it hits pretty close to home
I'm ill.
I've accepted that I have problems. I'm emotionally vacant. I see and hear things that aren't really there. I've got memory problems. I have the occasional bout of paranoia. Not controlling me, but they are all there. Sometimes I just want to give up.
My hospital stays have been helpful. I don't want to go back there, but I don't know what else to do. My depression deepens with every day. I've told her I would change things. She said I usually do... for about a day or two, then its back to the same old me. I feel lonely even though I am surrounded by people almost 24 hours a day. We fought last night. It was pretty bad.
I just don't know how to proceed. Part of me wants to stop taking my meds and just free fall. It might teach everyone something. Like maybe I'm not fit to live on my own. Or maybe that's just a bad thought that I shouldn't dwell on. I just don't know what to do. My life here sucks.
But over there? Over in that private little world where I am needed for some great deed? There I'm something special. More than just a plain old boring 32 year old in a relationship he seems to have fucked royally.
I've accepted that I have problems. I'm emotionally vacant. I see and hear things that aren't really there. I've got memory problems. I have the occasional bout of paranoia. Not controlling me, but they are all there. Sometimes I just want to give up.
My hospital stays have been helpful. I don't want to go back there, but I don't know what else to do. My depression deepens with every day. I've told her I would change things. She said I usually do... for about a day or two, then its back to the same old me. I feel lonely even though I am surrounded by people almost 24 hours a day. We fought last night. It was pretty bad.
I just don't know how to proceed. Part of me wants to stop taking my meds and just free fall. It might teach everyone something. Like maybe I'm not fit to live on my own. Or maybe that's just a bad thought that I shouldn't dwell on. I just don't know what to do. My life here sucks.
But over there? Over in that private little world where I am needed for some great deed? There I'm something special. More than just a plain old boring 32 year old in a relationship he seems to have fucked royally.