I am geek! Hear me squeak!
Emelious: I don't want to be a Communicator! Somebody else should talk to your stupid animals!
Adult: Shut up and study.
Emelious: THAT'S IT! WHEN I GROW UP, I'M GOING TO BECOME EVIL AND DESTROY THE WORLD!
[A few years later...]
Yuki: I want to be a pilot.
Miranda: Whatever.
Yuki: I love you too, mother.
'Blash: *wonders how that's possible, as Miranda only looks two or three years older than Yuki, tops*
[Later that night]
Yuki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I'VE BUILT A PLANE! I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!
[All goes well, until Yuki sees a strange girl being chased by a bunch of angry people]
Yuki: I've got to save her! I don't know how, so I'll just crash my plane into her getaway cart! What could possibly go wrong?!?
[Yuki divebombs the cart.]
[The cart explodes, and Alfina [the girl] is thrown into the woods. Yuki eventually finds her.]
Yuki: LET'S GO ON A QUEST!
Alfina: YAY!
Miranda: I'm coming too!
[Raven suddenly appears.]
Raven: Alfina, you suck.
Alfina: *cries*
[Raven disappears.]
BEGIN EPIC JOURNEY
Alonso: A quest! Cool! I'm coming!
Miranda: *blush*
Miranda: *smacks Alonso upside the head*
Alonso: OW! OW! OW!
Miranda: *blush*
Miranda: *kicks Alonso in the shins*
Alonso: WHAT THE HELL, WOMAN?!?
Miranda: *blush*
Miranda: *punches Alonso in the nuts*
Alonso: *passes out*
Yuki: ...
Alfina: *cries*
'Blash: Wow. That brings back memories. o.O;
Miranda: You know what, Yuki? I think it's about time I let you grow up. I'm going to run off with Alonso for the rest of the game, and you'll never see me again!
Alonso: NO! NOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THIS CRAZY BROAD!
Miranda: *blush*
Miranda: *hits Alonso with a chair*
Alonso: *cries*
[Yuki and Alfina end up at Alfina's hometown of Acriff.]
Alfina's homies: Your brother [Emelious] ran off, so we need someone to talk to a giant bird for us!
Alfina: Oh, Emelious...*cries*
Giant Bird: WAZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
Alfina: *cries*
Giant Bird: Love. Love is the key. Love your brother. Love the sky. Love the plants. Love the sea. Love the fish. Love Whataburger. Yum. Chicken strips and gravy. *drool*
Alfina: Love...?
Giant Bird: LOVE! THE POWER OF LOVE WILL SET YOU FREE! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
Alfina: The power...of love?
'Blash: Somebody needs to kill that bird already.
[Emelious shows up out of nowhere and decapitates the bird.]
'Blash: YAY! HIGH FIVE!
Emelious: Dood! 'Blash! WAZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
Alfina: *cries*
'Blash: Dude, your sister is really freaking annoying.
Emelious: O RLY?
'Blash: YA RLY.
Emelious: Eh. I can fix that.
[Emelious starts strangling Alfina.]
Yuki: o.o
Yuki: o.O;
Yuki: ...
Yuki: O.O;
Yuki: CRAP! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SAVING HER!
Yuki: *saves Alfina*
Alfina: *cries and passes out*
[Ulf suddenly shows up.]
Ulf: OMG! YOU'RE ON A QUEST!
Yuki: Yep.
Ulf: Cool! Can I come?!?
Yuki: Why?
Ulf: I have a tail! Isn't that reason enough?
Yuki: Good enough for me. Welcome!
Ulf: Let's go talk to a giant dragon!
Yuki and Alfina: OKAY!
Giant Dragon: I'm old.
Alfina: Oh, great dragon! Please tell us where to go next!
Giant Dragon: Go to the desert, and talk to the giant lion thing! Maybe he'll know something! That, and the kabobs there are excellent.
[The party leaves for the desert.]
Giant Dragon: Yum. Kabob.
Emelious: Hi!
Giant Dragon: ****.
[Emelious kills the dragon.]
Dahna: Welcome to this lame freaking desert, travellers.
Ulf: Let's eat.
Alfina: Dahna! Please help us!
Dahna: Life sucks. Go away!
Alfina: *cries*
[Raven suddenly shows up, hugs Dahna, and disappears.]
Dahna: My life suddenly has meaning again! Let's go see the giant lion!
Giant Lion: Yo.
Alfina: We need your help.
Giant Lion: Did you try the kabob?
Ulf: **** YES!!!11!!
Giant Lion: There is nothing more I can teach you, then. Go away.
Alfina: *cries*
[Emelious shows up shortly after the party leaves.]
Giant Lion: Did you try the kabob?
Emelious: Yep.
