this is about revenge.
Not everyone is aware of the context in which my new romantic forays are taking place, so I thought I would briefly elaborate.
Marco is a very dominating person and during my entire two years with him in Germany/France, I felt very oppressed and intimidated. He had been pushing me to move in with his family and start studying in Tübingen--basically to dedicate my life to him.
I never felt comfortable expressing my doubts in our relationship, because he was so extremely passionate about our allegedly perfect love.
When my last internship ended, I had to get away somehow to stop and reflect. I told him last minute, out of the blue, that I was going home to finish my bachelor's. He was hurt, but he accepted my decision. We were taking a year off. We agreed to an open relationship while I was gone.
I wanted the open relationship, because I was having a huge internal crisis and I didn't think I could spend my life with Marco. Marco wanted the open relationship to gather more experience with other boys.
The resulting consequence is that Marco met lots of other boys and I didn't. This might have been OK if he hadn't been telling the details of his dates to our supposedly mutual friends.
About a month ago, when I finally expressed my doubts about our relationship, there was a major meltdown. Marco told me he had only been with me for my company and had never once found me attractive. I found it easy to believe, because Marco extremely rarely could be convinced to have sex.
His friends told me about all the boys he had been meeting over there and all the puzzle pieces fit together really well. I have never experienced such a horrible feeling in my life.
I later discovered that he had only said what he did to hurt me. I still had a lot of trouble believing that he did find me attractive, because the explanation just seemed to fit really well.
I am frustrated, stressed, jealous etc., etc. and trying desperately to avenge myself. Hence the sexual forays.
Pickings are quite slim here in Portland, especially when you actually live in Aloha. Hence, I have been learning to lower my standards.
I met two guys last night. I picked up a cute 19 y/o (the only cute guy I've found here from off the internet so far) last night and we messed around at a park. Unfortunately, we were unable to bring the act to completion, as it was simply too uncomfortable and cramped in my truck. He is supposed to come over late tonight and I just hope he doesn't ditch. Because the amount of cute guys in Portland is really minimal.
Afterwards, I went to the club with my friend Michael. There, I ran into an old acquaintance from high school whose first time it was at a gay club and who has had an astoundingly slow coming-out process.
I found a passably cute guy who was sitting alone and came onto him. Before leaving, I went to the bathroom to call my friend and ask if this guy was really cute or if I was merely suffering from beer goggles effect. He confirmed that he found the guy reasonably cute. The guy came home with me. He was hiding a body of lard under his clothes. I thought I would heave. I explained away my inability to get an erection by saying I was very tired and drunk (which I actually was). Eventually we fell asleep. I woke up at 5:30 am with pudge in my arms. I freaked out. It was difficult shooing him out of the house.
Marco is a very dominating person and during my entire two years with him in Germany/France, I felt very oppressed and intimidated. He had been pushing me to move in with his family and start studying in Tübingen--basically to dedicate my life to him.
I never felt comfortable expressing my doubts in our relationship, because he was so extremely passionate about our allegedly perfect love.
When my last internship ended, I had to get away somehow to stop and reflect. I told him last minute, out of the blue, that I was going home to finish my bachelor's. He was hurt, but he accepted my decision. We were taking a year off. We agreed to an open relationship while I was gone.
I wanted the open relationship, because I was having a huge internal crisis and I didn't think I could spend my life with Marco. Marco wanted the open relationship to gather more experience with other boys.
The resulting consequence is that Marco met lots of other boys and I didn't. This might have been OK if he hadn't been telling the details of his dates to our supposedly mutual friends.
About a month ago, when I finally expressed my doubts about our relationship, there was a major meltdown. Marco told me he had only been with me for my company and had never once found me attractive. I found it easy to believe, because Marco extremely rarely could be convinced to have sex.
His friends told me about all the boys he had been meeting over there and all the puzzle pieces fit together really well. I have never experienced such a horrible feeling in my life.
I later discovered that he had only said what he did to hurt me. I still had a lot of trouble believing that he did find me attractive, because the explanation just seemed to fit really well.
I am frustrated, stressed, jealous etc., etc. and trying desperately to avenge myself. Hence the sexual forays.
Pickings are quite slim here in Portland, especially when you actually live in Aloha. Hence, I have been learning to lower my standards.
I met two guys last night. I picked up a cute 19 y/o (the only cute guy I've found here from off the internet so far) last night and we messed around at a park. Unfortunately, we were unable to bring the act to completion, as it was simply too uncomfortable and cramped in my truck. He is supposed to come over late tonight and I just hope he doesn't ditch. Because the amount of cute guys in Portland is really minimal.
Afterwards, I went to the club with my friend Michael. There, I ran into an old acquaintance from high school whose first time it was at a gay club and who has had an astoundingly slow coming-out process.
I found a passably cute guy who was sitting alone and came onto him. Before leaving, I went to the bathroom to call my friend and ask if this guy was really cute or if I was merely suffering from beer goggles effect. He confirmed that he found the guy reasonably cute. The guy came home with me. He was hiding a body of lard under his clothes. I thought I would heave. I explained away my inability to get an erection by saying I was very tired and drunk (which I actually was). Eventually we fell asleep. I woke up at 5:30 am with pudge in my arms. I freaked out. It was difficult shooing him out of the house.