It's been a while since I've thrown down a good ramble
Eh, what am I? Melancholy? Frustrated? Apathetic? I don't know what it is this feeling is in me these days. It's hard to pin down.
Work is always on my mind, and what will happen to the company and my job. I get all sorts of different signals. Next week the Veep is coming in again and is SUPPOSED to finally review me as well as tell me what sort of salary increase I would get (assuming there is any, but the hourly workers are getting 2% across the board so there's a good possibility even though I deserve a lot more than that). I think my near-oriented career path has the potential to clear up considerably next week based on the review and how much more money they want to give me. So, even if the news isn't great I should have a better idea of what's going on and what I need to do.
What eles? Politics is leaving me depressed. I'll just leave it at that.
Maybe the weather is bringing me down? I don't remember it really affecting me before. Maybe I'm blue because the holiday season (and Dinsey) are now in my past? December hangover?
I know one of my problems is my lack of a creative outlet. I want to write. However, not only do I not have any easy time (I specify because I could make time late at night if I wanted to), and I really don't have the gumption. Yet, I've had this one story pecking at me for over a year now I think. Currently title something like "The End of the World", it's a dark romance thing. It grips me from time to time, especially strong with I listen to Damien Rice's "O". I'm not sure how marketable it would be, but apparently I need to get it out there.
Do I revisit SW? I always had an idea that there were specific stories that I needed to tell (among them: a sequel to Under the Shadow with Julie is high on my list, a Blacklight sequel, a Gyn/Cain story about the ongoing Crusades, a Grace/Eoia story, if I got really ambitious I could write a huge big spectacle about the climax of the Crusades) and then when I was done I'd write the last SW story I'd write. Entitled "The Way of Things" it is supposed to be not only my swan-song in the genre but my best work. The teaser I wrote for it, for others to ponder and to remind me was this:
-Excerpt from the Journal of Campbell Skywalker
The Force.
An energy field? A religion? A way of life?
The Force has been around since recorded history, likely as long as life itself existed in the galaxy. It has been a guiding principle and a torturer of souls. It creates hope and destroys life. The Force is the sum equal of the light side and the dark side. The sum equal is nothing.
The Force runs strong in my family. The Force helped my grandfather save his father and destroy Emperor Palpatine some seventy two years ago. The Force helped my mother find her mother thirty eight years past.
Luke Skywalker, my grandfather, died five years ago. Gone is a man who is owed the gratitude of a galaxy. Hopefully, he is happy wherever he is. I haven’t seen him in a while.
Why is this? Has he simply moved on? Have I angered him? The answer is nothing so simple, so trite. No one knows yet WHAT happened, only that it did happen.
The Force is gone.
Lately, I've seriously thought about writing this story, feeling I have to now. Yet, do I stick with my prescribed plan or jump right to it? It's meant to be the last thing I say about SW and the GSSA as well. I don't know why I feel like its time to write it. I suppose there's the general 'I need to finish with SW once and for all' but I can't tell. Maybe I just need THAT tale, with how I envision the setting and the characters, right now and writing it doesn't really mean I can't write the other stories.
Well, at least I should have a clue about my job come next week. I hope, anyway. I'll post the outcome here for any interested parties to read.
Have a good week, all.