Giant Lion: There is nothing more I can teach you, then. Go away.
Emelious: No.
Giant Lion: ****.
[Emelious kills the lion.]
[The party somehow ends up in the Verse Realm, an alternate dimension.]
Verse Realm People: Life sucks. We want to die.
Hect: Yes, my people. Lose hope. There's no point in living.
Alfina: *grabs Hect's hand*
Hect: Your hands...are...so...warm.
Alfina: Yep.
Hect: HOPE HAS BEEN REKINDLED IN MY HEART! THE POWER OF LOVE CAN CONQUER ALL!
'Blash: *rolls eyes*
[The party returns to the regular world.]
Yuki: Let's go talk to a giant unicorn thing that lives in the forest!
Everyone else: OKAY!
Giant Unicorn Thing: Ahoy mateeeeeeeeeeys!
Alfina: We need help. This quest is going nowhere.
Giant Unicorn Thing: Did you try the kabob?
Ulf: **** YES!!!!1!1!
Giant Unicorn Thing: There is nothing more I can teach you, then. Go away.
Alfina: THAT'S IT?!? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
Giant Unicorn Thing: Oh, yeah, I forgot. Love, blah, blah, blah.
Yuki: I don't even know why we even bother anymore.
[Emelious suddenly appears.]
Emelious: Got kabob?
Giant Unicorn Thing: No...?
Emelious: Okay. You die, then.
Giant Unicorn Thing: ****.
[Emelious beheads the giant unicorn thing.]
Alfina: WHY EMELIOUS, WHY?!?
Alfina: *cries*
Emelious: Simple. Now that all the giant animals are dead, I won't have to talk to them anymore! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[Raven suddenly appears.]
Raven: Dood. That was NOT cool.
Emelious: Whatever. You've got to admit that I looked pretty badass, though.
Raven: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH LOL
Emelious: Oh, yeah, before I forget...
Raven: What?
Emelious: *stabs Raven*
Raven: ****.
Raven: *dies*
Dahna: *cries*
Alfina: *cries*
'Blash: O...kay, then.
[Emelious leaves.]
Voice from the sky: COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Everyone: Okay.
[The party goes to a mechanical fortress in the sky, and meets a Giant Dolphin.]
Giant Dolphin: Got kabob?
Yuki: This is getting old. Stop it already.
Giant Dolphin: But, but...
Yuki: SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! IF I HEAR THE WORD "KABOB" ONE MORE TIME, I AM GOING TO KILL SOMETHING!
Giant Dolphin: *cries*
Alfina: *cries*
[The giant dolphin disappears.]
Alfina: Nice going, dumbass.
Yuki: *cries*
'Blash: *rolls eyes*
Yuki: I'm sorry Alfina. Let me make this up to you by killing your brother!
Alfina: *rolls eyes*
[Yuki & co. beat the crap out of Emelious.]
Emelious: Ow. That hurt, you jerk. Just for that, I'm going to kidnap your girlfriend. That'll learn you!
[Emelious kidnaps Alfina, and takes her to his secret hideout.]
Xorn: Sup dood.
Emelious: I just kidnapped my sister. I'm such a badass.
Xorn: Totally. Thanks for killing all the giant animals and freeing me, by the way.
Emelious: No problem.
Xorn: Do you want to know what I've got planned for the world now that I'm free?
Emelious: Um, free kabobs for everyone?
Xorn: Even better! I'm going to turn everyone and everything into glass! GLASS! EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHINY! IT'LL BE TOTALLY BADASS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Emelious: I don't get it.
Alfina: Don't you see, Emelious?!? Xorn is evil! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!
Emelious: ****.
[Emelious has a change of heart.]
Emelious: Thank you for showing me the error of my ways. I love you, Alfina.
Alfina: I love you too, Emelious!
[Yuki and co. suddenly burst in.]
Yuki: Alfina! ALFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINA!
Emelious: Go to him. I'll take care of everything.
Alfina: Okies.
[Emelious rushes at Xorn, and is dispatched in the blink of an eye.]
Xorn: LOL NEXT
Alfina: XOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!
[The epic battle with Xorn begins.]
Yuki: *looks at Xorn's HP*
Yuki: We're boned.
[Yuki is wrong, as usual. The party destroys Xorn and saves the world.]
Yuki: We did it, Alfina! We really did it!
Alfina: *cries*
Yuki: Guh. Why do I love you again?
Alfina: It says so in the script. You don't have a choice, bucko.
Yuki: Fine, whatever.
Alfina: Yay! Let's make babies!
Yuki: ****.
[They make babies (well, technically, only *one* baby), and live happily ever after. Er...at least, I think they do. The ending was like, two minutes long. Nothing really got resolved or anything.]