Fic: Finding A Way (NC) Part 2, Ch 2
Title: Finding A Way
Author: dark_malignity
Rating: NC16
Main Characters: Mai, Zuko, Azula
Supporting Characters: Ty Lee, Iroh, the gAang.
Pairing: Mai/Zuko
Pairings:Katara/Aang, Sokka/Suki. Absolutely minute traces of Zuko/Katara if you squint like mad and turn your head sideways.
Warnings: Spoilers to the end of the series. Occasional foul language.(highlight to reveal) Graphic foreplay, dry humping, oral sex, concubinage, implied S/M, relatively graphic birth sequence.
Summary: Zuko wants to get married, but Mai is reluctant because all signs point to a possibility of her being barren. Her rejection hurts and baffles him until she eventually comes clean. Together, they embark on an extensive, five-year search for a solution that would involve everything from concubinage, to ritual superstition, to rediscovering lost fire bending lore.
============
Chapter 2
Mai fingered the drapes thoughtfully. Normally, she hated attending to such women’s matters, but they were part of her job scope, and she had long since learnt to pick her battles wisely. Besides, they had to be done, and who better to take care of Zuko than her? Nobody knew him half as well as she did.
“They still look new,” she said doubtfully to the imperial chamberlain. “Won’t it be costly to refurbish the place? Are you sure the treasury could spare the expense?”
The chamberlain sighed. “My lady, I assure you, we might have lost our colonies, but we are certainly not that poor!”
“I’m not concerned about poverty, you idiot, I’m talking about vanity,” Mai snapped in return. Grave and ostentatious, with hardly a trace of humor in his bones, the chamberlain had overseen the progress of the Royal Household since Princess Ursa’s disappearance, and Mai knew that did not entirely welcome a new mistress interfering in his affairs. Still, that didn’t excuse his behavior.
Humbled, the chamberlain bowed his head. “My lady, the Firelord’s chambers are a reflection of the Household. You know that from time to time, he entertains important people - visiting dignitaries, and other such guests. What would they think, my lady, to see that our supreme ruler has shoddy drapes?”
Mai nodded, consenting, and then stepped into a conjoining room, just two doors down. Unlike the first, which was bright and gaudy with ornamentation, this one was dim, and had a slightly musty smell.
“Guests…” Mai purred, and eyed him dangerously, before moving to twitch the bed hangings. “Even in the inner chambers?”
The chamberlain fidgeted uncomfortably, but continued to hold her gaze. After all, it was common knowledge that women of any harem were inclined to gossip. Why would his be any different?
At long last, Mai sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “Oh if you must,” she said drolly, sweeping her eyes across the room. “It’s all yours.”
“And your own chambers, my lady?”
Mai glared. “I don’t entertain guests,” she said coldly. “And I’m sure the one visitor that does come regularly would rather see the money put into social reform than on silly bits of fancy cloth.”
Sniffling in disapproval, the chamberlain bowed deeply and scurried off, doubtless to procure a ream of fabric swatches for her to choose from, leaving her alone in her husband’s room for the first time in months.
Mai smiled fondly as she looked around the familiar bedroom. It had been awhile since she was last here. Ever since the concubinage had begun, she had little reason to enter, even on such days as were reserved for her. It wasn’t that she wasn’t allowed in, it was just that they had come to an unspoken understanding: since he was sharing his bed with so many others, they naturally preferred the greater intimacy of spending their time alone in hers.
Casually, she ran her eyes over the furniture. Not much had changed… well, except for the small writing desk that stood in a corner of the room, the one reserved for his private pursuits. Once, it was merely cluttered. Now, it was a landslide waiting to happen.
Tutting indulgently, she proceeded to straighten out the mess, and was about halfway done (books on ancient lore in one stack, herbology in another - although she couldn’t for the life of her figure out what interest that held for him - personal correspondences in his writing box, and fire bending scrolls in a neat pile on the floor) when Aang’s familiar handwriting caught her eye. She picked it up, without the slightest twinge of guilt, and scanned the page (he was her Zuko after all, what could they possibly have to hide from each other?) but what she read there hit her like a blow to the gut.
Don’t worry, Zuko, you’ll have Mai pregnant in no time!
She was surprised by how much the words physically hurt. Frowning, she dropped the offending piece of paper into his writing box and continued to work at straightening up his desk, but still, the words haunted her.
Was all their lovemaking just a call to breed? When he held her, when he kissed her, when he moved inside her and made her tremble with their closeness… was it possible that it meant nothing to him?
Nonsense!
Mai laughed at the ridiculousness of her thoughts and tried to recall the last time he had made her happy, the last thing he had done to make her feel loved.
Just the evening before, she had been delighted when he caught her along the corridor and nuzzled her neck before his shocked officials. And barely five days had passed since they made out in his office.
But then again… well, sure, she enjoyed it. Yes, she liked it a lot, but such acts had always ended up culminating in sex. Come to think of it, everything they seemed to do always ended up that way: in hungry, violent, lustful sex - hurriedly stolen - and then he would be gone, scurrying off to attend to some matter or other that needed his attention more than her.
She felt like a fool.
Mai had always known that she was different from the harem girls, confident that while he looked to them for children, he looked to her for something more. Could it possibly be that perhaps the difference was entirely in her imagination?
======
Ty Lee first knew that something was wrong when she saw a dragon hawk perched at her window. Now that she had cut off ties with her family, there were only two people she knew from the Fire Nation who would ever write to her - Mai and Zuko - and neither was renowned for the regularity of their correspondences. Their last two notes had been unforgivably brief: the first was a short notice informing her of the concubine’s pregnancy, and the second, an equally short piece stating that both the woman and the child had died of complications.
Tucking her fans securely into her belt, Ty Lee somersaulted up the stairs and into the room, startling her feathered visitor. Instead of flying off however, the bird merely cawed accusingly at her for giving it such a fright, and then obediently stayed still while she slid the message out of the thin metal tube on its back.
Curious, she broke the seal and held it up to the light.
Visit me?
She read the note, then sighed, and read the two words again for good measure, but the note remained cryptic. She wondered which of them it was from.
In the end, she decided to take Suki with her, for no other reason than the pleasure of her company. And Suki, luckily, was eager to oblige. Besides, they both were curious to see what their friends had been up to since they last met two years ago at the royal wedding.
At the palace, they got in easily enough. Ty Lee had spent half her life there, and knew many of the younger palace guards by name. She was pleased to see that security had been stepped up, however, and despite being known friends of both the country’s monarchs, the two visitors were still carefully watched.
When they were finally escorted to the women’s hall, they found Mai amidst piles of cloth. It was uncanny to see the pale girl seated with her head bent over her sewing, while her women worked on industriously around her. Mai’s reaction to their entrance was even more unnerving. She said nothing, just smiled distractedly and gestured for them to take their places beside her, before silently carrying on with her needlework.
Taking her chance, Ty Lee surveyed her friend’s face carefully. It looked much more pale and wan than she remembered. Her lips were thinner, her frown line had deepened, and there was a dullness about her eyes that was not there before. Within the space of two years, Mai had aged considerably.
Mai continued to sew quietly until she reached the end of the seam, then knotted the thread nimbly, bit the excess off, and stuck the needle back into its pincushion. Then, she stood up and mildly gestured for them to follow.
Wordlessly, she brought them up two flights of stairs, past a narrow corridor, and then up a tower that Ty Lee had never noticed before. It was not until they were safely locked in the tower room that Mai dropped her mask. Leaning heavily on the door, she sighed and closed her eyes, as if weary of the outside world.
“Hey,” Ty Lee said softly, and hugged her friend reassuringly. She was surprised when Mai hugged her back, and grew even more concerned when Mai began to sob.
Ty Lee sighed, understanding. She hated to say ‘I told you so,’ but then again, Mai would have been blind to not have seen this coming.
“Now what’s the problem,” she said instead. “Have you been fighting?” the younger girl pressed, when Mai finally stilled, but all she received was a silent shrug.
At last, Mai drew back and rubbed her face with her hands. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “I don’t know what came over me.”
The younger girl smiled. “How about you tell me what’s going on?”
“What’s there to tell,” she droned, and then shut her eyes, debating whether or not to share her thoughts. It was awhile before she next spoke.
“Ever since I got married, I’ve been purged, scrubbed, soaked, prodded. I’ve done rituals, I’ve had rituals done to me. I’ve lost count of the number of potions I’ve had to drink, to inhale, to apply, to everything! And all to fix that stupid condition.”
“But I thought…” Suki chimed in hesitantly, “that he already knew you can’t have kids. I thought he was okay with it.”
“I thought so too,” Mai sighed, with more than a trace of despair in her voice. “And now he’s got me on some crazy fire bending therapy. Three times a week I’m heated and then zapped full of lightning… And still he’s not satisfied.”
“You knew it was coming,” Ty Lee said quietly, playing the devil’s advocate. “You know he can’t stand around and be childless.”
Instead of fighting back however, Mai silently bent her head forward, letting her hair hide her tears like a natural curtain.
======
“Something’s wrong,” Ty Lee whispered to her roommate, when Mai had left to dress for her session.
Suki grunted and rolled here eyes, indicating the obvious.
“No, that’s not what I mean. She’s not upset about the medicine. It’s something else.”
Instantly, Suki pricked her ears. “Like the concubines?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. I just keep asking myself, ‘why now?’ I mean, he was going to have a child by one, and she never complained. And we know that they’ve been working at a cure since before they were married. So why is she upset now? What’s changed?”
Before Suki had a chance to reply, a fire sage was shown into the room. He seemed surprised to see them, but bowed humbly and smiled, before settling down to wait for his patient.
The treatment itself was surprisingly simple. Once he had taken Mai’s pulse and conducted a quick check of her tongue, he instructed her to lie down and ran his hands meticulously along her bare arms and legs, paying special attention to the soles of her feet.
“What are you doing?” Ty Lee chirped curiously, making the old man smile.
“I am heating her body, so that the blood flows smoothly. You cannot use lightning to heal cold limbs,” he explained.
“It is simple, really,” he continued, sensing their curiosity. “I just focus the bending energy to the palms of my hands to create heat: Not so much heat that it becomes fire, but just enough to transfer through another’s skin. Here, try it,” he said, holding out his hand for the girls to touch. True enough, the heat from his hands was delightful.
“How come I’ve never heard of fire healing before?” Ty Lee asked. “And how did you know to come?”
“All the sages are linked to the Avatar here,” he said simply, pressing a hand to his heart. “If you are good and true, and serve his cause well, then when he calls, you will answer.”
“And as to your first question, there are precious few of us left,” he said calmly as he continued to work on Mai’s feet. “Sozen did not give us much to work with. It takes a special kind of sage to be a healer, and with half the temples razed to the ground, it became harder and harder to find and train young people in the art of healing. Not everyone who trains can bend lightning, and of the few who can, even fewer can master it competently enough to use it to heal rather than to destroy.”
Ty Lee nodded. She had seen for herself how lightning benders could summon crackling balls of blue energy and deliver powerful blasts to their intended victims, and had imagined the sage’s lightning to be somewhat similar. As she was soon to find out, however, nothing could have been further from the truth.
When he was satisfied, that Mai’s limbs were sufficiently heated, he proceeded to deliver four sets of taps to various parts of her body. Using both hands simultaneously, he tapped her first on the top of each foot, some two inches beneath her big toe. Next, he moved to her right leg, and used his left hand to tap her just above the ankle while at the same time, his right hand tapped her nearer to her knee. He would then repeat the procedure for her left leg, before moving on to do something similar to each arm.
