5 Months
Okay so technically I'm late on posting this by the clock, but whatever.
Still not doing okay. Sometimes it seems like its getting worse. I don't like feeling like shit, nor do I enjoy bouts of crying. I don't like having to console everyone when I already know that it still isn't okay and nothing can be said or done to change this fact. I don't like the fact that I can't go downtown, even just driving through it to get to south austin without breaking in tears (this even includes the highway). I don't like the fact that most of the music I enjoy is now tainted by the bitterness of grief. I don't like seeing buses going down Lamar and not only finding myself looking to see if I catch a glimpse of him sitting in the bus, but also the mental slap I give myself right afterward as he will never be there. I hate what he did, why he did it, why he felt he had to do it, and myself for not stopping it by doing everything I could to have him committed before it was too late (up to and including speaking with his family).
I still don't hate him.
Still not doing okay. Sometimes it seems like its getting worse. I don't like feeling like shit, nor do I enjoy bouts of crying. I don't like having to console everyone when I already know that it still isn't okay and nothing can be said or done to change this fact. I don't like the fact that I can't go downtown, even just driving through it to get to south austin without breaking in tears (this even includes the highway). I don't like the fact that most of the music I enjoy is now tainted by the bitterness of grief. I don't like seeing buses going down Lamar and not only finding myself looking to see if I catch a glimpse of him sitting in the bus, but also the mental slap I give myself right afterward as he will never be there. I hate what he did, why he did it, why he felt he had to do it, and myself for not stopping it by doing everything I could to have him committed before it was too late (up to and including speaking with his family).
I still don't hate him.