Life Quotes
I did one of these a while back so I thought I'd do another. Not all of the quotes are my own but feel free to take any that make you smile.
Funny Life Quotes
The road to Hell is paved with work in progress.
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions... and dead lawyers.
The road to Hell is paved with crazy paving.
Artifical Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
I think the worse time to have a heart attack would be during a game of charades... or a game of 'Fake Heart-Attack'.
I'm not crazy, the voice in my head said so.
I'm not crazy, just ask my shrink.
Heaven doesn't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players; now play your part and exit stage left.
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players; and I'm stuck behind the scenes.
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players; I got to be a pretty tree... 'sway in the breeze, sway in the breeze'.
Modern kids are violent and I think I know why. When they were called James and Ryan things were fine; but now people are giving them silly names and they want to claw your eyes out. It's not even like they're being named after flowers or towns anymore, I was in Boots the other day being served by a girl called Mmm Danone.
You just broke several of the laws of physics.
Well they're more like guidelines than actual rules.
When I die I want to be 97 in my beachhouse in Maui, and I want my boyfriend to be so devastated he has to drop out of college.
Condoms aren't completely safe, a friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
Some people are like a Slinky; they aren't good for anything, but the make you smile when you push them down the stairs.
Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with mood swings.
Sex is like Bridge; if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Hard Work pays off in time, but laziness pays off right now.
I wish my lawn were as emo as you, then it would cut itself.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they prefer to sit in the dark and mope.
But of course beauty is transient and one day all the world shall be naught more than dust... not today though, today's gonna be lovely.
I dream of a better tomorrow. A world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
Perhaps there is an afterlife. Perhaps there isn't. In the meantime I can always depend on chocolate.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every moment of it.
Everyone hears voices sometimes. It's called THINKING!
If you talk to God it's prayer, but if God talks to you and suddenly you're 'insane'!
I'm gifted... I just don't know what with.
I'm special, with a capital R.
If emos are all non-conformist why do they all look the same?
Water, water everywhere, but no sugar to make Kool-Aid.
Just let me fix my hair
. How did you break it?
Sorry I'm late. I was on the road when inspiration hit and I had to stay around for the accident report.
I once played poker with a set of tarot cards, I got a full house and four people died.
...and people say I'm random, salad!
I'm not as random as you think I COW!
Just tell me, I promise you I won't think any less of you... coincidentally I won't think any more of you either, but the point still stands.
Reasons why coffee is better than sex no. 1: You can have coffee in front of your parents.
Reasons why coffee is better than sex no. 2: You can have great coffee with your sister.
Reasons why coffee is better than sex no. 3: You can have coffee with your entire neighbourhood without being called a sick cult.
Reasons why coffee is better than sex no. 4: You don't have to be 18 to drink coffee.
Reasons why coffee is better than sex no. 5: There is no moral or ethical dilemma in paying for coffee.
In space nobody can hear you fish.
THINK OF IT AS LIKE...THE CURE FOR CANCER, ONLY WITH COCK.
A little culture never hurt anybody.
What about Abraham Lincoln?
I'd like to announce to everyone that I have found God. He was hiding behind the sofa.
Fight apathy, or don't.
Abortion is murder!
Yeah? Try having kids.
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Eventually I realized God doesn't work like that, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off for maintenance, sorry for the inconvenience.
Sunflowers: they're like kryptonite for Goths.