“Is that all?” she asked. “You just tap the limbs again and again, and suddenly someone can have babies?”
“No, not at all, child!” he laughed good-naturedly. “The first step is to restore balance by tapping. This in itself can take months, but only when the body is generally healthy can I move on to treat specific ailments. And here,” he said, laying a hand on top of Ty Lee’s own. Within moments, she felt a sharp jolt. It was painless, but funny-feeling, like a cross between being poked with a needle and being tickled by a feather.
“Do you still think it is just an ordinary tap?” he smiled, eyes twinkling.
Ty Lee laughed. It was almost relaxing to feel the lightning pulse through her, soothing yet invigorating, like a tiny heartbeat. And to think she had imagined dangerous crackling balls of lightning! It was nothing as torturous as Ty Lee had imagined it to be, and so she wondered, for the umpteenth time, the reason for her friend’s unhappiness.
“That still doesn’t tell me how you can tap people into having babies,” she giggled easily, masking her concern.
Master Cheung smiled. “In most women, the womb is healthy, and ready to receive life. In some cases, imbalance makes the womb inhospitable, and so we can use lightning to relax it.”
“So once you’re done warming her up you’ll relax her womb?”
“Heavens, no,” the old master laughed. “There is nothing wrong with Lady Mai. Heat is the energy of life, and Lady Mai has barely enough to support her own body, let alone spare some for a child inside her. She isn’t barren, not in the truest sense of the word.”
======
Although all three of them were present for the noisy public dinner that her husband held in the Great Hall every night, Mai decided to skip the private supper they shared that night, in favor of spending time alone with her two visiting friends. To that end, she had dispatched a note to Zuko, pleading tiredness from the healing session earlier that day, and had closeted herself up in her suite with only Suki and Ty Lee for company.
The evening passed pleasantly enough. It had been almost two years since they had last met, and they naturally had plenty of stories to exchange. Or rather, Ty Lee had plenty of stories to tell, and Mai was more than happy to let her friend’s bright voice drive out the silence that otherwise haunted her room. Left unchecked, the girl went from topic to topic with surprising agility, ranging from the latest Kyoshi fashions to the hottest gossip surrounding the new champion of Earth Rumble X.
Mai was, in fact, just beginning to enjoy herself, when she felt the temperature in the room suddenly drop.
Looking up, she saw Zuko standing in the doorway, his face grim.
“It’s not Wednesday,” she said coolly, keeping her eyes carefully averted.
“I know,” he replied, somewhat bitterly. “I came to enquire about your health. I see now that I shouldn’t have bothered.”
Mai sighed drearily. “I said I was tired, I didn’t say I was sick.”
“Usually with you, it’s the same thing!” he snapped. They both stared coldly at each other, for long enough to make the other two girls fidget uncomfortably. At length, the two friends rose to excuse themselves, and then scuttled off, leaving Mai alone with the man that was her husband.
“Why did you do it,” he said quietly, once the door was shut. “Why did you lie?”
“I didn’t lie,” she growled defensively.
Zuko gave her an appraising look. “But you meant me to misunderstand,” he frowned, and sat down beside her. “What’s going on, Mai,” he said, and gazed searchingly at her.
Mai shrugged and averted her eyes, and then suppressed a shudder when he moved closer and laid his hands on her back. “What’s wrong?” he pressed, nuzzling her neck, oblivious to how distasteful she now found his touch. Dully, she recalled the words that Aang had wrote, and wondered when the groping would begin.
She did not have long to wait.
Taking her silence to mean consent, Zuko moved his lips lower, tracing the arc of her neck, and Mai leaned against him in resignation. Let him have his way with her body, she thought drearily. It was his right after all.
Nevertheless, when his hand slid under her robe and between her legs, she hissed and smacked him away.
“What?” he cried, taken aback, but his confusion only served to anger her more.
“Can you not paw me like a dog in heat?” she snapped. “God! Have you always been this direct?”
Instead of being put off, however, Zuko merely chuckled and enveloped her in a bear-hug. “No,” he grinned. “I used to hold back because I was terrified of you. Back in the early days.”
It was bait. She knew he was baiting her, but she could not resist. “Why?”
“Because you were so perfect,” he said simply, and kissed her hair. “You were so beautiful. I kept wondering what someone like you could possibly see in a guy like me.”
Mai sighed. Her man had a tongue like honey.
“That sounded like a line from an Ember Island play,” she said scathingly. “A really, really bad line.”
Zuko winced. “I know,” he said apologetically. “I really meant it though,” he continued, looking a little downcast.
And Mai melted. “Touch me slowly,” she said, giving in. “I hate it when you do a rush job.”
======
“Well, that was nice,” Zuko chuckled afterwards. He kissed the back of her hand and watched as she fought to regain her breath. To his delight, Mai murmured in agreement, and snuggled deeper into his embrace.
It was nice to lay here, limbs entwined, and bask in the sweet afterglow of their lovemaking. It felt good to wrap his arms around her still-trembling body as she spooned against him, and listen to her erratic breathing deepen and grow calm. He missed this part of their relationship, he realized with a start. Before today, he had not even realized that it had gone.
“Too bad we can’t do this more often,” he joked, half-seriously, and then yawned. He was exhausted! He had already been drained at the end of the day, but now he absolutely ached to sleep. It had been a struggle and a half not to drift off the moment he had come, and turn his focus to her pleasure, but it was well worth it. Still… it wasn’t something he had the stamina to do on a daily basis.
Belatedly, he realized how stiff she had gone. Stiff and grim and distant. “Mai?” he said hesitantly. “Did I say something wrong?”
Frowning, he tried to roll her over to face him, but she struggled, knocked him away, and then hugged herself tightly.
“Get out,” she said woodenly, and Zuko blinked in disbelief. Surely he had misheard? He froze, unsure of himself, but his indecision must have frustrated her, because she repeated herself, loudly this time, and rose to physically shove him away.
Still confused, Zuko batted her attacks away until he lost his temper. “Stop it!” he shouted, and captured her wrists, twisting them slightly to hold her in place.
Snarling, Mai wriggled free. “Fine,” she spat, as she tore herself out of his grasp. “If you won’t leave, then I will.”
Zuko watched, aghast, as she scrambled off the bed, reached for her night robe, and disappeared through the open door, before common sense caught up with him. “Wait!” he cried, striding after her. “It’s late! Where would you go?”
“To a spare room,” she hissed, never once slowing down.
“Don’t be stupid, you’ll catch a cold!”
Abruptly, she stopped and turned to face him. “Then I’ll just have to get a servant to light a fire, won’t I?” she taunted, her voice sickeningly sweet, before continuing her exit.
“At this time of the night?” he cried incredulously. “Mai, be rational!” he continued, and grabbed her again by the arm. To his utter shock, she made a sound like a screeching dodo and fell upon him in wild frustration.
For the second time that night, Zuko’s logic fled as he defended himself from her claws. It wasn’t long, however, before his male strength had bested her thin limbs, and before he knew what was happening, he was pinning her to the wall and kissing her ferociously, surrendering to his lust for danger, for the fight, for the sheer animal thrill of dominating.
Within moments, however, he regained himself, and stepped back, horrified by his lapse. “I’m sorry,” he rasped in shock, before the full realization fell on him like a lead stone. Grabbing her hands, he stared wide-eyed at her, desperately searching for signs of forgiveness, for anything that told him he wasn’t an animal. Shame bit deep. What had she told him earlier that night? That he pawed her like a dog in heat? No wonder she wanted him gone, he thought in despair.
Perhaps it was the spirit of the beast passing from him to her. Perhaps their earlier tussle had reminded her of their early days, when all was good between them. Perhaps it was even the piteous look on his face that did it - Zuko could never tell - but to his relief, he felt her slim fingers trail across his cheek and lift his chin, willing him to look at her.
Not knowing what to expect, but desperate to meet her every desire, he raised his eyes to meet hers, but her face was a mask, giving nothing away as she continued to run her fingers over his forehead, hair, lips and cheeks. And then, suddenly, unexpectedly, she slapped him, so hard that he nearly fell over. Clutching his singing cheek, he looked at her, searchingly, unable to conceal the hurt bewilderment he felt, until he saw her lips part into a feral smile.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, yes.
Wordlessly, Zuko fell to his knees. He’d missed this too, this part of their love play. He missed the feel of her blades against his skin, of her mouth against a fresh wound, of teeth and fingernails biting deep into his flesh. Helplessly, he closed his eyes and shuddered at the memory, until she buried her hand in his hair and snapped his head back so sharply that his eyes flew open and he gasped in pain.
That was more like it.
Panting softly, he licked his lips and studied her face, waiting for her next move, but teasingly, tauntingly, she raised a smug eyebrow and sauntered out of his line of sight.
No matter, he thought, bending his head forward as if in prayer. He could still feel her - first her fingers, trailing lightly across his shoulders, then her long smooth legs against his back as she leaned against him, and then finally, the delicious bite of nails against his flesh.
He leaned back, begging to be kissed, and felt the answering tickle of hair against his skin as she bent over him and touched her lips to his. But oh, what a kiss! Breathy and sweet and tender! It was nothing of the harshness that he had been expecting, and once again, Zuko blinked in confusion.
What was happening? The ground had shifted so many times beneath his feet that night that he felt completely and utterly lost. Even then, nothing could prepare him for what was to come next: With a heavy sigh, Mai straightened, shrugged despairingly, and slumped away.
“Wait!” he cried, struggling to his feet. At the sound of his voice, she paused and waited for him to catch up to her, but made no move to turn around when he did. “Mai,” he breathed, and embraced her from behind. To his bewilderment, she felt small and frail in his arms. How unnerving. It was so unlike his proud, strong wife.
“What’s wrong,” he pleaded his voice little more than a murmur in her ear. “Please… tell me, or I won’t know.”
For a moment, he thought that she would keep silent forever, but at last, she sighed and leaned her head back against him. “You’re never there,” she breathed quietly, and then it was as if a damn had been unleashed. “You never talk to me, or hold me, or spend time with me. And when you come, you don’t even spend the night, and when I wake up, you’re fucking gone!”
Zuko bit his lip and nodded. “I’m sorry,” he conceded. “I’ve been busy.”
To his surprise, she wriggled out of his arms and turned to face him confrontationally. “You’re always busy!” she screamed. “You’re too busy for walks, you’re too busy to talk, you’re even too busy to ask me how my damn day was, but you’re never too busy for sex!”
Abruptly, her tone dropped. “Is that it?” she said quietly, her eyes downcast. “Is that all you want? Is that all I am to you?”
Zuko gaped. Her words hung heavy in the air, but even more hurtful was the unasked question, “Don’t you love me?” She didn’t have to say it aloud: he could read it plainly enough on her face.
Stunned, he stepped back and cringed. “Mai… How can you… say that?” It hurt him, to think that she doubted him this way. Didn’t she know him better than that? After all these years?
She was crying now, and he didn’t know what to do. It would have been awkward enough if she had been any other girl, but this was Mai. And he had never seen her cry before. Crying was something that happened to other people. Not Mai. Never Mai. Desperately, he cast around, searching for some way he could deal with the situation. What did Mom do whenever he was unhappy, he wondered. She held him, didn’t she? Held him tightly and whispered reassuring words?
Slowly, hesitantly, he reached out and drew Mai to him, and to his relief, she melted into his arms. “Mai,” he crooned, hoping against hope that he was not making things worse than they were already were. If there was one thing he knew he was good it, it was at inadvertently screwing things up.
