wish I had more chocolate...
Yeah I have like the worst pms I've had in months, my back hurts like crazy, and all I can think about is doritos, cheese and chocolate...sucks major ass. That's always a fun topic isn't it, I mean it could be worse I guess I don't feel like ripping anyones face off, just eating and eating and eating and eating...yay for junk food I guess.
I'm doing much better than before. I feel sort of weird right now, like I know things are going to change, and I can't wait for the change to be over with and be settled back in. I don't have much control over when exactly that's gonna happen though, so I'll just try to keep a clear head about it. Things are going so-so with the job search, I'm going to a job fair next week and I have some interview thing in Feb. I'm a little scared by the commission only jobs, but I might be willing to try it out, but it's scary. I like that all those things say flexible schedule, but ummm what if I suck and make no money...that's a major pain in the ass. I have to try something though I'm starting to feel almost a panic about getting out of walmart. Mostly because I do not want to be a lifer I want a job that isn't walmart...just to say I left. I don't want to be one of those people with the ten year badge laughing at people like me and saying that I remember when I thought I'd get out.
I had a great night last night, we went out to the bar. I danced, well ok we danced...in front of people, I know who'd have ever thought I'd do something like that again. I like going out with him, he does things that I think about doing, and I like that a lot. I wasn't always like that, I used to just kinda do what I wanted, and sometime between college and now I just sort of stopped doing anything, I'd just sit there and feel uncomfortable, but it's not like that when I'm with him, it's different, it's fun. Then we went back to his place, I ate a ton of junk food and ended up with a parking ticket, I'm so proud I haven't had one in two years, and it's my first from the city of dover go me!!! I had a lot of fun, more fun then I've had in a while I think. There's almost no pressure, I can just be who I am, and try to be more like who I think I am, I know who I used to be, how I used to act and feel.
It's kind of like I haven't felt any overwhelming good emotions in a long long time, I've kinda looked forward to stuff, but that feeling is short lived. I feel very happy, and part of me is a little nervous that it's just around him, but I really think that I'm a much happier person overall than I've been in a very long time. It's good feeling to look forward to something, and still feel good when you stop thinking about it or start thinking about all the dumb stuff that goes along with whatever you're looking forward to. Anyway this guy is something else, and I enjoy spending time with him, he makes me laugh, and I really don't feel pressured to do anything, sort of a new thing. Not that you would look at me before and say that I was pressured, but I was, not to say anything bad about it, it's just how it was. I don't really function well like that I just sort of shut down and that's not good.
Oh well I'm off to bed to dream happy things about finding a cute little apartment that will let me keep my kitties...even though one of them is possessed...anyone konw a good preist????
I'm doing much better than before. I feel sort of weird right now, like I know things are going to change, and I can't wait for the change to be over with and be settled back in. I don't have much control over when exactly that's gonna happen though, so I'll just try to keep a clear head about it. Things are going so-so with the job search, I'm going to a job fair next week and I have some interview thing in Feb. I'm a little scared by the commission only jobs, but I might be willing to try it out, but it's scary. I like that all those things say flexible schedule, but ummm what if I suck and make no money...that's a major pain in the ass. I have to try something though I'm starting to feel almost a panic about getting out of walmart. Mostly because I do not want to be a lifer I want a job that isn't walmart...just to say I left. I don't want to be one of those people with the ten year badge laughing at people like me and saying that I remember when I thought I'd get out.
I had a great night last night, we went out to the bar. I danced, well ok we danced...in front of people, I know who'd have ever thought I'd do something like that again. I like going out with him, he does things that I think about doing, and I like that a lot. I wasn't always like that, I used to just kinda do what I wanted, and sometime between college and now I just sort of stopped doing anything, I'd just sit there and feel uncomfortable, but it's not like that when I'm with him, it's different, it's fun. Then we went back to his place, I ate a ton of junk food and ended up with a parking ticket, I'm so proud I haven't had one in two years, and it's my first from the city of dover go me!!! I had a lot of fun, more fun then I've had in a while I think. There's almost no pressure, I can just be who I am, and try to be more like who I think I am, I know who I used to be, how I used to act and feel.
It's kind of like I haven't felt any overwhelming good emotions in a long long time, I've kinda looked forward to stuff, but that feeling is short lived. I feel very happy, and part of me is a little nervous that it's just around him, but I really think that I'm a much happier person overall than I've been in a very long time. It's good feeling to look forward to something, and still feel good when you stop thinking about it or start thinking about all the dumb stuff that goes along with whatever you're looking forward to. Anyway this guy is something else, and I enjoy spending time with him, he makes me laugh, and I really don't feel pressured to do anything, sort of a new thing. Not that you would look at me before and say that I was pressured, but I was, not to say anything bad about it, it's just how it was. I don't really function well like that I just sort of shut down and that's not good.
Oh well I'm off to bed to dream happy things about finding a cute little apartment that will let me keep my kitties...even though one of them is possessed...anyone konw a good preist????