So this is life
I keep writing just about everywhere I can today. I don't want to saturate one journal so I'll go for another. I just can't stand having words bounce off the walls of my head.
Bad news, my horoscope says that I'll need to rework some of my social interactions this month, or have it blow up in my face. Looks like I'm going to be working for the
I can already feel this happening but only in my own mind, I've been agonizingly craving conversation.
I know I'm not everyone's best friend, I can be distant and awkward in conversation sometimes where a lot of people have the gusto to fluff tail feathers and dance. What can I say? I detest being a show off.
If I'm not naturally impressive what am I? HUh? HUH??!! (lol)
I'll most likely have to start being nice to Brandt again (kid in my digital photo and communications class that seems to have had some strange crush on me)
I hate the arrogant vibe I get off him and have been avoiding him since he asked me out to lunch.
We got along before then, I just hate being nothing but a sex object to these people.
He's got a girlfriend as I've heard recently, so maybe it's safe to be a little nice to him(just a little, unless he's a fucking PLAYER!!!)
(Can you tell I've become a little bitter towards men?
Memories still haunt my mind like massive soul sucking flies.)
The underdogs though, most of the underdogs I tend to like. I scan peoples moods on my disgusting myspace and someone says that they "feel like a failure". I never talked to this person, in fact I think they're a musician but I can't resist commenting to them that no one should feel like that, (she's such a beautiful young woman too and lovely music).
If there's anything I hate it's seeing people feel the way I do, I can't help lifting up the underdogs till I'm the only dog left, sitting in a hole full of dog crap O.o
The problem with this compulsion of mine is that I surround myself with people who are often downtrodden, don't push themselves enough and as much as this is a cruel and harsh thing to say, I start to resent them for not bettering themselves and striving for their dreams.
I've become very hard on myself during the past 9 months or so, because I know that if I don't try to get what I want, it's going to disappear. All along with my vigor and my talent and I'll live an unhappy life that I never wanted to live. If that happens, I'll be pressed to kill myself, a thought that crosses my mind when begin to feel like I'm going nowhere and have lived a life being shamed and being nothing.
I can't believe how low I sunk to let myself be pushed around,
I need to ask to myself "Why do I hate you so much?"
I'll tell you one thing though, I'll never back down or submit to anyone's vomited words,
thrown up in a fit of emotion with no discipline or self restraint.
I'll charge towards them,
I'll force my way through them,
I'll tear out their chest.
There's no way in hell I'm going back there,
no way in hell.
David has this friend, Breanna, she's a Gemini and we get along quite well (my moon is a Gemini)
There's a lot we have in common and I admire her like a better reflection of myself. She paints vivid canvases with the expression of her emotions toiling out on it like shimmering fish leaping into a river, she has the bravado, leadership and time I wish I had yet I am here, chaining myself to school and work in what I hope is preparation towards my dreams.
She's vibrant, a singer as well as a tutor. She's my step up, what I ought to be right now.
Yet I feel invisible hands pushing me down, saying I don't belong here, I'm not good enough to do this or that, I'm not pretty enough.
My looks work just fine for my purpose..
Especially the story I'm working on,
David says I look like 6 people all at once.
I say I look like two.
Well, it's late enough now. I need to get up at 6:30 and go run while the morning's still dark.
Ministry concert tomorrow ^ ^ Too bad David seems distant through my eyes.
Maybe it's just the horoscope though.
Bad news, my horoscope says that I'll need to rework some of my social interactions this month, or have it blow up in my face. Looks like I'm going to be working for the
I can already feel this happening but only in my own mind, I've been agonizingly craving conversation.
I know I'm not everyone's best friend, I can be distant and awkward in conversation sometimes where a lot of people have the gusto to fluff tail feathers and dance. What can I say? I detest being a show off.
If I'm not naturally impressive what am I? HUh? HUH??!! (lol)
I'll most likely have to start being nice to Brandt again (kid in my digital photo and communications class that seems to have had some strange crush on me)
I hate the arrogant vibe I get off him and have been avoiding him since he asked me out to lunch.
We got along before then, I just hate being nothing but a sex object to these people.
He's got a girlfriend as I've heard recently, so maybe it's safe to be a little nice to him(just a little, unless he's a fucking PLAYER!!!)
(Can you tell I've become a little bitter towards men?
Memories still haunt my mind like massive soul sucking flies.)
The underdogs though, most of the underdogs I tend to like. I scan peoples moods on my disgusting myspace and someone says that they "feel like a failure". I never talked to this person, in fact I think they're a musician but I can't resist commenting to them that no one should feel like that, (she's such a beautiful young woman too and lovely music).
If there's anything I hate it's seeing people feel the way I do, I can't help lifting up the underdogs till I'm the only dog left, sitting in a hole full of dog crap O.o
The problem with this compulsion of mine is that I surround myself with people who are often downtrodden, don't push themselves enough and as much as this is a cruel and harsh thing to say, I start to resent them for not bettering themselves and striving for their dreams.
I've become very hard on myself during the past 9 months or so, because I know that if I don't try to get what I want, it's going to disappear. All along with my vigor and my talent and I'll live an unhappy life that I never wanted to live. If that happens, I'll be pressed to kill myself, a thought that crosses my mind when begin to feel like I'm going nowhere and have lived a life being shamed and being nothing.
I can't believe how low I sunk to let myself be pushed around,
I need to ask to myself "Why do I hate you so much?"
I'll tell you one thing though, I'll never back down or submit to anyone's vomited words,
thrown up in a fit of emotion with no discipline or self restraint.
I'll charge towards them,
I'll force my way through them,
I'll tear out their chest.
There's no way in hell I'm going back there,
no way in hell.
David has this friend, Breanna, she's a Gemini and we get along quite well (my moon is a Gemini)
There's a lot we have in common and I admire her like a better reflection of myself. She paints vivid canvases with the expression of her emotions toiling out on it like shimmering fish leaping into a river, she has the bravado, leadership and time I wish I had yet I am here, chaining myself to school and work in what I hope is preparation towards my dreams.
She's vibrant, a singer as well as a tutor. She's my step up, what I ought to be right now.
Yet I feel invisible hands pushing me down, saying I don't belong here, I'm not good enough to do this or that, I'm not pretty enough.
My looks work just fine for my purpose..
Especially the story I'm working on,
David says I look like 6 people all at once.
I say I look like two.
Well, it's late enough now. I need to get up at 6:30 and go run while the morning's still dark.
Ministry concert tomorrow ^ ^ Too bad David seems distant through my eyes.
Maybe it's just the horoscope though.