“Mai, I love you,” he whispered consolingly. “You know that. I’ve always loved you, I always will.”
“Prove it,” she said dully. Her words cut like ice, but at least she was still holding him. At least she was still allowing him to hold her.
Zuko took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck thoughtfully. “Well,” he started, and then paused. How did you prove something that you feel? “Um, I don’t know,” he said at last. “I always thought that if two people really love each other, they’d just… know,” he finished lamely.
“Not good enough.”
“Okay, then you tell me!” he snapped, growing frustrated once more. “After all, my way’s obviously not good enough for you!”
“Zuko, that’s not what I meant!”
“Then what do you mean?!” he cried, flinging his hands up. “What do you want from me? Cos I sure as hell can’t read your mind!”
Instead of yelling back as he thought she would, Mai fell silent, and he cursed himself inwardly for loosing his temper. Taking a deep breath, he tried again, but calmly this time. “What I mean to say is… I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. And I’m going to keep doing it unless you tell me what that is. I can’t change unless you tell me how.”
Mai heaved a great, shuddering sigh and buried her head in his chest. “We used to do things together,” she said dully. “And now you don’t have time for me anymore. It’s like… you’ve become a stranger. I feel like I hardly know you.”
Zuko nodded. He had to concede to that point. “What else?” he prompted. “I’m sure there’s more.”
“Once you’ve had your fill, you leave,” she said, hesitantly at first. “I hate that. You have no idea how much that hurts,” she continued, her voice rising. “It’s bad enough I have to go to bed alone, six days out of seven -I’m your wife, damnit! And the one day you do visit me, you don’t even care to stay the night!”
“But I do!” he said, somewhat defensively. “It’s just that my day starts earlier than yours.”
“Then. Wake. Me. Up!”
Zuko blinked. He had always thought he was being considerate by letting her have a lie-in. Never in his wildest dreams would he have guessed that it would land so badly on her. But yes, he could do what she wanted. He would be more than willing to kiss her awake in the morning. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he really, really liked the idea.
“Anything else?” he asked.
“I hate how you keep trying to make me pregnant,” she said levelly. “I hate the medicines, I hate the treatments, I hate the therapy,” she stated coldly, and then broke into a whine. “Zuko, you know I can’t. So why? Why do you keep expecting it of me?”
That statement caught him completely off-guard. “Expecting?” he frowned in bewilderment. “I’m not expecting that of you. What the hell gave you that idea?”
“Then why do you keep trying to fix me?”
“It’s just that… because… well, I’ve seen the way you look at other women… you know, young mothers. I thought that was what you wanted. You always seemed so sad about it… I thought I was helping.”
Mai made a funny noise, somewhere between a sob and a grunt. “You’re such and idiot,” she said, and Zuko couldn’t tell if she were laughing or crying. “I only wanted to get pregnant cos of all the pressure you gave me.”
“Well, then we’re both idiots,” he said, and held her tightly. “A pregnancy would be good. Very good, in fact, because of our situation. But it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. Mai, I love you regardless,” he chided gently. “You should know that by now.”
======
“Are you sure this is okay?” Suki asked doubtfully. “I mean… wasn’t that really private?”
“I’m not sure how this could be wrong,” Ty Lee grinned playfully. “After all, it’s not our fault that they’re so loud.”
“Or that the walls are so thin?”
“Look, Mai was the one who invited us to spend the night in her suite. It’s not our fault that the soundproofing starts from the hallway onwards. Now just hush up, and let me sleep. Goodness knows those two won’t.”
Shrugging, Suki settled down on a sofa. “You know, sometimes I think I’m really lucky to have a casual boyfriend,” she joked, earning a little chuckle from Ty Lee.
“It’s been five years,” her friend pointed out. “Do you think you and Sokka will ever get married?”
“I don’t know,” Suki replied. “It’s like, sometimes, when I see those two happy together, I think to myself, well, I don’t mind some of that. But then I see them fight and it’s like…” she trailed off and stared grimly into space.
“It’s good that they fight, you know,” Ty Lee pointed out. “Cos it’s not - what’s it called? - in their nature. Seriously, think about it: What does Mai do when she’s not happy about something?”
Suki shrugged. “She pretends it doesn’t exist?”
“And Zuko?”
“He storms around a bit, and then walks away.”
“So you see, the fact that they’ve been yelling at each other for ages means they both really want to set things right,” she said happily.
Suki frowned. Her friend’s logic seemed entirely counter-intuitive, but by the time the girls headed back to Kyoshi, some two weeks later, she had to admit that Ty Lee was right. It was obvious to all who saw them together that the royal couple had never been so much in love.
======
It was just past midday when Zuko made his way down to the golden parlor, a sitting room that now doubled up as the fire sage’s clinic. There, he found the old man meditating serenely beneath an open window, his face and body bathed in golden light.
Rather than disturbing him, Zuko simply stripped down to his inner robes, climbed onto the plush countertop, and waited for the sage to be done. He did not have long to wait.
“You look tired, my lord,” the old man said, and grinned knowingly. “Tired but happy.”
Zuko merely beamed in response and stretched out on his back. “I believe Lady Mai has entered her fertile period,” Master Cheung continued conversationally, as he massaged the younger man’s scalp. “It would probably make her more attractive to you, and vice versa.”
Zuko chuckled. That would explain the powerful bouts of hunger plaguing him of late. “I’m paying for it, though,” Zuko murmured, lulled into restfulness by the soothing motion. “I’m so drained out I could hardly concentrate at my desk.”
The fire sage nodded and pressed a finger firmly between Zuko’s eyebrows. The younger man winced as a single but steady current emanated from the sage’s fingertip, and then gradually relaxed as his body grew used to the sensation. It wasn’t long before a second jolt joined the first, this time originating from the top of his head.
Sighing in contentment, Zuko closed his eyes and drowsed. The currents were so restful, and he loved how clear and refreshed he felt afterwards.
It was during the second phase of his session that Mai stepped in. The sage had brought out a set of cups cut from bamboo, and was proceeding to apply them to Zuko’s body. This he did by bending a small burst of flame into each cup, before instantly pressing it to the younger man’s bare skin, creating suction powerful enough to keep the heavy cups latched on tight. The result was a forest of some twelve bamboo cups protruding solidly from the young monarch’s back.
“You look like a baby boarcupine,” Mai drawled teasingly, as she wriggled out of her shoes, and then settled down on an adjoining table.
“I thought you were done with the treatments,” he teased back.
Mai shrugged. “I like the heat,” she said simply. “And I like not having to wear a shawl every night. Remember how I always had to cover up while the other two pranced around in their little swimsuits? Not fun.”
The old man merely chuckled and nodded indulgently. “I’m glad to be of service,” he said affectionately.
As he watched the fire sage run his hands over Mai’s limbs, Zuko was struck by a sudden thought. “Do you think you can try to teach me that?” he asked innocently.
“I don’t see why not,” the sage replied, but it was another twenty minutes before he was done with Mai. The lightning needed to be administered quickly, he explained, while her limbs were still heated. To wait would be to defeat the purpose of the entire exercise.
“Now,” he instructed, once he had removed the cups from Zuko’s back. “Close your eyes and hold your palms to mine,” he said, and waited for Zuko to obey. “Can you feel the energy pooling in your palms?”
Zuko frowned and waited for him to continue.
“It’s passing from my hand to yours,” he sage said gently. This time, Zuko nodded. The transfer of energy had disoriented him somewhat, but now that the old man had explained it, the tingling in his hands made perfect sense.
“This is the amount of heat you must maintain for optimum energy transfer. Look.”
The sage drew his hand away so the both of them could see his open palm. “I am channeling the energy just beneath my skin. At the moment, it is diffuse enough to seem and feel like there is nothing there. But see what happens when I bring it up a notch: suddenly, my palm becomes nicely warm.
“Now watch as I bring it even more…. And again…. And once more... and here, you feel, is the ideal level. This is the kind of heat and energy you are going for,” he said, and held his palms out for both of them to touch.
“Now, here is the tricky bit,” the old man said, drawing away. “Do you know what happens, when I add just a fraction of power?” he asked, and smiled with the both of them shook their heads. “No? Well, here it is.”
And right before their eyes, the air above the old man’s palm burst into flame.
“That is the thin line that separates us healers from the normal fire sages,” the old man explained. “It is the difference between bringing life, and bringing destruction. Fire and lightning are both very powerful forces, and it is the way these energies are channeled that makes all the difference.
“And now,” he said, turning to Zuko. “It’s your turn.”
Zuko closed his eyes to concentrate and made as if to fire bend. Slowly, he could feel the tingling building up beneath his palms, but pulled back at the last minute and maintained that steady level of dynamic energy just beneath the palm of his hands.
“Good, good,” the sage smiled, and nodded encouragingly towards Mai. “Now, would you like to try it on her?”
“What? No!” the boy protested, shocked. “What if I hurt her?”
Raising an eyebrow, the sage rose and laid a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “You have no faith in your own abilities. You have powerful chi, Firelord Zuko, but you have blocked a large portion of it off. Trust yourself. Trust that you are ready to wield it. Only when you have complete faith in your own competence can you access the lightning dormant inside.”
======
Rubi, a black-ribboned dragon hawk was drifting serenely over the forest, swooping and spiraling as it gracefully rode the atmospheric currents, when suddenly, it felt itself hemmed in on all sides by three larger birds. Alarmed, it let out a squawk and banked sharply, hoping to loose its attackers, but the three of them were too well-trained.
Screaming in protest, the dragon hawk found itself herded left, then right, then straight down, until, in its confusion, it lost all its bearings. Helplessly, it let itself be led deep into the forest until it suddenly emerged in an open courtyard, flanked on all sides by fierce-looking men.
It was in that moment that Rubi heard a familiar human chirping. Squaring its shoulders, it made straight for the source, and settled gladly down on the outstretched leather glove.
“Good Rubi,” the owner of the voice crooned, and stroked its head affectionately. “Clever girl.”
Rubi chirruped and cocked its head. It liked being called a clever girl, and nibbled gently on the fingers stroking it, asking to be fed. Happily for her, the woman obliged, and produced a piece of jerky. Ah, that was the stuff, Rubi thought. It hadn’t been fed jerky in ages.
“Firelord, a message from the palace?” a man holding a spear asked.
“It seems so,” the woman’s voice drawled, and slid a piece of paper out of the bird’s message tube. “Listen to this, general,” she sneered, and turned to read the note aloud.
“Dear Aang,” she began, “Agni be praised! I am so beside myself that I hardly know how to write in this instant! So forgive me if I sound weird, I’m not thinking straight. And how can I - Aang, Mai is pregnant!
“Monkeyfeathers! It’s so unexpected, but we’re both so pleased, and it’s so crazy! Thank you for sending Master Cheung to us. Wow! Seriously, whoa! I can’t believe we’re going to be parents!
“Anyway, I hope everything is well on your side. We haven’t heard from you for awhile. Send my love to Katara and your little one. God, she must be beautiful!
“Your friend,
“Zuko.”
The woman turned around and addressed the man once more. “So,” she sneered, “my traitorous older brother is having a baby. I was beginning to think he was impotent.”
“It’s not the first time, Firelord,” the general reminded her. “There was a pregnancy by a concubine. Should we poison this one, like we did the last? It would not be difficult. There are still people in the palace who remain loyal to the Phoenix King.”
