another go
Trying to force some quiet in all the chaos around me seems to be a theme lately. I find all these pieces in people so amusing and calming, yet in myself I see nothing but a storm of regret and fear.
I've been trying to come up with a short enough way to express how awesome I find it that all of my friends have their own version of 'normal'. I love that everyone runs the gamut of societal desires in their own ways. I hold such a high regard and respect to make sure that they get to keep that 'normal' without judgment.
I love that have straight friends, gay friends, bi friends, married friends, unmarried friends, parent friends, non parent friends, crazy friends and boring friends, unpredictable friends and completely predictable friends.
What aggravates me to no end is other people trying to force their normal on others and giving themselves a constant public pat on the back for their choices. More specifically something I refer to as the mommy circle jerk. Post after post like the following and yes I copied/pasted.
"My body is not perfect but i nurtured a baby and im proud! Too bad if we dont look perfect but every mark, every line, and every bit of skin represents our beautiful babies and what we have done for them. Having a baby is no easy task, we are strong, we are brave and we should be proud of ourselves. Put this as your status if you're a proud Mom!"
"To all the unselfish mothers out there who traded sleep for dark circles, salon haircuts for ponytails, long showers for quick showers, the late nights for early mornings, designer bags for nappy bags and wouldnt change a thing. lets see how many mums will actually post this.for all the mums who dont care what they gave up and love what they got in return..post this if you love your life as a mother xx"
I completely get and respect that having children changes you and that a good parent will sacrifice things for the life you've created. That's an awesome thing for some people and I think it's great if that's the life you choose for yourself. What I have no respect for are those that shove that lifestyle down my throat in every day conversation and talk to me condescendingly because I'll just never know how hard it is or what it's like and it's such a shame and blah blah biddy blah. STFU,
You did something that scientifically you are capable of doing and you haven't yet scared your kid for life. Do you want a fucking cookie?
That said, I don't want to be a hypocrite. I am happy for people that have kids when they want them. It's awesome to see my friends who have always wanted to be parents become parents. It's great, what saddens me though is that inevitably they lose some of the person that was so awesome before the kid came around. That's what I find sad about the whole thing. I don't dislike children, I dislike that society tends to make mother's/father's feel guilty if they don't drop 100% of their life for their children.
I severly dislike people that get up on a high horse because they chose to be parents and don't have time for all that 'frivolous stuff' anymore. This was an actual response I've gotten regarding reading a book of all things. Oh I'm a MOM now I don't have time to READ and have intelligent thoughts! Also, note to self, never again mention how excited you are to play a new video game to these people, they instantly talk to you like you are 12 years old.
I almost forgot, I'm childless, unmarried and almost 30! I am the saddest creature alive!! I forgot to get married and have kids oh no my life is over!
God I love being over dramatic for the sake of my own amusement. Honestly, that is what I fear for the most awesome people in my life. That they may lose the 'them' that made them so awesome to me at the start. That and fear that they too will look down on my life when we aren't sharing similarities on a daily level like we do now.
I think that it's bullshit. Much of the mommy/loss of self is why I still feel how I do about marriage. I'm all for growing old with someone you love, what I don't agree with is that without a ring and piece of paper the choice to do so isn't seen as 'valid' socially. That and the whole same sex marriage argument I could get into until the cows came home.
My being with a man hasn't change my feeling that the choice should be open to anyone. What if I'd fallen in love with a woman instead. I would want the same life with her as I'm building with Josh. The only difference is my life with Josh can eventually have legality behind it, my life with a woman could not. The fantasy of marrying someone is in my head and something that I will probably end up experiencing, but a part of me feels like a sell out if I go through with it because of everything I have said over the years.
I don't want to give in to what I'm supposed to do. I want to do what I want to do without someone shoving the status quo down my throat.
Society and norms piss me off to this day. They did when I was the fat little freak and I'm still pissed off now I'm just an older fat little freak.
