ESTEBAN COME TO MY AID!
Alright, by now all of you who read my journal regularly know what's about to happen. For those who don't I'll give a little tip: I don't care for organized religion telling others how to run their lives. Moreover, I HATE organized religion telling people how to raise their children. And more than that? I hate them shitting on my childhood in specific. So this could be a bit of a rant. Just a bit.
So last night we all went to Grindhouse as is normal for a sunday. Action Hank had a few really good movieas lined up for us as usual . . . but first, we got to watch a very informative interview by Gary Greenwald. And by "informative" I mean wholly inflamatory, completely outlandish, and full of good ol' grade "a" 100% christian mumbo jumbo. ohhh this stuff was PRIME RIB, baby. Adam Style! I walked in a bit late. But just on time to begin my ranting. You see, this piece of rotting pig shit was filmed back in the early '80s. The time when I was really just finding my way in the world. I watched ALOT of TV as most kids do. And what was my favorite show EVER? Come on, I can hear you saying right along with me. Yes, He-Man! Gods who didn't love the Masters of the Universe? What an awesome show. You know who didn't like it? Gary fuckwad Greenwald and his buddy Phil fucking Phillips. Firstly, what kind of psycho parents name their kid Phil when his last name is Phillips? Dear lord, people! You want to know why this nerd grew up with so much rage? I bet you already do. Anyways, Phil and Gary, in their infinite enlightenment, decide that He-Man is EVIL. He calls upon the power of Satan to get his might and casts spells on the minds and souls of children.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Did either of them even once watch the damn show? Holy shit what an outlandish claim! They came up with this theory apparently because of the fact he calls on something other than Jesus for aid. You know what? I wouldn't call Jesus for cab fare if I was stranded in downtown Bagdhad wearing a sign that says "Taliban SUCK." but He-Man is not the only target for them oh no. Skeletor, according to Phil and Gary once again, is an obvious allusion to Satan himself. Right. Somehow they expect a show, even a cartoon based on good and evil and teaching kids about heroes, should have no villain. Well that what would He-Man DO for half an hour exactly? Read the bible while flexing? And not just He-Man suffers, nor Skeletor either my friends! Oh no sir! Mum-Ra, Cobra Commander, Venger from the old D&D cartoon, Megatron, and Papa fucking Smurf are all allegories for Lucifer. That's right, they bashed the SMURFS. According to Phil, who somehow thought this theory up while shitting out his brains and then lighly braising and feeding them to his dog, because they are blue skinned the Smurfs are representing dead people. And because they have no women, they're obviously all gay. So all in all, Smurf Village is home to many undead homosexuals. Is that your brain I hear screaming? Good, now you know how I felt last night.
All the Satan slinging I can deal with. Any uber christian will see The Devil in anything remotely bad. That doesn't so much bother me. What DID bother me was that immediately anything not christian was also evil. Martial Arts, Egyptians, bugs, robots, She-Ra, My Little Pony, Carebears, Rainbow Bright, D&D, The Force, guiding spirits, old people, dead people, Hindus. HINDUS! When has a hindu EVER done anything Evil? What, they are friendly so they must be an agent of the Devil? They even went so far as to say that, and I LOVE this part, Darth Vader is quite obviously Odin, the Norse God. WHAT?! How do you come by that? How, ever, in a million fucking years to you reach such a far-out conclusion?! And then . . . THEN . . . they go on to say that Odin was EVIL!
WHAT THE FUCK?!
There's just so much. Too much, in fact for me to cover every part of this puke-inducing vomitfest that made me want to tear my eyes out. So I'll recap for you on my way out. The Carebears teach kids to tell their problems to the bears instead of their parents or (ugh) their priest and then use the pagan power of the Carebear Stare to solve the problems, therefore usurping the power of god. My Little Pony is using pagan imagery to dazzle children and steal their souls. Papa Smurf regularly called out the name "Beelzebub" on the Smurfs. Martial Arts are a cult orgainization that brainwashes people. (Hey I didn't know catholics started Kung Fu! *snicker*) All stars are pentagrams and thus a symbol of Satan. So anyone wearing stars is a Satanist and any show in space pays homage to the Devil. Right. Any show depicting the dead communicating with the living is Necromancy and that's evil. But talking to jesus who's been dead for over 2,000 years is A-OK! The Sectaurs, a cartoon in which warriors ride on bugs and do battle for the fate of their world, is straight out of Revelations. I tell you right now if you ever . . . . . EEEEEEEEVER . . . . find anything in Revelations about men riding giant bugs I will eat the entire book. And I won't even use ketchup. All aliens, goblins, tiny green Jedi Masters, non-human creatures, goats, robots, horses, rainbows, and other religions are direct references to Satan.
Now after all that I have to say that the worst these cartoons can be truly blamed of is being half-hour toy commercials. They were trying to sell things to little kids. And they WORKED. So in the end, what good ol' Gary and Phil were demonizing was commercialism, right? So what was the purpose of this whole long interview? Why, to sell their tapes on how to keep Satan out of the lives of your children! BUY OUR TAPES, AND GOD WILL LOVE YOU! Fuck you, Gary. And that goes double for you Phil. You hypocritical, judgemental, sanctomonious pricks.