“Let’s send in an assassin instead,” the woman said mildly, and contemplated her fingernails. “That should be more… interesting… for all parties involved. Make sure it’s one of the dispensable ones. I did help to train that wife of his after all…”
Knowing without being told that it had been dismissed, the dragon hawk chirruped and took off, heading for home. As it rose to the sky, it wondered to itself - insofar as a bird can wonder-what its former mistress was doing so far from home, but dismissed the thought with a shrug. Members of the royal family were always disappearing, and then reappearing years later to claim their rightful place.
Nodding happily to itself, Rubi took note of its surroundings, mentally subtracted the hundreds of troops stationed there from the natural landscape, and carefully stored Azula’s current location in its memory. It would come in useful, the bird thought, if it was ordered to carry a message to her in the future.
======
“Zuko?” Mai murmured drowsily as she stirred from sleep. She could have sworn she had heard something in the darkness, and ever since their last fight, her husband had developed a habit of slipping in during the night. “Hello?” she called out again, but hearing no response, she shrugged her shoulders and slid deeper under the covers.
Only then did her nose pick up the telltale smell of fresh soot.
Instinctively, she ducked and rolled off the bed, just as the blade plunged deep into the mattress where she lay just moments before, and then gasped for breath. She had forgotten her pregnancy, and had bumped herself hard on the way down.
She was winded, but there was no time to waste. In an instant, she was back on her feet, had buried her fingers in the plush bedding, and then yanked hard. Her strength should have sent the mattress flying, thus stalling her attacker and create enough of a commotion to send the guards rushing in. Instead her body betrayed her, shocking her with a jolt of pain so intense than she cried out and sank to her knees.
The world swam before her eyes, but although every muscle protested, Mai refused to admit defeat. Bracing herself for the impact, she threw herself to the ground once more, avoiding the blade by mere millimeters, before diving into her cupboard.
To her horror, her throwing knives were not where she had left them, and for the first time in her life, she felt the icy touch of mortal fear. Damn that foolish superstition! Whoever had come up with the idea that pregnant women should not handle knives should be shot full of lightning! And now, because of that, she was going to die, alone and unarmed, with no means of defending herself.
“Guards!” she yelled desperately, knowing full well that she might not live to see their approach. She could hear the noisy clanging of metal against stone as they ran to her aid, but they were far… too far…
Her gaze fell upon the open window. It was her only chance. Here, indoors, her white nightdress and pale skin showed up too clearly for comfort, while his soot-stained visage easily eluded her night vision. On the roof, however, the moonlight would show her what the darkness conspired to hide.
Steeling herself, she dashed towards the window and scrambled onto the outer ledge. In a flash, he was after her, but now, at least, she could make out her attacker, a moving spot of black amidst the grays of the night.
“Zuko!” she cried, willing him to hear. They would have arrived at her inner room by now, and would be shocked to find nobody there. Besides, she really could do with some backup.
A part of her had been hoping that a rooftop chase would disorient her attacker, but to her dismay, he was light and surefooted, bounding effortlessly after her as she clutched her tummy and struggled to come to terms with an unfamiliar center of balance. And then the inevitable happened: she slipped.
With the first sensation of vertigo, time slowed to a crawl. She could feel everything in perfect detail - the insatiable pull of gravity on the left side of her body as it tilted her over, the desperate flailing of her arms as she fought to regain her balance, the moment of sheer panic as her toes slid off the solid rock, the shrill scream that tore from her throat without her ever willing it to… and finally, thankfully, the grating of her fingernails as they tore against the rough stone ledge, forcing a handhold out of the ragged cracks.
Mai slid to a stop. Letting instinct take over, she scrambled for a foothold, and with the last of her strength, hauled herself back up onto the cold stone ledge.
But it was over. She was defeated. Dimly, she made out a black shape as it edged closer to her. Then, unexpectedly, came a sudden bright burst of flame. A sharp cry filled the air, shortly accompanied by the pungent smell of burnt flesh. And then, there was just darkness.
======
“I need you to teach me how to bend lightning,” Zuko said quietly.
Master Cheung held out his hand, palm upwards. “And how are you supposed to master lightning when you are not even at peace with the fire you were born with?”
“I don’t care!” Zuko cried empathically. “After last night, I can’t afford not to know. I need more power.” And it was true. There was simply too much at stake. Under duress, the assassin had confessed who it was who had sent him, but would reveal little else. Zuko was not surprised. His sister had always been the kind who'd keep her plans to herself.
One thing they did learn, however, was the extent of her control: Azula had amassed enough followers to seize the western islands, and that was exactly what she was about to do.
But even more than that, Mai’s terrified scream haunted him. Just the memory of it made him break out in cold sweat. He never wanted to hear his proud, strong wife scream that way again.
The sage rumbled in disapproval and prodded Zuko with his walking stick. “You young punks. Always thinking they need more power. No! What you need is to connect to your inner strength. Find your true core. Make peace with who you are. And then, the strength will flow freely.”
“And can you do that? Can you teach me how?”
The sage looked him up and down appraisingly, and finally nodded. “Show me what you can do.”
Remembering his lessons, Zuko closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Turning his attention inwards, he focused his mind on the natural flow of energy in his body, paying special attention to sorting out the difference between his positive and negative chi. Slowly, he felt a change come over him - the static cackling of power holding it’s breath - and gritted his teeth. All he needed to do now was to separate the two aspects of his chi. As his uncle had told him once, this would cause the two forms of energy to come crashing back together, thus producing lighting.
Instead of expelling a crackling jolt of electricity however, the energy exploded in his face, singeing his eyebrows and knocking him off his feet. Zuko howled in frustration. This was why he had given up learning two years ago! No matter how hard he tried, he just never seemed to be able to do it.
Rather than give in to the temper tantrum that threatened to engulf him, Zuko reigned himself in sharply and turned to the sage for guidance.
“Well?” he said expectantly. “What happened? What am I doing wrong?”
“You tell me,” the sage replied, and gestured for Zuko to take a seat. “Close your eyes. Recall the moment. Study every breath, every thought, every action, every reaction. Examine yourself carefully, and then tell me what happened.”
Frowning, Zuko opened his mouth to protest, but the old man silenced him with a warning frown, and so he closed his eyes and began the process of introspection. For five minutes, Zuko played and replayed the scene over and over again in his mind, but was no closer to discovering his mistake. Finally, he sighed. “I give up,” he admitted, opening his eyes. “I can’t tell.”
He old man nodded. “Try again,” he said, and moved to stand behind him. This time, when Zuko closed his eyes, he felt the sage’s warm hand over his forehead and another firmly against the base of his neck. Heat and warmth flowed through his veins, flooding him with an unexpected sense of… of… of what?
… of safety.
… of security.
… of loving and being loved. Of being held and feeling protected.
Surprising even himself, Zuko suppressed a sob as grief over the loss of his mother bubbled to the surface. He never realized how limp and frail he felt without her.
“Release it,” the sage whispered in his ear. Dimly, he felt the sage’s hand slide from his neck and plant itself firmly against his backbone, delivering a powerful surge of energy directly to his chakra point. Surrendering to the memory, Zuko trembled as he remembered the warmth of his mother’s embrace, the reassuring touch of her hand as she gently but firmly guided him though life.
He remembered her faith in him, her unconditional acceptance of all that he was, no matter how badly he failed, remembered how absolutely complete and perfect she had made him feel… and opened his eyes.
“I’m broken,” he said quietly, then flexed his fingers and stared at them as if for the first time. “I never knew, but… I think I lost the ability to… believe. I mean, really believe, heart and soul. I think it… broke me…”
“Did it really?” the sage said gently, “Are you truly broken, or do you just think that you are?”
Again, Zuko closed his eyes, and looked deep into himself. In his mind’s eye, he could still clearly see the little boy who had relied so completely on his mother for comfort, affirmation and self-worth. When the child smiled, the whole world seemed to sing. What a beautiful child that was, Zuko thought to himself, studying his younger self as if it were somebody else.
He watched as the boy’s eyes grow wide and its features grow twisted, as if it had been thrust into a nightmare, as it bewailed it’s loss. Zuko sighed in sympathy, and then frowned, torn between the human urge to comfort it, and the prideful urge to harden his heart against such a shameful display of weakness.
“Be gentle with yourself,” the old man whispered. “Give yourself permission to feel.”
Zuko sighed. It would have been a lot easier to simply ignore the boy’s crying. That or to snap at the kid to stop.
Hesitantly, he took a step towards the boy, and squatted down so that he was on eye level with it. From up close, he could feel the strength of the boy’s unhappiness, and his heart bled for the boy’s loss. “There, there,” he whispered, slightly awkwardly, laying a hand on the child’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”
The boy turned his wide, tear-stained eyes on him, and Zuko almost flinched away.
“Who are you?” the boy asked, hauntingly.
“I’m you,” Zuko replied, feeling more than a little foolish. “At least… I think I am.”
The child looked so lost, so trusting that he was filled from top to toe with a sudden, inexplicable love for it. “Why are you crying?” he said gently.
The boy wiped the tears from its eyes and looked gravely at Zuko. “Because I’m alone.”
Zuko frowned. He knew the feeling. It had haunted him for years. “No you’re not,” he said consolingly. “Mom’s gone, but you still have Uncle.”
“Uncle isn’t here,” the boy replied sulkily. Zuko cringed, remembering just how much a younger him had craved the comfort and love of a familiar face. His mother’s disappearance had coincided too well with his cousin’s passing, and right when Zuko needed him most, General Iroh was nowhere to be found.
“Hush,” he said at last. “I’m here, even if nobody else is. I’ll take care of you. You won’t ever be alone again.”
“How can I trust you?” the child protested. “How do I know you won’t leave too?”
“Because I am you,” Zuko replied simply, and smiled at the boy in encouragement. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. And you don’t ever have to be afraid I’ll leave. I promise.”
At first, the child looked at him suspiciously, but then, it seemed to have a change of heart, and embraced him warmly. “Then, I promise too,” the child whispered in his ear, and in that moment - that one perfect moment - Zuko felt the blissful serenity of inner peace.
“I’m ready,” he said quietly, and was surprised at the added layer of strength in his voice. He felt safe, and secure, and… anchored. It was the most difficult thing in the world to have faith in oneself, he realized, but then again, he didn’t need to: All he needed was to believe in the child who had faith in him.
Closing his eyes once more, Zuko took a deep breath and attempted to summon lightning. He ran through the familiar motions of separating his chi, and felt the telltale static take shape inside him. Instead of exploding this time, it grew more and more tangible, until he could feel the raw energy tingling throughout his body. Focusing his thoughts, he drew the energy to collect and pool in his stomach, before opening a channel for it to run up to his shoulders and out his outstretched hand.
Just as the first cackle of energy sprung from his fingertips, he panicked. Who was he, to wield such awesome powers at will? How could he, in his vanity, seek to control it? And had he even checked to see if anyone were standing in the path of his shot? What irreversible damage might be done by this freakish burst of energy? Anxiously, he tried to quench the lightning, to pull it back somehow into his body, but it exploded.
Zuko fell to his hands and knees, and gagged. Tendrils of blue danced across his body. He felt as if he had been hit by one of his sister’s bolts.
“Firelord!” he heard the old man gasp in alarm, and forced himself upright.
“I know what’s wrong,” he rasped excitedly as the sage helped him to his feet. “My mind was too cluttered. I wasn’t able to create a clear pathway. But I know that now! All I need is practice!”
“All you need,” the healer said sharply, “is a few days of rest and meditation. Do those first, while your body repairs itself. Another shock like that and you’ll be out cold.”
And Zuko beamed. For the first time in his life, the mastery of lightning seemed within his grasp.
