the night is yours alone
There are trying times ahead in my life. I live with the woman I love and she loves me in return. But things aren't going as smoothly as we had both thought. We argue enough, usually over email. I haven't told her that my symptoms have come back. She needs to know these things and I need to trust that she won't run away scared of me. But I hold on to so much baggage from my past.
Its not fair to her.
She's a fantastic woman. But I never seem to be able to tell her that. I live my life still locked in that moment, now 5.5 years gone. I can't seem to escape. I hate. I really do hate with such passion that it brings me down and her with me. She doesn't deserve that. She needs me to be strong and able to tell her when anything is wrong. She needs me to tell her when things are good. I need to let her know how I feel. But something always stops me. I'm terrified of rejection.
Its going nowhere.
I'm living in the past. I don't know why I'm still so angry. I've almost been without the one who scarred me as long as I was with her. So why does it linger? Someone I trusted with everything started doing things behind my back. Then one day, told me to leave. It was that sudden, I never saw it coming. But how it fucking hurt. The wound is still open and I can't seem to let it heal.
Its not fair to the one I'm with now. She deserves someone who can be there for her emotionally, and I seem to be emotionally vacant. I don't want to lose her, but I don't know how to keep her.
Its not fair to her.
She's a fantastic woman. But I never seem to be able to tell her that. I live my life still locked in that moment, now 5.5 years gone. I can't seem to escape. I hate. I really do hate with such passion that it brings me down and her with me. She doesn't deserve that. She needs me to be strong and able to tell her when anything is wrong. She needs me to tell her when things are good. I need to let her know how I feel. But something always stops me. I'm terrified of rejection.
Its going nowhere.
I'm living in the past. I don't know why I'm still so angry. I've almost been without the one who scarred me as long as I was with her. So why does it linger? Someone I trusted with everything started doing things behind my back. Then one day, told me to leave. It was that sudden, I never saw it coming. But how it fucking hurt. The wound is still open and I can't seem to let it heal.
Its not fair to the one I'm with now. She deserves someone who can be there for her emotionally, and I seem to be emotionally vacant. I don't want to lose her, but I don't know how to keep her.