(no subject)
went to the cape for the weekend, mostly ended up being bitchy and cranky and seeing far too much of my brother and mother. psh, family vacations are not all they're cracked up to be.
maybe i just need to recharge. i havent seen most of my peoples + josh in forever, im getting stressed out about next year and just generally sucking at life.
today is just one of those sad for no general reason days. i really wish i could talk to someone. i think one of the hardest things i have to deal with right now is not having someone older to talk to... theres so many questions i have about things, its difficult to have no outlet for them.
last time i was at the cape, we went to the beach at 10pm. it was a national seashore beach so there was nothing else around. just the ocean, sand and the most stars i have ever seen. the whole thing was so beautiful that i didn't know what to do with myself.. i just danced around and soaked up the night. it made me feel so alive, but at the same time, i felt like my true self was trapped in the shell of my every day self... the person that is constantly annoyed and pessimistic. i was flying inside, but when i went to speak, i heard someone else talking. it was such an out of body experience... i dont really know what it means, but i think i need to get in touch with that thing inside me that dances with the stars and sings with the wind in the trees.
i know its a little pocahantas-ey, so what. american indians know what they're talking about.
i dont know. deep down, i really want to be this spiritual person who believes in the world, but then my brother will walk in the room and ill be back to my hyper-sensitive bitch personality. i need to find a balance between my everyday self and my more abstract self so that i can exist more fully. they should have a telephone hotline for this, or something.
anyone know how to put images in the background of your lj? not that i have any good ones... actually, rose if i could use that one of me in the parking lot thats all strange, that'd be supa dupa awesome.
maybe i just need to recharge. i havent seen most of my peoples + josh in forever, im getting stressed out about next year and just generally sucking at life.
today is just one of those sad for no general reason days. i really wish i could talk to someone. i think one of the hardest things i have to deal with right now is not having someone older to talk to... theres so many questions i have about things, its difficult to have no outlet for them.
last time i was at the cape, we went to the beach at 10pm. it was a national seashore beach so there was nothing else around. just the ocean, sand and the most stars i have ever seen. the whole thing was so beautiful that i didn't know what to do with myself.. i just danced around and soaked up the night. it made me feel so alive, but at the same time, i felt like my true self was trapped in the shell of my every day self... the person that is constantly annoyed and pessimistic. i was flying inside, but when i went to speak, i heard someone else talking. it was such an out of body experience... i dont really know what it means, but i think i need to get in touch with that thing inside me that dances with the stars and sings with the wind in the trees.
i know its a little pocahantas-ey, so what. american indians know what they're talking about.
i dont know. deep down, i really want to be this spiritual person who believes in the world, but then my brother will walk in the room and ill be back to my hyper-sensitive bitch personality. i need to find a balance between my everyday self and my more abstract self so that i can exist more fully. they should have a telephone hotline for this, or something.
anyone know how to put images in the background of your lj? not that i have any good ones... actually, rose if i could use that one of me in the parking lot thats all strange, that'd be supa dupa awesome.