Recollections and moving forward
wow it's been so long since I logged on... the new job has taken a toll on my life, social, gym and sleep... been so stressed but it's slowing down to a more manageable pace.... new responsibilities and projects coming up.... guess I just have to look up.
This year has passed so fast... all my new year resolutions.... gone into the bin... dont even know what i agreed to do.... still remembered running thru the crowd after finding a carpark in some god forsaken place... the jam was bad... every car stopped to watch the fireworks for the year.... when we reached there, though the spot wasnt good... it was the company..... not saying much before some NKC starts speculating.... in the noise and cheer... i knew certain decisions I had to make.... the company I choosed already made me decide.
sigh.. i schemed, i plot... it was not a good feeling... did i cry /.... NO.... was there a stabbing pain in me... yes... i hate myself... but i cant continue this way.... i realised I am a 3 day person.... i allow tears for 3 days in any failed relationship.....this has been the bane... forced training in the first love of my life.... this time round no tears...... but the pain in the heart...... because its tough to let go..... till today when the image comes to my mind... i know i have been loved... very loved...... i let the sand slipped thru my hands.....
different people react differently to breakups.... maybe I am a stronger person... maybe I am always causing the pain..... maybe I am the bastard,.... i take that back.... I know I am not... because I have a heart..... that feels the pain... so I sympathise with people who cant snap out of it..... maybe i cant appreciate.... since I am never someone who share with people around me what's going in.... no point... the situations are changing faster than anything..
People think i am secretive... we all are.... i still believe certain information are not meant for any one's ear except in the confines of your heart... no one should accuse me because info is always privy,,.... all can testify that in some ways some people uses the info against you.... to judge you.... you will be conversational topic in their coffee gatherings, their mahjong session, the nits out drinking.... do u or i deserve it? or rather no one deserves the scrutiny by another self righteous idiot..
what am i writing? i dont know..... my dreams of doing the biathlon, the tri and the marathon... judging by the way i gobble down my food.... goodness.... and the amount of cigarettes i light up... sigh.... bod gets worse... takes more to suck in..... though still do not lack the attention of certain individuals... but how long more.... its a game, its a cycle.....
what i yearn for, frens who I truly call frens..... who accepts me for what i am, to those i thank you. i really need to sit down and think..... last time was too busy gym and dating and blah blah.... but now... no time for gym due to work and yet have not stop to think...
was glad.... that i had an enjoyable morning with my mom.... the seed is sowed.
if you dont understand what you read... dont worry... its straight ramblings from my heart.... i just typed.
This year has passed so fast... all my new year resolutions.... gone into the bin... dont even know what i agreed to do.... still remembered running thru the crowd after finding a carpark in some god forsaken place... the jam was bad... every car stopped to watch the fireworks for the year.... when we reached there, though the spot wasnt good... it was the company..... not saying much before some NKC starts speculating.... in the noise and cheer... i knew certain decisions I had to make.... the company I choosed already made me decide.
sigh.. i schemed, i plot... it was not a good feeling... did i cry /.... NO.... was there a stabbing pain in me... yes... i hate myself... but i cant continue this way.... i realised I am a 3 day person.... i allow tears for 3 days in any failed relationship.....this has been the bane... forced training in the first love of my life.... this time round no tears...... but the pain in the heart...... because its tough to let go..... till today when the image comes to my mind... i know i have been loved... very loved...... i let the sand slipped thru my hands.....
different people react differently to breakups.... maybe I am a stronger person... maybe I am always causing the pain..... maybe I am the bastard,.... i take that back.... I know I am not... because I have a heart..... that feels the pain... so I sympathise with people who cant snap out of it..... maybe i cant appreciate.... since I am never someone who share with people around me what's going in.... no point... the situations are changing faster than anything..
People think i am secretive... we all are.... i still believe certain information are not meant for any one's ear except in the confines of your heart... no one should accuse me because info is always privy,,.... all can testify that in some ways some people uses the info against you.... to judge you.... you will be conversational topic in their coffee gatherings, their mahjong session, the nits out drinking.... do u or i deserve it? or rather no one deserves the scrutiny by another self righteous idiot..
what am i writing? i dont know..... my dreams of doing the biathlon, the tri and the marathon... judging by the way i gobble down my food.... goodness.... and the amount of cigarettes i light up... sigh.... bod gets worse... takes more to suck in..... though still do not lack the attention of certain individuals... but how long more.... its a game, its a cycle.....
what i yearn for, frens who I truly call frens..... who accepts me for what i am, to those i thank you. i really need to sit down and think..... last time was too busy gym and dating and blah blah.... but now... no time for gym due to work and yet have not stop to think...
was glad.... that i had an enjoyable morning with my mom.... the seed is sowed.
if you dont understand what you read... dont worry... its straight ramblings from my heart.... i just typed.