Rant Time!
Time for me to go on one of my major long might not make sense rants..
It's about friends and that kind of stuff. You've probably heard it all before from me.
I'm not really lucky when it comes to friends..especially those offline. THEY always seem to fuck me over and I walk away when I've had enough and then I look like the bad guy. Ok..if wanting a friend who won't lie to me..can come to me...won't use me..betray me..etc is too much to ask..then I must have high standards when it comes to who I wanna be friends with...
I have found people who I can trust with anything.. people who even replace my sisters..because I can tell them things that I can't talk to my sisters about. One I've known for over 3 years..another I've known for 3 years starting last month..another I've known for about a year or so..
Whether they be far away or not..doesn't stop me from trusting them as much as I do.
They are others I trust too..that I don't wanna leave out. I don't wanna name names because I don't want this to turn into a jealous fued (god knows it has before).. but I do not share the uber close bond with them as I do the others for reasons..but I still consider them very close friends.
They are some I want to consider good friends..especially one person.. I wish to consider a best friend maybe..but something keeps me from thinking they even want to be that..maybe just remain "good friends"... but when we start talking..and sharing emotions and stuff..I feel like I can tell them anything...then my immature part comes back..and I feel like they back away...I don't know.
These past 2 school years at Crossroads has been hard for me when it comes to friends. First year, I was shy...and didn't want to make new friends due to my trust issues...and curse I seem to have...which came true near the end of the year..
I got lied to..many times...and replaced..both years.... even used a few times in one relationship.
I gave up on those relationships eventually...though I miss them at times..before the lies were evident and the shit happened in both and all the drama happened...
Are my standards too high? I think not..but some may think so. If you consider me a good friend and care for me..why would you lie to me? Why would you use me?... and all that shit... this goes for 2-3 people in particular... you DO NOT have to lie to make yourself seem higher..or pretend to like the same shit I do...or copy what I do...or something to feel accepted by me. You were accepted enough..before I figured out your game.. and I was hoping for it to work out even though you kept lying and (for the ones who did)..and using me.. even when you ignored me and replaced me with whoever..I still was there...waiting for you to notice...eventually you did not... you only did when you realized it was gone for good..and I left you... when you realized you fucked up...the sorries were too late..because by that time.. I already moved on. I dealt with the pain.. the fear..all that shit...and I got over it. If you lie...I will find out..it's not so easy for "friends" to lie to me... -_-;
By the way...that wasn't to just one person..it was 2-3 people....and anybody else who might want to lie to me..or use me..
I got over what happened the school year of 2005..around April-May...I also got over what happened this recent school year...because staying mad..and/or hurt..won't help me any...it won't gain me anything...just more emotional shit and probably stress...
I also got over what Ethan did to me..maybe his words still live in my head..but the angsty thoughts that would always put me down..went away...especially when I met Will a year ago... whenever those angsty horrible emoish feelings take over I can always turn to him to help me through it..>_<; stupid and sappy but....yeah.
I also have my friends who get me through hard times when I can't do it myself...
Maybe those I'm talking above (in a semi-negative way) will know that I'm talking about them..and may think about what went wrong..and how sugar coating it..won't do any good anymore and acting so innocent.. won't work anymore. I doubt I'd be close friends again..but someone like me won't fall for that type of shit anymore.
Ok..did I do enough ranting? Haha. I think I should go to bed.. ^_^
Anyways..
Night.
-xCatx-
It's about friends and that kind of stuff. You've probably heard it all before from me.
I'm not really lucky when it comes to friends..especially those offline. THEY always seem to fuck me over and I walk away when I've had enough and then I look like the bad guy. Ok..if wanting a friend who won't lie to me..can come to me...won't use me..betray me..etc is too much to ask..then I must have high standards when it comes to who I wanna be friends with...
I have found people who I can trust with anything.. people who even replace my sisters..because I can tell them things that I can't talk to my sisters about. One I've known for over 3 years..another I've known for 3 years starting last month..another I've known for about a year or so..
Whether they be far away or not..doesn't stop me from trusting them as much as I do.
They are others I trust too..that I don't wanna leave out. I don't wanna name names because I don't want this to turn into a jealous fued (god knows it has before).. but I do not share the uber close bond with them as I do the others for reasons..but I still consider them very close friends.
They are some I want to consider good friends..especially one person.. I wish to consider a best friend maybe..but something keeps me from thinking they even want to be that..maybe just remain "good friends"... but when we start talking..and sharing emotions and stuff..I feel like I can tell them anything...then my immature part comes back..and I feel like they back away...I don't know.
These past 2 school years at Crossroads has been hard for me when it comes to friends. First year, I was shy...and didn't want to make new friends due to my trust issues...and curse I seem to have...which came true near the end of the year..
I got lied to..many times...and replaced..both years.... even used a few times in one relationship.
I gave up on those relationships eventually...though I miss them at times..before the lies were evident and the shit happened in both and all the drama happened...
Are my standards too high? I think not..but some may think so. If you consider me a good friend and care for me..why would you lie to me? Why would you use me?... and all that shit... this goes for 2-3 people in particular... you DO NOT have to lie to make yourself seem higher..or pretend to like the same shit I do...or copy what I do...or something to feel accepted by me. You were accepted enough..before I figured out your game.. and I was hoping for it to work out even though you kept lying and (for the ones who did)..and using me.. even when you ignored me and replaced me with whoever..I still was there...waiting for you to notice...eventually you did not... you only did when you realized it was gone for good..and I left you... when you realized you fucked up...the sorries were too late..because by that time.. I already moved on. I dealt with the pain.. the fear..all that shit...and I got over it. If you lie...I will find out..it's not so easy for "friends" to lie to me... -_-;
By the way...that wasn't to just one person..it was 2-3 people....and anybody else who might want to lie to me..or use me..
I got over what happened the school year of 2005..around April-May...I also got over what happened this recent school year...because staying mad..and/or hurt..won't help me any...it won't gain me anything...just more emotional shit and probably stress...
I also got over what Ethan did to me..maybe his words still live in my head..but the angsty thoughts that would always put me down..went away...especially when I met Will a year ago... whenever those angsty horrible emoish feelings take over I can always turn to him to help me through it..>_<; stupid and sappy but....yeah.
I also have my friends who get me through hard times when I can't do it myself...
Maybe those I'm talking above (in a semi-negative way) will know that I'm talking about them..and may think about what went wrong..and how sugar coating it..won't do any good anymore and acting so innocent.. won't work anymore. I doubt I'd be close friends again..but someone like me won't fall for that type of shit anymore.
Ok..did I do enough ranting? Haha. I think I should go to bed.. ^_^
Anyways..
Night.
-xCatx-