moving to Texas...I think
So anyway for any of you who don't already know I'm planning to move to Dallas in Jan. Yes sorry it's so sudden but it is. I'm just a very confused young lady right now, and I feel like I need a fresh start. I've lived here all my life, I've fallen in love here, and I've done things that break my heart here. I feel like some warm weather and a change of faces would do me good. Hope they don't all think I'm some nasty bitchy yankee but they probably will hahaha.
I have a lot to think about, school, my future, and all the what if's. What if I leave and lose Justin forever because I left, what if I stay and hate myself for not taking a chance in my life, what if I go and hate it and want to come back, what if the car breaks down on the way there, what if a tornado comes through and I die (ok ok...) It's not like I'd be gone forever, I'm planning to come back, it's just that I feel like this place is haunting me with broken dreams and wishful thinking. yes I'm running away damnit and I hate people who run away from things, but frankly maybe it's for the best.
There are few things that can convince me to stay, money of course, my dad, and well I think we all know there is one more thing that would weigh hard on my final decision. I'll miss my dad like crazy, but I'm coming back, and he could come visit it'd be an adventure. I'm 23, I have no kids, and I'm out of school, there is nothing right now that is holding me back except me. There's no boyfriend who can't come, there's no degree that I have to finish. it's really a perfect time I think. But I'm scared to, it's a big leap, to just up and move to Dallas Texas, a place I've never even visited. Hey UNH worked out good and that was similar, just a lot closer. I mean what's the worst that can happen I hate it and I move back broke and have to live with my dad and work at walmart till I get my feet back under me?
It's just really hard to stay here, Justin and I had our lives planned out here, and that's hard. This entire thing is hard, I hurt myself and I let someone else down and God knows I hate to do that, it eats at me for a long long time even if it's something stupid. Justin said to me today, it's only been two days how can I get over it, you stay upset over small stupid things for two days, he has a point, I mean what if this is some rash choice I'm making because I'm upset and say in two months I'm calmed down and ready to stay here and live my life???? All of these what if's are driving me nuts, I mean is this really what I need, or is it really what I want, what if it's what I need but then I don't want it, or what if it's what I want but really don't need it?
I talked to this guy Jay he works for this company that helps find people apartments, for free, they get their money from the apartment people. He's sending me a map of the Dallas area, then he's going to call back on the 29th and let me know what areas are good and what areas you don't want to venture into. This is as exciting as it is scary for me, and it's really hard not to have Justin to lean on, but then again when I had him I did him wrong, so really do I deserve to have someone to lean on, probably not.
I have a lot to think about, school, my future, and all the what if's. What if I leave and lose Justin forever because I left, what if I stay and hate myself for not taking a chance in my life, what if I go and hate it and want to come back, what if the car breaks down on the way there, what if a tornado comes through and I die (ok ok...) It's not like I'd be gone forever, I'm planning to come back, it's just that I feel like this place is haunting me with broken dreams and wishful thinking. yes I'm running away damnit and I hate people who run away from things, but frankly maybe it's for the best.
There are few things that can convince me to stay, money of course, my dad, and well I think we all know there is one more thing that would weigh hard on my final decision. I'll miss my dad like crazy, but I'm coming back, and he could come visit it'd be an adventure. I'm 23, I have no kids, and I'm out of school, there is nothing right now that is holding me back except me. There's no boyfriend who can't come, there's no degree that I have to finish. it's really a perfect time I think. But I'm scared to, it's a big leap, to just up and move to Dallas Texas, a place I've never even visited. Hey UNH worked out good and that was similar, just a lot closer. I mean what's the worst that can happen I hate it and I move back broke and have to live with my dad and work at walmart till I get my feet back under me?
It's just really hard to stay here, Justin and I had our lives planned out here, and that's hard. This entire thing is hard, I hurt myself and I let someone else down and God knows I hate to do that, it eats at me for a long long time even if it's something stupid. Justin said to me today, it's only been two days how can I get over it, you stay upset over small stupid things for two days, he has a point, I mean what if this is some rash choice I'm making because I'm upset and say in two months I'm calmed down and ready to stay here and live my life???? All of these what if's are driving me nuts, I mean is this really what I need, or is it really what I want, what if it's what I need but then I don't want it, or what if it's what I want but really don't need it?
I talked to this guy Jay he works for this company that helps find people apartments, for free, they get their money from the apartment people. He's sending me a map of the Dallas area, then he's going to call back on the 29th and let me know what areas are good and what areas you don't want to venture into. This is as exciting as it is scary for me, and it's really hard not to have Justin to lean on, but then again when I had him I did him wrong, so really do I deserve to have someone to lean on, probably not.