Why?
Okay... Okay.... I have a LOT on my mind, so I dunno how much room this entry will take... *sigh* Well, the reason I entitled this entry "Why?" is because it seems my father keeps blaming me for things. Gah, I have a headache. Also, my father can't forgive me and Josh [long story] BUT he forgave my sister, who has done a LOT worse than I have. Let's see my emotions include, upset, angry, sadness, confusion... I feel like I'm not good enough, useless, that I'll never accomplish anything. It's really depressing. I'm tired of being so sad. I just want to be happy again... I want to be accepted by my father for WHO I AM. I, [I'm sure] like most everyone else, want to be accepted for ME. No one else.
Also, I'm tired of my father being soooo nice to Jarek [one of my nephews] but being so angry at me... his own daughter. Geez, he says he wants respect, BUT, I want to not get blamed for things, I want to be happy. We [my father and I] rarely speak in agreement anymore. Why? I wonder. Why does it have to be this way? Is it really ALL my fault? If so, I don't understand what I have done. I want to make him happy, but it seems like I just can't anymore. I want to make him happy with the grades I have on my report card, BUT, if I make a "B" it seems like he expects more out of me, for me to do better, WELL MAYBE I CAN'T. Maybe I AM trying my hardest. I know, I know, the Bible says to respect your parents.... Well, it also says "...and Fathers do not stir up angry in your children" So... yeah...
I've TRIED to talk to him, it just doesn't work, he usually gets angry, says something that makes me angry, we yell, I cry... and cry... and cry... But he doesn't comfort me, doesn't apologize... When I ALWAYS do. But I guess I'd better go.... Bye for now.
♥
-Tosha
Also, I'm tired of my father being soooo nice to Jarek [one of my nephews] but being so angry at me... his own daughter. Geez, he says he wants respect, BUT, I want to not get blamed for things, I want to be happy. We [my father and I] rarely speak in agreement anymore. Why? I wonder. Why does it have to be this way? Is it really ALL my fault? If so, I don't understand what I have done. I want to make him happy, but it seems like I just can't anymore. I want to make him happy with the grades I have on my report card, BUT, if I make a "B" it seems like he expects more out of me, for me to do better, WELL MAYBE I CAN'T. Maybe I AM trying my hardest. I know, I know, the Bible says to respect your parents.... Well, it also says "...and Fathers do not stir up angry in your children" So... yeah...
I've TRIED to talk to him, it just doesn't work, he usually gets angry, says something that makes me angry, we yell, I cry... and cry... and cry... But he doesn't comfort me, doesn't apologize... When I ALWAYS do. But I guess I'd better go.... Bye for now.
♥
-Tosha