Return to Main Page || Chapter 3
Author: dark_malignity
Rating: NC16
Main Characters: Mai, Zuko, Azula
Supporting Characters: Ty Lee, Iroh, the gAang.
Pairing: Mai/Zuko
Pairings:Katara/Aang, Sokka/Suki. Absolutely minute traces of Zuko/Katara if you squint like mad and turn your head sideways.
Warnings: Spoilers to the end of the series. Occasional foul language.(highlight to reveal) Graphic foreplay, dry humping, oral sex, concubinage, implied S/M, relatively graphic birth sequence.
Summary: Zuko wants to get married, but Mai is reluctant because all signs point to a possibility of her being barren. Her rejection hurts and baffles him until she eventually comes clean. Together, they embark on an extensive, five-year search for a solution that would involve everything from concubinage, to ritual superstition, to rediscovering lost fire bending lore.
============
Chapter 2
Mai fingered the drapes thoughtfully. Normally, she hated attending to such women’s matters, but they were part of her job scope, and she had long since learnt to pick her battles wisely. Besides, they had to be done, and who better to take care of Zuko than her? Nobody knew him half as well as she did.
“They still look new,” she said doubtfully to the imperial chamberlain. “Won’t it be costly to refurbish the place? Are you sure the treasury could spare the expense?”
The chamberlain sighed. “My lady, I assure you, we might have lost our colonies, but we are certainly not that poor!”
“I’m not concerned about poverty, you idiot, I’m talking about vanity,” Mai snapped in return. Grave and ostentatious, with hardly a trace of humor in his bones, the chamberlain had overseen the progress of the Royal Household since Princess Ursa’s disappearance, and Mai knew that did not entirely welcome a new mistress interfering in his affairs. Still, that didn’t excuse his behavior.
Humbled, the chamberlain bowed his head. “My lady, the Firelord’s chambers are a reflection of the Household. You know that from time to time, he entertains important people - visiting dignitaries, and other such guests. What would they think, my lady, to see that our supreme ruler has shoddy drapes?”
Mai nodded, consenting, and then stepped into a conjoining room, just two doors down. Unlike the first, which was bright and gaudy with ornamentation, this one was dim, and had a slightly musty smell.
“Guests…” Mai purred, and eyed him dangerously, before moving to twitch the bed hangings. “Even in the inner chambers?”
The chamberlain fidgeted uncomfortably, but continued to hold her gaze. After all, it was common knowledge that women of any harem were inclined to gossip. Why would his be any different?
At long last, Mai sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “Oh if you must,” she said drolly, sweeping her eyes across the room. “It’s all yours.”
“And your own chambers, my lady?”
Mai glared. “I don’t entertain guests,” she said coldly. “And I’m sure the one visitor that does come regularly would rather see the money put into social reform than on silly bits of fancy cloth.”
Sniffling in disapproval, the chamberlain bowed deeply and scurried off, doubtless to procure a ream of fabric swatches for her to choose from, leaving her alone in her husband’s room for the first time in months.
Mai smiled fondly as she looked around the familiar bedroom. It had been awhile since she was last here. Ever since the concubinage had begun, she had little reason to enter, even on such days as were reserved for her. It wasn’t that she wasn’t allowed in, it was just that they had come to an unspoken understanding: since he was sharing his bed with so many others, they naturally preferred the greater intimacy of spending their time alone in hers.
Casually, she ran her eyes over the furniture. Not much had changed… well, except for the small writing desk that stood in a corner of the room, the one reserved for his private pursuits. Once, it was merely cluttered. Now, it was a landslide waiting to happen.
Tutting indulgently, she proceeded to straighten out the mess, and was about halfway done (books on ancient lore in one stack, herbology in another - although she couldn’t for the life of her figure out what interest that held for him - personal correspondences in his writing box, and fire bending scrolls in a neat pile on the floor) when Aang’s familiar handwriting caught her eye. She picked it up, without the slightest twinge of guilt, and scanned the page (he was her Zuko after all, what could they possibly have to hide from each other?) but what she read there hit her like a blow to the gut.
Don’t worry, Zuko, you’ll have Mai pregnant in no time!
She was surprised by how much the words physically hurt. Frowning, she dropped the offending piece of paper into his writing box and continued to work at straightening up his desk, but still, the words haunted her.
Was all their lovemaking just a call to breed? When he held her, when he kissed her, when he moved inside her and made her tremble with their closeness… was it possible that it meant nothing to him?
Nonsense!
Mai laughed at the ridiculousness of her thoughts and tried to recall the last time he had made her happy, the last thing he had done to make her feel loved.
Just the evening before, she had been delighted when he caught her along the corridor and nuzzled her neck before his shocked officials. And barely five days had passed since they made out in his office.
But then again… well, sure, she enjoyed it. Yes, she liked it a lot, but such acts had always ended up culminating in sex. Come to think of it, everything they seemed to do always ended up that way: in hungry, violent, lustful sex - hurriedly stolen - and then he would be gone, scurrying off to attend to some matter or other that needed his attention more than her.
She felt like a fool.
Mai had always known that she was different from the harem girls, confident that while he looked to them for children, he looked to her for something more. Could it possibly be that perhaps the difference was entirely in her imagination?
======
Ty Lee first knew that something was wrong when she saw a dragon hawk perched at her window. Now that she had cut off ties with her family, there were only two people she knew from the Fire Nation who would ever write to her - Mai and Zuko - and neither was renowned for the regularity of their correspondences. Their last two notes had been unforgivably brief: the first was a short notice informing her of the concubine’s pregnancy, and the second, an equally short piece stating that both the woman and the child had died of complications.
Tucking her fans securely into her belt, Ty Lee somersaulted up the stairs and into the room, startling her feathered visitor. Instead of flying off however, the bird merely cawed accusingly at her for giving it such a fright, and then obediently stayed still while she slid the message out of the thin metal tube on its back.
Curious, she broke the seal and held it up to the light.
Visit me?
She read the note, then sighed, and read the two words again for good measure, but the note remained cryptic. She wondered which of them it was from.
In the end, she decided to take Suki with her, for no other reason than the pleasure of her company. And Suki, luckily, was eager to oblige. Besides, they both were curious to see what their friends had been up to since they last met two years ago at the royal wedding.
At the palace, they got in easily enough. Ty Lee had spent half her life there, and knew many of the younger palace guards by name. She was pleased to see that security had been stepped up, however, and despite being known friends of both the country’s monarchs, the two visitors were still carefully watched.
When they were finally escorted to the women’s hall, they found Mai amidst piles of cloth. It was uncanny to see the pale girl seated with her head bent over her sewing, while her women worked on industriously around her. Mai’s reaction to their entrance was even more unnerving. She said nothing, just smiled distractedly and gestured for them to take their places beside her, before silently carrying on with her needlework.
Taking her chance, Ty Lee surveyed her friend’s face carefully. It looked much more pale and wan than she remembered. Her lips were thinner, her frown line had deepened, and there was a dullness about her eyes that was not there before. Within the space of two years, Mai had aged considerably.
Mai continued to sew quietly until she reached the end of the seam, then knotted the thread nimbly, bit the excess off, and stuck the needle back into its pincushion. Then, she stood up and mildly gestured for them to follow.
Wordlessly, she brought them up two flights of stairs, past a narrow corridor, and then up a tower that Ty Lee had never noticed before. It was not until they were safely locked in the tower room that Mai dropped her mask. Leaning heavily on the door, she sighed and closed her eyes, as if weary of the outside world.
“Hey,” Ty Lee said softly, and hugged her friend reassuringly. She was surprised when Mai hugged her back, and grew even more concerned when Mai began to sob.
Ty Lee sighed, understanding. She hated to say ‘I told you so,’ but then again, Mai would have been blind to not have seen this coming.
“Now what’s the problem,” she said instead. “Have you been fighting?” the younger girl pressed, when Mai finally stilled, but all she received was a silent shrug.
At last, Mai drew back and rubbed her face with her hands. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “I don’t know what came over me.”
The younger girl smiled. “How about you tell me what’s going on?”
“What’s there to tell,” she droned, and then shut her eyes, debating whether or not to share her thoughts. It was awhile before she next spoke.
“Ever since I got married, I’ve been purged, scrubbed, soaked, prodded. I’ve done rituals, I’ve had rituals done to me. I’ve lost count of the number of potions I’ve had to drink, to inhale, to apply, to everything! And all to fix that stupid condition.”
“But I thought…” Suki chimed in hesitantly, “that he already knew you can’t have kids. I thought he was okay with it.”
“I thought so too,” Mai sighed, with more than a trace of despair in her voice. “And now he’s got me on some crazy fire bending therapy. Three times a week I’m heated and then zapped full of lightning… And still he’s not satisfied.”
“You knew it was coming,” Ty Lee said quietly, playing the devil’s advocate. “You know he can’t stand around and be childless.”
Instead of fighting back however, Mai silently bent her head forward, letting her hair hide her tears like a natural curtain.
======
“Something’s wrong,” Ty Lee whispered to her roommate, when Mai had left to dress for her session.
Suki grunted and rolled here eyes, indicating the obvious.
“No, that’s not what I mean. She’s not upset about the medicine. It’s something else.”
Instantly, Suki pricked her ears. “Like the concubines?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. I just keep asking myself, ‘why now?’ I mean, he was going to have a child by one, and she never complained. And we know that they’ve been working at a cure since before they were married. So why is she upset now? What’s changed?”
Before Suki had a chance to reply, a fire sage was shown into the room. He seemed surprised to see them, but bowed humbly and smiled, before settling down to wait for his patient.
The treatment itself was surprisingly simple. Once he had taken Mai’s pulse and conducted a quick check of her tongue, he instructed her to lie down and ran his hands meticulously along her bare arms and legs, paying special attention to the soles of her feet.
“What are you doing?” Ty Lee chirped curiously, making the old man smile.
“I am heating her body, so that the blood flows smoothly. You cannot use lightning to heal cold limbs,” he explained.
“It is simple, really,” he continued, sensing their curiosity. “I just focus the bending energy to the palms of my hands to create heat: Not so much heat that it becomes fire, but just enough to transfer through another’s skin. Here, try it,” he said, holding out his hand for the girls to touch. True enough, the heat from his hands was delightful.
“How come I’ve never heard of fire healing before?” Ty Lee asked. “And how did you know to come?”
“All the sages are linked to the Avatar here,” he said simply, pressing a hand to his heart. “If you are good and true, and serve his cause well, then when he calls, you will answer.”
“And as to your first question, there are precious few of us left,” he said calmly as he continued to work on Mai’s feet. “Sozen did not give us much to work with. It takes a special kind of sage to be a healer, and with half the temples razed to the ground, it became harder and harder to find and train young people in the art of healing. Not everyone who trains can bend lightning, and of the few who can, even fewer can master it competently enough to use it to heal rather than to destroy.”
Ty Lee nodded. She had seen for herself how lightning benders could summon crackling balls of blue energy and deliver powerful blasts to their intended victims, and had imagined the sage’s lightning to be somewhat similar. As she was soon to find out, however, nothing could have been further from the truth.
When he was satisfied, that Mai’s limbs were sufficiently heated, he proceeded to deliver four sets of taps to various parts of her body. Using both hands simultaneously, he tapped her first on the top of each foot, some two inches beneath her big toe. Next, he moved to her right leg, and used his left hand to tap her just above the ankle while at the same time, his right hand tapped her nearer to her knee. He would then repeat the procedure for her left leg, before moving on to do something similar to each arm.
