under pressure
i have a good day, then later in that day it gets to the time when people expect things of me. often those things conflict (at least twice a week) and the result is I am stretched too thin. and im the one who has to deal cause im in the middle, and everyone around me couldnt posibly have any controll over their emotions. everyone has a stressful life, and im living little bits of each person's, cause people come to me.
I had 2 days off, they flew by. i work, then im expected to show up at matt's party saturday and play peacekeeper some more. I wouldnt even mind if i werent doing it all the time for everyone close. Ive been to a couple countries, one only needs to go to south nogales to see a culture where people arent obsessed with fucking with eachother.
Im expected to be the calm little center, i prefer to be it, but im tired of being the monkey to dance on command and be beaten and picked on when he doesnt. Im too tired, and i wish people would just take a second to breathe, grow up, and take the world in stride.... i do it well and im happy untill it getts thrown off ballance by the ones who drain my energy by fucking with eachother and worse, with me. why is it so hard to rest. i command the world to chill the fuck out... i shouldnt have to tolerate living with this stress all of the time. when did it all get like this? was it my mistakes that got me into this circle of bullshit? someone else's?
thanksgiving was fun. i had almost an entire day where no one needed anything of me. exept to pass the butter. its 2:29 am, so if i pass out now, theres a good chance ill get enough sleep tonight. im so afraid of dissapointing anyone that im too tired to do the things that keep me of some value... i wonder what a vacation is like.... the major reason i cant sleep, im always thinking of what ill need to do the next day. Its like taking rotten medicine; theyll keep pushing it down my throat, and it makes me sicker, so they give me more.
i cant stop thinking again, i think im just about drunk enough to pass out.
I had 2 days off, they flew by. i work, then im expected to show up at matt's party saturday and play peacekeeper some more. I wouldnt even mind if i werent doing it all the time for everyone close. Ive been to a couple countries, one only needs to go to south nogales to see a culture where people arent obsessed with fucking with eachother.
Im expected to be the calm little center, i prefer to be it, but im tired of being the monkey to dance on command and be beaten and picked on when he doesnt. Im too tired, and i wish people would just take a second to breathe, grow up, and take the world in stride.... i do it well and im happy untill it getts thrown off ballance by the ones who drain my energy by fucking with eachother and worse, with me. why is it so hard to rest. i command the world to chill the fuck out... i shouldnt have to tolerate living with this stress all of the time. when did it all get like this? was it my mistakes that got me into this circle of bullshit? someone else's?
thanksgiving was fun. i had almost an entire day where no one needed anything of me. exept to pass the butter. its 2:29 am, so if i pass out now, theres a good chance ill get enough sleep tonight. im so afraid of dissapointing anyone that im too tired to do the things that keep me of some value... i wonder what a vacation is like.... the major reason i cant sleep, im always thinking of what ill need to do the next day. Its like taking rotten medicine; theyll keep pushing it down my throat, and it makes me sicker, so they give me more.
i cant stop thinking again, i think im just about drunk enough to pass out.