Figures I started off all optimistic about how I love the scale of 'normal' in my life and got too pissed to keep going on that...another day I guess...my spectrum is beautiful and deserves that recognition.
I've been trying to come up with a short enough way to express how awesome I find it that all of my friends have their own version of 'normal'. I love that everyone runs the gamut of societal desires in their own ways. I hold such a high regard and respect to make sure that they get to keep that 'normal' without judgment.
I love that have straight friends, gay friends, bi friends, married friends, unmarried friends, parent friends, non parent friends, crazy friends and boring friends, unpredictable friends and completely predictable friends.
What aggravates me to no end is other people trying to force their normal on others and giving themselves a constant public pat on the back for their choices. More specifically something I refer to as the mommy circle jerk. Post after post like the following and yes I copied/pasted.
"My body is not perfect but i nurtured a baby and im proud! Too bad if we dont look perfect but every mark, every line, and every bit of skin represents our beautiful babies and what we have done for them. Having a baby is no easy task, we are strong, we are brave and we should be proud of ourselves. Put this as your status if you're a proud Mom!"
"To all the unselfish mothers out there who traded sleep for dark circles, salon haircuts for ponytails, long showers for quick showers, the late nights for early mornings, designer bags for nappy bags and wouldnt change a thing. lets see how many mums will actually post this.for all the mums who dont care what they gave up and love what they got in return..post this if you love your life as a mother xx"
I completely get and respect that having children changes you and that a good parent will sacrifice things for the life you've created. That's an awesome thing for some people and I think it's great if that's the life you choose for yourself. What I have no respect for are those that shove that lifestyle down my throat in every day conversation and talk to me condescendingly because I'll just never know how hard it is or what it's like and it's such a shame and blah blah biddy blah. STFU,
You did something that scientifically you are capable of doing and you haven't yet scared your kid for life. Do you want a fucking cookie?
That said, I don't want to be a hypocrite. I am happy for people that have kids when they want them. It's awesome to see my friends who have always wanted to be parents become parents. It's great, what saddens me though is that inevitably they lose some of the person that was so awesome before the kid came around. That's what I find sad about the whole thing. I don't dislike children, I dislike that society tends to make mother's/father's feel guilty if they don't drop 100% of their life for their children.
I severly dislike people that get up on a high horse because they chose to be parents and don't have time for all that 'frivolous stuff' anymore. This was an actual response I've gotten regarding reading a book of all things. Oh I'm a MOM now I don't have time to READ and have intelligent thoughts! Also, note to self, never again mention how excited you are to play a new video game to these people, they instantly talk to you like you are 12 years old.
I almost forgot, I'm childless, unmarried and almost 30! I am the saddest creature alive!! I forgot to get married and have kids oh no my life is over!
God I love being over dramatic for the sake of my own amusement. Honestly, that is what I fear for the most awesome people in my life. That they may lose the 'them' that made them so awesome to me at the start. That and fear that they too will look down on my life when we aren't sharing similarities on a daily level like we do now.
I think that it's bullshit. Much of the mommy/loss of self is why I still feel how I do about marriage. I'm all for growing old with someone you love, what I don't agree with is that without a ring and piece of paper the choice to do so isn't seen as 'valid' socially. That and the whole same sex marriage argument I could get into until the cows came home.
My being with a man hasn't change my feeling that the choice should be open to anyone. What if I'd fallen in love with a woman instead. I would want the same life with her as I'm building with Josh. The only difference is my life with Josh can eventually have legality behind it, my life with a woman could not. The fantasy of marrying someone is in my head and something that I will probably end up experiencing, but a part of me feels like a sell out if I go through with it because of everything I have said over the years.
I don't want to give in to what I'm supposed to do. I want to do what I want to do without someone shoving the status quo down my throat.
Society and norms piss me off to this day. They did when I was the fat little freak and I'm still pissed off now I'm just an older fat little freak.
Figures I started off all optimistic about how I love the scale of 'normal' in my life and got too pissed to keep going on that...another day I guess...my spectrum is beautiful and deserves that recognition.