“Is that all?” she asked. “You just tap the limbs again and again, and suddenly someone can have babies?”
“No, not at all, child!” he laughed good-naturedly. “The first step is to restore balance by tapping. This in itself can take months, but only when the body is generally healthy can I move on to treat specific ailments. And here,” he said, laying a hand on top of Ty Lee’s own. Within moments, she felt a sharp jolt. It was painless, but funny-feeling, like a cross between being poked with a needle and being tickled by a feather.
“Do you still think it is just an ordinary tap?” he smiled, eyes twinkling.
Ty Lee laughed. It was almost relaxing to feel the lightning pulse through her, soothing yet invigorating, like a tiny heartbeat. And to think she had imagined dangerous crackling balls of lightning! It was nothing as torturous as Ty Lee had imagined it to be, and so she wondered, for the umpteenth time, the reason for her friend’s unhappiness.
“That still doesn’t tell me how you can tap people into having babies,” she giggled easily, masking her concern.
Master Cheung smiled. “In most women, the womb is healthy, and ready to receive life. In some cases, imbalance makes the womb inhospitable, and so we can use lightning to relax it.”
“So once you’re done warming her up you’ll relax her womb?”
“Heavens, no,” the old master laughed. “There is nothing wrong with Lady Mai. Heat is the energy of life, and Lady Mai has barely enough to support her own body, let alone spare some for a child inside her. She isn’t barren, not in the truest sense of the word.”
======
Although all three of them were present for the noisy public dinner that her husband held in the Great Hall every night, Mai decided to skip the private supper they shared that night, in favor of spending time alone with her two visiting friends. To that end, she had dispatched a note to Zuko, pleading tiredness from the healing session earlier that day, and had closeted herself up in her suite with only Suki and Ty Lee for company.
The evening passed pleasantly enough. It had been almost two years since they had last met, and they naturally had plenty of stories to exchange. Or rather, Ty Lee had plenty of stories to tell, and Mai was more than happy to let her friend’s bright voice drive out the silence that otherwise haunted her room. Left unchecked, the girl went from topic to topic with surprising agility, ranging from the latest Kyoshi fashions to the hottest gossip surrounding the new champion of Earth Rumble X.
Mai was, in fact, just beginning to enjoy herself, when she felt the temperature in the room suddenly drop.
Looking up, she saw Zuko standing in the doorway, his face grim.
“It’s not Wednesday,” she said coolly, keeping her eyes carefully averted.
“I know,” he replied, somewhat bitterly. “I came to enquire about your health. I see now that I shouldn’t have bothered.”
Mai sighed drearily. “I said I was tired, I didn’t say I was sick.”
“Usually with you, it’s the same thing!” he snapped. They both stared coldly at each other, for long enough to make the other two girls fidget uncomfortably. At length, the two friends rose to excuse themselves, and then scuttled off, leaving Mai alone with the man that was her husband.
“Why did you do it,” he said quietly, once the door was shut. “Why did you lie?”
“I didn’t lie,” she growled defensively.
Zuko gave her an appraising look. “But you meant me to misunderstand,” he frowned, and sat down beside her. “What’s going on, Mai,” he said, and gazed searchingly at her.
Mai shrugged and averted her eyes, and then suppressed a shudder when he moved closer and laid his hands on her back. “What’s wrong?” he pressed, nuzzling her neck, oblivious to how distasteful she now found his touch. Dully, she recalled the words that Aang had wrote, and wondered when the groping would begin.
She did not have long to wait.
Taking her silence to mean consent, Zuko moved his lips lower, tracing the arc of her neck, and Mai leaned against him in resignation. Let him have his way with her body, she thought drearily. It was his right after all.
Nevertheless, when his hand slid under her robe and between her legs, she hissed and smacked him away.
“What?” he cried, taken aback, but his confusion only served to anger her more.
“Can you not paw me like a dog in heat?” she snapped. “God! Have you always been this direct?”
Instead of being put off, however, Zuko merely chuckled and enveloped her in a bear-hug. “No,” he grinned. “I used to hold back because I was terrified of you. Back in the early days.”
It was bait. She knew he was baiting her, but she could not resist. “Why?”
“Because you were so perfect,” he said simply, and kissed her hair. “You were so beautiful. I kept wondering what someone like you could possibly see in a guy like me.”
Mai sighed. Her man had a tongue like honey.
“That sounded like a line from an Ember Island play,” she said scathingly. “A really, really bad line.”
Zuko winced. “I know,” he said apologetically. “I really meant it though,” he continued, looking a little downcast.
And Mai melted. “Touch me slowly,” she said, giving in. “I hate it when you do a rush job.”
======
“Well, that was nice,” Zuko chuckled afterwards. He kissed the back of her hand and watched as she fought to regain her breath. To his delight, Mai murmured in agreement, and snuggled deeper into his embrace.
It was nice to lay here, limbs entwined, and bask in the sweet afterglow of their lovemaking. It felt good to wrap his arms around her still-trembling body as she spooned against him, and listen to her erratic breathing deepen and grow calm. He missed this part of their relationship, he realized with a start. Before today, he had not even realized that it had gone.
“Too bad we can’t do this more often,” he joked, half-seriously, and then yawned. He was exhausted! He had already been drained at the end of the day, but now he absolutely ached to sleep. It had been a struggle and a half not to drift off the moment he had come, and turn his focus to her pleasure, but it was well worth it. Still… it wasn’t something he had the stamina to do on a daily basis.
Belatedly, he realized how stiff she had gone. Stiff and grim and distant. “Mai?” he said hesitantly. “Did I say something wrong?”
Frowning, he tried to roll her over to face him, but she struggled, knocked him away, and then hugged herself tightly.
“Get out,” she said woodenly, and Zuko blinked in disbelief. Surely he had misheard? He froze, unsure of himself, but his indecision must have frustrated her, because she repeated herself, loudly this time, and rose to physically shove him away.
Still confused, Zuko batted her attacks away until he lost his temper. “Stop it!” he shouted, and captured her wrists, twisting them slightly to hold her in place.
Snarling, Mai wriggled free. “Fine,” she spat, as she tore herself out of his grasp. “If you won’t leave, then I will.”
Zuko watched, aghast, as she scrambled off the bed, reached for her night robe, and disappeared through the open door, before common sense caught up with him. “Wait!” he cried, striding after her. “It’s late! Where would you go?”
“To a spare room,” she hissed, never once slowing down.
“Don’t be stupid, you’ll catch a cold!”
Abruptly, she stopped and turned to face him. “Then I’ll just have to get a servant to light a fire, won’t I?” she taunted, her voice sickeningly sweet, before continuing her exit.
“At this time of the night?” he cried incredulously. “Mai, be rational!” he continued, and grabbed her again by the arm. To his utter shock, she made a sound like a screeching dodo and fell upon him in wild frustration.
For the second time that night, Zuko’s logic fled as he defended himself from her claws. It wasn’t long, however, before his male strength had bested her thin limbs, and before he knew what was happening, he was pinning her to the wall and kissing her ferociously, surrendering to his lust for danger, for the fight, for the sheer animal thrill of dominating.
Within moments, however, he regained himself, and stepped back, horrified by his lapse. “I’m sorry,” he rasped in shock, before the full realization fell on him like a lead stone. Grabbing her hands, he stared wide-eyed at her, desperately searching for signs of forgiveness, for anything that told him he wasn’t an animal. Shame bit deep. What had she told him earlier that night? That he pawed her like a dog in heat? No wonder she wanted him gone, he thought in despair.
Perhaps it was the spirit of the beast passing from him to her. Perhaps their earlier tussle had reminded her of their early days, when all was good between them. Perhaps it was even the piteous look on his face that did it - Zuko could never tell - but to his relief, he felt her slim fingers trail across his cheek and lift his chin, willing him to look at her.
Not knowing what to expect, but desperate to meet her every desire, he raised his eyes to meet hers, but her face was a mask, giving nothing away as she continued to run her fingers over his forehead, hair, lips and cheeks. And then, suddenly, unexpectedly, she slapped him, so hard that he nearly fell over. Clutching his singing cheek, he looked at her, searchingly, unable to conceal the hurt bewilderment he felt, until he saw her lips part into a feral smile.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, yes.
Wordlessly, Zuko fell to his knees. He’d missed this too, this part of their love play. He missed the feel of her blades against his skin, of her mouth against a fresh wound, of teeth and fingernails biting deep into his flesh. Helplessly, he closed his eyes and shuddered at the memory, until she buried her hand in his hair and snapped his head back so sharply that his eyes flew open and he gasped in pain.
That was more like it.
Panting softly, he licked his lips and studied her face, waiting for her next move, but teasingly, tauntingly, she raised a smug eyebrow and sauntered out of his line of sight.
No matter, he thought, bending his head forward as if in prayer. He could still feel her - first her fingers, trailing lightly across his shoulders, then her long smooth legs against his back as she leaned against him, and then finally, the delicious bite of nails against his flesh.
He leaned back, begging to be kissed, and felt the answering tickle of hair against his skin as she bent over him and touched her lips to his. But oh, what a kiss! Breathy and sweet and tender! It was nothing of the harshness that he had been expecting, and once again, Zuko blinked in confusion.
What was happening? The ground had shifted so many times beneath his feet that night that he felt completely and utterly lost. Even then, nothing could prepare him for what was to come next: With a heavy sigh, Mai straightened, shrugged despairingly, and slumped away.
“Wait!” he cried, struggling to his feet. At the sound of his voice, she paused and waited for him to catch up to her, but made no move to turn around when he did. “Mai,” he breathed, and embraced her from behind. To his bewilderment, she felt small and frail in his arms. How unnerving. It was so unlike his proud, strong wife.
“What’s wrong,” he pleaded his voice little more than a murmur in her ear. “Please… tell me, or I won’t know.”
For a moment, he thought that she would keep silent forever, but at last, she sighed and leaned her head back against him. “You’re never there,” she breathed quietly, and then it was as if a damn had been unleashed. “You never talk to me, or hold me, or spend time with me. And when you come, you don’t even spend the night, and when I wake up, you’re fucking gone!”
Zuko bit his lip and nodded. “I’m sorry,” he conceded. “I’ve been busy.”
To his surprise, she wriggled out of his arms and turned to face him confrontationally. “You’re always busy!” she screamed. “You’re too busy for walks, you’re too busy to talk, you’re even too busy to ask me how my damn day was, but you’re never too busy for sex!”
Abruptly, her tone dropped. “Is that it?” she said quietly, her eyes downcast. “Is that all you want? Is that all I am to you?”
Zuko gaped. Her words hung heavy in the air, but even more hurtful was the unasked question, “Don’t you love me?” She didn’t have to say it aloud: he could read it plainly enough on her face.
Stunned, he stepped back and cringed. “Mai… How can you… say that?” It hurt him, to think that she doubted him this way. Didn’t she know him better than that? After all these years?
She was crying now, and he didn’t know what to do. It would have been awkward enough if she had been any other girl, but this was Mai. And he had never seen her cry before. Crying was something that happened to other people. Not Mai. Never Mai. Desperately, he cast around, searching for some way he could deal with the situation. What did Mom do whenever he was unhappy, he wondered. She held him, didn’t she? Held him tightly and whispered reassuring words?
Slowly, hesitantly, he reached out and drew Mai to him, and to his relief, she melted into his arms. “Mai,” he crooned, hoping against hope that he was not making things worse than they were already were. If there was one thing he knew he was good it, it was at inadvertently screwing things up.
