REALLY OLD ENTRY! whoa baby
I WAS READING THROUGH MY FILES AND I FOUND THIS...EVEN BEFORE I HAD A LIVEJOURNAL I WROTE THIS IN THE WORD PROGRAM...IT's SOOO OLD SEEING AS WE AREN'T DATING ANYMORE ;)
Speculations of today: Well today seemed kind of like a shitty ass day, at least in the morning. I come to school tired as hell looking around and seeing the crazy Will Jenkins and Jania (What IS his last name anyway?) Anyways, so I finally wake up, I am one of those people where it doesn’t take 2 cups of coffee to wake me up. I think it was the moment when Bryant walked in that made me walk up and come to my senses. I was in a bad mood and didn’t really feel like talking to anyone, let alone him. I was concerned about his encounters with Alyssa and Emily. (More about this later) Anyways, he comes in and doesn’t talk to me for quite some time. I am not sure why but I am guessing it’s one of these reasons. 1.) He knows I am vulnerable right now and he has a slight chance that things aren’t working so well for the two of us. 2.) He feels like the only way he will ever get rid of me is to completely ignore me to the point where I break up with him. 3.) He didn’t see me, which is HIGHLY unlikely. I am guessing that the correct answer is #1. I feel like we need to have a talk about our relationship. I am scared to do it, though. I don’t want it to mean a breakup because I like him so much. Even though it HAS been 3 months and nothing has happened yet. All I really want is for people to be able to tell we are together. Not for the enjoyment of others. But for myself, to know that he really cares for me. At least one hug, maybe. (As I click back to my AIM box I notice that he signs on and signs off quickly). Probably, he doesn’t want to talk to me OR he can’t type because of his wrist. I had an away message on but he could have left me one fu*king message. I’m sick of this…I had to sign off. Well, I was really unsure all day about the two of us and things started to get better. I can’t dwell on this. I mean last night I cried over it. That is not normal. I heard a quote that says “No guy is ever worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry.” I had to stop and think about that for a second. I mean, yes, it does make sense, but is it true? I don’t really think so, personally. (Who uses personally in a journal? This is all personal! Oh well, too bad!) The guy who IS worthy of your tears, will make you cry at some point in your life, right? I mean I guess I am not old enough to understand this seeing as I haven’t found my one true love yet. Well, I am talking to him right now (hold…)
applegurl: i am crying rite npw and i cant help it and its all really weird..i never cried about it before
ROCKY: i feel terrible
applegurl: dont
ROCKY: oooooooook
applegurl: ..
ROCKY: well wat can i do
applegurl: i dont know, nothing i guess..
ROCKY: there has to be
applegurl: i dont kow
ROCKY: okkk
applegurl: yea
ROCKY: newatys other than that how r u
applegurl: ok
ROCKY: good\\
applegurl: i guess theres other things but i dunno really..
ROCKY: like........
ROCKY: ?
applegurl: ....like my grades suck and my parents hate me, i am havinng the slight chance that u dont like me i don’t know y...and i miss my freinds
ROCKY: damn
applegurl: adn im losing touch with all of them bc im not
ROCKY: well most of those rnt true
applegurl: at hopkins
ROCKY: oo ic
ROCKY: so inother words u wnana go vack
applegurl: no
applegurl: i dont
applegurl: i just miss them and theres only a few people at blake that i really like
ROCKY: o i c
applegurl: well theres all my problems
ROCKY: well i feel really bad now
applegurl: gosh i feel like some one thats depresse...but im not its just been a hard week so far
applegurl: why
ROCKY: i dunno i jst do
ROCKY: well when u go to florada all ur troubbles will be long lost
applegurl3308: i think its going to all end soon
ROCKY: wat will end/
applegurl: my problems
ROCKY: good
applegurl: yea
ROCKY: well i g2g sorry i will call u later
applegurl: ok
ROCKY: bye love u
applegurl: love you 2 bye
ROCKY: bye
applegurl: promise?? that u do?
ROCKY: do wat
applegurl: still like me and that even though i dont know why i think not i dunno..
ROCKY: yea of corese
ROCKY: but i g2g
ROCKY: bye love u
Well that was our conversation. I feel a lot better. Getting that out helped a lot. I guess I am feeling better. There is no point in being sad. Back to my day, lately, I have been feeling like the people who were never really all that nice at the beginning of the year, people who I made first impressions of. Not necessarily people who I thought despised me, I mean what would their reason be? I guess I should rephrase that; People who never spoke much to me, who then made me see them as stuck up bitches or assholes who weren’t willing to go out of their way for the helpless new people. I guess not helpless, I love Blake. I love the girls (most of them at least). For one, I love Jamie. She’s such a sweet girl. She’s one of those people who from a distance you think “Wow, what a bitch! She looks like such a whore!” Well, she is, in a way. I mean, she’s awesome and she’s FAR from being a whore, but she puts on an act. She acts like she is a HUGE whore! It doesn’t bother me at all. I think it’s kind of funny, actually. I always liked her as a friend but then when she said something the other day to me, it made my day. She said the sweetest thing. She said to me, “Liz, I am really glad that you came to Blake this year. You’re a great friend and I don’t know what I would do without you in Cult. And Lit. Love ya sweetie!” That really made my day. Just that simple line. I’m so glad she’s here and that she cares for me and considers me a good friend of hers. Georgie is pretty cool, too. At first I thought she was the biggest bitch but I like her now.
