Shiny happy people holding hands
The anti-depressants have helped. No one ever really says that they’ve helped, they roar and rave about how they dull and level out the creative juices, how they numb and make the rest of the world grey.
But really, what if the world is too much.
The experience of been on them, only a month has actually helped. Actually made life a bearable collection of minutes, full of great music and beautiful pros, that don’t overwhelm to the point of been silent for hours on end running words and light through every synapses in my brain.
Instead I feel I can appreciate what’s going on around me and deal with it, with caring on a dealing with out it all been so blinding and overwhelming to a point of not wanting to get out of my bed in a morning.
My life has been on such a stand still, I don’t know what’s wrong with me in so many words, haven’t really had the right professionals to work with but to be honest how much I am glad of this is that I have been able to monitor my own progress, where I’ve wanted to be in my life and how much I’ve appreciated my life.
It’s been nearly a year since I’ve written anything cognitive, really if I’m honest I’ve been selfish. Missed everything in the wake of my nightmares and attacks of panic and sheer terror that have made me leave classes and ultimately stopped me from leaving the house for days on end.
I’m really not saying anti-depressants are the end of my depression, I’m going to ask my doctor tomorrow is I can couple it with some sort of therapy, I have no shame in asking only in the way everything has affected me over the numerous years.
Some part of me is always raging that I should have been stronger, been more like me parents and tried to suck up my strife’s like a good person.
But in the past twenty years I’ve found that not everything in life works to the end you dream of the future.
I have a job. :)
Oh and I’ve left college.
That’s it with me.
But really, what if the world is too much.
The experience of been on them, only a month has actually helped. Actually made life a bearable collection of minutes, full of great music and beautiful pros, that don’t overwhelm to the point of been silent for hours on end running words and light through every synapses in my brain.
Instead I feel I can appreciate what’s going on around me and deal with it, with caring on a dealing with out it all been so blinding and overwhelming to a point of not wanting to get out of my bed in a morning.
My life has been on such a stand still, I don’t know what’s wrong with me in so many words, haven’t really had the right professionals to work with but to be honest how much I am glad of this is that I have been able to monitor my own progress, where I’ve wanted to be in my life and how much I’ve appreciated my life.
It’s been nearly a year since I’ve written anything cognitive, really if I’m honest I’ve been selfish. Missed everything in the wake of my nightmares and attacks of panic and sheer terror that have made me leave classes and ultimately stopped me from leaving the house for days on end.
I’m really not saying anti-depressants are the end of my depression, I’m going to ask my doctor tomorrow is I can couple it with some sort of therapy, I have no shame in asking only in the way everything has affected me over the numerous years.
Some part of me is always raging that I should have been stronger, been more like me parents and tried to suck up my strife’s like a good person.
But in the past twenty years I’ve found that not everything in life works to the end you dream of the future.
I have a job. :)
Oh and I’ve left college.
That’s it with me.