Tell me who I should be
Some things and some people never change.
I was thinking (I do way too much off that at work. I so need to go back to school).. and I realized. I am pretty much the exact same person I was in high school. Not that I'm complaining.. not that it was that long ago...
It's interesting though. I stand back and look at what I'm currently doing, compared to what others are now doing... and it makes me a little disappointed in me.
I am the same person. I come home from work, and I sit at my computer... that writing I was attempted has pretty much disappeared again. The one talent I have an it's slowly disappearing cause I just.. can't care... (end that rant..)
I don't go out on weekends.. I don't go out ever. I have one friend here in Toronto that I ever spend any time with... and besides the Suicide Girls show, I can't remember the last time I spent time with her... I am horrible at having friends. It's not that I don't want them, or that they don't want me.... I seem to have lots of people who like me.. very few people ever -dislike- me.. I'm just not involving enough for a deep friendship. Probably because, deep down... I don't care what you had for dinner last night, what you're wearing tomorrow, or who you just slept with...
As I said... same person I was in high school... just earning more money.. and with a very good brain that is disappearing into mush.. mmm.. gooey brain mush.. (sorry... zombie in me..)
I want to get out, be free... doing something fucking exciting or interesting for once. My life is boring... my life is stagnant.. and... me being me... even realizing this.. I either can't figure out how.. or don't want.. to fix it. I want someone to tell me what to do.
I tried to figure out what to take in University... since I do desperately want to go back to school.. I need it... I need knowledge... and my little audiobooks while I sit at work are not going to cut it... how can I be a know-it-all when I no longer know it all?..anyhow... to the point..
I don't know what I want... correction... I know too much of what I want. There are many different things I want to do.. and I can't decide.. some.. I've closed those doors.. but they aren't locked.. I could always find a key if I decided it was worth the time... I want someone to tell me who to be.
That's it..... I want someone to tell me who to be... what to do with me life... Everyone always says "You're so smart.. you could do anything..".. and I have always believed that... the problem is... being good at almost everything, and enjoying most of it too.. makes it very hard to decide on something...
I was thinking (I do way too much off that at work. I so need to go back to school).. and I realized. I am pretty much the exact same person I was in high school. Not that I'm complaining.. not that it was that long ago...
It's interesting though. I stand back and look at what I'm currently doing, compared to what others are now doing... and it makes me a little disappointed in me.
I am the same person. I come home from work, and I sit at my computer... that writing I was attempted has pretty much disappeared again. The one talent I have an it's slowly disappearing cause I just.. can't care... (end that rant..)
I don't go out on weekends.. I don't go out ever. I have one friend here in Toronto that I ever spend any time with... and besides the Suicide Girls show, I can't remember the last time I spent time with her... I am horrible at having friends. It's not that I don't want them, or that they don't want me.... I seem to have lots of people who like me.. very few people ever -dislike- me.. I'm just not involving enough for a deep friendship. Probably because, deep down... I don't care what you had for dinner last night, what you're wearing tomorrow, or who you just slept with...
As I said... same person I was in high school... just earning more money.. and with a very good brain that is disappearing into mush.. mmm.. gooey brain mush.. (sorry... zombie in me..)
I want to get out, be free... doing something fucking exciting or interesting for once. My life is boring... my life is stagnant.. and... me being me... even realizing this.. I either can't figure out how.. or don't want.. to fix it. I want someone to tell me what to do.
I tried to figure out what to take in University... since I do desperately want to go back to school.. I need it... I need knowledge... and my little audiobooks while I sit at work are not going to cut it... how can I be a know-it-all when I no longer know it all?..anyhow... to the point..
I don't know what I want... correction... I know too much of what I want. There are many different things I want to do.. and I can't decide.. some.. I've closed those doors.. but they aren't locked.. I could always find a key if I decided it was worth the time... I want someone to tell me who to be.
That's it..... I want someone to tell me who to be... what to do with me life... Everyone always says "You're so smart.. you could do anything..".. and I have always believed that... the problem is... being good at almost everything, and enjoying most of it too.. makes it very hard to decide on something...