A harsh Lesson for the 4th time

[dark_jackal]

Hello, Been a bit since I posted. anyways in my last post things couldn't have been better. Unfortunatly that changed. Heather stood me up for the last two dates. I started to suspect where that was going...maybe I shoudn't have worried so much about it. but come monday after noon I got a an email breakup (Email!? what the hell is that! i think I cat least deserverd a phonecall >.> lol ) the Sad thing is that I really cared for her and I thought we had something special going on. I guess didn't huh. and I found out that she left me for some other guy. Now is it bad karma or what. but every relationship I have been in I get dumped for someone else. all I got really going for me is "nice" BUT as far as I take it. I don't think its enough. what good is being nice if they leave you for someone else?. ok my drama is getting to the best of me. Maybe looking for someone else to take my mind of Jesh wasn't the answer. I want to date... but I love Jesh. and in I fall into a the same rut as always lol. it would work fine IF I COULD date jesh. BUT she raises a good point we will be best friends forever. but a relation will end in marriage or probably losing everything I have now with Jesh... I want to be her friend I want to see her happy and find someone she likes. but the tought of that hurts me. It shouldn't and it isn't fair to Jesh. But darn it I feel something and ain't giving up. maybe I'll find someone else along the way. (as things are now I doubt it) My problem is that I care to much >< lol I dwell over these little things so much its messing with me but I can't help it I guess i'm not mature when it comes to these emotions. Jesh trys to understand when I talk to her, but I don't think she can. She would have no trouble getting a date if she wanted I'm sure she gets many invites. and advances.Its easy for her to say "you haven't meet the right person just keep looking" But I'm completly different I go out and look, but its hard to find anyone interested in me, and if I do it never ends well.

sorry for the rant but I had to say it. those of you you actually read thank you for paying attention. sorry if its overly emo. but I haven't felt that well latly. later guys and always shikata ga nai