Hear me, brothers and sisters, and rejoice! Satan doesn't do commercials, ok? He doesn't need to. You church fuckers are his best advertisers ever. Why pay someone to do something for him when you bastards have been doing it for free for 2 millenia? They only thing on that show last night that was glorifying Satan . . .
. . . was Gary and Phil.
So last night we all went to Grindhouse as is normal for a sunday. Action Hank had a few really good movieas lined up for us as usual . . . but first, we got to watch a very informative interview by Gary Greenwald. And by "informative" I mean wholly inflamatory, completely outlandish, and full of good ol' grade "a" 100% christian mumbo jumbo. ohhh this stuff was PRIME RIB, baby. Adam Style! I walked in a bit late. But just on time to begin my ranting. You see, this piece of rotting pig shit was filmed back in the early '80s. The time when I was really just finding my way in the world. I watched ALOT of TV as most kids do. And what was my favorite show EVER? Come on, I can hear you saying right along with me. Yes, He-Man! Gods who didn't love the Masters of the Universe? What an awesome show. You know who didn't like it? Gary fuckwad Greenwald and his buddy Phil fucking Phillips. Firstly, what kind of psycho parents name their kid Phil when his last name is Phillips? Dear lord, people! You want to know why this nerd grew up with so much rage? I bet you already do. Anyways, Phil and Gary, in their infinite enlightenment, decide that He-Man is EVIL. He calls upon the power of Satan to get his might and casts spells on the minds and souls of children.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Did either of them even once watch the damn show? Holy shit what an outlandish claim! They came up with this theory apparently because of the fact he calls on something other than Jesus for aid. You know what? I wouldn't call Jesus for cab fare if I was stranded in downtown Bagdhad wearing a sign that says "Taliban SUCK." but He-Man is not the only target for them oh no. Skeletor, according to Phil and Gary once again, is an obvious allusion to Satan himself. Right. Somehow they expect a show, even a cartoon based on good and evil and teaching kids about heroes, should have no villain. Well that what would He-Man DO for half an hour exactly? Read the bible while flexing? And not just He-Man suffers, nor Skeletor either my friends! Oh no sir! Mum-Ra, Cobra Commander, Venger from the old D&D cartoon, Megatron, and Papa fucking Smurf are all allegories for Lucifer. That's right, they bashed the SMURFS. According to Phil, who somehow thought this theory up while shitting out his brains and then lighly braising and feeding them to his dog, because they are blue skinned the Smurfs are representing dead people. And because they have no women, they're obviously all gay. So all in all, Smurf Village is home to many undead homosexuals. Is that your brain I hear screaming? Good, now you know how I felt last night.
All the Satan slinging I can deal with. Any uber christian will see The Devil in anything remotely bad. That doesn't so much bother me. What DID bother me was that immediately anything not christian was also evil. Martial Arts, Egyptians, bugs, robots, She-Ra, My Little Pony, Carebears, Rainbow Bright, D&D, The Force, guiding spirits, old people, dead people, Hindus. HINDUS! When has a hindu EVER done anything Evil? What, they are friendly so they must be an agent of the Devil? They even went so far as to say that, and I LOVE this part, Darth Vader is quite obviously Odin, the Norse God. WHAT?! How do you come by that? How, ever, in a million fucking years to you reach such a far-out conclusion?! And then . . . THEN . . . they go on to say that Odin was EVIL!
WHAT THE FUCK?!
There's just so much. Too much, in fact for me to cover every part of this puke-inducing vomitfest that made me want to tear my eyes out. So I'll recap for you on my way out. The Carebears teach kids to tell their problems to the bears instead of their parents or (ugh) their priest and then use the pagan power of the Carebear Stare to solve the problems, therefore usurping the power of god. My Little Pony is using pagan imagery to dazzle children and steal their souls. Papa Smurf regularly called out the name "Beelzebub" on the Smurfs. Martial Arts are a cult orgainization that brainwashes people. (Hey I didn't know catholics started Kung Fu! *snicker*) All stars are pentagrams and thus a symbol of Satan. So anyone wearing stars is a Satanist and any show in space pays homage to the Devil. Right. Any show depicting the dead communicating with the living is Necromancy and that's evil. But talking to jesus who's been dead for over 2,000 years is A-OK! The Sectaurs, a cartoon in which warriors ride on bugs and do battle for the fate of their world, is straight out of Revelations. I tell you right now if you ever . . . . . EEEEEEEEVER . . . . find anything in Revelations about men riding giant bugs I will eat the entire book. And I won't even use ketchup. All aliens, goblins, tiny green Jedi Masters, non-human creatures, goats, robots, horses, rainbows, and other religions are direct references to Satan.
Now after all that I have to say that the worst these cartoons can be truly blamed of is being half-hour toy commercials. They were trying to sell things to little kids. And they WORKED. So in the end, what good ol' Gary and Phil were demonizing was commercialism, right? So what was the purpose of this whole long interview? Why, to sell their tapes on how to keep Satan out of the lives of your children! BUY OUR TAPES, AND GOD WILL LOVE YOU! Fuck you, Gary. And that goes double for you Phil. You hypocritical, judgemental, sanctomonious pricks.
Hear me, brothers and sisters, and rejoice! Satan doesn't do commercials, ok? He doesn't need to. You church fuckers are his best advertisers ever. Why pay someone to do something for him when you bastards have been doing it for free for 2 millenia? They only thing on that show last night that was glorifying Satan . . .
. . . was Gary and Phil.