“Mai, I love you,” he whispered consolingly. “You know that. I’ve always loved you, I always will.”
“Prove it,” she said dully. Her words cut like ice, but at least she was still holding him. At least she was still allowing him to hold her.
Zuko took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck thoughtfully. “Well,” he started, and then paused. How did you prove something that you feel? “Um, I don’t know,” he said at last. “I always thought that if two people really love each other, they’d just… know,” he finished lamely.
“Not good enough.”
“Okay, then you tell me!” he snapped, growing frustrated once more. “After all, my way’s obviously not good enough for you!”
“Zuko, that’s not what I meant!”
“Then what do you mean?!” he cried, flinging his hands up. “What do you want from me? Cos I sure as hell can’t read your mind!”
Instead of yelling back as he thought she would, Mai fell silent, and he cursed himself inwardly for loosing his temper. Taking a deep breath, he tried again, but calmly this time. “What I mean to say is… I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. And I’m going to keep doing it unless you tell me what that is. I can’t change unless you tell me how.”
Mai heaved a great, shuddering sigh and buried her head in his chest. “We used to do things together,” she said dully. “And now you don’t have time for me anymore. It’s like… you’ve become a stranger. I feel like I hardly know you.”
Zuko nodded. He had to concede to that point. “What else?” he prompted. “I’m sure there’s more.”
“Once you’ve had your fill, you leave,” she said, hesitantly at first. “I hate that. You have no idea how much that hurts,” she continued, her voice rising. “It’s bad enough I have to go to bed alone, six days out of seven -I’m your wife, damnit! And the one day you do visit me, you don’t even care to stay the night!”
“But I do!” he said, somewhat defensively. “It’s just that my day starts earlier than yours.”
“Then. Wake. Me. Up!”
Zuko blinked. He had always thought he was being considerate by letting her have a lie-in. Never in his wildest dreams would he have guessed that it would land so badly on her. But yes, he could do what she wanted. He would be more than willing to kiss her awake in the morning. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he really, really liked the idea.
“Anything else?” he asked.
“I hate how you keep trying to make me pregnant,” she said levelly. “I hate the medicines, I hate the treatments, I hate the therapy,” she stated coldly, and then broke into a whine. “Zuko, you know I can’t. So why? Why do you keep expecting it of me?”
That statement caught him completely off-guard. “Expecting?” he frowned in bewilderment. “I’m not expecting that of you. What the hell gave you that idea?”
“Then why do you keep trying to fix me?”
“It’s just that… because… well, I’ve seen the way you look at other women… you know, young mothers. I thought that was what you wanted. You always seemed so sad about it… I thought I was helping.”
Mai made a funny noise, somewhere between a sob and a grunt. “You’re such and idiot,” she said, and Zuko couldn’t tell if she were laughing or crying. “I only wanted to get pregnant cos of all the pressure you gave me.”
“Well, then we’re both idiots,” he said, and held her tightly. “A pregnancy would be good. Very good, in fact, because of our situation. But it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. Mai, I love you regardless,” he chided gently. “You should know that by now.”
======
“Are you sure this is okay?” Suki asked doubtfully. “I mean… wasn’t that really private?”
“I’m not sure how this could be wrong,” Ty Lee grinned playfully. “After all, it’s not our fault that they’re so loud.”
“Or that the walls are so thin?”
“Look, Mai was the one who invited us to spend the night in her suite. It’s not our fault that the soundproofing starts from the hallway onwards. Now just hush up, and let me sleep. Goodness knows those two won’t.”
Shrugging, Suki settled down on a sofa. “You know, sometimes I think I’m really lucky to have a casual boyfriend,” she joked, earning a little chuckle from Ty Lee.
“It’s been five years,” her friend pointed out. “Do you think you and Sokka will ever get married?”
“I don’t know,” Suki replied. “It’s like, sometimes, when I see those two happy together, I think to myself, well, I don’t mind some of that. But then I see them fight and it’s like…” she trailed off and stared grimly into space.
“It’s good that they fight, you know,” Ty Lee pointed out. “Cos it’s not - what’s it called? - in their nature. Seriously, think about it: What does Mai do when she’s not happy about something?”
Suki shrugged. “She pretends it doesn’t exist?”
“And Zuko?”
“He storms around a bit, and then walks away.”
“So you see, the fact that they’ve been yelling at each other for ages means they both really want to set things right,” she said happily.
Suki frowned. Her friend’s logic seemed entirely counter-intuitive, but by the time the girls headed back to Kyoshi, some two weeks later, she had to admit that Ty Lee was right. It was obvious to all who saw them together that the royal couple had never been so much in love.
======
It was just past midday when Zuko made his way down to the golden parlor, a sitting room that now doubled up as the fire sage’s clinic. There, he found the old man meditating serenely beneath an open window, his face and body bathed in golden light.
Rather than disturbing him, Zuko simply stripped down to his inner robes, climbed onto the plush countertop, and waited for the sage to be done. He did not have long to wait.
“You look tired, my lord,” the old man said, and grinned knowingly. “Tired but happy.”
Zuko merely beamed in response and stretched out on his back. “I believe Lady Mai has entered her fertile period,” Master Cheung continued conversationally, as he massaged the younger man’s scalp. “It would probably make her more attractive to you, and vice versa.”
Zuko chuckled. That would explain the powerful bouts of hunger plaguing him of late. “I’m paying for it, though,” Zuko murmured, lulled into restfulness by the soothing motion. “I’m so drained out I could hardly concentrate at my desk.”
The fire sage nodded and pressed a finger firmly between Zuko’s eyebrows. The younger man winced as a single but steady current emanated from the sage’s fingertip, and then gradually relaxed as his body grew used to the sensation. It wasn’t long before a second jolt joined the first, this time originating from the top of his head.
Sighing in contentment, Zuko closed his eyes and drowsed. The currents were so restful, and he loved how clear and refreshed he felt afterwards.
It was during the second phase of his session that Mai stepped in. The sage had brought out a set of cups cut from bamboo, and was proceeding to apply them to Zuko’s body. This he did by bending a small burst of flame into each cup, before instantly pressing it to the younger man’s bare skin, creating suction powerful enough to keep the heavy cups latched on tight. The result was a forest of some twelve bamboo cups protruding solidly from the young monarch’s back.
“You look like a baby boarcupine,” Mai drawled teasingly, as she wriggled out of her shoes, and then settled down on an adjoining table.
“I thought you were done with the treatments,” he teased back.
Mai shrugged. “I like the heat,” she said simply. “And I like not having to wear a shawl every night. Remember how I always had to cover up while the other two pranced around in their little swimsuits? Not fun.”
The old man merely chuckled and nodded indulgently. “I’m glad to be of service,” he said affectionately.
As he watched the fire sage run his hands over Mai’s limbs, Zuko was struck by a sudden thought. “Do you think you can try to teach me that?” he asked innocently.
“I don’t see why not,” the sage replied, but it was another twenty minutes before he was done with Mai. The lightning needed to be administered quickly, he explained, while her limbs were still heated. To wait would be to defeat the purpose of the entire exercise.
“Now,” he instructed, once he had removed the cups from Zuko’s back. “Close your eyes and hold your palms to mine,” he said, and waited for Zuko to obey. “Can you feel the energy pooling in your palms?”
Zuko frowned and waited for him to continue.
“It’s passing from my hand to yours,” he sage said gently. This time, Zuko nodded. The transfer of energy had disoriented him somewhat, but now that the old man had explained it, the tingling in his hands made perfect sense.
“This is the amount of heat you must maintain for optimum energy transfer. Look.”
The sage drew his hand away so the both of them could see his open palm. “I am channeling the energy just beneath my skin. At the moment, it is diffuse enough to seem and feel like there is nothing there. But see what happens when I bring it up a notch: suddenly, my palm becomes nicely warm.
“Now watch as I bring it even more…. And again…. And once more... and here, you feel, is the ideal level. This is the kind of heat and energy you are going for,” he said, and held his palms out for both of them to touch.
“Now, here is the tricky bit,” the old man said, drawing away. “Do you know what happens, when I add just a fraction of power?” he asked, and smiled with the both of them shook their heads. “No? Well, here it is.”
And right before their eyes, the air above the old man’s palm burst into flame.
“That is the thin line that separates us healers from the normal fire sages,” the old man explained. “It is the difference between bringing life, and bringing destruction. Fire and lightning are both very powerful forces, and it is the way these energies are channeled that makes all the difference.
“And now,” he said, turning to Zuko. “It’s your turn.”
Zuko closed his eyes to concentrate and made as if to fire bend. Slowly, he could feel the tingling building up beneath his palms, but pulled back at the last minute and maintained that steady level of dynamic energy just beneath the palm of his hands.
“Good, good,” the sage smiled, and nodded encouragingly towards Mai. “Now, would you like to try it on her?”
“What? No!” the boy protested, shocked. “What if I hurt her?”
Raising an eyebrow, the sage rose and laid a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “You have no faith in your own abilities. You have powerful chi, Firelord Zuko, but you have blocked a large portion of it off. Trust yourself. Trust that you are ready to wield it. Only when you have complete faith in your own competence can you access the lightning dormant inside.”
======
Rubi, a black-ribboned dragon hawk was drifting serenely over the forest, swooping and spiraling as it gracefully rode the atmospheric currents, when suddenly, it felt itself hemmed in on all sides by three larger birds. Alarmed, it let out a squawk and banked sharply, hoping to loose its attackers, but the three of them were too well-trained.
Screaming in protest, the dragon hawk found itself herded left, then right, then straight down, until, in its confusion, it lost all its bearings. Helplessly, it let itself be led deep into the forest until it suddenly emerged in an open courtyard, flanked on all sides by fierce-looking men.
It was in that moment that Rubi heard a familiar human chirping. Squaring its shoulders, it made straight for the source, and settled gladly down on the outstretched leather glove.
“Good Rubi,” the owner of the voice crooned, and stroked its head affectionately. “Clever girl.”
Rubi chirruped and cocked its head. It liked being called a clever girl, and nibbled gently on the fingers stroking it, asking to be fed. Happily for her, the woman obliged, and produced a piece of jerky. Ah, that was the stuff, Rubi thought. It hadn’t been fed jerky in ages.
“Firelord, a message from the palace?” a man holding a spear asked.
“It seems so,” the woman’s voice drawled, and slid a piece of paper out of the bird’s message tube. “Listen to this, general,” she sneered, and turned to read the note aloud.
“Dear Aang,” she began, “Agni be praised! I am so beside myself that I hardly know how to write in this instant! So forgive me if I sound weird, I’m not thinking straight. And how can I - Aang, Mai is pregnant!
“Monkeyfeathers! It’s so unexpected, but we’re both so pleased, and it’s so crazy! Thank you for sending Master Cheung to us. Wow! Seriously, whoa! I can’t believe we’re going to be parents!
“Anyway, I hope everything is well on your side. We haven’t heard from you for awhile. Send my love to Katara and your little one. God, she must be beautiful!
“Your friend,
“Zuko.”
The woman turned around and addressed the man once more. “So,” she sneered, “my traitorous older brother is having a baby. I was beginning to think he was impotent.”
“It’s not the first time, Firelord,” the general reminded her. “There was a pregnancy by a concubine. Should we poison this one, like we did the last? It would not be difficult. There are still people in the palace who remain loyal to the Phoenix King.”
