It's been about a year, but I'm posting now
So things didn't get better with my mom.
She died Dec 1st.
I'm lost.
So, so lost.
And alone.
I don't have a mom. That thought plagues me.
I can't speak of her in the past tense.
It doesn't make sense.
You know that feeling you get when you've stayed in a hotel room too long?
That's how my house feels everyday without her here.
Someone gave me one of those journals for teens who've experienced a loss.
"To ensure that I never forget." the note read.
How the fuck will I ever forget my mom?
I'm cynical.
I know everyone means well, but I can't help seeing faults in everyone's attempts to comfort me.
I'm just bitter.
I'm sick of staying home, but the thought of going back to school terrifies me.
I don't want to see all those people.
I don't want someone to pop my carefully constructed shield of mild apathy and slight cheer.
I don't want hugs from people I hardly talk to.
I don't want people walking up to me with that look on their face asking me how I'm doing.
The only good thing about going back to school is that I'll have tons of work to do.
Best to keep me occupied with.
I just need time.
I know.
I'm healing.
And now let's do a complete 180, shall we?
Joshua William Queor
My boyfriend [and sort of unofficial fiance! =x]
I'm crazy. 17. Impulsive. And in love.
I don't want it any other way.
He's the one.
And I am so, so happy with him.
That boy is seriously the force holding me together lately.
I love him.
Deeply, irrevocably, unconditionally.
<333333
Alright that's it for now.
She died Dec 1st.
I'm lost.
So, so lost.
And alone.
I don't have a mom. That thought plagues me.
I can't speak of her in the past tense.
It doesn't make sense.
You know that feeling you get when you've stayed in a hotel room too long?
That's how my house feels everyday without her here.
Someone gave me one of those journals for teens who've experienced a loss.
"To ensure that I never forget." the note read.
How the fuck will I ever forget my mom?
I'm cynical.
I know everyone means well, but I can't help seeing faults in everyone's attempts to comfort me.
I'm just bitter.
I'm sick of staying home, but the thought of going back to school terrifies me.
I don't want to see all those people.
I don't want someone to pop my carefully constructed shield of mild apathy and slight cheer.
I don't want hugs from people I hardly talk to.
I don't want people walking up to me with that look on their face asking me how I'm doing.
The only good thing about going back to school is that I'll have tons of work to do.
Best to keep me occupied with.
I just need time.
I know.
I'm healing.
And now let's do a complete 180, shall we?
Joshua William Queor
My boyfriend [and sort of unofficial fiance! =x]
I'm crazy. 17. Impulsive. And in love.
I don't want it any other way.
He's the one.
And I am so, so happy with him.
That boy is seriously the force holding me together lately.
I love him.
Deeply, irrevocably, unconditionally.
<333333
Alright that's it for now.