Blame sarkywoman!
She posted a link to a fun little site that generates drabbles and now I'm hooked, so here's one for all my favourite pairings (And I mean ALL of them!) Starting with:
Ten/Jack:
The Miracle Of The Manatee
The Doctor hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like snow on the peaks of Molu 7. He loathed it.
Every December, The Doctor would feel himself getting all blue inside. He refused to put up a Christmas sonic screwdriver, he snapped at anyone soft enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, The Doctor had to go to the mall to buy a foxy file. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing huskily around and so much Christmas music blaring suddenly, he thought his waist would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a brown man collecting for charity. The Doctor never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the brown man dropped his bells and ran on top of the desk. There was a muscular manatee right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the brown man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
The Doctor rushed out and unexpectedly pushed them both out of the way. There was a gentle bang and then everything went dark.
When The Doctor woke up, he was in a deep room. There was a Christmas sonic screwdriver in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, The Doctor's arm hurt. A lot.
The brown man came into the room. "I'm so hard!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Jack. You saved me from the truck. But your arm is broken."
The Doctor hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas sonic screwdriver up and his arm was broken, he felt quite sexy, especially when he looked at Jack.
"Your arm must hurt gently," Jack said. "I think this will help." And he danced The Doctor several times.
Now The Doctor felt very sexy indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Jack. "I love you," he said, and kissed Jack emotionally.
"I love you too," said Jack. Just then, the manatee ran into the room and nuzzled The Doctor's eye. "I brought him home with us," Jack said.
"We'll call him Miracle," The Doctor said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
It sort of makes sense right... Oh well, onto:
House/Wilson:
The Rat Prince
House was walking through a casual meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a soft little rat lying under a tree.
House skipped over to see the dear thing and was loving to find that he was hurt! A cane had pierced his kind little stomach and he whimpered slowly with the pain.
"My grumpy little friend," House said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the cane, as patiently as he could. The rat cried out and House's heart ached, like the first few flakes of a furious snowstorm. "You'll be all right," House whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Wilson and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Wilson up in his arms, House carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, House nursed Wilson, cleaning his stomach and feeding him Sweater-vest-brand rat chow.
On the eighth night, Wilson climbed into bed with House. He burrowed under the covers and smoothly embraced House's hair. It made House giggle and he cuddled close to Wilson, stroking his leg and singing casually to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, House hurried home so he could curl up with Wilson. It gave him a graying feeling whenever Wilson embraced his hair.
Then one night, Wilson looked up at House and said, "If you kiss me, I will become an irritating prince."
House screamed irritably, he was so surprised. How could a rat talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Wilson said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," House said and kissed Wilson on his leg. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood an irritating prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Wilson," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" House said.
"See?" Wilson said and showed House the scar from the cane on his stomach. Then he kissed House and they tumbled at the hospital and did a lot of very neat things, some of them involving an attractive vicodin.
"I love you," Wilson said when they were done. House clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Wilson had stashed away.
And if Wilson didn't know about House's visits to the rat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
I'm not sure if that one's better or worse. Now it's time for...
Peter/Claude:
I Saw Claude Kissing Santa Claus
Peter woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one wirey box that looked like a pretzel.
Then Peter noticed that Claude was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Peter thought that he would surprise Claude. Maybe even sneak up behind him and argue him on his dopey hips. That always made Claude kind.
Peter crept nonchalantly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its dangerous lights, and the presents, heaped up swiftly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Claude. Kissing someone.
Peter was so angry, he picked up a snow from a table and threw it fiercly on the roof of the Deveaux building.
They both looked around.
"Claude, you friendly puppy!" Peter yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Peter looked and then rubbed his bangs and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Claude said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a determined kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Peter said gladly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be tough."
That seemed reasonable. Peter went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a small puppy that was unsure why it's owner was mad. He made Peter's beard feel all painful.
"You see?" Claude said suddenly and Peter saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
One question, is Santa played by Linderman? If so that's a whole new level of wrong. I like the idea of Peter rubbing his bangs instead of his eyes though :D which leads us onto...
Tommy/Merton:
The Soft Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Merton and Tommy went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Merton hit Tommy in his neck with a big furry iceball. It hurt a lot, but Merton kissed it gently and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really manly snow man!" Merton said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Tommy said. "That would be more sexy and politically correct."
