(no subject)
I know I never post in this journal. Heh, this is the journal I met Kitty though...
It's coming up on the one year of her death soon, and just looking at this journal is a bit tough sometimes, so many painful memories are locked away in here. So much drama, my rollarcoaster life.
I honestly sit back and peek through this sometimes, and wonder how in the fucking hell did i survive? One day I'll figure it out, but, for now I live hard, and just keep going. I try to avoid looking back into my past too far. I am who I am now, yes it formed who I am. But now I can continue on with myself, and grow from here. It's so tough to come on here too, because I am a different person in a way. Or at least I feel better.
I am less dramatic. I am more calm, and positive. All those meds they had me jacked up on before I got transplant, really ruined me at one point. I will admit, looking back. It's like, "woa who was that?"
I look at old pics from when I became very very underweight, and I don't even recognize her anymore. It is hard to associate with my old self.
I became more confident, happier, and more lively. I went form gasping for air, to skipping about happily.
Life sure as hell changed in an instant. As soon as I heard the phone ring for the call for transplant.. My life changed, instantly. I had such a hard time forming myself after transplant. I was coping with so much change, and the fact I was going to possibly live. I wasn't always going, "I want to do such and such before I die"
Now I am going, "In december, I want to do this and that."
It's baffling I can plan a life. Heh, I am planning on moving to cleveland, because my PA insurance won't cover the cleveland clinic anymore.
I hope to move in below my friend. I know I'd be pleased with my neighbors for once in my life.
So much to ramble about. But I should push myself to post on her more instead of my journal I hide in.
Off for now...
It's coming up on the one year of her death soon, and just looking at this journal is a bit tough sometimes, so many painful memories are locked away in here. So much drama, my rollarcoaster life.
I honestly sit back and peek through this sometimes, and wonder how in the fucking hell did i survive? One day I'll figure it out, but, for now I live hard, and just keep going. I try to avoid looking back into my past too far. I am who I am now, yes it formed who I am. But now I can continue on with myself, and grow from here. It's so tough to come on here too, because I am a different person in a way. Or at least I feel better.
I am less dramatic. I am more calm, and positive. All those meds they had me jacked up on before I got transplant, really ruined me at one point. I will admit, looking back. It's like, "woa who was that?"
I look at old pics from when I became very very underweight, and I don't even recognize her anymore. It is hard to associate with my old self.
I became more confident, happier, and more lively. I went form gasping for air, to skipping about happily.
Life sure as hell changed in an instant. As soon as I heard the phone ring for the call for transplant.. My life changed, instantly. I had such a hard time forming myself after transplant. I was coping with so much change, and the fact I was going to possibly live. I wasn't always going, "I want to do such and such before I die"
Now I am going, "In december, I want to do this and that."
It's baffling I can plan a life. Heh, I am planning on moving to cleveland, because my PA insurance won't cover the cleveland clinic anymore.
I hope to move in below my friend. I know I'd be pleased with my neighbors for once in my life.
So much to ramble about. But I should push myself to post on her more instead of my journal I hide in.
Off for now...