Brian (black) convo with me (purple)
ok whatcha been writing? i wrote about when I found out about my dad im just trying to figure it out and I havent been able to move on or forward at all yet so i figured if trying writing it out yea awkward i know but i think a lot when i cant sleep ha ha no its fine I know all this you do? thats how you feel course oh but i dont talk about it? Its when you do I know you cant be over it oh theres no way id be over this i just dont understand how everyone else is moving on, when i really just cant even fathom it its because they know they have to... Your dad may have passed but his memory is always there to them yea im kinda still refusing that he is a mo memory* i hate that word when it comes to him Well he isn't just a memory... But he isn't of this world anymore.. And eventually you are going to have to accept that hard truth yea, i know that but my brain just wont process it And it may never... But you have to try yea, my uncle (his twin) came over today and the only thing he said to me was that i have to move on I couldnt agree more so thats why i tried writing it well good But you also need to put into words how you will move on yea i havent figred that part out yet. cause he used to help me with all my big decisions. that why i moved here cause he told me to before he died and now im here i dunno what to do cause i cant ask him Well write down what you want to ask him what to do... yea, i could stop writing about him start writing to him... put into words what you want and then when you have asked the questions of him try answering them yourself hopefully this will hekp me look at things differentl y yah i think so I just think you cant move past cause you want to ask things... so maybe you should... and either answer them yourself or drop your questions in the ocean i dunno, i think writing them out by hand would be good but then i also want to look back on them and see what i thought and maybe i come up with the answers later I think im just not ready cause I feel like everyone else is leaving him behind but I was alyways the one that stuck around when everyone left him before so I feellike I have to i should put that in the journal not here sorry its fine I dont mind But in reality they are only moving on because they need to for their own sanity... yea but im kinda mad at them for it cause thats what they did before and i need not to be your angry at him for leaving not at them for moving on both but very much so the first one You can not control everything that happens you can't control what people do or what happens.. you can barely control your own self... you just need to live a life that he would be proud of and that you can enjoy howcome your not sleeping if your tired? cause i still find it hard to settle im trying ah i see plus you need me im ok honestly but thank you mhmm