"I know," Merton said. "We can make a snow snake. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up nervously and made a goofy snow snake. Merton put on a spellbook for the butt. The snake was almost as big as Tommy.
"It looks black," Merton said patiently. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Tommy said and held up a muscular vampire. "I found this in the Lair." He put the vampire onto the snake's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the snake, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a predator in the wild stalking it's prey.
Tommy screamed devotedly and ran but the snow snake chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow snake hugged him wolfishly.
"Nobody does that to my little Mischevious Letterman Jacket," Merton screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow snake through the lips. It fell down and Merton kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Tommy said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The vampire lay in the yard until a pale child picked it up and took it home.
Parts of this one made sense, I love the idea of there being muscular vampires just lying around the Lair though.
L/Matsuda:
Sudden Lang Syne
L sipped childishly at his drink and stood sudden behind a cake. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel clumsy and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how patient his forehead got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, L knew very well why he was at the party: to see Matsuda.
Ah, Matsuda. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his creepy eyes made L's heart beat like a sculpture.
But tonight everyone was masked. L peered quickly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Matsuda. There, he thought, the man over by the notebook, the pensive one with the dog mask. It had to be Matsuda. No one else could look so embarassed, even in a dog mask.
He began to walk L's way and L started to panic. What if he actually talked to L?
Matsuda came right up to L and L thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Matsuda said smartly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the shinigami," L said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so gentle.
Just then, a flushed voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
L's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Matsuda might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Matsuda swept L into his arms, bent him in the hotel room, and kissed L hyperactively, slipping him the tongue and groping his finger.
L could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out sweetly and pulled Matsuda's mask off his face. It was Matsuda! "I knew it was you," L said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Matsuda said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
L watched him go. He would be right back, L was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.
And then they would fall in love.
I don't think that's gonna do a very good job of making this pairing seem plausible is it. Ah, fuck it! Time for:
Jimmy/Bo:
The Adventure Of The Werewolf
Jimmy and Bo were out for a scared Valentine's walk on the wrestling mat. As they went, Bo rested his hand on Jimmy's ear. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so brown, Jimmy was filled with hard dread.
"Do you suppose it's cool here?" he asked passionately.
"You unexpected silly," Bo said, tickling Jimmy with his door. "It's completely hot."
Just then, a smooth werewolf leapt out from behind a car and bit Bo in the cheek. "Aaargh!" Bo screamed.
Things looked confused. But Jimmy, although he was messy, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a leash and, like a rainbow that casts a happy glow over all the land, beat the werewolf nervously until it ran off. "That will teach you to bite innocent people."
Then he clasped Bo close. Bo was bleeding rapidly. "My darling," Jimmy said, and pressed his lips to Bo's crotch.
"I love you," Bo said deeply, and expired in Jimmy's arms.
Jimmy never loved again.
Do werewolves count as undead? Love the kiss to the crotch though, Jimmy's got his priorities right XP.
Ben/Riley:
1000 Treasure Eagles
Ben paced incesently back and forth. Soft dread filled his heart. Riley should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my loud love, Ben thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Riley had been taken hostage by Geeky Wrist, a supervillain who had the city in a state of long terror. Ben fainted dead away, like a kid in a candy store... with his parents' credit card.
When he came to, there was a bump on his chin and the soft dread had returned. "Riley, my bored honey bunny," he cried out constantly. "What is Geeky Wrist doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing suddenly as he hunted for Aztec gold him in the foot.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Ben remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 treasure eagles, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Ben ordered in a supply of treasure and set to work, folding eagles until his chin was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last eagle when Riley walked in the front door.
"Riley!" Ben screamed and threw himself into Riley's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 treasure eagles and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing on top of Mt. Rushmore. He kissed Riley deeply on the foot.
"Actually," Riley said, pulling away quickly, "I was rescued by the Quickly Rubix Cube. He's a new superhero in town." Riley sighed. "And he's really hard."
The soft dread came back. "But you're passionate to be back here with me, right?"
Riley checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Quickly Rubix Cube for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay kind, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Ben choked back a sob and started folding another eagle. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
Hey Riley, you know Ben's the only hero for you *shakes fist* I think I keep getting the semes and ukes the wrong way round though. Ah well, that's enough mayhem for today.
Tell me what you think ^^