of the number ten on it, "it's ten lire and it's a little rare. The production of the lira stopped because of the Euro."
Yoona leaned on the door, taking the coin from his hand. It was scratched up and faded, with a flattened edge.
"So it's useless basically?"
Her father gave a small laugh at the blunt remark.
"Basically, yes. But there's a tradition at the fountain. If you throw it over your shoulder, it means you will return to Rome."
"I didn't throw this though."
"No, but maybe some of the magic from the person who did will come to you."
It sounded like a plot from a movie, but she didn't say it. She sighed through her nose and started walking to her room, putting the coin between her fingers. "So what else did you see in Rome?"
He smiled in relief and followed her. To anyone else, this wasn't much, but he was elated. Second chances were hard to come by.
*
"Yuri!" Yuri toppled into the wall from Sooyoung's hug. "Where have you been hiding? I know you got yourself a new squeeze but that doesn't mean you have to bail on us."
Squeeze?
"I've just been a little busy."
"Sure you have," Sooyoung cooed, ruffling Yuri's hair. Yuri realized then Sooyoung was high. It explained the sudden affection. "Tiffany isn't here, but she just went to the café to get me a sandwich. Munchies are starting to kick in."
The room had the lingering smell of pot, musky and sweet, and Yuri wished she could have pulled her shirt over her nose without making it seem rude. She spun Tiffany's desk chair out and sat. Sooyoung inspected her like she was a suspect of some sort and Yuri fidgeted in the chair under the girl's eyes.
"I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me," Sooyoung said, sitting on the bed with folded hands. "Can you do that Yuri? Can you be honest with me?"
It had to be the pot talking because Sooyoung was ridiculous, but not to this extent.
"Yes, Sooyoung," Yuri responded, resisting a smile, "I can be honest."
"But with me, can you--"
"Sooyoung, I'll answer honestly."
"Because I need you to be really honest, not just a little honest, really--"
"Sooyoung!" Sooyoung blinked like someone just woke her up from sleep. "I'll be honest, I swear."
"Okay, good." A piece of paper and pencil appeared in Sooyoung's hand after she looked under her bed, throwing a sock she found to the side in the process. Her speech drawled, slow like it was taking a leisurely stroll along the park on a Saturday afternoon. "Now, when's the last time you spoke to Tiffany?"
Sooyoung attempted at acting like a cold cop but Yuri couldn't take the interrogation seriously when Sooyoung tapped her cheek with the pencil and almost stabbed her eye. But there was no reason for Yuri to lie.
"A week ago. Not entirely, but it's been somewhere around a week."
"Are you being honest with me, Yuri? Because I really need--"
"Sooyoung, the last time I saw her and talked to her was at the park. I promise I'm not lying."
The eraser of the pencil rubbed against Sooyoung's temple as she thought and double checked her scribbled note. She barely could read the handwriting and told herself writing when high wasn't a good idea.
"Damn it." Sooyoung crossed something out, then trashed the paper, the pencil accidentally going into the waste bin as well but she was too lazy to take it out. Her head flopped to the pillow as she spoke more to herself than to Yuri, "Then who could it be?"
"What's going on?"
Sooyoung looked at Yuri like she forgot there was someone else in the room with her.
"Oh, it's about Tiffany."
Maybe Yuri shouldn't have been eager to know what it was, but Tiffany walked with her to hell and back, been with Yuri when she was at her darkest and Yuri would have given up organs to help if something was wrong.
"What about her?"
There was a helplessness Yuri recognized in Sooyoung's eyes even if they were bloodshot. It was the feeling of wanting to help but not knowing how or where to start.
"She's only been like this with you." Sooyoung sighed and almost looked sober when she sat up again and stared at Yuri. "I really thought it was you."
"Like what?"
"She doesn't bring people here anymore. When you two stopped seeing each other, there was always someone with her, sometimes they changed in the span of a few hours. But now there's no one. She goes out every night, but always comes back alone."
Tiffany's exploits weren't a shock to Yuri.
"So? She did the same when we were together," Yuri said, trying to sound indifferent, but the words came out choked, like it was a truth she couldn't swallow.
"What? No." Now Sooyoung was the one looking at Yuri like she was high. "She was faithful to you, Yuri."
Yuri didn't react for a long second, unable to believe Sooyoung. She gave a small and quick shake of her head.
"No, she wasn't."
