we don't have much room to live
I want an end to things. I want to hide away and stop being such a burden on people. That's how I feel. I don't really fit in anywhere. Just kind of off to the side pretending to be one of them. But I'm not one of them. I never was. I've been plagued by this shit for far too long.
The summer after 5th grade, we had a school sponsored camping trip. It was out in the middle of nowhere, but there was a waterfall that was blocked off with a small bit chain link fence. I walked around it and stood on the edge of the falls. It was easily a 50 drop onto solid rock. I watched the water fall and break on the stones. One of the adults there saw me, I walked away and he asked me what I was doing around the fence. I told him I wasn't on the other side, I lied easily even then.
How badly I wanted to jump. I knew it would kill me, and then, at the age of 10 or 11, it didn't seem like a bad idea. My life has always been like that. Every time I see my doctor, he asks me if I'm depressed. I just respond that its no different than last time. He seems to have accepted the fact that I am constantly depressed. Its not getting any better, but not really getting any worse. I hate it.
Add to that a peak up of the ever present Voice, some shadow people, and the demons in the the grass and it all just sucks horse shit right about now.
The summer after 5th grade, we had a school sponsored camping trip. It was out in the middle of nowhere, but there was a waterfall that was blocked off with a small bit chain link fence. I walked around it and stood on the edge of the falls. It was easily a 50 drop onto solid rock. I watched the water fall and break on the stones. One of the adults there saw me, I walked away and he asked me what I was doing around the fence. I told him I wasn't on the other side, I lied easily even then.
How badly I wanted to jump. I knew it would kill me, and then, at the age of 10 or 11, it didn't seem like a bad idea. My life has always been like that. Every time I see my doctor, he asks me if I'm depressed. I just respond that its no different than last time. He seems to have accepted the fact that I am constantly depressed. Its not getting any better, but not really getting any worse. I hate it.
Add to that a peak up of the ever present Voice, some shadow people, and the demons in the the grass and it all just sucks horse shit right about now.