Letting go
I found this list which I think is a good one: “30 things to stop doing to yourself”
Two of the things I found to be most important are:
#18. Stop holding grudges. - Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
and:
#26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. - The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility - you give others power over that part of your life.
Holding grudges and blaming others are closely related.
I used to hold grudges. I only hurt myself by obsessing over the actions of others in the past. Holding grudges is like letting someone rent space in your mind, for free. You give them power over you.
I used to blame others for my depressions. I blamed those who treated me unfairly, hurt me and dragged me down. While these people and their actions triggered depressions, the depressions themselves where not their fault.
It took me a very long time to accept that I had a mental disorder, and that my periods of depressions were caused by screwed up biochemistry in my body.
Teaching myself to let go and move on is one of the most important things I’ve done.
I’m teaching myself to stop brooding over the past, to just let it go.
I’m teaching myself to stop beating myself up for mistakes I have done in my life. I’, learning to forgive myself.
I used to let others have power over me. I have taken this power back, and it truly feels liberating.
I am teaching myself mindfulness, to live in the present, to let go of the past and to not worry about the future.
Focusing on living in the present is very liberating. I have short term plans, and long time goals, but I take each day as it comes and don’t spend time worrying. I am much happier and content now, living with mindfulness, than I was before.