ranting and raving
i let myself be sucked into an all day taken marathon.. interesting ideas.. many of which we have all thought at one point in time.. or we have yet to think.. what is out there? nothing.. the end? no.. there is no end.. just endless searching.. our evolutionary brothers are searching for the next evolution.. just as we are.. and intellectual.. more concious evolution?.. a spiritual.. more compassionate revolution? is it a revolution of the mind i have waiting for me at the end of this lifetime.. or just another lifetime of searching for the right revolution revolution revolution.. will there ever be the right revolution.. what is the right revolution.. did we damn ourselves.. with the women's movement.. with the american revolution.. with the hippie movement.. black panther's all the way.. i don't even know what you meant.. or fought for.. peace.. fighting for peace.. parts of india haven't changed since 1947 when they gained their independence from britain.. (thanks to ghandi ... check the date?).. where would they be if britain had kept control.. ? where would i be if there had never been a women's movement.. we are slowly evolving into men.. and soon we will all be lesbians hoping to raise hermaphrodidic children.. the super sex.. i wanna be with a hermaphrodite.. i want to know if everything i think as a woman is the same as a man would think as a man. if i am any less intelligent because i have to spend half of my life learning to be nurturing because it's in my nature.. battling with social responsibility and learning to cook for a husband.. or just myself.. i'm dependent upon everyone else to tell me when it is i should buy new clothes or eat different foods.. where to go.. and experience.. perhaps it is social capitalism i strive against and yet so hard to be a part of.. social capitalism.. i don't even know if those are supposed to go together .. but they sound right to me.. all my clothes are used.. sometimes i feel like a bum standing next to those of you who actually care what the other person thinks.. oh but what do you know.. i'm just like you caring about what that other person thinks.. i'm just trying to hide it.. i'm trying to leave yet i'm trying my damnedest to stay.. with you.. in a shithole depression.. with highs not as high as they could be.. and lows way lower than they should be.. but i will never take medication.. well.. doctor prescribed medication that is.. not saying anyone who does is lesser.. i'm not.. but because i'm too poor to fucking afford it.. but i'll buy a bag of shrooms.. and i'll smoke a one hitter with you liz.. because fuck it.. i'd rather go on some spiritual.. philosophical.. confusing-myself rampage within my own mind than to talk in a normal tone.. with you.