#24: who cares?
As I re-gear my resume, and prepare for this interview thing with UPS this afternoon....
I find myself in a world of hurt over the loss of the Dragon. I also find myself incredibly angry at the dragon.
so angry that i have to leave this one open to simply say the things that i don't get to say anywhere...
No, you weren't there. No, you weren't supportive.
You wanted to rage at me about not getting any money, that "you were doing something for free". OK, and that you and your friend blah blah blah... whatever, i responded and you didn't like it because i proved the simple point, at great length, that you are wrong.
Then I find out out you completely ignored something that I asked you to do. I asked for you to be discrete, in hopes that you would be wise enough to know that I was asking you to leave my name out of it, a simple request really.
I wanted my name left out of it because I wanted nothing to do with the deal. The person on your end of the deal. But business is business, and I can always find a way around the trivial shit.
But... you betrayed my trust. Blatantly. And then want to say you have done nothing but "be there for me"...
Where have you been? You have not been on my LJ trying to talk me back from the ledge of insanity.
You have not called me... no "Hey Cat, how's it going? Are you ok? Would you like to get some coffee?" nothing. I have seen more of the hippie since I have begun this personal trek through Hell than of you.
You have not called me to ask if I could use a hug, or be someone that I could talk to.
You did not comment on my 3 weeks bulletin on myspace. or the 2 week, or the one week....
Let's go back even further: You weren't there when the Tiger left me. You ignored how I felt. You wouldn't even give me a hug. You didn't respond or talk to me, regardless of the fact that I said anything, you gave me no support.
You, have been you, in your social megalomania glory and all that it is. Clubbing, and fetishes, and drinking, and fooling around... I have been the one to connect to you, to make sure YOU are ok. But never did I hear a "are you alright?" or anything. Just you, the princess, obsessed with her own li'l world and lost in the maze of night clubs and booze and drugs.
That's fine. We haven't really shared a bed except that one night. and that wasn't very long or very intimate. I haven't had a real talk with you in ... well not since last year. I haven't curled up next to you and felt your warmth or care.
The last time you did anything to help me? It cost me $10. And even then you were lost in TehEvil, and that's all fine. But I had no one to connect to.
You can go now. Go back to the haze of dance clubs and shitty music. Excess and waste. I'm not angry anymore. I've said my goodbye now.
Take your friends with them, I was never very good at putting on make-up and pretending to be something I'm not.
Go be angry that I proved you wrong. Go do what I can't, and find solace in the bottom of the bottle. Find oblivion in another bong toke. And just remember that I tried, and keep telling yourself you were there for me. but don't forget that you have to know the truth if you want to lie to yourself: no. you weren't.
I say good day.
I find myself in a world of hurt over the loss of the Dragon. I also find myself incredibly angry at the dragon.
so angry that i have to leave this one open to simply say the things that i don't get to say anywhere...
No, you weren't there. No, you weren't supportive.
You wanted to rage at me about not getting any money, that "you were doing something for free". OK, and that you and your friend blah blah blah... whatever, i responded and you didn't like it because i proved the simple point, at great length, that you are wrong.
Then I find out out you completely ignored something that I asked you to do. I asked for you to be discrete, in hopes that you would be wise enough to know that I was asking you to leave my name out of it, a simple request really.
I wanted my name left out of it because I wanted nothing to do with the deal. The person on your end of the deal. But business is business, and I can always find a way around the trivial shit.
But... you betrayed my trust. Blatantly. And then want to say you have done nothing but "be there for me"...
Where have you been? You have not been on my LJ trying to talk me back from the ledge of insanity.
You have not called me... no "Hey Cat, how's it going? Are you ok? Would you like to get some coffee?" nothing. I have seen more of the hippie since I have begun this personal trek through Hell than of you.
You have not called me to ask if I could use a hug, or be someone that I could talk to.
You did not comment on my 3 weeks bulletin on myspace. or the 2 week, or the one week....
Let's go back even further: You weren't there when the Tiger left me. You ignored how I felt. You wouldn't even give me a hug. You didn't respond or talk to me, regardless of the fact that I said anything, you gave me no support.
You, have been you, in your social megalomania glory and all that it is. Clubbing, and fetishes, and drinking, and fooling around... I have been the one to connect to you, to make sure YOU are ok. But never did I hear a "are you alright?" or anything. Just you, the princess, obsessed with her own li'l world and lost in the maze of night clubs and booze and drugs.
That's fine. We haven't really shared a bed except that one night. and that wasn't very long or very intimate. I haven't had a real talk with you in ... well not since last year. I haven't curled up next to you and felt your warmth or care.
The last time you did anything to help me? It cost me $10. And even then you were lost in TehEvil, and that's all fine. But I had no one to connect to.
You can go now. Go back to the haze of dance clubs and shitty music. Excess and waste. I'm not angry anymore. I've said my goodbye now.
Take your friends with them, I was never very good at putting on make-up and pretending to be something I'm not.
Go be angry that I proved you wrong. Go do what I can't, and find solace in the bottom of the bottle. Find oblivion in another bong toke. And just remember that I tried, and keep telling yourself you were there for me. but don't forget that you have to know the truth if you want to lie to yourself: no. you weren't.
I say good day.