“Let’s send in an assassin instead,” the woman said mildly, and contemplated her fingernails. “That should be more… interesting… for all parties involved. Make sure it’s one of the dispensable ones. I did help to train that wife of his after all…”
Knowing without being told that it had been dismissed, the dragon hawk chirruped and took off, heading for home. As it rose to the sky, it wondered to itself - insofar as a bird can wonder-what its former mistress was doing so far from home, but dismissed the thought with a shrug. Members of the royal family were always disappearing, and then reappearing years later to claim their rightful place.
Nodding happily to itself, Rubi took note of its surroundings, mentally subtracted the hundreds of troops stationed there from the natural landscape, and carefully stored Azula’s current location in its memory. It would come in useful, the bird thought, if it was ordered to carry a message to her in the future.
======
“Zuko?” Mai murmured drowsily as she stirred from sleep. She could have sworn she had heard something in the darkness, and ever since their last fight, her husband had developed a habit of slipping in during the night. “Hello?” she called out again, but hearing no response, she shrugged her shoulders and slid deeper under the covers.
Only then did her nose pick up the telltale smell of fresh soot.
Instinctively, she ducked and rolled off the bed, just as the blade plunged deep into the mattress where she lay just moments before, and then gasped for breath. She had forgotten her pregnancy, and had bumped herself hard on the way down.
She was winded, but there was no time to waste. In an instant, she was back on her feet, had buried her fingers in the plush bedding, and then yanked hard. Her strength should have sent the mattress flying, thus stalling her attacker and create enough of a commotion to send the guards rushing in. Instead her body betrayed her, shocking her with a jolt of pain so intense than she cried out and sank to her knees.
The world swam before her eyes, but although every muscle protested, Mai refused to admit defeat. Bracing herself for the impact, she threw herself to the ground once more, avoiding the blade by mere millimeters, before diving into her cupboard.
To her horror, her throwing knives were not where she had left them, and for the first time in her life, she felt the icy touch of mortal fear. Damn that foolish superstition! Whoever had come up with the idea that pregnant women should not handle knives should be shot full of lightning! And now, because of that, she was going to die, alone and unarmed, with no means of defending herself.
“Guards!” she yelled desperately, knowing full well that she might not live to see their approach. She could hear the noisy clanging of metal against stone as they ran to her aid, but they were far… too far…
Her gaze fell upon the open window. It was her only chance. Here, indoors, her white nightdress and pale skin showed up too clearly for comfort, while his soot-stained visage easily eluded her night vision. On the roof, however, the moonlight would show her what the darkness conspired to hide.
Steeling herself, she dashed towards the window and scrambled onto the outer ledge. In a flash, he was after her, but now, at least, she could make out her attacker, a moving spot of black amidst the grays of the night.
“Zuko!” she cried, willing him to hear. They would have arrived at her inner room by now, and would be shocked to find nobody there. Besides, she really could do with some backup.
A part of her had been hoping that a rooftop chase would disorient her attacker, but to her dismay, he was light and surefooted, bounding effortlessly after her as she clutched her tummy and struggled to come to terms with an unfamiliar center of balance. And then the inevitable happened: she slipped.
With the first sensation of vertigo, time slowed to a crawl. She could feel everything in perfect detail - the insatiable pull of gravity on the left side of her body as it tilted her over, the desperate flailing of her arms as she fought to regain her balance, the moment of sheer panic as her toes slid off the solid rock, the shrill scream that tore from her throat without her ever willing it to… and finally, thankfully, the grating of her fingernails as they tore against the rough stone ledge, forcing a handhold out of the ragged cracks.
Mai slid to a stop. Letting instinct take over, she scrambled for a foothold, and with the last of her strength, hauled herself back up onto the cold stone ledge.
But it was over. She was defeated. Dimly, she made out a black shape as it edged closer to her. Then, unexpectedly, came a sudden bright burst of flame. A sharp cry filled the air, shortly accompanied by the pungent smell of burnt flesh. And then, there was just darkness.
======
“I need you to teach me how to bend lightning,” Zuko said quietly.
Master Cheung held out his hand, palm upwards. “And how are you supposed to master lightning when you are not even at peace with the fire you were born with?”
“I don’t care!” Zuko cried empathically. “After last night, I can’t afford not to know. I need more power.” And it was true. There was simply too much at stake. Under duress, the assassin had confessed who it was who had sent him, but would reveal little else. Zuko was not surprised. His sister had always been the kind who'd keep her plans to herself.
One thing they did learn, however, was the extent of her control: Azula had amassed enough followers to seize the western islands, and that was exactly what she was about to do.
But even more than that, Mai’s terrified scream haunted him. Just the memory of it made him break out in cold sweat. He never wanted to hear his proud, strong wife scream that way again.
The sage rumbled in disapproval and prodded Zuko with his walking stick. “You young punks. Always thinking they need more power. No! What you need is to connect to your inner strength. Find your true core. Make peace with who you are. And then, the strength will flow freely.”
“And can you do that? Can you teach me how?”
The sage looked him up and down appraisingly, and finally nodded. “Show me what you can do.”
Remembering his lessons, Zuko closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Turning his attention inwards, he focused his mind on the natural flow of energy in his body, paying special attention to sorting out the difference between his positive and negative chi. Slowly, he felt a change come over him - the static cackling of power holding it’s breath - and gritted his teeth. All he needed to do now was to separate the two aspects of his chi. As his uncle had told him once, this would cause the two forms of energy to come crashing back together, thus producing lighting.
Instead of expelling a crackling jolt of electricity however, the energy exploded in his face, singeing his eyebrows and knocking him off his feet. Zuko howled in frustration. This was why he had given up learning two years ago! No matter how hard he tried, he just never seemed to be able to do it.
Rather than give in to the temper tantrum that threatened to engulf him, Zuko reigned himself in sharply and turned to the sage for guidance.
“Well?” he said expectantly. “What happened? What am I doing wrong?”
“You tell me,” the sage replied, and gestured for Zuko to take a seat. “Close your eyes. Recall the moment. Study every breath, every thought, every action, every reaction. Examine yourself carefully, and then tell me what happened.”
Frowning, Zuko opened his mouth to protest, but the old man silenced him with a warning frown, and so he closed his eyes and began the process of introspection. For five minutes, Zuko played and replayed the scene over and over again in his mind, but was no closer to discovering his mistake. Finally, he sighed. “I give up,” he admitted, opening his eyes. “I can’t tell.”
He old man nodded. “Try again,” he said, and moved to stand behind him. This time, when Zuko closed his eyes, he felt the sage’s warm hand over his forehead and another firmly against the base of his neck. Heat and warmth flowed through his veins, flooding him with an unexpected sense of… of… of what?
… of safety.
… of security.
… of loving and being loved. Of being held and feeling protected.
Surprising even himself, Zuko suppressed a sob as grief over the loss of his mother bubbled to the surface. He never realized how limp and frail he felt without her.
“Release it,” the sage whispered in his ear. Dimly, he felt the sage’s hand slide from his neck and plant itself firmly against his backbone, delivering a powerful surge of energy directly to his chakra point. Surrendering to the memory, Zuko trembled as he remembered the warmth of his mother’s embrace, the reassuring touch of her hand as she gently but firmly guided him though life.
He remembered her faith in him, her unconditional acceptance of all that he was, no matter how badly he failed, remembered how absolutely complete and perfect she had made him feel… and opened his eyes.
“I’m broken,” he said quietly, then flexed his fingers and stared at them as if for the first time. “I never knew, but… I think I lost the ability to… believe. I mean, really believe, heart and soul. I think it… broke me…”
“Did it really?” the sage said gently, “Are you truly broken, or do you just think that you are?”
Again, Zuko closed his eyes, and looked deep into himself. In his mind’s eye, he could still clearly see the little boy who had relied so completely on his mother for comfort, affirmation and self-worth. When the child smiled, the whole world seemed to sing. What a beautiful child that was, Zuko thought to himself, studying his younger self as if it were somebody else.
He watched as the boy’s eyes grow wide and its features grow twisted, as if it had been thrust into a nightmare, as it bewailed it’s loss. Zuko sighed in sympathy, and then frowned, torn between the human urge to comfort it, and the prideful urge to harden his heart against such a shameful display of weakness.
“Be gentle with yourself,” the old man whispered. “Give yourself permission to feel.”
Zuko sighed. It would have been a lot easier to simply ignore the boy’s crying. That or to snap at the kid to stop.
Hesitantly, he took a step towards the boy, and squatted down so that he was on eye level with it. From up close, he could feel the strength of the boy’s unhappiness, and his heart bled for the boy’s loss. “There, there,” he whispered, slightly awkwardly, laying a hand on the child’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”
The boy turned his wide, tear-stained eyes on him, and Zuko almost flinched away.
“Who are you?” the boy asked, hauntingly.
“I’m you,” Zuko replied, feeling more than a little foolish. “At least… I think I am.”
The child looked so lost, so trusting that he was filled from top to toe with a sudden, inexplicable love for it. “Why are you crying?” he said gently.
The boy wiped the tears from its eyes and looked gravely at Zuko. “Because I’m alone.”
Zuko frowned. He knew the feeling. It had haunted him for years. “No you’re not,” he said consolingly. “Mom’s gone, but you still have Uncle.”
“Uncle isn’t here,” the boy replied sulkily. Zuko cringed, remembering just how much a younger him had craved the comfort and love of a familiar face. His mother’s disappearance had coincided too well with his cousin’s passing, and right when Zuko needed him most, General Iroh was nowhere to be found.
“Hush,” he said at last. “I’m here, even if nobody else is. I’ll take care of you. You won’t ever be alone again.”
“How can I trust you?” the child protested. “How do I know you won’t leave too?”
“Because I am you,” Zuko replied simply, and smiled at the boy in encouragement. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. And you don’t ever have to be afraid I’ll leave. I promise.”
At first, the child looked at him suspiciously, but then, it seemed to have a change of heart, and embraced him warmly. “Then, I promise too,” the child whispered in his ear, and in that moment - that one perfect moment - Zuko felt the blissful serenity of inner peace.
“I’m ready,” he said quietly, and was surprised at the added layer of strength in his voice. He felt safe, and secure, and… anchored. It was the most difficult thing in the world to have faith in oneself, he realized, but then again, he didn’t need to: All he needed was to believe in the child who had faith in him.
Closing his eyes once more, Zuko took a deep breath and attempted to summon lightning. He ran through the familiar motions of separating his chi, and felt the telltale static take shape inside him. Instead of exploding this time, it grew more and more tangible, until he could feel the raw energy tingling throughout his body. Focusing his thoughts, he drew the energy to collect and pool in his stomach, before opening a channel for it to run up to his shoulders and out his outstretched hand.
Just as the first cackle of energy sprung from his fingertips, he panicked. Who was he, to wield such awesome powers at will? How could he, in his vanity, seek to control it? And had he even checked to see if anyone were standing in the path of his shot? What irreversible damage might be done by this freakish burst of energy? Anxiously, he tried to quench the lightning, to pull it back somehow into his body, but it exploded.
Zuko fell to his hands and knees, and gagged. Tendrils of blue danced across his body. He felt as if he had been hit by one of his sister’s bolts.
“Firelord!” he heard the old man gasp in alarm, and forced himself upright.
“I know what’s wrong,” he rasped excitedly as the sage helped him to his feet. “My mind was too cluttered. I wasn’t able to create a clear pathway. But I know that now! All I need is practice!”
“All you need,” the healer said sharply, “is a few days of rest and meditation. Do those first, while your body repairs itself. Another shock like that and you’ll be out cold.”
And Zuko beamed. For the first time in his life, the mastery of lightning seemed within his grasp.
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