"Oh Yuri," Sooyoung bemoaned with a smile like Yuri was a naïve child and Sooyoung was about to tell her unicorns didn't exist. "But I don't blame you, she fooled me too. I mean, she wasn't completely faithful, she would mess around with a boy if she got drunk, but the longer she was with you, the less she did it."
The door opened but Yuri didn't hear it or see it. Her world had been turned slightly upside down.
"Okay, I tried to tell the worker you wanted every kind of ham but he--Oh, hey Yuri!"
Tiffany flung the sandwich at Sooyoung's head and gave Yuri a tight hug, sitting down in the girl's lap. Yuri's knee twitched at the impact.
"How nice of you to visit," Tiffany said, pinching Yuri's cheek.
Yuri pulled Tiffany's arms from her neck and avoided her eyes. Sooyoung took a slow bite, quickly sensing something odd between the two. She pointed to the door with the sandwich.
"I'm going to go outside. Sandwiches taste better outside."
Neither Yuri nor Tiffany said anything to the lame excuse and they didn't see Sooyoung leave the door ajar.
Tiffany moved out of Yuri's lap and Yuri stood, taking a few steps away. There was a train of thoughts billowing through Yuri's head and she was trying to make sense of it, but she was the one who felt drugged now, like one plus one no longer equaled two.
"You--Did you--" Yuri stopped her fumbling tongue and took a breath, but even then it was not enough, she still felt like the room was running out of air. She was just supposed to come by to see Tiffany, ask her how her week had been, that was all. She didn't want what Sooyoung had told her. "When we were together, did you sleep with anyone else?"
A trained eye would have seen the way Tiffany's pupils dilated or how the muscles in her arms tightened just below the skin. But Yuri wasn't trained and she missed all of it.
"Why?"
"Were you faithful when we were together? Just answer the question, Tiffany," Yuri pleaded.
It wasn't a complete surprise. These kinds of questions were asked at one point in a relationship, no matter how casual Tiffany made it out to be. But Tiffany never decided how she would answer.
She remembered what she learned about detecting when someone was lying.
A liar would avoid eye contact.
Tiffany looked at Yuri directly in her eyes.
"No, I wasn't."
A statement with a contraction was more likely to be truthful.
"You're great, but let's not kid ourselves."
A liar might add unnecessary pauses and fidget.
Tiffany's words streamed from her mouth effortlessly and she stayed still.
"Sorry Yuri, I thought you understood when I said I didn't want anything serious."
Yuri nodded and was glad to have cleared the air, but she couldn't be there anymore. She couldn't be in the same room with Tiffany and not have it feel like her heart was a fist, rattling her from the inside out. So she left, passing by Sooyoung who was just outside the door, listening to the whole conversation.
The sandwich was in Sooyoung's hands, but she hadn't taken a bite since she stepped out. She went back into the room and stared at the foil, listening to Tiffany exhale deep breaths, each one shakier than the last.
"Why did you lie?"
Tiffany cocked her head to Sooyoung, acting like Sooyoung was asking what she wanted to eat for lunch.
"What would have the truth done?"
"A lot." But Tiffany didn't seem to care and it angered Sooyoung because no matter how much she tried, she couldn't shake any sense into Tiffany. "Stop trying to be a martyr because in the end, the only one who loses is you."
"What do you think she would have done, Sooyoung? Do you think she would have left Yoona? Do you think it would have changed anything?" They both knew the answers to those questions. Nothing, no and no. "The truth would have only screwed everything up."
"You don't know that."
Tiffany rolled her eyes and went to her closet, pulling out all the outerwear necessary to go outside.
"Sooyoung, you have my permission to withdraw."
Easily distracted, Sooyoung forgot about what they were talking about and slammed a fist onto her knee causing a piece of lettuce to fall to the floor from the sandwich.
"You always say that and I still don't get it!"
"Just say thank you and get out."
"This is my room too bitch!"
"Whore!"
"Slut!"
"I'm going to the library. Need anything?"
The sudden switch from crazed yelling to an ordinary conversation was normal. Only for them.
"No, I picked up the Zombie Survival Guide yesterday."
"'Kay, I'll see you later then."
Sooyoung nodded and watched Tiffany leave. Once the door was closed, Sooyoung looked around the room and to the sandwich. It wasn't how she wanted to resolve Tiffany's problem but maybe the whole thing was irresolvable.
"Oh well," she sighed and continued eating.
**
AN: Unfortunately, no ETA for the next update. I'm going to be doing some vacationing and I should be back in a week, but not entirely sure. We'll see what I'll be doing and how much (internet) access I'll have to my laptop :]