I would like to clarify a thing, if we are hanging out together.
I would like to clarify a thing.
If we are ever hanging out, and my daughter is also there, please do not restrain yourself from displays of affection with your partner(s) just because she is there. If you are feeling schmoopy and want to hold hands, or kiss, or snuggle, do not think you need to hide it from my daughter just because you are only dating/married so long now/gay/lesbian/bi/poly/mixed race partners or what have you.
It is good for children to see adults in loving relationships. Obviously, if you're getting to sexual petting or anything past that, save it. But if it's generally acceptable for a straight couple to exhibit a behavior in front of an 11 year old, it applies to you too. If no one's explained that y'all are together, she might look at you confused, particularly folks in a poly relationship. However, it takes nothing more than mentioning that the folks involved ARE in that sort of a relationship for her to move on with her day. (Like most adolescents, she doesn't much care for being confused.)
I mention this because of a thing that happened this year. A very dear and not-local friend (who is married and has a child) was visiting a partner (who is also married to someone else and has a child). We managed to schedule an outing together. Several hours into it, I made an offhand remark that I'd given K a heads up on the order of things. They were startled. They had felt obligated to NOT hug and handhold in public because my kid was with us. "You mean... we don't have to hide ourselves?"
I stared a moment and inhaled and tried very hard not to cry on the spot. This was a special trip for my friend, and the outing was to a favorite place, and it was their sharing time and they'd made a bit of it open to me and my family so we could visit too.
Hide yourself? No. For the love of all that is holy, no. Do not feel like you need to pretend you do not love your partner(s) or that you are not partners because my child is there and your relationship doesn't fit society's definition of normal. You will in fact be doing her and us a favor by being an example of adults in varying types of happy, functional relationships.
If you're a reserved sort of person and not one for public displays of affection, no worries. Just.. don't stifle them if that's what is natural for you and your relationship.
If we are ever hanging out, and my daughter is also there, please do not restrain yourself from displays of affection with your partner(s) just because she is there. If you are feeling schmoopy and want to hold hands, or kiss, or snuggle, do not think you need to hide it from my daughter just because you are only dating/married so long now/gay/lesbian/bi/poly/mixed race partners or what have you.
It is good for children to see adults in loving relationships. Obviously, if you're getting to sexual petting or anything past that, save it. But if it's generally acceptable for a straight couple to exhibit a behavior in front of an 11 year old, it applies to you too. If no one's explained that y'all are together, she might look at you confused, particularly folks in a poly relationship. However, it takes nothing more than mentioning that the folks involved ARE in that sort of a relationship for her to move on with her day. (Like most adolescents, she doesn't much care for being confused.)
I mention this because of a thing that happened this year. A very dear and not-local friend (who is married and has a child) was visiting a partner (who is also married to someone else and has a child). We managed to schedule an outing together. Several hours into it, I made an offhand remark that I'd given K a heads up on the order of things. They were startled. They had felt obligated to NOT hug and handhold in public because my kid was with us. "You mean... we don't have to hide ourselves?"
I stared a moment and inhaled and tried very hard not to cry on the spot. This was a special trip for my friend, and the outing was to a favorite place, and it was their sharing time and they'd made a bit of it open to me and my family so we could visit too.
Hide yourself? No. For the love of all that is holy, no. Do not feel like you need to pretend you do not love your partner(s) or that you are not partners because my child is there and your relationship doesn't fit society's definition of normal. You will in fact be doing her and us a favor by being an example of adults in varying types of happy, functional relationships.
If you're a reserved sort of person and not one for public displays of affection, no worries. Just.. don't stifle them if that's what is natural for you and your relationship.