Jul 29, 2008 11:12
Well...not perfectly clean but getting there. I just gutted all the icon communities I had friended off the F-list. I'm just not into that nearly as much as I used to be. I still snag a few now and then but not enough to make having 20+ communities on my F-list for daily review to come out with no new icons.
The Marty is a now a Spartan...so the planning for his future and our plotting for a place to move to have begun. It's an interesting situation because I so loathed MSU toward the end of my attendance...but I have a feeling East Lansing/Lansing/MSU will all grow on me again as soon as I'm living back up this way.
Not having the long commute to work will be supersweet...but not being 20 mins or less from the people I love...that part is going to suck. I'm bad enough now at times with keeping up with people...I'm only going to get worse if I live that far away. I know it. Because I suck. I suck, I suck, I suck...
I get so into my own routine of work, home, do this, do that, go to bed, work, etc. I just fucking blow at being a friend at times. I realize everyone's got their lives and I pretty much just hang out like a observing ghost a lot of the time...my lack of daily contact is not lack of caring...though I know for some it probably feels that way. We're adults now. We've got jobs and families and kids and all this STUFF...I get that. It does make me miss the days when we didn't have all those things to keep us in our own worlds...because the world we had all together all the time was pretty awesome.
I remember so many conversations I've had with Jess over the years, wanting to escape and 'start fresh', 'start over'. We both always seemed to crave a real new beginning, mostly because we felt trapped by our situations. I still do some days...and I have a feeling there are moments she does to.
I'm amazed and proud so often of the people we've all become. There are moments I'm even proud of Brian...which says a lot. (Though only Marty/Jess will likely smile a little at my saying that)
I miss being a kid the most in the summer...all those really care-free days stretched out, family trips, all the crap I hated at the time but would love to go back and do now.
I want to be in a place in my life where I can have a bit of the care-free time back. Where I'm not worried desperately about finishing school, getting a 'real job', having a home, being 'done'. Is anyone ever really done? I haven't met anyone yet...
I feel like a yuppie bastard...so concerned with being in a state where the stupid capitalist worries in me can fade away so my inner hippie can find peace. I don't expect that to make much sense but it's a perfect thought in my head.
life babble,
teeza babble