Speculations of today: Well today seemed kind of like a shitty ass day, at least in the morning. I come to school tired as hell looking around and seeing the crazy Will Jenkins and Jania (What IS his last name anyway?) Anyways, so I finally wake up, I am one of those people where it doesn’t take 2 cups of coffee to wake me up. I think it was the moment when Bryant walked in that made me walk up and come to my senses. I was in a bad mood and didn’t really feel like talking to anyone, let alone him. I was concerned about his encounters with Alyssa and Emily. (More about this later) Anyways, he comes in and doesn’t talk to me for quite some time. I am not sure why but I am guessing it’s one of these reasons. 1.) He knows I am vulnerable right now and he has a slight chance that things aren’t working so well for the two of us. 2.) He feels like the only way he will ever get rid of me is to completely ignore me to the point where I break up with him. 3.) He didn’t see me, which is HIGHLY unlikely. I am guessing that the correct answer is #1. I feel like we need to have a talk about our relationship. I am scared to do it, though. I don’t want it to mean a breakup because I like him so much. Even though it HAS been 3 months and nothing has happened yet. All I really want is for people to be able to tell we are together. Not for the enjoyment of others. But for myself, to know that he really cares for me. At least one hug, maybe. (As I click back to my AIM box I notice that he signs on and signs off quickly). Probably, he doesn’t want to talk to me OR he can’t type because of his wrist. I had an away message on but he could have left me one fu*king message. I’m sick of this…I had to sign off. Well, I was really unsure all day about the two of us and things started to get better. I can’t dwell on this. I mean last night I cried over it. That is not normal. I heard a quote that says “No guy is ever worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry.” I had to stop and think about that for a second. I mean, yes, it does make sense, but is it true? I don’t really think so, personally. (Who uses personally in a journal? This is all personal! Oh well, too bad!) The guy who IS worthy of your tears, will make you cry at some point in your life, right? I mean I guess I am not old enough to understand this seeing as I haven’t found my one true love yet. Well, I am talking to him right now (hold…)
applegurl: i am crying rite npw and i cant help it and its all really weird..i never cried about it before
ROCKY: i feel terrible
applegurl: dont
ROCKY: oooooooook
applegurl: ..
ROCKY: well wat can i do
applegurl: i dont know, nothing i guess..
ROCKY: there has to be
applegurl: i dont kow
ROCKY: okkk
applegurl: yea
ROCKY: newatys other than that how r u
applegurl: ok
ROCKY: good\\
applegurl: i guess theres other things but i dunno really..
ROCKY: like........
ROCKY: ?
applegurl: ....like my grades suck and my parents hate me, i am havinng the slight chance that u dont like me i don’t know y...and i miss my freinds
ROCKY: damn
applegurl: adn im losing touch with all of them bc im not
ROCKY: well most of those rnt true
applegurl: at hopkins
ROCKY: oo ic
ROCKY: so inother words u wnana go vack
applegurl: no
applegurl: i dont
applegurl: i just miss them and theres only a few people at blake that i really like
ROCKY: o i c
applegurl: well theres all my problems
ROCKY: well i feel really bad now
applegurl: gosh i feel like some one thats depresse...but im not its just been a hard week so far
applegurl: why
ROCKY: i dunno i jst do
ROCKY: well when u go to florada all ur troubbles will be long lost
applegurl3308: i think its going to all end soon
ROCKY: wat will end/
applegurl: my problems
ROCKY: good
applegurl: yea
ROCKY: well i g2g sorry i will call u later
applegurl: ok
ROCKY: bye love u
applegurl: love you 2 bye
ROCKY: bye
applegurl: promise?? that u do?
ROCKY: do wat
applegurl: still like me and that even though i dont know why i think not i dunno..
ROCKY: yea of corese
ROCKY: but i g2g
ROCKY: bye love u
Well that was our conversation. I feel a lot better. Getting that out helped a lot. I guess I am feeling better. There is no point in being sad. Back to my day, lately, I have been feeling like the people who were never really all that nice at the beginning of the year, people who I made first impressions of. Not necessarily people who I thought despised me, I mean what would their reason be? I guess I should rephrase that; People who never spoke much to me, who then made me see them as stuck up bitches or assholes who weren’t willing to go out of their way for the helpless new people. I guess not helpless, I love Blake. I love the girls (most of them at least). For one, I love Jamie. She’s such a sweet girl. She’s one of those people who from a distance you think “Wow, what a bitch! She looks like such a whore!” Well, she is, in a way. I mean, she’s awesome and she’s FAR from being a whore, but she puts on an act. She acts like she is a HUGE whore! It doesn’t bother me at all. I think it’s kind of funny, actually. I always liked her as a friend but then when she said something the other day to me, it made my day. She said the sweetest thing. She said to me, “Liz, I am really glad that you came to Blake this year. You’re a great friend and I don’t know what I would do without you in Cult. And Lit. Love ya sweetie!” That really made my day. Just that simple line. I’m so glad she’s here and that she cares for me and considers me a good friend of hers. Georgie is pretty cool, too. At first I thought she was the biggest bitch but I like her now.