Is this is beginning of the end?
So I surprise myself as I am back here blogging for another day.
My plan last night was to get myself and my girlfriend drunk enough to have a decent conversation about sex and why as of late I've been kind of miserable. The main reason being because....we have sex like twice a month and that's not really enough for me. I know that may sound horrible to some people but when I got together with my girlfriend I let her know all the nitty gritty about me. I let her know I like sex, often, varied and exploratory. I even let her know....some of the things I was into. I figured if I told her up front there would be no need for her to get freaked out later. Although the things I had to tell her I didn't think there would be need to get freaked out about. Moving on. We've been together for about 8 months. Things have been kind of rocky all over but especially in bed. Besides switching positions we don't do ANYthing else. She has to be COMPLETELY trashed to give me head and enjoy it, otherwise it's a half energy bj.
Blah, anyway, lets make a long story short. Her and I, if you haven't guessed, can't have really good sex unless we're really trashed. I have to be trashed so I don't have to worry about her feeling this way and that about what I'm doing and she has to be drunk because she is truly open minded and the next day she will rave about how much fun she had. So last night we got drunk and I had the intention of using it as lubrication for a conversation that was LONG overdue. So I get all into the conversation pouring everything in my head out to her, that I do truly care about her and our sex life or lack of one affecting my happiness. She basically ignored me the whole time and then told me, "I was killing the mood." I wanted to breathe smoke at that moment. There I was saying things that were SO hard for me to say and all she could do was tell me I was killing the mood?! Not to mention completely ignore me and look at the wall! I had enough. I left the room after breaking a glass on accident and slept on the couch. Today her and I have said nothing to each other.
I don't want her to do everything on my freaky list, that's not fair to make her like my own personal sex drone. What I would like though is for her to actually listen to the things I say and at least try some of these things with an open mind. In any case...I'm a bit worried this might be the end of the line for her and I. This is not the first time we've had an argument and I always end up apologizing even though I don't always feel like it's even my fault. I can't do that forever. She keeps a closed mind about a lot of things, she's constantly embarrassed about everything and she can't let loose....ever. Ugh. All I'm doing here is trashing her but I do love her, but it just seems like no matter how much I love her....she will never even consider or hear what I have to say. The day is over now the awkwardness and the tension is too much to handle. Oh yeah, I still haven't gotten laid.
My plan last night was to get myself and my girlfriend drunk enough to have a decent conversation about sex and why as of late I've been kind of miserable. The main reason being because....we have sex like twice a month and that's not really enough for me. I know that may sound horrible to some people but when I got together with my girlfriend I let her know all the nitty gritty about me. I let her know I like sex, often, varied and exploratory. I even let her know....some of the things I was into. I figured if I told her up front there would be no need for her to get freaked out later. Although the things I had to tell her I didn't think there would be need to get freaked out about. Moving on. We've been together for about 8 months. Things have been kind of rocky all over but especially in bed. Besides switching positions we don't do ANYthing else. She has to be COMPLETELY trashed to give me head and enjoy it, otherwise it's a half energy bj.
Blah, anyway, lets make a long story short. Her and I, if you haven't guessed, can't have really good sex unless we're really trashed. I have to be trashed so I don't have to worry about her feeling this way and that about what I'm doing and she has to be drunk because she is truly open minded and the next day she will rave about how much fun she had. So last night we got drunk and I had the intention of using it as lubrication for a conversation that was LONG overdue. So I get all into the conversation pouring everything in my head out to her, that I do truly care about her and our sex life or lack of one affecting my happiness. She basically ignored me the whole time and then told me, "I was killing the mood." I wanted to breathe smoke at that moment. There I was saying things that were SO hard for me to say and all she could do was tell me I was killing the mood?! Not to mention completely ignore me and look at the wall! I had enough. I left the room after breaking a glass on accident and slept on the couch. Today her and I have said nothing to each other.
I don't want her to do everything on my freaky list, that's not fair to make her like my own personal sex drone. What I would like though is for her to actually listen to the things I say and at least try some of these things with an open mind. In any case...I'm a bit worried this might be the end of the line for her and I. This is not the first time we've had an argument and I always end up apologizing even though I don't always feel like it's even my fault. I can't do that forever. She keeps a closed mind about a lot of things, she's constantly embarrassed about everything and she can't let loose....ever. Ugh. All I'm doing here is trashing her but I do love her, but it just seems like no matter how much I love her....she will never even consider or hear what I have to say. The day is over now the awkwardness and the tension is too much to handle. Oh yeah, I still haven't gotten laid.