Guess what?
AND SO it came to pass in the ninth month of the seventh year of the twenty-first century that a certain amusement park didst open its annual Halloween event. And the people rejoiced, and it was good.
But in short time, the Lord looked down upon His creation, and He did say, “Oh, for the love of Me, what are you fuckheads doing?” For the people didst run amuck, and the workers of the various mazes and scare zones didst get hurt, and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. (And a lawsuit.)
And the Lord, annoyed with His people, didst appoint the prophet Common Sense, and sent him forth with Ten Commandments, hoping that the people would heed His prophet.
I: Thou shalt not lash out at the Park Employees. Thou art well aware that the employees are forbidden to touch thee, and so thou shouldst return the favour and refrain from touching them.
II: Thou shalt not seek out the Park Employees in an attempt to frighten them. They are being paid to frighten thee, and thou only succeedeth in looking stupid when thou screamest in their faces.
III: Thou shalt not sneak ahead within the maze to frighten thy companions. That is the job of the Park Employees, and they get rather irked when they are unable to do so.
IV: Thou shalt not stop dead in the middle of the maze and refuse to go forward or backward. In doing so, thou cloggest up the maze and holdeth everything in one place, so that all are stuck for five minutes. When the Park Employees tell thee to move thy ass, do so at greatest speed.
V: Thou shalt not force thy children into the maze if they do not wish to go. The Park Employees wisheth not to contribute to nightmares, and so mostly will remain where they are when they see a crying child. If thy child is frightened to screams and sobs, get thee and thy terrified offspring out of the gorram maze.
VI: If thy child is wailing in terror, thou shalt not bring it closer to a Park Employee. What art thou, nuts?
VII: Did I not tell thee to stop trying to scare the Park Employees? Seriously, knock it off.
VIII: Thou shalt stop attempting to pick up the female Park Employees. They are not here to acquire a boyfriend, they are here to frighten thee and thy compatriots and get paid for doing so. They do not wish for thy phone number; give it not to them, for they shall not call thee when they get off work. In fact, they will likely mock you with their co-workers.
IX: Thou shalt not heap verbal abuse upon the Park Employees for frightening thee. Thou art the one who elected to come into the maze, genius. It is thy own fault for becoming frightened in front of thy girlfriend or boyfriend.
X: Thou shalt not lie in wait for the Park Employees to come out, or attempt to break into their hiding spot for revenge after having been frightened by them. If thou breaketh both this and the First Commandment (for it hast not escaped notice that these two commandments are often broken in tandem), thou wilt be escorted from the Park and excommunicated for five years.
And the Lord then spake, “Right. If these Commandments are not obeyed, then I wash my hands of this madness. Y’all are on your own.”
ATA: Thanks to
attack_laurel, there is now an icon, as you can see. Feel free to gank.