Damn my boy was pretty!
Just finished putting together my actual physical album for Rommell, i've been waiting for amazon to ship me the album that i decided was right and now it's all done and set up. i miss my boy so much. Went down to RI today for the head shrinkin' and spent some time with momma. It was tough and weird and of course we talked about him. i had a moment of just almost physical pain when i was walking through the living room and i saw on the floor a couple of those little square shaped multi-colored gum, i don't even think it has a brand name it's so ubiquitous and i reached down to pick them up because i thought oh i should pick that up so he (i always think of Rommell as "he" in my head, i don't know why) doesn't eat them and get sick and all of a sudden BAM! i felt like someone had just kicked me in the gut or hit me with an arrow right in my chest. it HURT. But then it was over and i continued with my day. Not terribly happy that i have to pass the vet's office in order to get home but that's less abou tme and more about mom cause she's mentioned she feels awful and guilty every time she drives by that place. Life if tough and it sucks and that's ok cause sometimes it's supposed to. But we get through it and i know my life is personally better for the love lost rather than the love never loved at all. So yeah all in all today? pretty painful. But a healing kind of pain. Also picked up the stuff to insulate my potholders (courtesy of dad, he slipped me a 20 cause he;s trying to encourage me to continue teaching myself.) So basically today was good, my heart hurts and my head is shrunken and i have more material for my current craft projects. That's mah day. Hard to really figure out where i am right now. Got alot of brainfood from glenda, got a dose of grief and loss from being at home and i got a happy from getting the needed stuff to move forward with a craft project. my emotions are all sorts of mixed up right now. Ok granted that's probably more to do with the depression than anything else but it's not a feeling i'm used to anymore, the causeless mood swings from great to wailing inside for no discernible reason. Thank god tomorrow i go to speak to the doc and get my meds changed cause good god damn i am a mess. i hadn't realized how much losing him had kicked my feet out from under me but yeah. So i'm trying to take care of myself, grieve, and at the same time move my life and my goals forward. Guess i got my hands full! :-)